If twitching the widget implies the flipflops are tumbled, and if the flipflops are not tumbled or the spike is dendled, then twitching the widget implies the spike is dendled. -- Keith Hanna % It will sometimes be necessary for a pair to consist of three people. -- Ian Utting % Who here does a backup less than once a day? You're all going to die! You see, sometimes the Disk Fairy comes around... -- Ian Utting % I suspect that most of you have used Microsoft Windows. That's why we use it. Not because we like it. Not because it's good. -- Ian Utting % Artists are more used to drawing with things like pens than with mice. Maybe Damien Hirst has found a way of being artistic with mice that I haven't heard of... -- Peter Kenny % It's good exercise for your wrists all this flicking back and forth. -- Peter Kenny % What people mean when they say "Legacy Applications" is "Stuff That Works." -- David Chappell in an open lecture at UKC on MS .NET % Precision really means accuracy, and that is precisely what it means. -- Adrian Rawlins % This picture should be familiar to anyone who's been abducted by aliens recently. It's a picture of the planet we're on. Or most of us, anyway. I can't vouch for Jonathan Roberts. -- Peter Kenny % Methods that return a boolean should have a verb in the name, so deadGoat returns a Goat, goatIsDead returns a boolean. -- Ian Utting % The biggest value you can store in an int is what, eight billion? Four billion? ... What's a few hundred thousand million between friends? -- Ian Utting % It's still state-of-the-art, you know, despite the fact that it's obsolete. -- Duncan Langford % Do any of you fly on Airbus A320s or A340s? No? Good. I suggest you keep it that way. They're fly-by-wire. -- Ian Utting, talking about encapsulation % That's not quote quote, it's double quote. That's quote, not backquote which moves around all over the keyboard. Let's see if I can find it... -- Ian Utting % 2.0/1.0 isn't equal to 1.0. I mean 2.0. -- Ian Utting % "Shouldn't that be 'x + y + z' rather than 'x + y + x'?" "Oh, bugger. I'll fix that." [ten minutes later] "Shouldn't that be 'x >= z', not 'x >= y'?" "Bloody hell. I'm not having a good day." -- random CO310 student and Simon Thompson in a lecture % In binary you've only got zero and one. It's like the frogs, you know, in that Terry Pratchett book. -- Ian Utting % There's a language called APL where you can just roll your head around on the keyboard and the compiler will say "Yeah, that's fine". -- Ian Utting talking about Java syntax % The world is like this. Error messages are usually crap. -- Simon Thompson % Well, you can fix this function the orange way , or you can fix it the purple way . -- Simon Thompson % All the porter can understand is the concept of "first pigeon hole" and nothing else. -- Aliy Fowler % Prolog is like smoking cannabis; you can't remember anything for more than three seconds. -- Aliy Fowler % Memos exist to protect the sender. -- Ian Utting (quoted in a sig on Usenet in March '99) % Learn to love your geeky nature. -- Ian Utting % You can have as many return statements in a method as you like. And the functional programmers will whinge at you. -- Ian Utting % If you don't understand what PATH is for or how it works, you should BACK AWAY FROM THAT KEYBOARD NOW SIR. KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM THE MOUSE. -- Ian Utting in ukc.cs.cs3 % This slide is on storage technology, but you may be forgiven for thinking it's on data compression, as I've used a very small font. -- Peter Kenny in a lecture on Storage Technologies and Data Compression % Have the concepts of redundancy and entropy been introduced in the cryptography lectures? I'm getting a lot of "I've been to the lectures but I'm not quite sure what was happening" looks here. -- Peter Kenny % Let's say you have an essay on banana growing in South Wales... -- Peter Kenny % I can see somebody writing that down. This is now going to get on the newsgroups and I'm going to be in trouble. -- Peter Kenny % Look up in the Microsoft dictionary the word "compression" and it may not mean reduction in size but the reverse. -- Peter Kenny % However, the skier featured in this picture unfortunately had an affair with the editor's wife and therefore must be edited out. -- Aliy Fowler, struggling to find a decent excuse for a Photoshop assessment % At some point, try getting a Microsoft salesman to say "Java". They can't manage it. -- Ian Utting % What's data? Well, how many people here are wearing white underpants? -- Jonathan Roberts % Have you seen the latest Jurassic Park film? There's this big battle scene where all the robots are coming through this imaginary shield... -- Jonathan Roberts, who meant Star Wars, we assume % X is weird if X is vegetarian and eats steak, or if X is a trainspotter. -- Aliy Fowler % Then we have the Tab predicate which is fairly obvious what it does. The thing is, it doesn't work like a normal tab predicate which is why I bring it up. -- Aliy Fowler % So this is a pants implementation of the Tab predicate, really. -- Aliy Fowler on PROLOG's Tab predicate % So you ask PROLOG "Who's a weirdo?" and it comes back and says "Tony and Dave", which can be quite useful... -- Aliy Fowler % ... and if you decide Volvo isn't really a car... -- Aliy Fowler % What PROLOG is thinking is that you're just some nonce who knows nothing about fruit and vegetables and so it's not going to let you touch them. -- Aliy Fowler % Like all operating system programmers, they couldn't resist the temptation to add on extra "features". -- Gerald Tripp on Chorus MIX % Window managers - not quite sure what you'd use one of them for... -- Gerald Tripp % You can use [Chorus MIX] to run a process on someone else's workstation instead, so yours runs faster. It's very open like that. -- Gerald Tripp % You can use this to do things like send a message to the filesystem to say "hello". It'll probably ignore you, though. -- Gerald Tripp % ... in the course of this duration... -- Peter Kenny % However, in every garden there is a snake. -- Peter Kenny % Any questions about MMX and the snake in the garden? -- Peter Kenny % ...Which I keep calling Screaming SIMD Extension. I'm sorry, I can't help it, it keeps coming to me. -- Peter Kenny % I guess they like the number 8... Maybe they've only got 8 fingers, the programmers there [Intel and AMD], and their thumbs... let's not go there. -- Peter Kenny % There are some things in Object Oriented Programming it is best not to think about. The fact that all these things are objects is one of them. -- Phil Watson % Suppose a new employee started; he might only have security clearance for the canteen menu, for instance. -- Gerald Tripp, talking about military security % What are your competitors? What are their ideas? As much as you can, nick their ideas. -- Aliy Fowler % That's because Word's justification algorithm is basically pants. -- Sally Fincher % So it's similar to a "const" statement in C or a---somebody tell me what it is---final static void only-on-alternate-Tuesdays attribute in Java. -- Tim Hopkins % It is in the committee members' interest to slow down the standardisation process as much as possible, so they can get lots of free skiing. -- Tim Hopkins % Methods might look very much like procedures and those things you put in the brackets might look uncannily like variables; but they're not, they're *messages*. -- Tim Hopkins on how much he despises Java % Whether those features [in Fortran 90] that allow you to do your array operations in parallel, whether those features will ever be used in anger, I don't know. -- Tim Hopkins % [Fortran 2000] is going to have Objects in it. Why? Because everybody else's language has Objects in it. It's going to have interactive UML in it too. -- Tim Hopkins exasperated about them fixing something that ain't broke % Honestly, it's like one of those fractal diagrams you get, you can't make head or tail of it. -- Tim Hopkins on UML % You might have gathered I'm not a fan of Object Oriented babble. -- Tim "I was doing all these fancy things in 1963" Hopkins % They won't let me teach the Java course. I'd probably have them all coding in Perl by now. -- Tim Hopkins % Programmes that stop dead are generally not very useful, especially if you're landing on the moon. -- Tim Hopkins % We find that the students who fail are usually the ones who have not attended the lectures. -- Len Little % It's not an exam, because the university has rules about exams. It's a coursework which is _exactly_ like an exam. -- Ian Utting % Are there any BASIC programmers here? I haven't used BASIC since 1975. -- Ian Utting % Oh, and i is the square root of minus one in maths, which makes it a bugger to count with. -- Ian Utting, talking about loop variables % I came across the expression "syntactic strychnine" the other day, which I thought was rather hmmmmm... -- Andrew Runnalls % This is ChattyInt number 1, reporting! [...] ChattyInt #5 bites the dust -- Andrew Runnalls, in sample code % Oh, I think the compiler has here elided one of the things it might have done. -- Andrew Runnalls % Now, actually, if you compile it with the GNU C++ compiler it actually works, so I've compiled it with Kai C++ with optimisation just to show why it's wrong. -- Andrew Runnalls % This loop here is a word in Java---it's "step-through-all-the-elements-of- an-array-and-do-something". With hyphens in the middle. -- Ian Utting % Lingo likes to think it's object-oriented. -- Aliy Fowler % Bugger, they've changed this! There's supposed to be a script button here... -- Aliy Fowler % Some of you can learn to improve your score in these exams---in any exams---by reading the fucking question. -- Ian Utting, deconstructing an exam % A "while" runs until it stops, and then it stops. Some of you thought it stopped then it started again. -- Ian Utting, deconstructing an exam % In the absence of "phone a friend", most people went for "50-50". It was hard not to get at least one mark here. -- Ian Utting, deconstructing an exam % The thing to do when using mod 17 arithmetic is imagine you're wearing blurry spectacles, where instead of 32 you see 15 and instead of -2 you see 15. -- Chris Woodcock % I don't know why it's called a "dope vector", except that possibly the person who invented it was stoned when he did it. -- Tim Hopkins % When I write Java it works, but if I show it to David Barnes, he giggles. No, it's not OO - the Airbus A320 still flies. Sometimes. -- Tim Hopkins % So, we have "class Puzzle15" followed by "public". Oh. Sorry, Freudian slip there. -- Andrew Runnals adding an "l" to the visibility modifier he's just written on the board % STL stands for "I'll never have to write a linked list again!" -- Andrew Runnals % mary and the dog were boistrous jim and cathy and the dog were ready and waiting -- Aliy Fowler, in lecture notes for a natural language parser % We could have mary and the dog and fred and the janitor all together, that's fine. -- Aliy Fowler % Because it's generated by a committee, it also generates an arbitrary nonce just to be on the safe side. -- Peter Linington on X.500 % I don't believe in commenting. -- Ian Utting % 2 and 5 are objects, as opposed to Java, where they are primitive thingies. -- Stefan Kahrs % You spend hours putting in all your symptoms and the system comes back and just says "You've got malaria". -- Aliy Fowler % tarquin was in a dress and in some stilettos -- Aliy Fowler, in lecture notes for a natural language parser % This has probably already happened to you. At parties, never admit that you're a computer scientist, because people will come up to you and say "Oh, I'm using Microsoft Word and I can't get it to insert a box in the margin." [...] This is what one of my colleagues calls the "You're a musician, come and help me shift this piano" approach. -- Ian Utting % If you listen to cockpit voice recorders from fly-by-wire aircraft that are about to crash, then what you tend to hear is the same sort of things that people say to their PCs. "How do you stop it doing that? What did we do last time it did that?" -- Ian Utting % If you've got a really long surname, then it'll push your "Credit Rating" field into the "Debit Rating" field, and then the Inland Revenue will come and firebomb your house. -- Ian Utting % You and the compiler can get along, providing you do exactly what it wants you to. -- Ian Utting % And the flip-flops may go half flippy and half floppy. -- Keith Hanna, talking about cracking smart cards % This is a bit off-topic, but I'm going to talk about it anyway since it leads into a nice bit of Microsoft-bashing later. -- Bob Eager % I'm an object; just stuff something into me. -- Stefan Kahrs % Express your ideas in any form you like: an essay, a webpage, a graphic, an interpretive dance. Whatever. -- Ian Utting % I've successfully explained programs to cats. Although you have to train them properly, 'cos they're buggers for running away in the middle of an explanation. -- Ian Utting, talking about debugging % "Java is a completely incomprehensible language." "Well, if you compare it to APL or ADA..." -- James Stormont and Ian Utting in a Java lecture % My apologies also for not being perfect in every respect -- I only hope this is as far as your experience of "unacceptable" life experiences goes. I somehow think, however, that you may be in for a shock soon. -- Tim Hopkins on ukc.cs.cs3 % > Can anyone tell me what sort of results I should expect for my Fortran > work? Correct ones. -- Tim Hopkins on ukc.cs.cs3 % Due to underwhelming demand, the lecture at 4:00 tomorrow (Friday) has been cancelled. -- D.C.Wood on ukc.cs.cs3 % Right, let's do this the right way round. Put the *transparent* one on the overhead projector, and cover it with the *opaque* one. -- Andrew Runnals % Friends! Nothing to do with Phoebe and supporting cast... -- Andrew Runnals % It doesn't mean the vending machine commits suicide, it means the world comes to a halt. -- Stefan Kahrs % This doesn't happen nearly often enough, so whatever nonsense you write you can get away with. Don't tell my colleagues I said that. -- Eerke Boiten on Formal Development, his research area % qu1 = "Women are the best programmers" ans1 = true -- Example slides provided by Aliy Fowler % If you have a number... if you have a pen that works, _and_ a number... -- Ian Utting % I have a friend who has a problem. Every time he tries to compile, the computer starts taking it, but then suddenly gives an error saying about not being ready, or it not being the right time. He thinks the computer is just being tight, what can I do to help? -- Anonymous on the CO309 Anonymous Questions page % There's a lot of bandwidth wasted when Luke Skywalker's having boring conversations. -- David Shrimpton, on bandwidth and throughput for video % You don't normally in the real world expect a flower to fall over and a house appear in it's place. -- David Shrimpton, on synthetic relationships of media objects % It's no good having a 2 hour film, followed by the 2 hour soundtrack, because apart from it taking 4 hours, you have to have a good memory. -- David Shrimpton, on relationships between media objects % I obviously haven't read all of this, as I don't understand this slide. -- Ian Utting, cup of coffee in hand, during a CO309 lecture % Following a course is not just about sleeping through the lectures then reviewing the slides/handouts. [...] Ian. (Not meaning to imply that you sleep through the lectures.) -- Ian Utting on ukc.cs.cs1 % > So if IAU is reading this whats the plan? Am I supposed to have a plan? -- Ian Utting on ukc.cs.cs1 % If I send my daughter into the garden to get my beer, I don't want her to return and say that she found the beer. I want her to return *the beer*. -- John Crawford % What's it like? Is it like Fortran? -- Nigel Dalgliesh on Visual Basic % Perle?[sic] was originally good at strings but not as good as Perle. -- Lecture slides by Nigel Dalgliesh % Here's a trivial, typical computing science department exercise which is completely fatuous. -- Nigel Dalgliesh % And I've lost my one stick of chalk which I managed to find somewhere in the computing lab.. -- David Shrimpton bemoaning supply difficulties % [Operating systems] are small programs. They're difficult to write, even in Java. -- David Shrimpton % It's my policy on this course not to mention Microsoft as too many people slag it off. Microsoft actually produce some quite good systems. Sometimes. -- David Shrimpton % You know, the sort of thing you do when Top of the Pops is on---put on some headphones with some decent music and do some work. -- Tim Hopkins % You can always tell when the Teaching Quality people are around because the porters come out in force with their Securicor guards and deposit a stick of chalk in each lecture theatre. So when you see a Securicor van, it's nothing to do with the banks, it's a chalk delivery. -- Tim Hopkins bemoaning the lack of supplies % "This formula would seem to lead to a reasonably easy way to multiply eight digit numbers in one's head" - Don Knuth "Speak for yourself!" - Tim Hopkins -- Lecture slides % This is the sort of comment you can make when you have a brain the size of a planet and all us plebs are just plodding along behind. -- Tim Hopkins, slagging off Don Knuth % I've got to toss a coin. It's a hundred-sided coin. -- Peter Welch % Where are we going? Oh well, let's go on a mystery tour. -- Ian Utting, encountering a slide he hadn't seen before % The alternative to a spot of hacking for the assessment is a written one. We don't want to go there do we? Anyone who cannot finish the exercise because VB won't let them should let me know ASAP. -- Nigel Dalgliesh on ukc.cs.cs3 % >I wan't my CO309 Assessment 5 marks. I worked long and hard for these >and I have yet to recieve them. PLEASE TELL ME WHY!!!!! Because you didn't submit anything. -- jc26 and Ian Utting on ukc.cs.cs1 % >Pardon my ignorance, but why exactly are we learning E-Lotos and what is it >good for, also what has it got to do with Distributed Systems? Fahad, I'll only pardon your ignorance if you came to my first CO610 lecture, listened attentively, and now still remember everything I said there ;) -- fzm1 and Eerke Boiten on ukc.cs.cs3 % And then you can have a class called Object which is an object of class Class. I can't do uppercase and Courier font when I'm speaking. I try, but I can't get the serifs right. -- Ian Utting % Then we can use this constraint here... Oh, bummer, the hash has dropped off. -- Andy King in a Constraint Logic Programming lecture % If the ATC system was as reliable as MS Word 2000, then I would be walking to North Carolina next week. -- Ian Utting % The waterfall model doesn't work. It's simple enough for managers to understand; that's why it's popular. -- Ian Utting % You can go out and buy a commercial CRC-cards package for Windows. It'll cost about $900 a seat and all it will do is put 3"x5" index cards on your screen. The reason 3"x5" index cards are better is because they are about £1.40 a pack. They implement a virtual desktop, which is normally called the floor, they provide tactile feedback, and they support multiple pointing devices. Backup is a real problem---that's where the program comes in handy---but that's what a digital camera is for. Unless Dyson make a scanner. -- Ian Utting % Yes, although of course you are all gifted insightful highly motivated individuals [Chorus: WE ARE ALL ALL GIFTED INSIGHTFUL HIGHLY MOTIVATED INDIVIDUALS], students who are doing their final year after having come back from a year in industry do tend to have extra motivation and dedication, and a wider view of the subject. -- Eerke Boiten on ukc.cs.cs1 % Smart reuse is great. Just as long as you don't reuse your friends' solutions ;) -- Eerke Boiten on the CO312 Anonymous Questions page % Q: Is being sarcastic a big part of teaching Co312? A: I'm not sure. I've checked the answers here for sarcasm, and only answer 2 contains some. -- Anonymous and Eerke Boiten on the CO312 Anonymous Questions page % The only thing that I can add is that people did not complain that it was seriously time consuming last year and I have no reason to believe that they were any cleverer than you. -- Ursula Fuller on ukc.cs.cs3 % I'm tempted to be a luddite and suggest that this is printed out and stuck up on a noticeboard somewhere, on the grounds that people have had some prior experience in noticeboard usage. -- Colin Johnson % Who do you think the hardest Computer Science lecturer is? We reckon Nigel Dalgliesh. -- rpe1 on ukc.cs.cs1 >I reckon that Bob Eager is harder than Dalgliesh! Not a chance - you seen the pic of dalgliesh on the website? Damn scary. Tho sally fincher probably comes a close second ;) -- sv1 and bcc3 on ukc.cs.cs1 We should organise a Royal Rumble of CS lecturers. Thinking about it, Eerke Boiten would probably be the last man in with Dalgliesh scrapping it out. He's pretty damn hard too. -- rpe1 on ukc.cs.cs1 Mander is not only the head of computing but also leader of the Imperial Empire. -- krnm1 on ukc.cs.cs1 % Just got my CO312 Java back... You can imagine my horror when I looked at my print out to see I had left all the swear word variables and System.outs in the final code. System.out.println("There are " + col + " motherf***ing columns"); System.out.println("There are " + row + " motherf***ing rows"); and public void slag(bla bla bla); oh crap -- rpe1 on ukc.cs.cs1 % Subject: Re: co606 - poor marking. On mine she said she couldn't try it because I didn't give the password. Good password policy dictates you shouldn't ever tell ANYONE. -- tdb1 on ukc.cs.cs3 % We do not make sample answers available, because: * Reading an answer is not the same as writing one. Writing is what you are trying to do, not reading. If it was the same, all the questions in the exam would be of the form "is the sample answer above like the one you would have written" :-) -- Ian Utting on the CO309 Anonymous Questions page % you underestimate the size of my arse I am perfectly aware of the size of your arse % * Ben wonders what it is about COLT2 that makes people think about pants.... % I rpm'ed the wrong rpm ;) % Atuin|HaXml: If I put mine in below my other one, I will have almost no gap Joe: you worry about these things too much, just shove it in. * Atuin|HaXml hopes that won't be taken out of context for the quote file... % i'm glad i can still make you laugh even though i only got out of ben 10 mins ago * Ben looks at that line, and worries.... % ukc.misc go AWAY i wish there were a rubbish filter perhaps i should set it so that it only displays my own posts % I'll eat moof Joe - really? gosh didn;t know you felt abotu me that way * Ben wonders if joe might like to rephrase that ;) % it's a socket for a software modem/audio device it's the work of satan % * Moof|project (Moof@stuE5C9.ukc.ac.uk) has joined channel #cs If I may quote andy for a second........... no % * Moof hugs ntm ntm - are you aware of this ? yes he is :) i see * ntm hugs back it's a chair of steering kind of thing :) % hi ben bwahahaaaa correction - hi EVIL ben % * Melanie|SE104 tickles raptor and it giggles happily. % qye aue aye 3rd time lucky % Ash - I have no idea baotu the algorithms moof: most impressive (mis)spelling of about I've seen in a while there! =) % * Moof has a paranoia about xeyes I reckon they are actually pulling funny faces at me when they are not on the active workspace % That was fun Reaper - BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD I destroyed him at TA % * Ben prefers kill -666 what does that do (if anything) ? SIGDIEYOUBASTARDBEFOREISETTHISNUCLEARWEAPONOFF % ntm- please dissolve the SU moof: done. % *** MrTea|shaving is now known as MrTea|bleeding is there a cure for facial hair? % twisted % * Ben wonders how to remove all the dark from his room % Lord Jesus Christ, who has made me, redeemed me and preordained (?) me to something, you know what something to do something, make me something according to your will? and something else, so be it. % * mafoo kicks other CompSci peeps who know nothing % o/~ you're gonna lose your mind in detroit, rock city o/~ how come you have terminals in the laundry ?? I h4x0r3d one of the washing machines oh ok % * Moof|lh hugz widdlw mafoo and ruffles his hair and piches his cheeks. Poor widduw mafoo, wants hi sleepykins % azz - you should write more notes, then you wouldn't get writer's crap % my hand hurts * Ben is gonna hunt down and kill whoever invented { and } he's probably dead then I'm going to jump on his grave % * MrTea thinks moof is a masochist what gave it away? the harness? the cuffs? the thumbscrews? the fact that I'm on a 4 year course? % *** Ben is now known as Windows * mafoo kicks Windows % moof: your floppy drive has a fan? what you overclocked it or sommit? % *** Signoff: Joe|Lab (connection reset by a graphics lecture) % * Moof plugs cradle in I dont think thats good for the kids % :-) .. Thats what i do with chain letters.. I send em back to the person who sent em to me the number of times the mail says forward to ppl :-) they stop sending em to me great if there superstituous. % oh no, i've just posted to misc % bah bah black sheep man, ntm, u so funny agreed % can take a little while to get used to the difference of course, since i am as close to perfect as makes no odds, i have very little difficulty with it % you don't "forget" God in something as basic as that. you do if you're disney disney suK % I noticed that bad in primary, but that still tell you it's correct? eh? That sentence I typed is gibberish % * Ben hugs his GeForce2 * azz hugs his G200 ;) * Moof hugs his RAGE128 with DVD Decoder * mafoo doesn't hug his SiS * Moof hugs mafoo * Atuin|Home thumps his brother * Joe doesn't hug his SiS either * MrTea|QuakeC doesn't hug his SiS either * Melanie drinks carrot soup. % HIGNFY on 2, by the way what's that? a kind of root vegetable % ah, the sense of power people walking round ebr2 waiting for a computer to free uo up and i have one i could just log off or i could just stay here % Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc. tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know any difference. ph2? nah ukc.hospitality web page? % "Welcome to Palm Beach County Voting. Press the fucking great big button with your candidates name on it you stupid yank" % * Atuin watches as typing vim into a terminal kills it, followed by his KDE menubar thingy Hmmm *** Signoff: Atuin (Read error to Atuin[stuE5CA.ukc.ac.uk]: EOF from client) % * Ben notes happily the sun e450 he's just built costs 0.00 * Ben orders it for a laugh crap, now it updated * Ben quotes Subtotal: 77,782.00 * Ben wonders if sun do a "buy now pay later" thing ;) % *** Ben is now known as perl * perl beats the shit outta azz *** perl is now known as Ben % you did shop for 5.5 hours! for a sandwich ! BUT WHAT A SANDWICH!! % --- Topic for #cs is 4am and I'm still coding project stuff.... AND WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE ???? You lazy arses.... call yourselves students .... pah. --- Topic for #cs set by Tim|CODING at Thu Nov 30 03:55:28 % First you get down on your knees, Fiddle with your old PCs, Bow your head with great respect, And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect! Use whatever OS you want to, As long as it is called OS/2, Everybody goes to hell, If you hate the Workplace Shell, Doing the Bob Eager Hail Rag! % * Ashthos is playing q2 "huh! huh! Huh! *crunch* huh! huh! huh! huh! *waw!* *waw!* *waw!* Huh! *waw!* eughhhhhhhhh" % * Ben hugs winter for giving him cold beer % tim: YOU MEAN WILL WHITE IS DOWNLOADING PORN?!?!?! % And... I murder kittens and smear their blood over the walls, laughing evilly. % whats happened to Ramsay? hes busy % you know what's sick? ntm: what? vomit fool fool fool fool fool fool ahahaha 0wn0r3d % -- Melanie has quit (Connection reset by boyfiend) % how do we wave?? * mafoo waves * Reaper|inSeriousPain waves * MrTea|E waves * Ben nips downstairs for a hot cheese and ham rolls from the servery erm... that's not waving ! % * Reaper|inSeriousPain fires up 'E' you're all on E? we are now pronounced 'eh?' nope, pronounced Exhell no, pronounced 'OH GOD, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo. ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!' % * Ben|ExHell ponders a porno movie splash screen "oh yes, OH YES! OH YES!! Welcome to the expenses application. YEAH BABY!!" % *** Pudding is now known as MrTea *** Stuffing is now known as Joe *** Christmas is now known as Reaper *** Rudolph is now known as Atuin % wall RAAAAR!!! wha? oops, wrong window ;) % * Melanie|SE104 pokes mafoo with a large racoon. % I'm never wrong! I'm female! % o/~ If yo girl steps up i'm smackin' the ho o/~ Why would Everlast wish to abuse a gardening tool? % * ReaperOAngelsMafooRGTAtuin slaps Mr T ow! all of you? well 50% do the other half cheer % lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo * Pete thinks this could get boring lo? lo lo % *** Signoff: RGT (Chocolate/312/beer/feck/arse/girls!) % * Pete|Rocks looks at the empty choclate wrappers, and thinks about eating the last thing on the desk.. the computer? ;) % * Pete|washinup notices a rip'd plastic bag that should hold his cheese dagnly out the window fuckin wind % *** Mode change "+ooo Moof Moof Moof" on channel #ukccs by ChanServ % it was being VERY slowe % i bpubty he'd deny that! eh? doubt % * mafoo|packing has started the whole 'pacing around room wondering what he's forgotten about' thing Computer? % Blimey, I just fell through a hole in the ground, and I found myself in a tiny room full of fairies, and they all gasped, then they took me to this room with a big waterfall, and the water was full of real gold! Then I was taken to see their king, who was sat on a huge throne made of diamonds and gold, and he looked at me and bowed down. I blinked, and found myself back here. % * Gazzz has just worked out who MrTea is yo * Gazzz wonders whether MrTea knows who he is Gazzz, was I just working with you in haskell? yep aha % i need porn :( % DM - come to lunch in Eiot wiht Pete and me Moof: she's on park wood ! so? we wont hold that against her % * Tim puts selotape on Atuin's mouth Mmmph, mmmph mmmph mmm, mmmph mmm-mm-mm mmmph * Mewf wonders whether to take the tape off slowly or rip it off Mmm-mmm ....or shall Ijust Gaffer Atuin onto bar 7 and fly him up to the top of the tower? Mmmf: Mmm-mm * Mewf clambers up to the flyfloor * Atuin mmms mmm mmmmm Heads up Bar 7! * Mewf lowers bar 7 Mm! Mmmm!! * Mewf gaffers Atuin's hands to the bar * Mewf thinks MMMMMMM!!!! MMMMMM!!!! :~( * Mewf is charitable and attaches a harness to Atuin which he attaches ot the bar M-Mmm-mmm? Mmmm! Mmmm! * Mewf scrambles up to the weights floor M M M, MMMM MMMM MMMM, M M M M M M, MMMM MMMM MMMM, M M M hmmmmmm - about 80 kilos I;'d say, give or take M M M, MMMM MMMM MMMM, M M M * Mewf puts lotsa stage weights on to the weight cage ... --- ... M M M, MMMM MMMM MMMM, M M M * Mewf scrambles down to the fly floor HEADS UP BAR 7! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 * Mewf releases the break * Mewf tries pulling up * Mewf puts the break back on :~( * Mewf scrambles up to the weights floor and adds anothe couple fo weights to the cage * Mewf scrambles down to the fly floor HEADS UP BAR 7! Mmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!! * Mewf releases the break. slowly mm mm mmm mmm mmmm mmmmm mmMM mmMMMM mMMMMMMMMMM mmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! * Mewf pulls up. ever so slowly Atuin - stop struggling like that- you're making te bar swing and you'll make the sils on bar six fall on you! * Mewf wonders if Atuin has feinted * Mewf watches Atuin up on bar 7 from down on the stage * Atuin remembers that we don;'t have a fly-theatre here and thus the whole scenario vanishes in a puff of logic and he is back at his computer (there is no spoon) damn! foiled again ! % * azz doesn't do food you need to kill before you eat * MrTea doesn't like killing himself err whoops % * tdb1 handcuffs mafoo|attempting_314_again to a desk with Windows95 - "Multitask, bitch." % still not sure about my memory... AJ - how many finger was I holding up last time saw you? % * Moof is part fo the furniture yeah, it's nice, when we break moof, we just whine at UKCH for a new one :) % what sort of gfx card ? something called Mpact mediaware gc ?? fuck knows ah who is fuck? can we ask {him, her} ? i wish! he knows everything so it's a he ? it must be why ? to know that much shit about something, it must be male % SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH % aparently libservb.ukc.ac.uk was once one of the largest internet quake servers... ...until the service found out % anybody: why is MySQL so odd? Paulos: why not ? maffo: i'm sending out a search party to look for your point % big endian, little endian and baby endian % Pfsdf Pe fdsgdf d perlfasdf d perl trauma % I want to see a GNR concert....Bugger....Rage? Bugger......Led Zepplin.. Bugger.....Why is everyone Dead?????? % They only use four letter words - its a new poetic style because it is clever to say rude words. is it? hmm * MrTea ponders writing his exams in rude words to show how clever he is % * Tim managed to stop his housemates turning the modem off *** Signoff: Tim (Ping timeout) % oh CRAP rofl *** illah|asda is now called illah so sad I actually forgot my own bday :P * illah turned 20 today; my parents just reminded me % bice work that... nice eve n shit * AJ can't tyoe type DAMN DAMN DAMN % * JeSTeR wishes he had a reset switch JeSTeR: have you tried your belly button? ;) or under a patch of hair at the back of your head... :) % eeek * Atuin shouldn't have looked at the lightbulb now I know how moths feel % * Atuin|bed gets mafoo knocking on his door asking where Pete's room is "It is on floor up isn't it?" "No it's 2 floors up" "That would be why he wasn't answering then" % mind you , what can you say thats not in a film somewhere excellent! doh! err. It's hard isn't it * Deaf_Leopard thinks that the last line may also be in a film but he hasn't seen it well, those dodgy blue movies you hide under you matress... % *** Tim|Server is now called TIm *** TIm is now called Tim *** Tim is now called Tim|Server *** Tim|FreeBSD kicks Tim|Server from #cs: Niq flood (3 nicks in 29secs of 30secs) % eth0 is complaining about too much work in an interrupt sack it then % * Atuin|BedTerm notes bash is _still_ compiling fooking slow 486... Atuin: fooking the slow 486 ay?? *** Atuin|BedTerm kicks ReaperAndMafoo from #cs: Oi! I'm not that close to my 486! % nuked r u a first year? hehe nuked is a postgrad :) studying to be Dr nuked. ahh remember now...sorry Dr Nuked hehe -- it'll be a while until I get the Dr., still 1.5 years to go.. * Ben grins at nuked heheh sounds cool no....DR.Nuked! my name is nuked....DR Nuked! would make a cool evil villain ;) * nuked gets the long trench-coat out * Ben grins "I shall call him... mini-nuked" % * mafoo wanders up to get his package(s) * Ben fondles the remote detonator, and waits for mafoo to get in range % paul almost got his login removed for his computer's profanities i had no idea idea my computer knew about donkey penises let alone how to link them in with a sentence involving trippy % drinking ? Holsten Pils that was last night * Reaper looks at the bottle of Holsten on his desk no, it would appear it is now % worst thing was when i send an email to rob from root@ukc.ac.uk and he replied warning me about there checking for warez and saying my mp3 shares were ok he got a "thats not a good idea" reply from dmc % *** mafoo|arkose changes topic on #cs to DON'T DO IT ramsAy !!!!! * mafoo|arkose points rgt at the topic !!! * RGT points mafoo at THE FINGER % After all Java is independant of everything....Os, language, God, the universe, it does what it likes % I got licked when I came on as a Trippy impersonator II of course meant kicked! % * Daz spills half a pint of lemonade on project server opps * Daz keyboard seems to be playup hummm thats not too good did the lemonade go into that ? or just over the puter? myspacebarisnotwell lol is it wet? gonnaunplugforawhile [...] my k3eyboa4rd is s5till a li5t5tl3e 2w3e5t I 5think that fake ? no hmph :) 5th3e quick b4ro2wn fox jump3ed ov3e4r 5th3e lazy dog erm. turn it upside down and rest on radiator :) 2was 2wo4rking fin3e b4rb [...] that's better what did you do? the letters near 5the numb3e4rs 2w3e4r3e 2w3e5t shi5t! -:- SignOff Daz: #cs,#milliways (Quit: aah bugg3e4r b4rb) % mafoo: just noticed that the rootkit Tim had installed includes an sshd FUCK why did Tim install a rootkit? % ibot: 2^64 66 hm. ibot: 2**64 18446744073709551616 that's better :) ibot: 2**256 a number with quite a few digits... LOL hehe iBot: 69! bugger I'm not that way inclined... % * illah always liked the black dude in TNG illah - the blind one, or the one with the crinkly head? blind one screw warf :P no thanks % Yes, girls want to take over the world. RAMSay wouldn't just GIVE it to us, so we've started a war hmm * mafoo wonders if sarah wants to rephrase that OAngel: you should tie him to the bed to make an example of him % *** Users on #cs: @Tim|Home2 @Tim|Home @Moof[LodNod] @OAngel @Tim|NotAtUni @azz @mafoo @Atuin|Home|Offline @Atuin|GornHome @marvin @server @Moof @Paul|NotInTheLa @Tim|NotAtWork @Hal @Tim|Server +iBot Em paul nuked|feeding Archmoo|home Joe BoBo|JaVa Gazzz Fox|Working Daz Flip^ Reaper DarkHalf-shower^origins^venue BatFink MrTea|out Mooso|Sleep nuked|not-in-sw12 * Tim|Home2 counts 5 of himself % * mafoo|zzz goes to ben n -> d * BatFink kicks mafoo * mafoo|zzz hides * mafoo|zzz sleeps * mafoo|zzz turns off monitor what's this obsession with ben? * BatFink shrugs % * mafoo kicks java * Atuin|Home hugs java * Pete kicks java just so its 2v1 :) * nuked|E222 thinks java effigies should be burned on bonfire night *** illah is now called cs * cs kicks Java *** cs is now called illah *** Pete is now called God * God hates Java *** God is now called Pete % * Reaper|Haskell noted that Em had to be carried from his corridor on Thursday tee hee...by me yep not quite carried.... Fox: then u buggered off and left me to deal with Rob git! I put him to bed twice....short of tying him up what was I to do? % * mafoo pats xhippo for giving him Leann Rimes literally giving her to you? i wish ! % --- Topic for #cs is Morning has broken, somebody fix it % But then, I also love rubbing lard onto squirrels. * mafoo shoots Melanie * Melanie peers at her boyfriend. % so how about root access on raptor ?? pissed barsteds are us % the 2eyb6ard 5s d5s-3a5ng n40bers 5nstead 6f 3etters pete: you using Daz's keyboard? * mafoo kicks pete n6 3-at6- * azz grins grrr -133 brb 5 w533 reb66t 5 can't q45t grr r555 try /q /quit ? the w6rd "q45t" 5 can't ty-e [...] yeah 25a33a33 * azz notes that "i" is one of the letters pete can't type ;) that w533 w6r2 +* s053ey 5s +* !seen Tim I found 100 matches to your query; please refine it to see any output. % eheh you know functional languages are lazy well how lazy ... lang: 1 + 4 'error couldn't return result, can't be arsed' % arg eek heh ooh? ahh * Paul thinks it sounds like an orgy on IRC % *** mafoo kicks Domination-on-demand from #cs: NO !! Democray!!! *** Masturbation-on-demand joins #cs did I type that? % or we could find an exposed P3 and make really small pancakes :) % * mafoo finds his mailgun and fires a long shot at ebd who then slumps +to the grond +u mailgun? m -> n cool, an envelope firing gun1 1->! t : mailgun fires postcards mailgun? Death of a thousand paper cuts, I presume oooh, a mailgun. shoots spam at people. * mafoo kicks Reaper God ARGH!!!!!! % Your correct words are: PACES NEST PACE ACES SUCH STU ACE STU???? thats not a word! it's in my list RGT ;) % * Deaf_Leopard doesn't know who Zoidberg is? Does this mean I have a social life? Probably. You ought to get that fixed. % * Batfink gets off da phone what are you doing to the phone ? *** nuked_ is now called mafoo|glace having sex with it of course ah of course have you not seen how nice the 6210 is? % *** Melanie (~mm3@129.12.4.232) has left IRC [Quit: BitchX-1.0c16 -- just do it.] i'm trying to imagine melanie naked now, but the fact that i dont know who she is or what she looks like doesnt really help much :P % yes, but that's the way I code I Don't like kludges I Don't DO kludges Joe does them for me :) % * Tim|FreeBSD got an e-mail from pao this morning "killigrew's root alias is broken, fix it or I'll get it disconnected" * Tim|FreeBSD replied with "fixed it. There's no need to be so blunt, this is not an ssb machine!" * Tim|FreeBSD got a reply back "I seem to have been missing out :)'s lately" % * nuked things pao needs to discover cannibis % alot of Linux apps have ports available on Linux though... % Interesting Signpost of the day: Seen next to the lift on the GROUND FLOOR of electronics: "In the event of fire do not use lift" % But did consider Shingles O:( :( :( :( :( But very unlikely cos I've never had any symptoms of chicken pox O:) :) :) :) :) :) % how much memory does a normal computer have?? 128Mb maybe hmmmmmm how big is yours Ramsay? % hey, I'm going to the Theatre tonight....I sound all posh :( fox: you... posh !!?!?!! me too!! O:) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA OAngel|Dinner: I think there laughing at us :( % mafoo - but you would look *gorgeous* in drag :) % <-- mafoo|tty1 has kicked Fox from #cs (REALLY NOT THE TIME) --> Fox (nar4@stuE69E.ukc.ac.uk) has joined #cs <-- Moof has kicked Fox from #cs (be nice) --> Fox (nar4@stuE69E.ukc.ac.uk) has joined #cs anyone else? <-- Pete has kicked Fox from #cs (if you insist) --> Fox (nar4@stuE69E.ukc.ac.uk) has joined #cs thanks % Reaper: type Fish = Integer? * azz wonders how you represent fish as integers azz - 1 fish finger, two fish fingers but fish don't even have fingers... yes they do. i've seen them selling them in tesco % bugger.. 14 errors * Pete|Insomnia kicks compiling the wrong version arse 28 errors * Pete|Insomnia rather fix the 14 error version % HWNE? HENW? WHEN? % ARGH * Moof hits Tomcat * Moof beats tomcat with a big stick * Moof takes an uzi and shoots Tomcat * Moof takes a kalashnikov and shoots Magnus * Moof may come to regret this when mike comesback next year * Pete|StillHyper assumes moof dont have a clue * Magnus_C looks strangely at the bullet and it falls to the ground Pete - you could say that, yes * Moof lobs an ICBM at Sun HQ * Moof watches Star Wars get into action and throw the rold into nuclear winter * Magnus_C looks up as the ICBM passes overhead on the way to Palo Alto California * Moof lobs one at Boston for god measure try again Moof There not snding interns there till next year ;-) * Moof considres commiting hari-kiri Magnus - wehre are you again? Just outside Denver * Moof detonates an H-bomb in Colorado watch it you'll bother the people living in the NATO bunker Daz- it didn;t work, btw % * Fox|Em looks at Windowss ME then trys to remember when he bought it what? did you just say you handed over money for WindowsME? Urgh. That's what I heard. you are sick Fox you paid money for a micrsoft product? do they sell as well then? % command line rules :) 1) No spitting... % I still have the long walk alone! * Briff gets out his violin * Spike smashes the damned thing *** AJ|WaitingForAJToGo is now called AJ * Briff pulls out a trombone instead * Spike sticks a jumper in it * Briff blows really hard, but only succeeds in blowing himself backwards Oh my God, did I just say that? % * Tim|FreeBSD sees "65 minutes remaining" 65->90 bloody network Tim|FreeBSD: NT law - it'll only go up thats 90 "windows" minutes as opposed to earth minutes exactly cos MS are on a different planet ;o) they dont exist in this dimension it wont contain their ego they have to keep it in some other dimension and leak tiny bits of it into bill gates when he does a press conference % it's not fun when somebody finds it funny to keep hiding your cordless mouse in funny places, thoug :-/ % * Paul notes that this is the 3rd cordless keyboard and mouse he's had they break down easy? well, one just gave up working for no reason. the other one may have had the assistance of some peach schnapps % ooooh, 125 for a taser.... ;) * Batfink wonders if that would be a great way to take out dull lecturers... 15 foot range... hmm, that'd do... So that would reach neatly from the middle of GLT2, then... yeah.... ;) "well, an ODBC connection is.." % you "fixed" a class with practically nothing in and now it really has nothing in :) it was giving compile errors... % Man.. I just tried to go to www.asdlhto.org. Erk. % is em a compsci? * mafoo nods that can't be right.... why? cos she looks fit! % humm, 27366 un read messages i was only away for an hour :) % Paul|Home: do you know what's up with athena ? grr la_haine: do you know what's up with athena ? nope, Spike|work sorry, keep on pressing wrong keys % * Joe wished he had got a nntp cache setup You want news?? *** Norseman is now called Moira *** Moira is now called MoiraStewart Good even-ning, and welcome to the Six O Clock News... * Mewso slaps Norse * MoiraStewart looks down at Mewso, and then carries on... * Mewso pounces on Moira *** EBDofNine is now called TrevorMcdougnut Good evening, and welcome to Doughnuts Tonight The UKC News Server was down today, and so the finest students were bored... ....as they have no lives outside of ukc misc One student, Mr John Carroll, was reported as saying... ....that ukc misc was his life, and he feels cut off from campus life without it. Tim Roll Pickering was reported as saying... ..."Hardly"... In a further development, an epidemic of foot in mouth disease broke out this week at UKC When Alistair Jarvis, UKC SU Treasurer, spoke of the SUs new Webshite In a further development, Moria Stewart has been found dead after being maulled by some kind of animal Agh! A Trippy! Moira Stewart, BBC News, in a potting shed in Colchester. % my english teacher nearly got killed by a frozen turkey once fell out of the sky my cousin drank a bottle of perfume once how did he smell? with his nose % * Paul can't believe John Crawford managed to write a Java class that takes 3 minutes to generate a random graph with 10 nodes in it, yet does 100 nodes in about 0.5 seconds Paul: perhaps he has managed to reverse timespace problems, so anything that was NP complete before was now easy sadly adding two numbers can't be done in finite time % * Paul just implemented Prim's, Floyd's and Dijkstra's algorithms in Java i thought they were tight on plagurism? % is the web down? argghhh I'm turning into one of them before I know it, I'll be saying the internet is down, and then I'll be signing up to AOL % *** Batfink leaves #cs *** Batfink joins #cs mental-note: don't click that button % and anyway, failing to be Marilyn Manson is a good thing, seeing as he is complete shite eh? Have you heard Beautiful People or his Sweet Dreams cover. Inspired inspired my arse! He's shit! he inspired your arse? % * paaaul reads about a California man who got a life sentence for stealing a slice of pizza... what ?! yes, it's true bit extream "three strikes" program it better of been a big pizza :) % Stu, if I toss are you going to watch? I know!!! Disgusting....they should do it this evening! Is that what you are gonna be doing this evening then? tossing....I don't know I might or might not My aim hasn't always been very good % I have latex What the hell is latex? a linux program for making shit look good % Playing: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club * Reaper replies to Boy George YES I BLOODY WELL DO!! % Im still hungry eat your leg No then you're not hungry enough Ive given up self mutilation boring sod % * MrTea leaves % The whole debate is academic. I am going to marry Britney for the money, go to a few showbiz parties with her, break a million teenage boys' hearts etc etc. Then I'm going to leave her, get divorced, keep the money and marry Sarah. And then I'm going to wake up and have my cornflakes % Right, who ordered an ice age? * Reaper raises hand azz: 'one ice age, easy on the mammoths' "I'll have two chicken shish kebabs, a pot of chili sauce, a bottle of coke, oh, and an ice age to keep it cool." % * Atuin pukes at a page he just found * Atuin searched for "if you can keep your head" in google and clicked the first link % * mafoo[ow] does like el307 fool eh? there is a missing 'not' in there! ahh! that explains things thought so you aren't a fool then shows how awake i am % all your denormalised operands are belong to me % * azz feels like a complete fool why~? * azz stood at BC door for a good three minutes trying to get the cardlock to work, and then noticed he was using his ID card instead of his keycard % [mslowe@lintilla mslowe]$ cat .eximrc # Exim filter mafoo: shouldn't the first line be: # Exim filter <<== do not edit or remove this line! ok "do not edit or remove this line!" ;) does that make a difference ? % what was Tom Cruise's name in Mission Impossible ? mafoo: tom Cruise I wouold imagine, it's rare to change your name just because you've started a new film ;) % <-- Reaper has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) *** mafoo changes modes on #cs: +b *!peer@*.ukc.ac.uk bastard peer bloke % If I put them in the returns box I have to pay later. I can't do a web renew as I already have fines :( Deaf_Leopard PAY?! pay indeed. The library don't accept sexual favours :) Its a big buliding - just the way you like em ;) % fox: they're the ones who've been doing FORTRAN since 1967 ;) azz: please don't use the F word on #cs ;) % Ya Think! :P % lol... just found my phone bill (bt) 2.32 of calls 2.29 of discounts :) * Tim|Home organises a whip around for the remaining call charges % [talking about the Channel 4 "Gay-O-Meter"] Ben - 29%? moof: yes. I need to 'lighten up' apparently ;) hmmmm scary thought :) % * Batfink notes httrack is rather good * Batfink notes that the fact he's just mirrored 60 MB of porn might well get him seeme'd Where! Where! here, fool ;) eh? #cs is porn? % o/~We plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the land and then the fucking rain ruins it all % i haven't - but i use surgical spirit quite a bit at home for cleaning purposes mafoo: why do you have dirty purposes? % hmm, explorer just commited suicide... that's common it has a very depressed life being part of Windows who would blame it ? % I think listening to Slayer and going postal on anything that moves is kinda not how the writers expected this to be played, coz it really doesnt feel non-violent I equally dont think they would like me screaming "DIE MUTHA FUCKKAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" at all the deamons -- Ramsay, playtesting Catechumen, a non-violent "Christian" game % jump = middle mouse ;) I don't really give a flying crap...I'd play a 4-4-2 attacking with Rosler and Kavelashvili up front and get a Phalanx defending my cities on the wing And then I'd put a whacking great Industrial zone (dense) down and connect it to the subway system Then I'd put the 3 of hearts on the 4 of spades % * OAngel didn't get on well with her physics teacher cos she doesn't believe in gravity % * Batfink viciously kicks those who would tempt with kebabs * Deaf_Leopard waves a Westgate menu in front of batfink, smears himself in chilli sauce and does a 'kebab dance' sorry Deaf_Leopard, I'm not into kebab sex 'fink : Really. That's not the impression I got from your Yahoo profile % the hedgehog can never be buggered at all Sonic would not be amused You think? Why do you think knuckled is called that? % hopefully the disease wont spread as far as our house what disease? the plague? ocakbasi plague hmmmmmmmmmmm.....probably will Is that like foot and mouth? who knows what is in their kebabs! yeah....it looks like stuff you tread in but you put it in your mouth % ITS NOT FUCKING WRONG _ THERE IS AN EXAMPLE WITH THE LINE DIM dbs As Database BUT IT SAYS UNDEFINED USER TYPE DATABASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (does the error message really have all those exclamation marks in it?) % * Batfink would rather cut his own dick off than install slackware * Batfink has a history with slackware... oh? ah, sweet ;o) did it dump you for someone else? must of abused him :) a core % morning you're a servlet? Paul - yeah - I got tokinsed by the Java Security mnager overnight ouch, that's gotta hurt * Mewf[Servlet] tinkle around the room as he's now covered with all these tokens saying things lke "hair" and "nipple" and....er....lots of "hair" tokens.... % *** Batfink|co309 is now called mafoo I love Microsoft *** mafoo is now called Batfink % ERROR - Control stack overflow [...] AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! RECURSE, DAMN YOU! meet up with neil - hios recurses too much ;) % bb = cuntnpaste oops thats pretty harsh that was supposed to be cutnpaste % * Atuin|bed@#cs wonders what this orange crap left outside his door is in aid of ...and why whoever delivered them felt the need to leave one for whoever might live in the bathroom % how to book a flight with a spanish airline: call up, get an englishperson, spend 10 minutes at it in a businesslike manner. Call up, get a spanish person, spend a good half an hour chatting about how great it is in spain and how awful it is in the UK and eventually get a light at a better price % * Moof suddenly realises that the reason this CD copying hasn't finished yet is that he didn't start it % according to the picture, tim should also be a bot of some form * Tim|FreeBSD beeps and whirs quietly % I was just thinking coz I saw a sign for the Computing Building and thought of a building that computed..... % o/~ Cats! Ah ah! All your base are belong to us! o/~ (to the tune of Flash) % question, what level of english do I speak? I mean, I am not native and not intermediate (hope I am better than that!) BoBo|Vrml|Annoyed|Hungry: very adv adv.... good % I don't feel I have ever been touched by the work of the SU... * Tim|2MW stares at AJ's nick % * Batfink eats cystallized ginger * mafoo hands ben a large asbestos suit yum you *like* asbestos ? shut it, pasanda boy ;) % Robbo: u need Iron Maiden in your life. A few of us have learnt the way, u need to too ;) reaper: i dont think that I can. I'm a bit too deeply into big beat and hip hop nowadays NNOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! % you don't want me here? charming no, we love you really you only say that to get me into bed % for an exam paper; "Is this page intentionally blank? Discuss." % Mac is not used in the computer science department... AJ - i beg to differ - Duncan Langford uses several yeah, but he's bonkers % am I yhe only one that feels that when you put in an IDEcable, it feels quite satisfying? * Batfink wonders where the hell you plug your IDE cables? % Ben - a SCSI fetish would be one for the masochists, me thinks "please sir, I did terminate your chain correctly, no please don;t crash on me sir, please! But sir, you told me to put the 20Gig drive between the CD-Writer and the 30-gig! Please sir, don;t make me have to run the hcainin andout of the machine more than three times..." % mafoo, what happened ? we get signal % * Batfink is not amused * Robbo falls over comically Batfink: better? % * Reaper nominates 'You Tosser' as sung by the #cs boys choir consisting of mafoo and T obviously ;) oi! mafoo can't sing ;) % Hi My Name Is Stephanie, I just turned 18 TODAY..!! I have been wanting to do live nude webcams but I was not able to because I was too young.. Steve: ukc.adverts % * Fox notes he hasn't been quoted for ages :oD :oD :oD :oD :oD :oD % o/~ The wonderful thing about Spike is, that Spike is a wonderful gal, his bottom is made up of rubber, his hair is spiked up with gel... % it's wordy shit I hat it's wordy shit wtf was that? hat->hate -it's are you just talking to yourself? % * Batfink could pick stormont off from the roof of the library. noone would ever know that mafoo missed by 14 yards ;) % By the way, what's with the stage-thing in between Eliot and Rutherford? Melanie: conference mel: it's a landing platform for Harriers they're building a huge bed for an inter-college gangbang is that official? yes. % o/~ baa baa black sheep, have you foot and mouth o/~ % arrrrrrrrggggh! I'm turning into a geek you make it sound like a bad thing... % * Tim|Cornwall puts on new jeans * Paul|P96Speed puts in new genes * Tim|Cornwall watches Paul turn into a goat bleeat % Clarie wonders how much more mileage she can get out of this, or whether she should relieve Paul's anxiety and tell him the 'truth' you used to be a man? % * mafoo is job hunting * mafoo has a crossbow and a large dog they are right bastards to hit then they run away % * illah reads a post on cs2, thinks "omfg this guy wrote exactly what I'm thinking" then sees it's signed "Niels" -- Oops % but other EU countries can travel about within the EU without a passport how does an EU country travel? Paul: one big fucking crane % * Skimble thinks La Haine is one of those controversial absinthe-drinking misanthropists who likes to irritate everyone - a bit like Arthur Rimbaud. % every seen flashdance I think it is? flashdance... irene cara whatever? i donno, she dances in front of a panel, and has these really big socks on % * nuked ponders log entry: Apr 10 08:47:24 teddy kernel: IN=ppp0 OUT= MAC= SRC=213.194.181.85 DST=213.1.81.15 LEN=44 TOS=0x00 PREC=0x00 TTL=113 ID=58625 DF PROTO=TCP SPT=58496 DPT=12345 WINDOW=8192 RES=0x00 SYN URGP=0 humm prodded they know your there i got prodded over 100 times last night.. % I have got two films out for a video night tonight and I need help to decide which to watch first juggle with them, and watch whichever falls first % lo azz lo *** Moof is now called mof * mof wants to join the lowercase 3-letter brigade % the blood of a thousand virgins? and where are you going to find 1000 virgins in canterbury ?! CU? la_haine: there are 1000 of tem? Well, I'm sure they know a lot of other christians around we may have to call in ones from out of town % what amused me was that Chameleon emailed me privately to rant at me, about how clever she was and just because she came through clearing didn't mean she was an idiot. However, she couldn't post to misc because the server kept acting funny - kept on giving her a 'more included text than new text' message % Hmmmmm I really SHOULD NOT have beer for breakfast RGT: trying one of those diets? "A pint for breakfast, a pint for lunch and a proper dinner"? % *** Ruth kicks mafoo from #cs: out! *** mafoo joins #cs ?! Ruth: ?! Tim was showing me how :) BAH sorry :) *** mafoo kicks Tim|FreeBSD from #cs: git no need to apologise - that was funny :) *** mafoo kicks Tim|Server from #cs: git *** mafoo kicks Tim|detached from #cs: git % Am i superficial? Spyda: didn't like to say anyhting What am I going to wear to this exam! % Tim|FreeBSD, I have been running for 4 days, 14 hours, 9 mins, and 19 secs iscreamBot must have very sore legs then % * ben thinks we should make a film called Road TRiPpy we could superglue trippy to the M1, and film it :P % *** ben kicks Deep from #cs: pow! % has anyone got a spare mouse mat they dont need? has anyone got a spare mouse mat they dont need? has anyone got a spare mouse mat they dont need? I didn't have one last time you asked and one hasn't dropped out of the sky in the last 5 minutes so in a word. No. I don't have a spare mousemat *** Signoff: Deep (Quit: ) hey, does anyone have a spare mousemat? La haine: yeah sure, you can borrow it if you want, you should've asked earlier [... several hours later ...] ben: do u have a spare mouse mat i can have? yes deep, hundreds really? unfortunately, they're all stored in my warehouse in outer mongolia it's a bit of a trek, but if you really need one, you're welcome to have one. % would anyone here describe me as infamous? yup yes nah yeah yes, I think so 4-1 well, bugger me no no thanks no thanks no 4-0 but we appreciate the offer % Mark goes down again......................... poor choice of words Ramsay I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!! what is he doing? no idea, but its not good % does anyone have any 3-in-1 or spray lubricant? my new PSU is also making anoice nope - i left all my lubricant at spikes % mafoo, kline? ;) Tim: g line! * Atuin|hdesk prefers g string you would % anyone know why exceed sucks? RGT - yeah, i asked it nicely % I was head hunted. yes, Tim gives good head <-- Tim|FreeBSD has kicked la_haine from #cs (I told you to keep that between us!) % how much is linux 7.0? deep: linux 7.0 isn't out yet. it's only on 2.4.3. has anyone got a crack for linux? how do you use Linux through the firewall? I don't really want to pay for it la_haine : good question, don't you need a socks server to install it? tim: http://ftp-us-west.netdynamics. com/ftp/pub/community/cracklib/cracklib.2.7.tar.gz probably. We ought to email the Computing Service and offer to do it for them la_haine : good plan azz, which warez group released that ? I only want a quality crack. that's the original, man! alec muffett! oh, ok. and it'll let me use linux 4 free? w00t, he's a truly 1337 d00d yup, install that and you won't have to pay any money for linux. azz did u buy linux? deep: nah, I always copy it off other people * b3|\| looks at the copy of linux he's got on CD-R too do u lot buy games? deep, no I never buy games * b3|\| loox at the copied version of xpilot he's got * b3|\| didn't pay for that or tux racer oh i brought black and white today i probally could of d/loaded it but i like having the dvd style box where did you bring it to? % 3rd years: who's up for organising a trip to go get java certified once the exams are over, say week 4 or 5? * azz imagines getting Java certified... how many doctors' opinions would you need to get? % i my mate needs some help on his computer he will buy anyone who can help a beer. i can help. but i won't. can i have a beer? % * nuked remembers a 1st year incident along the lines of "Steve: hey fred, I'm bored. Fred: me too. Steve: on my way round with JD". One bottle later we were too pissed to be bored. % Norse: well its 7" and penisey fox : You've measured it? hasn't everyone?!? everyone has measured your penis? % no periods, no breasts to be oggles, no babies, higher salaries hehe... and you can piss standing up toop * ben|notQuiteSober points out we have to put up with women tho :P % * ben|notQuiteSober notes that if he leans back he's in bed ben: no, thats the floor, you've fallen off your chair no, it's my bed :P no the floor isn't!!! nope, it's my bed :) * ben|notQuiteSober isn't sat on his chair ben you've fallen off it then ;) o/~ loving you, isn't the right thing to do, how can I, ever change things that I feel o/~ o/~ you can go your own waaaaay, go your own waa-aaa-aaay, you can call it another lonely day o/~ now hes singign on the floor :) no, I'm sat on my bed :) % You must remember, Fox lives in a parallel universe, on the far side of Eliot DH. with alcohol in the atmosphere, I guess and hiccups lots of hiccups if your quikck you can catch them as they pedal past on their oranges look there is one look there is one *** Fox|Sober is now called Fox|HiccupCatching Hic another..... Hic can i have the orange? * Fox|HiccupCatching hands Andy 2 oranges * Fox|HiccupCatching runs after a third on a rodedendrium Hic % mafoo|whitstable: you about? ahh - you're in whitstable % anyone got a spare lock lying around? Now all I need is a pick.... % *** Moof|TeaTreeBubbleBath is now known as Spike Anyone want to join me in the bath? *** Spike is now known as Moof|TeaTreeBubbleBath % * ben giggles * mafoo tickles ben * ben rips mafoo's arms off * ben beats mafoo with soggy ends % *** d33p joins #cs *** Hal changes modes on #cs: +b *!*@stuE67A.ukc.ac.uk *** Hal kicks d33p from #cs: banned: I'm having a bad week, sod off. % * mafoo[home] drops a piano on the monkey's head * TheLibrarian raises his everything-proof umbrella % *** Signoff: Skimble (Quit: I have to go now, my giraffe is on fire.) % o/~ The only thing he said was.... o/~ dum de dadeda, dum de dadeda, dum de dadeda o/~ o/~ The only thing he said was.... o/~ dum de dadeda, dum de dadeda, dum de dadeda o/~ o/~ that roses are red o/~ o/~ come to me baby please fulfil my wish; o/~ dum de dadeda, dum de dadeda, dum de dadeda o/~ o/~ show it to me truely show me with a kiss % where I used to live in gosport there was a small caravan park just down the road it backed onto a large nuclear bunker for the council people one of the blokes who had a caravan there put up a small pine 1 foot high picket fence around his van a couple of weeks later the council came round they told him he'd have to move it, because it was where the council people were supposed to dig out after their year or 2 in the bunker he replied "after a nuclear war, do you really think this fence is going to be here"? % *** ntm joins #cs so, Phil, there's no God, right? * ntm eyes la_haine suspiciously oh, hello Will, didn't see you there nice try. % *** deeep joins #cs i am very sorry please let me use mirc please? *** Hal changes modes on #cs: +b *!*rc@*.ukc.ac.uk *** Hal kicks deeep from #cs: will you please fuck off % * Fox wants Cruel Intentions * Mooso intents cruely at Fox % I object to feeding the EU 20p Mountain into a machine to get my clothes dried. lol, don't we all! The Eliot ones don't even dry your clothes! they do if you have enough money and you don't put it all in at once. but woe betide you if you put more than one 20p piece in at a time, because you will only get one 20p piece's worth out of it even if you put in FIVE BILLION POUNDS % * ben has read all the sluggys :) *** ben is now called kitten mew mew * kitten rips azz's arms off mew % * ben goes full screen and moves to bed * mafoo tries to imaging ben full screen and shudders at the thought % So, how was the ferry spotting? great we watched on dick completely (that was boring!) % i've got a classic, my friend said "its not that i want to annoy you..." but swapped a t for a k :o) % * mafoo doesn't burn -- even in morocco i didn['t burn ;) BASTARD * mafoo grins I burned in Switzerland it's probably something to do with my mum being Kiwi yes, the feathers will help % * ben|drunk thinks about sleep ibot, 8ball sleep? * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'Not a chance,' ben|drunk ibot, 8ball sleep? * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'You've got to be kidding,' ben|drunk ibot, 8ball sleep? * iBot shakes the psychic black sphere... It says 'Cannot Predict Now,' ben|drunk FUCKING LIAR! % ben, await your seeme what did you do ben? * ben|drunk might have said 'fuck' and 'shit' in 2 posts replying to trippy :P and then said "wanking fucker" in reply to brendan on misc * ben|drunk wonders how to get outta that one :P just claim its weight discrimination or something! ;) % maybe, but "I can't get any webpages" is so damn close to "the internet is broken" to make no difference Deaf_Leopard: it's like saying 'the M1 is closed' because your car won't start ben: no, it's like saying I can't use the M1 coz my car won't start, which is perfectly valid it's more like saying London has disappeared because the M25 is shut ben : To YOU maybe. If a kettle is broken a kettle is broken, you don't say the element in the kettle is broken, you say the whole lot is Say something like declaring that motorised transport doesn't exist simply because your bus is late... ben : To YOU maybe. If a kettle is broken a kettle is broken, you don't say the power cord in the kettle is broken, you say the whole lot is. The same with a connection to the internet. yeah, but by the same analogy, you'd be saying 'the national grid doesn't work' If I took your argument to the extreme I'd say that the power stations had all vanished, all the solar panels have dissapeared and the tide has dissapeared from the tidal bores % * mafoo wonders where ibot is ibot, seen ibot % * mafoo is trying to sho allegiance to the college system Darwin, Rutherford, Keynes and Mafoo. The 4 colleges Mafoo college is easy to spot. It's the one without windows % eeeaaeaaaeeeeeee eeeeeaaeaaeeaeeeeeeeea aeoaeoeow eeoeeoeoeooeoweowaoeaewwreAoeooooaooraoaoreoeoeoe eeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeee ee ee eeeeeeeeeeeeee eeee ee e eoswawoowowoa w eoeoeoeaoeoaooea wawoa reaowwae awowaoewoao waeo -- ntm, singing "Any Colour You Like" % ice cream.... some pr0n movie featuring eskimos, no? % "sorry, I can't do the exam today, because I believed what you tossers told us about the paperless office" % why dont Ocakbasi do lunch? Kebab at this time of day? Are you mad? Mel: I knwo its a bit late to start but I can make up for that ;) % email it to blony tair * ben emails it to his dad your dad it tony blair? wow. no, Tony's dad ;) % * GeeeZa|java inadvertantly drags The Internet into the recycling bin. "Are you sure you want to delete The Internet. This is too big to store in Recycle Bin. Yes/No" % * Verity hugs her lovely bf :) * mafoo hugs Verity back oi *** Atuin kicks mafoo from #cs: not you! * mafoo grins *** Signoff: mafoo (Local kill by Atuin (don't grin either)) % Spyda|Out: you there? ahh shite - he's out % i don't think i've ever seen trippy wearing anything other than a blue shirt.... is this an allegiance to his party? I only have shirts that either blue, grey or black. I just prefer dark clothes so do most serial killers % *** ptc1 joins #cs lo phil Greetings. lo Phil Hey all yo commie Hey Paul! How's Yo Momma? Phil : warning, TRP alert ;) AH! Where? here *** ptc1 leaves #cs % *** la_haine is now known as Breakfast_At_Tiffanys hmmm, insteresting name ideas, i say, what about breakfast at tiffanys? i think i remember the film well, at least tha's one thing we've got * Paul wonders what the hell clarie is on about random gibberish % * Spike heads for a wank n->l dammit % DCC me em?! * Reaper imagines Clo trying to DCC Em to chris % * Tim looks at the clock and notes the imminent disconnection of Paul * Paul will survive paul, were you first afraid and petrified? azz: yes paul, did you feel you couldn't live without us by your side? i should have changed my stupid isp, i should have upgraded to adsl oh no not i., i will reconnect. as long as i know how to click i'll be back now i'm saving all my loving for an isp that's lovin' me % * Paul somehow missed out the biggest key on the keyboard it's the most common letter in most books... of any language ;) "English university student, refering to himself as 'Paul' has amazingly shttered the way we think about letters, he proposes that the 'space' is , and I quote '<@Paul> it's the most common letter in most books... of any language ;)' staggering" dude, either you are truly amazed by my l33t knowledge or you is taking the piss. % * Robbo waves * Robbo is disheartened at the lack of response to his wave *** Paul is now called Electromagnetic * Electromagnetic waves *** Electromagnetic is now called Paul % *** Ruth is now called Ruth|RomeoMustDie *** Tim is now called Tim|JulietMustDie % *** Spike changes topic on #cs to Bong *** Stick changes topic on #cs to Bing *** illah changes topic on #cs to Bung, the ruturn of clan? % [returning from an exam] well that was dull mine wasn't ;) * Reaper wonders what exactly T did in the Data Visualisation question, starting from the second paragraph, if you read the first word from each line... "This course is pants. Male lines are not as nice as female curves. Left alone in the dark, colour pictures mean nothing. The ratios give the meaning of life, the universe and everything. The comparison in one dimension is relative." % * ben notes going to the BBQ involves going *outside* in the *sun* ben, move your fat arse NOW * ben quivers with fear but I'm a compsci - I'll melt! % poll() is select() with a zero timeout well at least there ain't a select tax % colin johnson not a java fan or somefing? * Paul|Ultima8 had an interview with peter kenny and i couldn't remember colin's name... when he realised who i was on about, he said, "you were trying to think of descriptive words that didn't involve big and hairy, weren't you?" % ok, give me a chance. WinKey + R to run a command (eg iexplore, command etc) how do I close or minimise a window? ...and of course Alt+F4 to make your IRC client go faster ;) *** Signoff: Clarie (Quit: Leaving) % Well I never... I had no idea that "commerce" also means sexual intercource. Makes me want to take "electronic commerce" off my CV... well, i'll lol at my own observation if nobody else will ;o) Paul, I laughed at it and commented to Ruth about it but watching Holby City hindered my reply :) oh, i thought you might have been engaging in commerce or something ;) no no.. no way. Just some e-commerce :) virtual valerie, eh eh? yeah baby! % DAMN ... i guess google isn't the thing to use if i want to find pictures of big melons... jeeeesus gimme a fruit damnit % *** Signoff: la_haine (Quit: I'm off) thought i could smell something % * illah lols at his friend's ICQ DND message: "Please do not disturb me. I'm disturbed enough." % azz: indeed. It makes me wonder what sort of muppets they employ in patent offices... (exception being Albert Einstein) % azz, go away, you might quote us! this could ruin my career! % mafoo, join the orgy in #sex! *** mafoo|ebr2 joins #sex So what does everyone think of the EU Common Agricultural Policy then? % *** Signoff: Paul (Quit: Goodbye. The work of Kane is never done. Join the Bortherhood.) *** Paul joins #cs (i meant brotherhood) *** Signoff: Paul (Quit: bye!) lol he's gotta be the ONLY person I know to bother coming back to correct a typo in his quit % what's scarier is that I had a dream that I got pulled in by the police, and I didn't realise I was dreaming till I woke up they were gonna fine me £50 for roller-skating (a charge I was innocent on) hmm, dosnt beat my dream of a rhabbi mob group, for which i was the leader. Was organising bank robberies! % "mIRC can be used legally for 30 days before it needs to be registered." that's quite a long time, if you considered it "not in use" when not loaded or idle % * ben notes the 110 a month service also gets us on the 20:1 contention ratio ;) is that a quiz show? % Is there a way in 'doze to find out whats using the net connection? pull out the cable and see what ap complains ?. % mummy bah wrong bloody window % * tcr has quit IRC (Quit: need to switch off for a sex) % * Clarie snatches *real* ticket out of the librarians hand and runs away, laughing * TheLib|Jadzia shoots Clarie * ben grins at Clarie * ben notes TheLib|Jadzia is 'firing blanks' * Clarie fals down, hand clasped over shoulder where bullet hit Hah! * foo administers first aid to Clarie * Clarie realises they were blanks, and gets up, looking foolish * TheLib|Jadzia sets off the bomb in mafoos first aid kit * Clarie slaps foo * foo extracts ticket from Clarie's bloody hand and runs off * jimbo|helpdesk doesn't read irc, its full of gibberish % Clarie: decide what to do with the hair? :P anyway -- should be off (at least for a little bit) probably be on again later * ben waves see ya ben: no seeya foo or should that be foofy? * foo kicks Clarie * ben lols ben: I'm still considering dreads hey, if nothing else it'll get foo off my back ;-) * foo isn't on your back! you couldn't carry me! you have such a dirty mind foo hehehe that wasn't dirty at all anyway... hey, if nothing else it'll stop foofy fancying me ;-) that better? * foo kicks Clarie again % azz - you going to go to linuxexpo? unfortunately not -- since I'm working there for less than three months, I don't get leave :( and it would probably look a bit suspicious if I was ill for those two days ;) "Sorry, I won't be in work today. no, I have the bubonic plague. Yes, I'll be back on friday." % * azz notes that #home is rather quiet *** Pete joins #home BANG :) % * Spike points and laughs at foo * foo wonders is Spike wants a lift to Whitstable or not * Spike retracts his insane laughter * foo grins * Spike crams laughter back in his mouth * Spike swallows * Spike burps % what was martin's prize for? it's got a pa dn n r init * Stick notes he says its got a p and an r in it * LogiX was trying to beat emma i think emma won the intelligable sentence award there % * TheLib|Jadzia notes that clarie^moof^foo is quite a sum..... * Spike faints at (Clarie to the power of Moof) to the power of mafoo Spike: well, if you multiply Clarie by foo you get a religious, dramatic, rolelaying rock-chick with a fondness for fetishes sorry, that should be multiply Clarie by *moof*, NOT foo! % * Spike|Zzzzzz hugs the RAF for letting him fire guns he's not allowed to :) * TheLib|Jadzia wants to fire an MP-5 isn't that the music thing? % um..... I just wiped all the computers out in here with a virus, so they all need re-ghosting * foo nukes L3E consider yourself ghosted dammit % hey, I got spam within 3 hours of my new accounts being active s/accounts/account the only conclusion I have is that the comp service are selling my address! % how's the job, pete? great cheers :) * Pete is loving it so far * Pete spots rogue netscape process.. * Pete grins evily. % men have much more fun peeing than women, they get to put the fire out * foo decides to put Win2k on this laptop yeah, but women get multiple orgasms at least, they do with me * foo likes easy options ;) and yet you use Linux? * foo nods at la_haine foo, I didn't know you knew about multiple orgasms Clarie: course i do -- remember our conversation on the grass ? foo: yeah but multiple ones? * foo nods (although wouldn't admit to it in public) * Clarie is shocked * foo notes Clarie is always shocked when foo reveals himself ;) of course, you two are limited by the fact that you have to get married before you can do anything with this knowledge i wish you hadn't said that I had a very umpleasant eimage sorry - it just had to be said ;) anyway -- how would you know?! know what? * la_haine notes that no man would be safe if Clarie lost her faith whether the image was correct I've seen enough of you to know that you revelaing yourslef would be umpleasant * foo glares at Clarie I reckon if I wasn't a Christian, I'd be the biggest nympho going * foo nods at Clarie or barefoot and pregnat by now * foo nods lots at Clarie * foo plots to get Clarie pregnant * foo prods Clarie % o/~ Tim'll fix it for yooouuu and you and you and ba-ba-ba % doesn't make him a bad person you're turning into clarie, foo Paul: er... no ;o) *getting* into clarie, maybe, but not *turning* into her ;) foo ;o) dodgy boy ;) * foo notes that may have been a bad thing to say % I have question. Is it possible to connect the school network without IP address in theory? Because my computer can connect everywhere without IP. If I put the IP address, it cannot connect the network. -- nh3 in ukc.misc % Why would the government (whatever party) actually care what the people thought? We only matter around election time, when we have to guess what each of them is lying about. -- njrb1 in ukc.misc % > who the heck is craig david anyway??..... Well, he's busy most nights between wednesday and sunday. He keeps asking for things to be rewound oh, and he can sing, allegedly. -- prl3 in ukc.misc % > Had a superb weekend, got wet, muddy, bruised > and tired. And it rained less in Somerset than down here (not that that > matters much when you're climbing up a waterfall and cold water is pouring > down your suit) I'd hate to think what your idea of a _BAD_ weekend is ;P -- cmfm1 and bcc3 in ukc.misc % "Kicking the enemy when he's down is a good way to win" - Sun Tzu. (slightly paraphrased) -- gar2 in ukc.misc % > Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes that's a joke, right? -- ljc1 in ukc.misc % --------------- | PLEASE | | DO NOT FEED | | THE TROLLS | --------------- | | | | | | | | ` ` | |' ' \ \ \| | // / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- gar2 in ukc.misc % To Venue: verb, meaning to immerse one's self completely in cheese, to drink watered down beer, to walk on a carpet of glass. -- dgw1 in ukc.misc % > Apparently, the programme is very popular. I think it would make an > interesting basis for a sociological study. What does it tell us when > thousands of people habitually watch a programme purely to see if it can > possibly be any more annoying than it was the previous day? :) What, like people reading .misc to see if Tim can be any more annoying than the previous day? -- dgw1 and ptc1 in ukc.misc % > She is as ugly as you are intelligent and funny. What if we're intelligent and not funny or not intelligent and funny? What it she then? Mu? -- ds41 and ptc1 in ukc.misc % The speed at which people hurled themselves at the brownies was terrifying... it was like a whateverthecollectivenounis of Vultures all seeing Phil Jupitus Being shot in the back... -- prl3 in ukc.misc % i was just in the mandella building and picked up one of those fresher's survival guide leaflets, they all have red dots on the front and say "in case of emergency press here to explode". well, would you know that not one of them works? i spent ages carefully setting them up around the bank, had stones set to drop on the dots at the same time and everything and not one went off. i tried pressing them with my fingers, that didn't work, so i even started an emergency by pushing someone in front of a car and making it careen off the road and burst into flames, still no detonation. absolutely useless..... -- eas6 in ukc.misc % > Is there a Spanish Society because I cant find it? That's right. As soon as you find it, it'll just cease to exist. -- ph2 in ukc.misc % > It's a sunday, and there's no-one around. Am I missing summat? :P Yes, the Second Coming of Christ occured in ParkWood. -- ph2 in ukc.misc % >>>>So what you have to do is just soak a load of cotton threads in honey >>>>and then dangle them in front of your door, so when they walk in >>>>uninvited... >>> >>>Good plan, although I'd like to know what happens when you try to >>>enter your own room.... >> >>Well, obviously you'd train the cotton to recognise you. > >ahhhh, cunning. Think there could be a market for ready trained >cotton? Absolutely. You could use some threads as a crack assassination squad, stealthily attaching themselves to a foriegn diplomat's shirt as a loose thread, and then when no-one is looking, THWACK! It snaps their neck in one fluid movement, and peace in the Middle East is achieved. -- bcc3 and ph2 in ukc.misc % >I don't know about you, but I'd fell vaguely inclined to describe a lake of >fire as torture. you never had a good curry then? -- waw2 and bcc3 in ukc.misc % > You really should show up to the misc meets. I went to one last year and it went vaguely like this: miscer "who are you?" me "Paul" miscer "oh all right" at which point miscer goes back into huddle with mates and they all brag about playing games, hacking network, downloading porn/gamez/warez etc etc in a loud slightly inebriated manner suddenly another head pops up out of the huddle miscer2 "Paul who?" me "Paul Osborne" head goes back into huddle "sez he is Paul Osborne" "nuts" "whaddya mean" "gulp - admin" "do you think he heard us?" "cobblers - I hope not" "should we offer him a beer?" "nah" At which point I felt really welcome, cos I would probably have bought one rather large round that evening, so I went home. -- Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % I will answer this query in the form of an interprative dance *long pause* For those who didn't see that, the dance shows how various people would love to play TA. I, however, wouldn't. -- jc26 on ukc.misc % Can I use a scsi CDrecorder without having a scsi controller installed to my computer? -- ms12 on ukc.cs.cs1 % Furthermore, I know what he looks like, whilst he has no idea who I am. Owned, I think. -- waw2 on ukc.misc % OK, so at 2am, the bar shuts. No, sorry, at 1am, the bar shuts. At 2am the venue shuts, but that's the 2am that would have been the 3am had the clocks not been turned back. Which means the bar still shuts at 2am, even though the Vneue also shuts then... or does it??!! -- srp3 on ukc.misc, talking about the clocks going back % >Open case, insert case, close case Repeat 5 times until you have an interesting 'Russian Doll' style computer. -- ats1 and ph2 on ukc.comp.sys.linux % > +----------+ > | PLEASE | > | DO NOT | > | FEED THE | > | TROLLS | > +----------+ > | | > | | > .\|.||/.. +----------+ | WHY NOT? | | TROLLS | | NEED TO | | EAT TOO | +----------+ | | | | .\|.||/.. -- jmb8 and gar2 on ukc.misc % Admittedly unlikely though, especially as Mr Stormont had a text file declaring that he would soon be having DVD rips, games, and MP3s, plus a little warning about the administrators who disguise themselves as students. Because they do that you know. That Paul Osborne's a terror for dressing up like Neil from the Young Ones before trawling Network Neighbourhood. -- ph2 on ukc.nethelp % > btw: Now that we know that Curry is 'addictive' and more than > occasional consumption is bad for your health, do you think > it is appropriate to ban it? If not, why not? Curry should be banned until people find methods of consumption other than smoking it. -- waw2 on ukc.misc % >What sort of printer is dpkca please. One that isn't really pronouncable. >And I don't want a flippant answer from Paul Haine. You know, I wouldn't have even responded to this post if you hadn't have said that. -- sw12 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % How can you delete old messeges on the news group that you no longer want to have? 5871 messeges is just too much for me. -- aa4 on ukc.misc % Tell you what, get really, really close to the monitor, and Charlotte and I will flash you. -- awj2 on ukc.misc % > Hi Oh god, you again? -- jads1 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % > A vibrating linux distribution? Anyone care to develop one? I'd never > leave the computer then.. well, redhat seems to be up and down, up and down.... ;) -- mm3 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % I think b) would probably be better, then you could have an Apocalypso Now ending (like Apocalypse now, but with a big musical finale as everyone gets Napalmed to death!) -- cag7 on ukc.misc % > I'll go to the venue with my house tonight, and not get drunk, and not > enjoy myself and I'll feel sorry for myself and walk home alone in the > rain. How are you going to go the venue with your house? It may be somewhat difficult to move it. -- pjh3 and dct1 on ukc.misc % >Friends of Ukc Misc. >What they actually do, of course, is another matter. We're friendly, to ukc.misc. Manys the time Moof has been up all night comforting the news server after TRiPpy and ptc1 have been having a flame war. -- ep16 and sw12 on ukc.misc % > you cannot be serious. she's so disproportionate she looks like a lorry Now it all makes sense. I always had a thing for Scanias... -- lv2 and bd8 on ukc.misc % It was Arthur C. Clarke, I think, who said that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". I'd add to that that any sufficiently magic-y SF is indistinguishable from Fantasy. -- gar2 on ukc.misc % > Best collective name [...] A wunch of bankers. -- gar2 on ukc.misc % I'd prefer to be murdered than go to the Venue. -- njrb1 on ukc.misc % > > I thought you were Christian? > I am. So you're an existentialist Christian, then? -- ptc1 and trp1 on ukc.misc % >so, you escaped the collective even though they sellotaped you towards >assimilation? wow. Yeah - they used that cheap nasty sellotape that turns yellow and flakey after a few weeks.... -- bcc3 on ukc.misc % >> Not with Pelican, but I have been having problems all weekend with >> various bits and pieces not responding; news and the webcaches >> primarily, but sometimes I don't seem to be able to reach my network >> drives as well. I guess there's some hiccups in the Computing >> building. Just have to grin and bear it I guess. > >i get that alot i think its to do with the amount of text you send i >think because normally i deleted some text and it works In the nicest possible sense - what the hell are you talking about? -- ph2, mah6 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % > Sorry, i'm a great Westlife fan Very wrong there - meant *not* a great Westlife fan. -- crf4 and, um, crf4 on ukc.misc % > This is all true and good, but I've got a feeling Pelican won't accept > files of over a certain filesize regardless of quota space... No, it only checks your quota and then queues the message. Which is why I found an email containing a copy of Windows ME in the mail queues last week. -- bd8 and Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % > What's *really* scary is that I agree with paul for once! Who are you and what have you done with Tim? -- tr3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >What exactly are the builders doing downstairs in Eliot to make so >much noise?!! Building? -- jmb3 and cdl1 on ukc.misc % The SU website is quite useful on the "Upcoming Events" thing, i.e. none. -- srp3 on ukc.misc % Yes, a third world country alright. The similarities are astounding - I mean, Britan is rife with famine, disease, poverty, death, civil war, children with rifles, landmines, flies, medieval sanitary conditions, and have you seen the amount of puffa jackets there are in Ruwanda? -- ph2 on ukc.misc % Brand new, bought it by mistake when I already had it. Will sell for 2 beers. -- ls5 on ukc.adverts % If any slippage begins to occur, a quarter turn of the senate is planned to tighten the gubbins. -- pjh3 on ukc.misc % Gore! Gore! He's our man! If he can't do it, we'll all end up as nuclear dust within the next 24 hours! -- cag7 on ukc.misc % > Why are you being so prudish? Its only bonking for Christs sake! Can't he do it himself then? -- sw12 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Please explain to me the use of a fridge I can't use. You could use it as a morgue. -- njrb1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Why are some words deemed offensive, and others not? > I personally find blasphemy a lot worse than most words miscers can't > use... > who decides what's ok, and on what basis? JEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS Christ woman, this is so god damn not as interesting as kicking the christ out of someone on counter-strike -- cmfm1 and nsg1 on ukc.misc % unfortunately, all the cute, tasty animals that are around on campus belong to the university, so if you eat any then you get chucked out - happened to a student in parkwood a while ago. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > Is it me are is there a problem whith the Park Wood connection? Apart from doing some funny things to your spelling? -- rir1 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % > > > 2) To Mandate the Sabbaticals to ensure a Fresher's Ball is organised > > > for September 20001 I agree with all that, except the date of the above. The year 20,001 is a little long to wait me thinks. ;-) -- Nick Shaw on ukc.misc % Do you know that people have been seemed in the past for posting between 2 people what Ben Charlton posts in an average day? -- sw12 on ukc.misc % I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! WITH JUST MY THUMB! -- ph2 on ukc.misc, in response to yet another Mornington Crescent thread % > How could you live without a fridge....where would you put all the cheese? Play it in the Venue tonight? ;) -- at3 and tr3 on ukc.misc % > CofE only apply. I prefer tea myself. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % We're actually very normal people otherwise. It's not like we're going to grab you as you walk past and fornicate with you right there and then or anything. -- gar2 on ukc.misc % Then there are several major core sections for some of the big departments including The Campus Shop which needs e-commerce functionality [...] -- Matt Woodget on ukc.misc % > them! In fact I remember Wob running a filter through the whole group > archive once for the s word. The top user of this was none other than a > certain pao2, currently of course our beloved admin. I was wondering whether that would ever be dragged up again. I was younger, I was angry, I was probably fairly intoxicated. I learnt my lesson and so can you. Say "No" to ukc.misc as you too can kick the habit. -- sw12 and Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % That has got to have been the biggest amount of bullshit I've seen on misc, ever, in my entire time here, out of every thread I have ever read. More bullshit than the love debate, Christianity debate, and Tory debate combined. Unbelievable. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > > Why were you up at 9? > > Maths Actually, I believe the real reason was sometrhing along the lines of . -- mdc5, ms9 and gar2 on ukc.misc, after a fire alarm % >Do I get a prize? Preferably a big nudey one. ;-) yeah, you get to wander around naked outside the venue on saturday for 4 hours. -- srp3 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % No, he's right, sometimes I really feel the need to buy a hip flask with the UKC crest on it whilst I'm sitting in front of my computer in ParkWood. The e-commerce functionality would be a godsend, it really would. -- ph2 on ukc.misc, talking about the SU web site % > How long will it be before kko1 loses his login? Ladies and Gentlemen, > please place your bets... I have no problem with login removal, just, please, be careful when typing in the login !!! Tim -kok1 -- ph2 and kok1 on ukc.misc, in response to a series of kko1 trolls % I see you .miscing in the morning sun... I see your square eyes in the pouring rain... And the moment that you wander far from it, You run right back to your PC again... And you come to me here at UKC, Keep me up, all night long, keeping me busy... And I'll tell you what to do.... Keep posting to .misc, Keep posting, posting to .misc, I really need to type... Cause we're living in a world of , Posting like heck, When they all should be in bed, But they're up miscing instead... -- srp3 on ukc.misc % And finding some men good looking doesn't make you gay, btw. I say this because it freaks some people out and they find it strangely controversial, with the result that you can sit back and have a good laugh. -- waw2 on ukc.misc % An AGM is basically ukc.misc, but live. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > An AGM is basically ukc.misc, but live. Ah, you mean ukc.misc as it ~used~ to be. Else 80% of the AGM will consist of the Sabbs standing up and down and asking "is anyone still up?" -- ph2 and srp3 on ukc.misc % >I'm blatently straight, but have you ever noticed that women just have nice >shaped bodies? nah, of course we haven't noticed ;) -- cmfm1 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % > >There *is* a picture of the Queen on Campus- it's in Computing. > > Really? Moof, when did you get a photo up in Computing? I was working for them ofver the summer, you see.... -- ph2 and gar2 on ukc.misc % >> No, because a lot of students use them, and I hope you're not suggesting >> that the monarchy is outdated. > >Sorry, I haven't been following the threads; > >Are we to take you seriously? He isn't joking, but nah, you needn't take him seriously. -- as20, ptc1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % "Be the best" is a stupid slogan - I think - "Shoot some people" sounds better. I'd join if they'd change their logo to that. -- ds41 on ukc.misc % >> This post is not an official post by the Computing Service. > >bull Nice to see that UKC are still actively encouraging entry through clearing. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >did i step on your tail? No, that was my penis. Sorry, I'll try and tuck it into my sock. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % Remember Ian Utting saying they spent a day trying to get the guys from Microsoft to say 'Java'? How about we spend next week trying to get the lecturers to say 'exam' instead of 'exam style assessment'. Could be just as difficult. -- egy1 on ukc.cs.cs1 % No no no and more no. I will not stop knocking humanities degrees. You don't get out what you put in, I've put in bugger all in two years and yet I'm currently down for a 2:1. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > >Garage must die. > > And Pop will eat itself. And from it shall be born a new music. A music that will be strong and powerful to the ear, yet also musical. And from this moment forth the demons of the dance genres will cower as their ears are filled with the rapturous sound of a million stereos blasting out the sounds of the future. The sounds of a new millenium. The sounds of metal on metal, of babies crying, and of people talking about Eastenders. Amongst other things. And this music shall henceforth be given a name, a name that shall henceforth be known. And this name will represent the music, and will convey an emotive rendering of its own style and feeling. For this music shall not be garage; shall not be dance or popular. This music shall not be played on drive-time, or be heard drifting from top of the pops. For this music will be echoed in the streets, the very earth responding to its rhythm in natural resonance and style. Birds shall hum with the music, and children will dance unknowingly to its beat. You too will hear the sounds. For it is the music of life, when many souls shall sing in harmony. No longer will people die as they grow old, instead the music will simply become more vibrant and more powerful as they hear it more each day. They will learn to find it, until the sound resonates within their very body and soul. And then they will sing. They will sing the song of many generations, the song of captivity and freedom, of oppression and freedom, of a life both spiced up and west. On this day shall the very mountains sing with the glorious exaltation of what is good and beautiful, and this beauty will be seen by everyone. Then steps will release another single, and everyone will forget. -- bd8 on ukc.misc % So it's kinda like "Rar Rar Win-M-E, Don't you crash on me..." -- srp3 on ukc.nethelp, to the tune of "Rasputin" % >I think you'll find the Christians on campus are probably the most >generous in their charitable giving. That's true, Brendan bought me a cup of tea and I didn't even have to have sex with him in return. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > Its 19:35 on 20/11/00 and rook appears to be alive again. Its almost alive. So stop trying to log in and have some patience. -- md8 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % 3) If you stopped using so many exclamation marks your chances of actually scoring would introduce 5 fold. -- sw12 % We've been rumbled. Ok, time to come clean. Paul is not a real person. He is the result of a joint project between Biology and the Computing Service to create an intelligent being for 24 hour cover. We have the "being" and the "24 hour" working - now to sort out the "intelligent" bit. -- Darren Chapman on ukc.nethelp % >And this, all you ex UKCers will mean you get the dubious delights of >'I'm still up', 'I'm bored' and 'Anyone fancy a kebab?' threads from >11pm thru 5am. Heh Person 1 : "I've just had a great night out in Aberwystwith... anyone fancy a kebab?" Person 2: "Yeah, alright" person 1: "Cool, where shall we meet?" Person 2: "Well, I'm in croydon so meet in Bristol?" PhilL - can see some problems with the delivery... -- prl3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >(why would anyone want and LIKE to increase their risk of DYING?!?!) Increase it from a 100% certainty you mean? -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Multiple exclamation marks. Have him killed. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > Who r u? The f*****g hero or something. Me? I am the News Admin, and swearing and the masking of it is not permitted on UKC newsgroups. -- Paul Osborne on ukc.cs.cs1 % > Give me a break! Kids these days, sheesh!! Play your music! Unless, of course, you intend to listen to S Club 7, Take That, Boyzone, Limp Bizkit, Foo Fighters, Backstreet Boys, Skunk A., Pink, Britney Spears, Tom Jones, Eiffel 65, Bush, Rico, or anyone else who is not Pink Floyd. -- waw2 on ukc.misc % > >£2 to get in and £1 a drink makes for a good night in my book. > > You've written a book? Yep. It's called 'What makes up a good night', and is available from most good publishers. -- bd8, ph2 and bd8 on ukc.misc % Doea anyone know if there is some software like EXCEED which will allow me to have an xwindows style interface with freeBSD, which is installed on my computer. -- np16 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % "vechay" wrote in message news:8vuq1q$rsk$1@spruce.ukc.ac.uk... Add a 'ce' to the beginning of your name and you'd be a marinaded fish dish. -- jc26 on ukc.misc % > But jc26 has style =P Hmmm.... "Who da man, you da man JC, watch you every day in S2E..." No, scratch that - sounds a bit freaky. -- srp3 on ukc.misc % > This sequence does contain some problems. Light was listed as being > created on day 1, but its source (the sun) did not appear until day 4. So God's a top-down programmer. -- mdc5 on ukc.misc % > Lego's cool. I've got loads of the Pirate stuff back home. :) Pirate lego? Like, downloaded with Napster do you mean? -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >>> Disabled access, yes? God thing, yes? >> >> Do you have to bring him into everything? > >Nope - he's already there. Ah-ha, so to summarise: a design/concept cock-up, with bad planning and a lack of foresight, and God's there. He does like to stick to a theme, doesn't he? -- bd8 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Yep, you're probably right. Only thing is, if you're wrong, you're > buggered. So are you, if God turns out to be a Hindu. -- bd8 and ph2 on ukc.misc % No, no, no, you've got it all wrong - ISA beats PCI hands down. Consider that my ISA card uses 96% CPU to copy a file over the network, whereas a PCI card would use about 2% - that makes ISA 48 times better than PCI. -- cj7 on ukc.misc % Oooh good grief. I didnt know life was that bad. Please tell me you didnt write that whilst you were having sex. -- Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % > First make sure you have your motherboard, if you don't then you can probably > download it from their website. Downloadable motherboards? -- dcr2 and cdl1 on ukc.misc % >> Twat. > >Well placed words there, Paul! :-) Well, no point being witty and sarcastic when the target wouldn't understand it anyway. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >you seem to be feeling gay today.... My god, Kk, you really make me horny. I want you. I lust after you. You're in my dreams, my fantasies. I can't concentrate on anything anymore, it's tearing me apart. I want you inside me. Don't pretend you don't feel anything - you're always on about people being gay, you can't pretend that it's not on your mind constantly as well. Stop denying it. Marry me. Please? -- kko1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % Neil -- See newsgroup adverts work. Your reading this aren't you? Call 0800 192 192 to place your advert here. -- nar4 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > > > day 1 100% > > > day 2 0% > > > day 3 you owe bob 20 quid > > > day 4 you owe bob 50 quid > > > day 5 only a case of the finest scotch can save you now ;) > > > > you really are a fool ben ! > > I am? :P Yes....I don't drink Scotch.... -- bcc3, ms9, bcc3 and Bob Eager on ukc.cs.cs1, talking about penalties for handing in work late % > All I need now, is a whip and cufflinks...wrrroaaa wrrooaaa. Julie. Cufflinks are the things that prevent your shirt sleeves from flapping. What you are thinking of is handcuffs I think. -- jvp2 and sw12 on ukc.misc % > > > Jules - In lurve with her wine rack at the mo... > > you hug and kiss your wine rack? :P >don't you ?? Why would Ben hug and kiss Julie's wine rack? -- jvp2, bcc3, ms9 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >>> Well, there is a way of knowing - God could make an appearance and >>> tell us. Evidentally though he prefers to sit back and watch his >>> subjects kill each other over minor details of dogma. >> >>This proves that God is a member of KUCA. > >I bet he turns out to be Tim. Nah, if that's the case, then love really doesn't exist. We know that's not true, so he can't possibly be God. -- ph2, sw12, ph2 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % >> 5 men leave point A at the same time. They travel the same route, and all >> arrive at point B together. When they arrive four of them are soaking wet, >> but one of them is bone dry. How. No umbrellas, Rain coats etc. > >The dry one is dead and being carried in a coffin. and obviously leaking too ;) -- dkw2, ats1 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % As for the reason that the disk filled - we will be having a chat with him later. -- Darren Chapman on ukc.nethelp % You'd be surprised at the morons we get here ! -- Martin Searle on ukc.misc % > Well I'd never heard of that type of name before - it sounds very > American like the 'Tri-County Airport' (yes I've been watching the > greatest film of all). But that location doesn't appear anywhere in Spaceballs. -- trp1 and sw12 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Surely javanapster will run on raptor... probably, but not for Neto, who ain't a CS student. Besides, I was hardly going to point that out to someone who clearly has no clue ;) -- bcc3 on ukc.misc % This newsgroup is, on average, more interesting than ukc.misc. There's certainly more of a thrill of suspense when you see the list of subject headers and know that there is a chance that there will be some gem of wisdom in one of the messages - unlike ukc.misc, where you see the headers and think "oh no, it still hasn't stopped". -- waw2 on ukc.test % They're Brendan and Will White, They're Brendan and Will White, One is a genius! The other's not quite right. To prove their Godly worth, They'll overthrow the Earth! They're Brendan, They're Brendan and Will White, White, White, White, White! -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > I'm now very, very, very annoyed. Off to Woodys to have a beer and whinge at > the barman. Then I'm going home with an extremely large axe... Do Woody's sell large axes now then? Cool, I'll have two please. -- egy1 and nar4 on ukc.cs.cs1 % >Just a point of interest from a person ignorant in the ways of yourself, >what's a kill-file? I have a sneaking suspicion I may know......But I >want to be sure. It's a list of people to kill. -- dct1 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % paul - just been to a seminar and sat with two beautiful blonde girls on my right, one on my left, the sexy Kred editor also to the right and a foxy Italian girl opposite. Could I concentrate on the seminar? Could I . -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > Does anybody know how to change the background colour of a text > hotspot in Frontpage '97? ARGH!!!!!! You said the 'f' word -- egy1 and ms9 on ukc.misc % Subject: Fire Alarm >> In eliot, apparently. > Yes there was. Grrrr!! But I had coffee, and Moof had wet hair. I seeeeee...so the fire alarm interrupted something.... -- ph2, srp3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % "Linux is only free if your time has no value." - Jamie Zawinski - This annoys azz. Good :) -- nd10 on ukc.misc % > county, making it virtually impossible to carry out a manuel count of > everything in time. Quite, it does seem a tad daft considering counts being done by short daft spanish waiters in Torquay guest houses. -- tr3 and Matt Wheeler on alt.culture.ukc.misc % John the Baptist, Can he bless them, John the Baptist, Lo, he can -- srp3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > Oh, and whats the best thing to have with sausages ? > > Rampant sex, or failing that mashed potato and gravy. There must be some interesting dinner parties around your way Steve :-) -- Matt Wheeler, sw12 and James Hollands on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >I know common knowledge states Christians 'adopted' a pagan festival, >but if we'd gone all out for that we would have put it on the 21st, >which is a much more significant pagan date. Yes, it's my birthday. -- cmfm1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >> Tsk, you Christians, always interpreting... > >ROTFL! You atheists, always factualising! Is that a word? From Dictionary.com: that (tht, tht) pron., pl. those (thz.) -- ph2, Nick Shaw and ph2 on ukc.misc % [ 12: Claire ] There is a God! [ 18: la haine ] Re: There isn't a God! [ 31: Claire ] Re: Oh yes there is (a God) [ 18: la haine ] Re: Oh no there isn't (a God) [ 16: Claire ] Re: Oh Yes there is(a God) [ 15: la haine ] Re: well, I'd like to see you prove it [ 20: Claire ] Re: I got 75% in an essay [ 17: la haine ] Re: Insufficient proof. Ha. [ 20: Claire ] Re: He still exists -- cmfm1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Not forgetting the godsquad, the legendary blood donor van and the railway > tunnel under UKC, as well as how many miscers does it take to change a > lightbulb? :-) 50. 15 to discuss changing it. 10 to discuss why lightbulbs don't work as well as they used to. 5 to link lightbulb changing to Christianity. 5 to point out that there's nothing in the bible about lightbulbs. 1 to point out an incredibly tenuous link between light and bulb in the bible. 1 Wyatt to make an incredibly smutty joke about lightbulbs 5 to blame the S.U. for the lightbulb going out 5 to blame student apathy for the lightbulb going out. 1 ptc1 to link lightbulbs with global capitalistic tendencies. 1 Pete Childs to mak a reaally badley spelld joke abat lightbilbs and 1 Paul Osborne complaining that he comes in from the weekend to find 500 posts about capitalist atheist lightbulbs. -- Barry Scott on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > Not all angels, just the horrible little fat ones that women go gooey over. > > They ought to be sent to fat camp. > > Doesn't that somehow break the Warsaw Convention (if that applies to > cherubs/putti/whatever the damnbeings are) Err. I of course meant the Geneva convention. The Warsaw Convention would only apply in this case if they were sent in a suitcase by air and were lost by baggage handlers at Stansted! -- ph2, sw12 and sw12 on ukc.misc % > I believe you are in error. The word 'red', in most people's > vocabulary is not synonymous with 'non-existent'. Not unless you are a very keen New Labour supporter anyway. -- ptc1 and sw12 on ukc.misc % >Since there are so many moral debates of the rights of killers, why >don't we just bring back the death sentence. Then we don't have to >think about it. So what crimes would carry the death sentence? Refusal to make difficult decisions wouldn't be one, would it? -- jc26 and Eerke Boiten on ukc.misc % >Feedback would be appreciated. Try playing your guitar near your speakers. -- tdb1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % For some reason my housemate decided to take all the knives and forks home with him when he left for Christmas. He isn't back yet. It is amazing how many foods you can eat with a spoon. -- awj2 on ukc.misc % > I am quite offended at that! I have a (so i beleive) good grasp of > english, it being my first language, and could probably use it better than > most other people on this course (not an insult). Given the previous paragraph, please tell me which part of the English language you do have a good grasp of. -- ms9 and egy1 on ukc.misc % > I have sat there and tried to understand it from the 1st lecture, in fact I > have never missed a CO309 lecture. Yet I haven't understood anything since > day 1 and still don't understand it (or any part of it) and most likely never > will. So it's nothing to do with the fact that you're an idiot then? -- jads1 and adl1 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > all I want is something men have had the luxury of for a long time. You want urinals in the girls toilets? ;) -- lozette@hotmail.com and Nick Shaw on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Why on earth do we have the third highest suicide rate in the country? Because 2 other places have higher suicide rates than us -- ph2 and nsg1 on ukc.misc % >You've never met Ben Charlton then... I've met Ben. He's a pussycat. -- jmb8 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Hitler had a slogan "Guns not Butter!" Now if only the campus shop >stocked guns... Yes, then we could have an SU Youth as well. -- sw12 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Who wants to go paintballing on Saturday 27th January? paintballing sucks - use real weapons, misc is overdue for a major cull. -- nsg1 and psg1 on ukc.misc % > If something doesn't work, hit it > 95% of the time, it's just being obnoxious Just curious...how is that sentence punctuated? Eg. are things being obnoxious 95% of the time Or am I meant to hit them 95% of the time because that are always being obnoxious? -- ms9 and sjp4 on ukc.misc % > >> My god, this NG is full of dirty faggots. You are all offensive and > >> should, at the very least, be banned. > > > >But they must be very clean. Why else would they keep going into the > >shower? > > Because we're the only ones tough enough to get the spider out for Sev. So that's what the youngsters call it today. -- dgw1, sw12, ph2 and sw12 on ukc.misc % You have now arrived at newsgroup flame level [2] from level [1] You'll find your asbestos shielded suit useful on this floor, as swearing becomes plentiful, as does critisiscm of others' senses of humour, spelling, grammar, and all other things related. -- bjb1 on ukc.cs.cs1 % Not much is known about the mysterious young man which Moof is said to be dating, other than the fact that he does not seem to attend his University of Kent, in the historic city of Canterbury. Susan Spandex, Dominatrix of eecummings college, refused to comment on the matter, saying that wahtever her charges do is between her and them, and not for public scrutiny. Well, not unless she feels that he needs humiliating, anyway. -- gar2 on ukc.misc % ---------------------------------------- | Need Help? Advice? | |Wanting to get over Moof's Attachment?| | | | Call the Mirror Moofline on: | | 0899 M0000F (0899 600003) | | Calls will cost no more than 99p/s | ---------------------------------------- -- gar2 on ukc.misc % > Pickle and Kinetic r holding a secret party @ club colluseum in vauxhall on > friday which will cost £3/5 60p, sounds too good to miss. -- jpb1 and aph3 on ukc.misc % > Is there anywhere in Canterbury that offers one hour film processing?? Yep, Superdrug does. And if you get photos developed there, my boyfriend will get to laugh at all your pictures. -- srp3 and mm3 on ukc.misc % > Trust No-one! > I know I don't! You don't trust no-one? -- cda1 and bd8 on ukc.misc % >Why did you open their mail? 1) Their mail is more interesting than my own. 2) All the mail we get for this one guy is always porn adverts so we open them for a laugh. 3) I'm nosey. -- srp3 and sw12 on ukc.misc % > > I got an IQ of 150 > > 162 6, but i can overclock up to 866. unfortunately, this means i have to take days off when i overheat my neurons or widen the synapse gap too much. if i'm not going to be doing much physical stuff, i can change the clock divider on my spinal cord, but it causes problems with motor control. you might want to try installing a heatsink or two, but be careful when doing this. it's very easy to rupture a bloodvessel or damage the brain. and you look like a right wazzock with a heatsink sticking out of your head too. -- eas6 on ukc.misc % > My name has been James Stormont since the satrt of term and I am not going > to change it now. So you were called something else before that then ? :-) -- jads1 and tdb1 on ukc.nethelp % >X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.04 (Win95; I) >Ahhhh... >I've forgot how much I missed this excellent program :) 'Unfortunately, Joe had to turn away from the television at that moment, and face again the horror that was Netscape 3...' -- jrl1 and ph2 on ukc.test % You're forgetting something - the President of the SU is radical. WHooaoaaa! Rock the system! See? He's not just some career politician, pfft! No! If it wasn't for Seb, then we wouldn't have such an 'improved positive relationship between the university governing bodies and the students'. We wouldn't have the 'Informal Open Forums, that are held in a different part of campus each week, so that students can discuss their concerns with the sabbatical team'. Where would we be without the 'published records of physical, sexual, and racial attacks on campus'? I mean, we'd end up with bi-termly paranoid rants in Kred from the Women's Officer! I think that you should be ashamed of yourself for even considering that Seb might actually be both unprofessional and waaaaaaay out of his depth. We all voted for the plucky, radical, in-your-face anarchist, and that's what we got... Erm... -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >Subject: when do we graduate >Any clues? We don't graduate, ever. It's all just a big con. They pile everyone into the cathedral and then pull a switch and then POOF! Instantly vapourised, thus leaving the door open for a load of cheap immigrant workers who will do our jobs on lower wages, more hours, and fewer employment rights. Trust me - I'm in the know. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >>In all honesty would a conversation in this ng actually be punished by the >>administrator? > >All depends on whether you insult his wife. That's his WHAT??? -- sh8, ph2 and sw12 on ukc.test % Just out of interest, was the quote "you go our way and we'll go ours" a mistype?... -- Nick Shaw on ukc.misc (about KRED) % >is it just my pc or is the internet not working!? It's the internet. George W. Bush had it switched off because it was corrupting the nation's youth. -- nps2 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % In order to gain access to Eliot Seminar Room 3, don't you need to have either a magic feather or dusty lamp to barter with the bridge troll with before you can even enter the college? -- pm6 on ukc.misc % >has not really answered the question, would YOU convert to Windows 2K? No, Christianity is the One True Faith and I intend to follow it. Those CU posters around campus convinced me in the end. -- tlgm2 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Stephen - pendantic. Yes folks. I am indeed like a pendant. -- sw12 on ukc.misc % "Testify - testify - testify - testfiy - Yes, Ben Charlton knows you, he feeeeels you, he watches every room and he scours every hillside, he looooveeeess you - testify - testify - testify..." -- srp3 on ukc.misc % > Jacket potatoes are very good with chedder cheese, baked beans, and > Chocolate nut spread. All at once? Surely that much fat and cholesterol would kill you! ;-) -- Nick Shaw on ukc.food % A Trippy is a creature, small, purple, and Fraggle like, that lives mostly underground in the area between Eliot and Rutherford colleges. They make frequent foraging trips at dead of night to the UKCH storage cupboards in the two colleges, and strip them of all things radishy. They have also been known to venture into the lower levels of the colleges, and have infiltrated the secret network of tunnels between the colleges. If you see a small, purple, two legged creature after coming home from the Venue, don't follow it. It is trying to lure you to your inevitable doom as fertiliser for their own radish patch. They are currently involved in trying to put a tunnel through to beneath the Templemann. This activity cause the otherwise unexplainable quantity of dodgy paving slabs on the paths running over the tunnel. -- dct1 on the ukc.misc FAQ-O-Matic % > Various of my colleagues have been beating their heads against this one > for at least a couple of years, with no noticeable effect. Somebody else's > turn? Ahhhhhh, so that's what broke the seats :-) -- Ian Utting and cdl1 on ukc.misc, about GLT2 % > > Mungo Jerry (not the band) is a character is one of T.S Eliot's poems. > > You mean TS Eliot stole Mungo Jerry's name. Yep, rude huh? These poet types, think they can get away with anything! ;-) -- srp4, sw12 and Nick Shaw on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > You know that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail with the sickly > > youth in the tower who is about to marry the rich girl because his father's > > land is a "swamp"; and you know how the youth keeps bursting into song all > > the time; and you know how his father (Michael Palin) keeps telling him to > > shut up......... > > No. > Enlighten me. Well, there's this scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail with a sickly youth in the tower who is about to marry the rich girl because his father's land is a "swamp"; and the youth keeps bursting into song all the time; and his father (Michael Palin) keeps telling him to shut up.... -- dct1, dgw1 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % Of course, seeing as the SU ignore the students and UKC ignore the SU Wyatt may as well jump off Darwin roof, starkers on a UCAS open day. -- sw12 on ukc.misc % > Does anybody know where the information/setting about whether user can > lock the workstation or not is stored? In the registry somewhere I'm not going to tell you where though. -- srm6 and Martin Searle on ukc.nethelp % Of course, once the SSB caches had been stuffed a third user started downloading ripped DVD images. Each file was around 3/4 Gig and when I kill it (the SSB connection, not the student although that is tempting) there were 208 processes running attempting to download this file. -- Darren Chapman on ukc.nethelp % so apart from the wwwcache[x] and ssbcache, we also need porncache, warezcache[1-20], and napcache[1-5]. Natuarally napcache would include a socks proxy so we don't even have to try to bypass it. -- jc26 on ukc.nethelp % cs1 is so rock'n'roll... -- rpe1 on ukc.cs.cs1 % ....there's a couple up against the wall of becket court, right now. If any of you are in eliot, you might be able to see them ;) -- bcc3 on ukc.misc % > is it possible to safely convert me C drive from FAT32 to NTFS without > losing any data... > p.s. win2k is installed in that dir... I didn't have any trouble when I did it, but obviously you shouldn't because: Microsoft are evil and write deeply evil software that is usless and should be eradicated from existence, and none of it is good, and windows 2000 is definatly not a stable operating system, in fact it is soo unbelivably sh... Sorry about that, I came over all Mafoo! -- bjt5 on ukc.nethelp % > Just ask Jeeves!!! :o) Ahhhhh, how can anyone dare argue with Mr Jeeves. I wonder in there's an Ask Wooster site out there.... -- jmb3 and paw4 on ukc.misc % Everyone should read the BOFHs -- Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % Last week a survey was conducted on the UKC campus. Students were asked whether the sky made any difference to their lives. Students responded with; "Dunno" - Marc Haddaway, History Undergraduate "Wot?" - Emma Collis, Physics Postgraduate "It doesn't exist anyway" - Trippy, Twaddle Undergraduate "Don't care" - Kevin Mahoney, CS Undergraduate From the survey, UKCH has judged that UKC students do not need the hospitality of sky (except on open days), and it has therefore been removed and put into storage on level 4 of Templeman. -- srp3 on ukc.misc % My computer keeps telling me ive done illegal operations and shutting things down! -- jmb3 on ukc.nethelp % > My computer keeps telling me ive done illegal operations and shutting things > down! For example when i open internet explorer it usually says illegal > operation, shut down window! or sometimes on MSN! Any ideas why this keeps > happening? Its in reference to all of the copyright material that you have been downloading. I suggest that you delete all mp3s, dvds etc Once the illegal operations cease you should be fine. --Paul --wished Windows did work that way... -- jmb3 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % >Interesting.... Erm, I guess I should make sure Matt Woodget knows... He probably does. Tim will have used the emergency red telephone (a la Batman) to directly connect to the Mandela building. -- srp3 and sw12 on ukc.misc % > I've killed off my grandmother once to avoid a Dr. Roberts seminar. My poor grandma (who, incidently, is still alive) has died four times in the last year. -- ph2 and srp3 on ukc.misc % UKCR: This is the student radio station UKC Radio. The frequency is 1350 AM. As is frequently pointed out by the Station Manager. Currently, five people on campus can recieve UKCR, including one rabbit with ultra-efficient ears. -- tr3 and dct1 on the ukc.misc FAQ-O-Matic % > Doesn't that amount to censorship? That's hardly in the spirit of > misc. Surely the whole point of misc is that people are allowed to > express themselves then get hauled up infront of the gestapo or > computing service (not implying that they are the same thing) Everyone has the right to be seeme'd. -- sw12 and bd8 on ukc.misc % >I wasn't that drunk - I made it home without any problems and even >managed to hang up my shirt properly. [...] Tim, you were that drunk. You tried to get off with beer monster and dan bennett. -- tr3 and awj2 on ukc.misc % >hehe - can you guess what I am about to say? Oh well, I use putty and ssh to >get into a console on my machine :) I use putty to keep my Windows in and often tell the Windows Office Assistant to ssh. Does this mean I know lots about computers? -- ms9 and sw12 on ukc.misc % >what is happening? This is clearly a case of a 'hardware virus'. You'll need to take each component out of the PC, and thoroughly disinfect it by dipping it (briefly - too long will damage the components) in a bucket of disinfectant. Remember to wear gloves, otherwise you risk catching the bug yourself, which could be quite painful. The effects of a human trying to reboot themselves are rarely pleasant... -- bcc3 on ukc.nethelp % I hate you Tim. One of the few examples of spontanaiety, creativity, taking the initiative, and daring to critise the drab, conformist, politically and emotionally correct atmosphere on campus in my many years at UKC, and you go around nicking all the copies to suit your own agenda. Thanks Tim, for your unparalleled bone-headedness (to use a polite word instead). -- ptc1 on ukc.misc, talking about TRiPpy collecting issues of KRUD % >Perhaps you and your friends may feel that it is suddenly a >good idea to club together to purchase me a T shirt. Tell you >what I will allow you access to your accounts for long enough >to order me one. >:-) >--Paul >--I am only kidding] That's right. He won't allow you access to your accounts for long enough. You'll have to pursuade someone else to buy it for you to get your account back. -- Paul Osborne and sw12 on ukc.misc % >Subject: Re: La Haine's pointless comments in Misc. >Does anyone actually like La Haine? Yes, it's a fantastic film. -- gjc2 and ph2 ("la haine") on ukc.misc % > > This half, is it half full or half empty? > > I can't comment, I'm Steering. Well pull over and answer me, DAMMIT -- nsg1, srp3 and nsg1 on ukc.misc % As many of you know over the last couple of days misc has been dead for whatever reasons. This has caused some very strange behaviour amongst students on campus. Students have been seen tearing down all advertisements on bins and wall around campus muttering that these should not be posted here but on ukc.adverts. Some students have been spotted in the bar politely asking students to mask there swearing with or as the administrators see and hear all. There were students wondering around campus in the early hours of the morning shouting "is anyone up?". -- dsp3 on ukc.misc, after the newsserver had been down for the weekend % >My girlfriend and I brought a nice little Syrian hamster Does it know how to use an AK-47? -- bj5 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > News is seen as a fringe service - hardly any students use it (out of the > 12000 thousand registered) We have 12 million registered students? no wonder we can never get a quorum together for a UGM! There's nowhere on campus that'll cope with 450,000 students... -- Darren Chapman and gar2 on ukc.misc % OH FOR THE SAKE OF SANITY, SHUT UP! -- vmf1 on ukc.misc, in response to another TRiPpy tirade % >Apparently its in protest against the grants not fees thing. Eh? There's a protest against the protest? -- dap2 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Aha! I have at last killed a verminous pigeon.... > >All it took was a gas powered BB gun(no licence required!) and some steel >ball bearings.. I'm very dissapointed that you chose such an inhumane way of killing a pigeon. The best way to do it would have been with 40 men on horseback plus a pack of wild dogs. Oh, and some horns and trumpets and things. Please try harder next time. -- JHAYES@microsoft.com (jeh4?) and ph2 on ukc.misc % > "Caprice didn't want to appear next to a joke figure like Darius, she is a > serious singeer. Yes, and Eminem is the Archbishop of Canterbury" Interesting - "Would the real archbishop, please baptise, plase baptise..." -- eo3 and srp3 on ukc.test % > hello Hi there! Welcome to ukc.cs.cs3, where your dreams are read, analysed and made to come true. Since your surname starts with Gamma, you proabbly want to go through the Gang of Four door over there. If you prefer a less patterned meditation, then there's some nice tweeds over in the far corner, or some plain CMYK swatches over in room marked "lprng". If you wish to speak to a sales assistant press "1", if you wish to enquire about the status of one of your orders press "2" if you wish to hear recorded information abotu service levels in your area press "3" if you wish to hear this menu again, press *#06#, if you were calling on a mobile, that probably didn't work, or alternatively you can hold the line and one of our trained custome service representatives will be glad to pick up the phone and tell you exactly how much of their valuable time you are was....Thankyou for pressing the pi button, you are through to the secret easter egg section where you can hear all sorts of funny messages. Or maybe not, depending on whether you're using a rotary phone or not. If you are on a rotary phone, dial 0 now, otherwise please wait for the secret message. [scary music] Thank you for holding, your call is in a queue and will be given tis secret message shortly. Please hold. [More scary music] Your Secret Message of the day is: please use ukc.test for test posts -- tg4 and gar2 on ukc.cs.cs3 % >Have you tried the Women's Officer? Yeah, I picked up my free trial size version a while back. But they just keep reminding me to install more lights around my room and demanded £14 grand for telling me to do so. I couldn't stand it after a while so I flushed it down the toilet. -- ph2 and jc26 on ukc.misc % > > They're thinking of getting rid of them - no cleaners in Parkwood... > Alert the Parkwood Committee, quick! Create the Parkwood Committee, quick! -- ph2 and srp3, talking about plans to remove Parkwood cleaners % > Am I right in thinking they continue next term? no, you are wrong, do not think ever again -- gdm1 and nsg1 on ukc.ee.year0 % >[1] You're not allowed to use mobile phones on aircraft and the ILS is >fairly delicate in terms of aircraft positioning near it before lining >up on the runway for takeoff - who knows what microwave interference >might do. It's OK - there is a very big runway at Manston - I am sure they will hit it somewhere. -- jmb8 and Darren Chapman on ukc.nethelp % Nants ingonyama bagithi baba Sithi uhhmm ingonyama Nants ingonyama bagithi baba Sithi uhhmm ingonyama Ingonyama Siyo N!qoba Ingonyama (Ingonyama nengw' enamabala) From the day we arrive at this uni And blinking, step into our room There's much more to drink than can ever be drunk More to do than can ever be done There's far too much to moan about More to flame than can ever be flamed But the posts coming fast In the hope not to be last Keeps great and small on the endless round It's the Newgroup of misc! And it has us all Through Essay and Program Through Faith and Love Till we find our niche In the threads unending In the newsgroup The newsgroup of misc -- gar2 on ukc.test % >where i can get Galaxy Quest DivX from ? I know some guy called Paul who has it. Email him at P.A.Osborne@ukc.ac.uk for more details -- gdh1 and jc26 on ukc.misc % > You really need to relax. It's not healthy to vent fury through type. Don't you have a period you should be worrying about? -- awj1 and nsg1 on ukc.misc % > Well then, the university should just introduce top-up fees and then > everyone would be happy. Can we bung on an entrance exam... sorry, a "Step Paper".... too? A simple thing, like "You're in if you can post to ukc.misc correctly"? -- ph2 and srp3 on ukc.misc % Hey la haine don't you get pissed off when people seem to find your sig more interesting than your post? That thread about your sig from the 'death sentence to lesbians' post is STILL running. Get some really dull sigs to draw attention to the humour of the post. Or failing that remove all the Dennis Leary and replace with Bill Hicks. Much better. -- psg1 on ukc.misc % >In OE, click on the little downwards-pointing arrow next to the back >button and choose the page to go back to. > >Dead easy. Though this will, of course, involve you re-writing OE so that it is a web browser and not an email and news client. -- jms11 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >>> Whatever happened to Adam Rickett? >>He's currently playing a major role in the West End show 'Rent'. >How appropriate. Why, is he originally from the West End? -- srp3, rpb1, awj2 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >>Anyway it was most likely to have been a home student setting off the >>alarm. > >It was? >isn't that comment racist? Seems like it to me. You ought to complain to the SU Anti-Racism officer. -- tr3 (the SU Anti-Racism Officer), bcc3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >> See, if we just banned foriegn people from the university, everything would >> be fine. > >Or we could have more security cameras within colleges and than ban the >people that set off the fire alrams. Or we could just ban fire. Then we'd have no need for fire alarms. -- ph2, np16 and ph2 on ukc.misc after yet another International Night fire alarm % > Subject: Reasons why men are proud of themselves > 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase I don't take drugs, thanks. -- kok1 and srp3 on ukc.misc % There was a young man from Keynes, Who had some recurring back pains, His back was all cramped, And his car, it was clamped, And he had to use Connex's trains. -- srp3 on ukc.test % It would be funny if it rained (more than it has been) and the whole thing sunk. A bit like Titanic only less about a boat and people dying. -- pa12 on ukc.misc, talking about a stage being built on the hill % Subject: The worlds most unlikely couple Any thoughts? my suggestion has to be mafoo and stormont -- spb1 on ukc.misc % >> Subject: The worlds most unlikely couple >> my suggestion has to be mafoo and stormont > >Considering we are both straight and share a mutual dislike for each other >you are spot on the money there. 2 things in common though... -- spb1, jads1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % Here is a general note to most of the SSB users: We could in light of discoveries of pirated software/music/films contact the Kent Police and have legal action taken against you as appropriate. Best wishes Paul -- Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % >Yeah, there is another Lawrence, and unfortunatly I know both of em, you're >the morning annoying one though And the other one is annoying in the afternoon? -- adl1 and sw12 on ukc.misc % > Subject: what does "visa veee" (sp) mean? > or vis-a-vis with iccle lines on top of the "a" Tried vis a vis in the babelfish and it said 'live has screw' -- nsg1 and cmfm1 on ukc.misc % >> ...the camera won't "twist" that way? Surely they could find the car >> on some CCTV camera, driving past somewhere like computing? > >Camera's don't "twist", they "pan". They twist fine if you melt them a bit first. -- Nick Shaw, ptc1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >> Can anyone do Poisson distribution in Maths???? Or Assessment 5 for >> MA400??? > ^^^^^ >ok... did a double take on that! ;) That's just a typo. There is actually a Mafoo Studies degree here. -- rc4, ms9 (Mafoo) and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Does anyone know what needs to be changed in the registry to enable X-Mouse? > I've got TweakUI but it's stopped working... I thought X-mouse only came once a year, if you were good that is. -- ph2 and nsg1 on ukc.misc % > > For Sale, reasonable offers accepted: > > ukc.adverts ukc.adverts is for sale? Okay, I'll give you £1.50 for it!... ;-) -- pjd3, aejm1 and Nick Shaw on ukc.misc % igree wddaman, gimmabr3ak hejsT trahinnah b33 iTERlectural and allyoupeeplesohardonhim WHY???????????????????????????????? hmmmm? prapss i55a pobleM wit aLL Yor peeconCpetONS and pedjuces cos you no undastandandhavahugefreudjunpsycholgicalpoblemandhave2killppltosatidsfyyouru rgesbutdonttellanewuncostheylockuaway. but that is beside the point. sook meybe i wars wong bud yoo shoodnt cretisise uvva peeples sppelig when yocantspell vewy yell. flame flame flame so maybe we shood all A|GREE 2 up down left right a b a b start twist to the left rip the tree from the ground spin round three times there's no place like home paul osborne. -- eas6 on ukc.misc % > > What are you cloning? > Bacteriophage DNA in an E.coli plasmid. sponsored by UKCH? -- ph2, as2 and ajc9 on ukc.misc % > ;) insert your own ya lazy git! -- cda1 and eas6 on ukc.misc % I have noticed that OE explodes somewhat when I am testing strange things with the mail system and 3000 odd messages suddenly arrive in my inbox. -- Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % What brings a smile to my face is, that with all this technology, how did the US plane not detect the Chinese planes it crashed into :) -- np16 on ukc.misc, about the US-spy-plane-crashes-in-China story % >>And Tim, la haine isn't nasty and spiteful >Drat! Foiled again! Well I'm sorry dear, but I've seen mould that is more scary and nastier than you. -- awj2, ph2 and awj2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> >see Son of God yesterday? >> >> Yeah, he came round and we went to Woody's for a pint. >> >I meant on tv. He was on tv as well? Blimey, I wondered where he ran off to when it was his round. -- cmfm1, ph2, cmfm1 and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>>>>see Son of God yesterday? >>>>Yeah, he came round and we went to Woody's for a pint. >>>Liar. You don't drink. >>Pint of water. I just wanted to see him do his trick, you know. >Unless he turned it to Moet or Chardon, don't bother asking him in future. Aren't they in Friends? -- cmfm1, ph2, awj2, ph2, awj2 and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % It's not a good book. It makes no sense and the characters tend to be incredibly small-minded and petty, and I certainly include God in that description. -- ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc, talking about the Bible % As for freedom of speech, simply telling you to shut up doesn't interfere with your liberty to ramble on incoherently making no sense whatsoever. I have no power to force you to stop. Instead, consider it a plea on behalf of acum's sanity, and on behalf of all decent human beings on the planet. Your thought patterns are so corrupt, fuzzy and incoherent that your posts are on the virge of being morally repugnant to all rational, thinking beings. -- ptc1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc, in reply to TRiPpy % Look, it even says so here in the Bible that you are wrong... Disputations (13:42) "The man who goes by the name La Haine, is not with the game." -- ptc1 on ukc.misc % >>>> I have an empty mini eggs tube, what else would i need to make a >>>> kaliedo-scope? >>>glitter and shiney cardboard. >>Sticky back plastic and loo rolls and a washing up bottle for good >>measure. >Also, a cat, a tortoise in hibernation, and a golden retriever. I think that counts as cruetly towards animals, paul. -- egr3, mjh1, awj2, ph2 and awj2 on ukc.misc % > I wonder if I should change my handle to just 'Tim'. Or even just 'tcr'. yeah - then you could be tottenham court road, and we could all walk all over you ;-) -- Tim Roll-Pickering and ms9 on ukc.misc % >>You wait till you've been here for 3 years...then you'll know the >>meaning of the word 'hatred'. > >Even if you came here through Clearing? No, then you might know the meaning of the word 'haetrd' or something. -- ph2, sw12 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > I have - they run all the SU elections, two of which saw yours truly get > elected. And they do many, many other things behind the scenes. Message to Spike: Steering may have a tiny publicity problem. Message to all: We apologise for letting Tim Roll-Pickering get elected. ;-) -- Tim Roll-Pickering and srp3 (a Steering member) on ukc.misc % >> Why oh why has an attempt to generate discussion on a topic we >> haven't been going over for the last two years degenerated into yet >> another 'Tim' thread within barely two posts? > >Because this is the "new" misc, where people can't be bothered with a >proper discussion and just want to have cheap shots at each other. Fool. -- Tim Roll-Pickering, cj7 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Stop replying to the woman and just instead. Not everyone on this newsgroup is a er. -- awj2 and Tim Roll-Pickering on ukc.misc % > Hi, I'm irritating Hi, you're killfiled. -- egr3 and srp3 on ukc.misc % >Explain. It was a joke. Sorry Phil, I forgot you were American - would you like me to enclose these things in tags from now on? -- ptc1 and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > >I could do some more stuff too, and never leave this university, become > >a member of staff, and lead a sad but sheltered and quiet existence at > >UKC :> > > You just want to be the next Dr. Zoidberg, admit it... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! wow, these cache diagnostics are amazing! flubbbber.. -- bjt5, ph2 and bjt5 on ukc.misc % Fred's tips on how to open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew: * push the cork into the bottle (may require lots of force). * pick the cork to bits with a pen-knife or similar, or enough so that forcing the rest of it into the bottle isn't too hard. * break the top off the bottle -- do not do this on a toilet tho, toilets aren't that strong. * smash the bottle in another container. a tea-strainer may be required for the latter two, ingesting glass is not recommended. -- frmb2 on ukc.misc % >> look, if nothing happens I'll have to go to bed, this would be bad >> cos it would mean i would stop talking to all my friends. > >So this is "I'm bored" done mafoo-style? ;) no, there wasn't nearly enough windows crticism in the post :-P -- ms9, ats1 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % >Did anybody hear anything about Intelligent Autonomous Agents. Any >information will be appreciated. Thanks in advance. Yes, we have the M.A.Searle 2000 and the P.A.Osborne ZX81 models. -- srm6 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % > >>Did anybody hear anything about Intelligent Autonomous Agents. Any > >>information will be appreciated. Thanks in advance. > > > > Yes, we have the M.A.Searle 2000 and the P.A.Osborne ZX81 models. > > and T.D.Bishop FreeBSD I believe ;) I don't know what you mean.... Oh, hangon, I've just got to run my makeworld... they've released an update. Tim. rm -Rf /exams/cheating/co606notes cp /mnt/raptor/notes/co604 /exams/cheating/co604notes -- srm6, ph2, ms9 and tdb1 on ukc.nethelp % >I don't know what she's doing now. The search engines all draw a >blank at "red hot pics of Debbie from Neighbours naked" for some >reason. Are you sure? Altavista gave me this as the top search result on that: http://www.timesofindia.com/today/18nbrs7.htm Amnesty steps up Myanmar rights campaign That's close enough, isn't it? -- sw12 and Eerke Boiten on ukc.misc % >I just like to to church occasionally, but no. The CU have told me in >the past that I'm not a christian so that must be true. Simple question, Steve: Do you accept jesus christ as your lord and saviour and seek forgiveness through him? If the answer is no, then you're not a Christian. If the answer is yes, then you are a Christian, and I'm also deeply ashamed of you as well. -- sw12 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Seeing as God is an all wise, good and just God, his will is >that we should have a good - no, an amazing - society. (as we've said >before, if everyone was Christian, life would be great). If that was really true, people wouldn't have to get up early on a sunday to go to church. God got to rest on the sabbath - it's only fair we do too... -- cmfm1 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % >Students? What are they then? Like conference guests, but not as profitable, nor as prestigious. -- srp3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % These things are not convenient excuses and we don't make team decisions on the basis of whether we are scared of Nikki (we're not cos she's not scary, simply both nice and dedicated), or even of that terrifying Union bugbear, the infamous la haine. -- Seb Martineaux on ukc.misc % >The sabbs feel Mr la haine dismisses/insults them frivolously Pillock. -- Seb Martineaux and ph2 on ukc.misc % > >I can't use the saline tuff, it irritates my eyes, I have to use the > >peroxide system. > > So you have blonde lenses? Perhaps that's why I'm so stupid! -- aph3, ph2 and aph3 on ukc.misc % >I hope this is not a daft question, why is the 'Bible' called the 'Bible'? >Does it have any real meaning, does it mean scripture or is there more? Originally, the book was so devoid of sense, to read from it was 'to babble'. However, over the centuries, that has changed from 'babble' to 'bibble' and then finally to 'bible'. -- psb5 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Did you know that 'Belief in the existence of vacuums used to be punishable >by death under church law'? well that explains why churches don't have carpets. Must be a real pita to clean them with a brush :P -- bd8 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % > > >Get them a corpse. Or a lobster. Or a big cup. Or a keyring. > > All great ideas, suitable for any occasion. > And all available from the Campus Shop. I'm not spending that much! -- ph2, awj2, srp3 and jms11, discussing anniversary gifts % >> [...] vacuums contain the higgs field, so they're not empty [...] > What on Earth is a higgs field? A lazy, slightly chubby goldfish with an attitude problem, a dislike of Monday's, and a penchant for lasagne. He didn't catch on, and was later remodelled as a cat, a prelude to international success. -- frmb2, crf4 and bd8 on ukc.misc % >> I'm gay. I was persecuted in the past. I demand a homeland! Hmmm.... I quite >> fancy Hampshire..... > I'm fat - wanna make it surrey too? :P How about if we do that, then have a buffer strip down the middle where fat gay people can live? -- srp3, bcc3 and srp3 on ukc.misc % >www.notnet.co.uk >cheap, reliable, and in the process of upgrading network and kit... And a lovely, cuddly sysadmin as well. -- bcc3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >I need some help, does anyone know anyway I can send large >files(>100MBytes) through the firewall outside of campus. Find someone with a CD burner, burn it to a CD, then post it to them. -- ks51 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % >> Abi- just had the pornography exam. > >Did you have to present a live demonstration???... I can assure you that the debauchery and hedonism in this exam, if there was any, was subtle to the point of becoming unnoticable. Some people did get thirsty, though. -- awj2, Nick Shaw and Eerke Boiten on ukc.misc % > I feel that I ought to point out here that when I wrote 'Christ' I actually > meant 'Chris'. Any of you have any idea how many times I almost do that? > Bah. I remember writing an important letter and accidentally misspelling my home county as Staffordshite. Oh, and hitting the g instead of the f when typing buffer for a Computer Science essayette. -- ph2 and jms11 on ukc.misc % >Then you don't know me at all. oh, I think I've got you down perfectly. You're an arrogant snivelling spoiled gobshite. -- jads1 and bcc3 % >>oh, I think I've got you down perfectly. You're an arrogant snivelling >>spoiled gobshite. > >Errr. Isn't this the kind of comment you can get your login removed >for? Quite possibly, but I've been dying to say it all year... -- bcc3, sw12 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % > Abi- just had the pornography exam. Was it an oral? -- awj2 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % >> > > >btw: Can I have job? >> > > Only if I can have judges. >> >lol. Ok, how about we share? >> Sure, but I need the Book of Revelations. I'm hurting for it bad, man. >Does your passion for the word of our Lord burn inside your belly like >a dozen hot curries with tabasco sauce and chili's too? Indeed, and his love within me is so powerful and hot that the only parallel I can think of is with that alien inside John Hurt in 'Alien'. -- ptc1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >> How long do you have to microave a jacket potatoe for? > > 3 minutes each side... How many sides does a potatoe have? And how do you determine which is the side and which is the end? -- rjp4, jmb8 and cdl1 on ukc.misc % >Now you tell me that you want a liar who incites racial hatred and >anit-semitism to debate at the Oxford Union? No, instead all debates should be between people who agree with each other, because then it's safer and you lower the risk of people being offended. -- sa33 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Die! Eventually! -- ptc1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >What's mafoo got to do with it? Ah, the first draft of Tina Turner's well-known hit. -- ats1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > I am, however, the resident sex-idol. It's just that not everyone knows it > yet. You appear to have mis-spelled idle. -- bd8 and sw12 on ukc.misc % >> Masturbation? > >Don't do that sort of thing, grim, If you and Tim Roll-Pickering ever shake hands, there's probably going to be some sort of explosion. -- dap2, jads1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > I'm sure God is laughing his proverbial socks off, :) Nah, God didn't wear socks. He wore sandals. And so if he wore socks with sandals, that could only mean one thing - he was British. So, God was British, which means that the Jerusalem mentioned in the Bible was actually a mistranslation of the word "Blackpool", and the Garden of Eden was actually the Pleasure Beach. The Tower of Babel was in fact Blackpool Tower, and the slaves escaped from the Egyptians along Blackpool Pier [1]. [1] - Of course, this was ages ago, when the Earth's seismic plates were different and Egypt was separated from Blackpool by a narrow river, and the Pier was a bridge between the two. -- jads1 and srp3 on ukc.misc % Hellow. Just a quick post to let you know that I will not be responding to the arguments you so carefully contructed in this thread. You may also note that I have not bothered to quote you. Despite the knowledge of Christian beliefs and the clever logic you so clearly display, I am simply too lazy to pick you up on any of the minor details you may have overlooked. Finally, I'm pleased to see that you have not misunderstood Clarie in any way, and have not tried at any stage to twist the answers she gave to questions you asked in such a way as to make them appear her own beliefs. It's great that you took nothing out of context, and contructed your responses carefully and appropriately, with great intelligence. Sadly it looks like I'm simply incapable of understanding the depth of your cunning arguments, and so am forced to completely ignore your comments. Enjoy your day. -- bd8 on ukc.misc, in reply to a jads1 anti-Christian troll % I do not have a DivX player, and as such am completely uninterested in knowing where such films can be found on the network. Anyone knowing where such films are would be well advised to refrain from emailing me with said information, as I am completely uninterested in the whereabouts of these films. -- jhp1 on ukc.misc % > > It doesn't look good for the vending machines :( > When did it ever look good for them? when they worked and were worshiped as givers of food in times of twilight. -- nsg1, Tim Roll-Pickering and nsg1 on ukc.misc % > Thank you, I didn't know most of that but had heard of some of it. > Thank you for taking the time to type such a long reply. Are you actually saying that you read something on misc that interested you, and that after reading it, you were glad that you did, and may have learned something? This isn't _really_ what you're saying, is it? -- nar4 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % 17" monitor, originally capable of a resolution of 1280x1024@65Hz or 1024x768@85hz. It no longer works. We don't know why, but we suspect that it may have something to do with the smoke that came out of the back towards the end of it's life. Asking price is £15, buyer must collect. Possible uses for a broken monitor: 1 - you could get it fixed, thus getting yourself a cheap 17" monitor. 2 - you could drop it out of a top-floor Eliot bedroom onto the pavement below, thus making a satisfying smashing sound. 3 - you could do 2, and also film it, thus creating a small piece of film footage that would then spend the next few years being forwarded around the internet - fame! fortune! perhaps! 4 - why not decorate it, and create a piece of modern art? 5 - it can act as a stress/anxiety relieving tool - always useful during the exam period. Simply put on some heavy boots and kick the hell out of it when you're feeling tense. 6 - do the above, but put a photo of your worst enemy on the front of it before doing so. 7 - do number 5, but do it outside the exam hall and let your friends join in. You'll be the most popular person around! 8 - burn it, along with all your old essays and notes All this, and probably more besides. How can you say no? -- ph2 on ukc.adverts % They came round to my house on Saturday trying to do a preemtive strike and they did admit that they assumed there was going to be an election reall soon now, anyhow the woman said: canvasser "How did you vote in the last election?" me "Well I stood like this, leant down as I am a little bit taller for the average persons stature and put this neat little X in a box that seemed appropriate to the choice I had made." canvasser "That is not what I asked" me "Yes it was - you asked how I voted in the last election, not who did I vote for - therefore as I understand the English language I answered your question in a true and correct manner" canvasser "You are not going to tell me are you?" me "What? How I voted? I have already done that." canvasser "So who did you vote for in the last election?" me "None of your business. Byee" -- Paul Osborne on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>> He also suggested that by referring to the minutes on the >>> ukc.announce newsgroup, on the ukc.misc newsgroup more than 10 >>> people may look at them. >> >> La haine noted though that not many people will see them at all, >> regardless of the newsgroup, due to the high proportion of people >> that have killfiled Tim. > >Tim referred la haine and others to his statement at the misc meet on >05/05/01 when he apologised to everyone for annoying them so much over >the past three years. Yes, that was quite an impressive speech/statement. However, you're still killfiled. -- psg1, ph2, Tim Roll-Pickering and bcc3 on ukc.misc % >>>> I wasn't aware that hair denoted mental capacity. >>> Of course it does. Long hair=genius. >> Then how do you explain Beer Monster's achievements? >The beer of course. Or the immensely long pubic hair, of course. -- awj2, ph2, Tim Roll-Pickering, rlc3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % >> Oh Stalin you always spoil all the fun! I'm going to grow a goatee >> and overthrow you, > >la haine is one step ahead of you. I'd vote for la haine. So long as his policy involves the eradication of trippy. -- tgi1, srp3 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % >> I hereby announce that I shall yield willingly to the forces of >> democracy and cast my vote according to the will of the people. Let >> the will of misc be done. > >VOTE CONSERVATIVE! Do you actually have any idea what the torys stand for, or are you just a complete and utter fuckwit? -- Mike Ashmore, Tim Roll-Pickering and bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >canvasser "So who did you vote for in the last election?" >me "None of your business. Byee" Ah, come on now Paul, admit it - you didn't actually say any of this, you just thought of it all about an hour after she'd gone and wished that you had said it. -- Paul Osborne and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % I had a vision the other night - a real religious experience. It was probably induced by some sort of chemical imbalance in my brain, but I don't care. It felt real, it felt important, and it was special. Here's how it goes: -=- I dreamed I was at an AGM, and a highly contentious but probably meaningless debate was raging. I don't know what exactly - probably something to do with whether or not the SU should campaign for the rights of aborted foetuses to smoke cannabis whilst wearing Union Flag t-shirts. Anyway, I got up to speak, and bizarrely ptc1 and la haine were right behind me in the queue of speakers. We reach the front, the person in front having given a particularly emotive speech about how people called Piers don't have as much of a right to an opinion as the rest of us 'normal' people. I step forward to the microphone: "Brendan Dodds, Eliot college". As they move to the front, one on either side of me, I introduce "Phil Cattoni" and "Paul Haine". I begin to speak. I express the desire to comment in this debate, and to demonstrate my feeling to the whole assembled AGM. I tell them it is clearly an emotive issue, and that we feel very strongly about it, and would like the following statement to be clearly minuted. I step back from the microphone; the hall is silent. The eyes of every Union hack and politically minded student are on us: curious; waiting for our comments. In one smooth motion the three of us turn, undo our trousers and moon the entire AGM. We lift our trousers, and make our way to the bar, leaving the hall in absolute silence. The silence persists until someone, in a fit of blind panic, calls 'count'. -=- OK, so la haine and ptc1 would never do this, but I'm up for it. Anyone else fancy joining me? I spent about an hour chuckling away to myself, overcome by mirth at the possibility. No-one would laugh, that's not the point. It would a beautiful statement, in its purest form. And I'd get it on camera, and frame it on my bedroom wall. Maybe even present it to my parents as an anniversary present. So, what does misc think? My arse, Rutherford Hall, 10th May, 8pm, UGM. -- bd8 on ukc.misc (this being the UGM where three people burst in in balaclavas and threw bags of flour at the sabs...) % >> > > Anyone fancy streaking? >> >My arse, the cricket ground, tomorrow... >> I'll bring the vaseline. >I'll bring the laptop and webcam! I don't think they'll fit, what with the umberella and all, but thanks anyway. -- ph2, bd8, ph2, raw8 and ph2 on ukc.misc % There are a bunch of people outside my window on the east side of Eliot College now (9pm) I think they were barbequing earlier. I cannot see any of their faces but I know that at least one miscer is there. How do I know this? Well, they are playing Pink Floyd. -- psg1 on ukc.misc % Nonsense, I was asleep in a shrubbery behind becket court. I woke up at 5:15am and managed to find Keynes, although it took me a good while to find my room after searching for it in the laundry room for a great many minutes. If anyone has any hangover cures - now's the time -- bjb1 on ukc.misc % > I'm almost certainly not allowed to comment in public....think > Microsoft.. Welcome to Steering, Bob! -- Bob Eager and srp3 on ukc.misc % >I'm almost certainly not allowed to comment in public....think >Microsoft.. This is cryptic. It either means: a) Come to my Office. b) It is my final Word on the matter. c) The people that came up with these plans should be thrown out of Windows ASAP. d) These plans Excel in every way. e) The Outlook looks bleak. I think. -- Bob Eager and sw12 on ukc.misc % One AOL CD for sale - version 6.0 (latest). Bright pink and yellow design. Ideal for frisbee between Eliot and Rutherford, or just to reflect the sunlight back up and distract planes, birds etc. 1p o.n.o., contact srp3@ukc.ac.uk for further details. -- srp3 on ukc.adverts % > My web server is http://129.12.230.73/ > My ftp is 129.12.230.73 > the port is 21 > if you want access to ftp e-mail me > I also have a shared dir on my computer, which is called 'Xander' > my cs alias is [LM]BlackWidow and my clan is Liquid Metal. > and finally my name is Daniel Subert Noted. -- das7 and Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % > The UKC Skydiving Club will be jumping into the Summer Ball (weather > permitting) on the 19th of May. Anything to avoid paying the £40 then.... -- md8 and sjp4 on ukc.misc % > A man jumps off the top of the building to kill himself. After a while, he > passes a window, and from within he hears a phone ring. Suddenly he says "Oh > !" > > Why? Because as he passes the window, he recognises the ring tone as the song he'd just composed. I mean, those record companies told him it would get nowhere, so he jumped, but then now he finds out it's really popular, so it's all, like, "woo hoo, I'm rich", and then "oh , I'm dead". -- dap2 and srp3 on ukc.misc % Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Tom Clancy and A. Random Author [...] The Russian Diplomat had beside him a small man who was looking everywhere but at the three on the table. Obviously some sort of bodyguard but a flash through his shirt of a tatoo on his chest confirmed Alice's suspicions that he was from what the KGB called the Mishnetz Pisgali - the Door Mice - a select group of agents from the second directorate that were assigned to high ranking diplomats. Though the man appeared to be ignoring the conversation hapening around him, Alice had no doubts that every word was being memorised for a later report to number 2 Dzerzhinkyi Square, probably to Sergei Golovko himself. -- gar2 on ukc.misc % >Wha? Do Admin not read this newsgroup any more or something? I don't know. Say something horrible about Paul Osborne and see what happens. -- waw2 and ph2 on ukc.misc, in reply to a warez posting % >>Some people may be dylsexic. Having known a friend who was dyslexic, I >>can say that they may find this offensive. > >Yes, that's what we should worry about. When gangs of thugs attack >paediatricians, we should worry about dyslexics being offended. When people start attacking paediatricians you can be sure that something, somewhere is afoot. -- jms11, ph2 and sw12 on ukc.misc % >>>> Bizarre. But very cool, however. ;-) >>> Not as cool as the blue glow ball I saw Ewan with this morning... >> Actually, I think it was a lump of enriched uranium.... > Really? That'll explain the extra limb I had when I woke up this morning. Either that or puberty's finally hit. -- Nick Shaw, bd8, bcc3, bd8 and srp3 on ukc.misc % Erm, I think I just found a keyboard shortcut for 'post message beore you've finished typing'. -- bd8 on ukc.misc % >>>> Hmmm..... ok, that one's forgiven. But the "fat" thing... tut tut tut... >>> Funny. Some of us fat people really don't care. it's a fact, not an >>> issue. Besides, skinny people piss me off :P >> yeah, Brendan's *really* annoying, isn't he... ;P > *exactly*. And lets not mention that Steve Wright guy :P Yeah. He's a really annoying DJ. -- srp3, bcc3, srp3, bcc3 and sw12 on ukc.misc % >> No, sorry. I have my flower arranging class tonight. > >I'm free! Pah. You charged me last time. -- sw12, srp3 and sw12 on ukc.misc % >Most women (from what I have been told over far too many years) don't >experience the multiple orgasms, if they for that matter experience >orgasms at all and fake it... You know, I can't add anything to this statement that would make it any funnier. I'm so glad that there's someone around to take over from Tim :o) -- jads1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Why not look at the manifestos? Interesting... > http://www.labour.org.uk/ So Labour is a non-profit making company of the UK; > http://www.conservatives.com/ Tory Party is a company; > http://www.liberal-democrats.co.uk/ Lib-Dems are a UK company > http://freespace.virgin.net/raving.loony/index.htm And the Raving Loony party can't afford a real web address. Oh, it just get's better and better! :)) -- srp3 and Nick Shaw on ukc.misc % >>>> Start a brighter, richer future today!! >>> Kill a spammer! >> Not to be confused with the alternative popular game, spam a killer. >> Small parts included, not suitable for anyone. >Oh, so that's how you describe me these days? I'm sorry sweetie pie, it sort of slipped out. Rather like last night. -- a spammer, ph2, awj2, ph2 and awj2 on ukc.misc % >>>>> Mafoo, mafoo, if you come and visit me while I'm living there next >>>>> year, you'll see there's lots more to amsterdam than sex and >>>>> drugs...theres, um...art and stuff. And a university. And a diamond >>>>> museum. There ya go. >>>>is that an offer? ;) >>> Yes mafoo, I'm batently a wanton hussy with no morals and most >>> definatly of disreputable and dubious character. >>oh that's ok then, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing some >>blatent flirting ;) >as opposed to missing out on some blatent sarc[h]asm? :P It's not mafoo's fault...it's the curls, it gives him the whole innocent cherub look. -- awj2, ms9, awj2, ms9, bcc3 and awj2 on ukc.misc % >I will not be having my head shaved off thankyou. no, just your hair -- ms9 and ph2 on ukc.misc % Newsgroups: alt.college.bromley-uk,alt.college.bromley-uk.announce, alt.college.bromley-uk.events,alt.college.bromley-uk.misc, alt.consumers.uk-freebies,alt.culture.ukc.misc,alt.dating.uk.north-west, alt.dating.uk.south-east,alt.drugs.uk,alt.drugs.uk-shroommap > >Is this spam. I think so. Look at all the newsgroups he's sent this to. > > Hey, you're right! And look at how many newsgroups you sent your reply to! > And look how many newsgroups I'm replying to as well! Isn't this great? And a warm acum welcome to all our visitors from Bromley College (my dad works near there), as well as those love-starved people down in the sarf east (not including our very own paul haine, or, of course, myself) and in the North East. The shroomers will probably be relieved to know that stoppung by UKC is not compulsory, or even likely to be productive, but there are some interesting woods either side of the university which may be descrbed as "Trippy". Well, at least when we aren't referring to one of the locals. Crossposts are a Good Way of Meeting New People. It says so on this little piece of paper I have in front of me, so it must be true! -- "MagicFreebiesUK", ph2 and gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Subject: Re: sensible sam anyone? >> You forgot to mention that it was quite difficult. > And that it doesn't have an ending sequence. I wouldn't know, as it is quite difficult. -- ptc1, bjb1 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % > NO VICTIM=NO CRIME. Ah, good old Bob Marley..... -- rs3 and srp3 on ukc.misc % I'd recommend starting your degree again. Don't do history, instead, do something useful and vaguely interesting. That way, you might not get bored halfway through and then end up with a poor result. I'd recommend something involving computers. Um, possibly at a different university. This one sucks. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % >Clarie > It's ok Clarie, you're a Christian, you're allowed to do stuff and then regret it - you just get out that 'get out of hell free card' and away you go. -- cmfm1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % I have my own career plan. I've been practicing - listen to this: 'Do you want fries with that?' Huh? Huh? Pretty good, no? -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > Having seen the effects on friends, the idea that this drug might > become legal, and its use effectively endorsed by the government as safe is > terrifying and would be extremely irresponsible and destructive. That's funny because loads of my friends take E or have taken E and they are a pretty with-it and together bunch. Maybe Conservatives react differently. -- ag9 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % >> found sun glasses in Elliot Computing Room 2 >> looks like Feminist glasses > >lol. What signifies them as feminist glasses? The absense of a bra? -- sg6, ptc1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > 'If you want to be controlled by bureaucrats from Spain, Vote for the bloke > supported by Paul Haine' I didn't realise you were supporting the Moof Party, haine? -- apg4 and srp3 on ukc.misc % > Subject: FOR SALE : COMPUTER AND LASER PRINTER > 32k ram Nah you can keep it =] -- kd23 and bjb1 on ukc.misc % Oh no, it's no joke. His real name is Dean Martin. Just like mine is The Norse Turtle, and there is a Moof Radford, and a Mooso Carroll. Gawd knows what Mafoo's parents were on when they Christened him, although apparently Nirmal's parents were on a large plane above Eastern Europe. And Phil Cattani? Forget him, he's ptc1. You'll be telling me next that, like the SU, you seem to think that ph2 is Paul la Haine. -- srp3 on ukc.misc % >Repression makes me a better and nicer person. 10 years later, James Stormont killed his parents. -- jads1 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > I think if we are going to encorrage emegrants(pc4) we need to improve > english pronancation(sp) so everyone knows what everyone else is talking > about. I'm not anti them its just I am anti people who can understand > english, pronousation or grammar. (its pence, not pennies or peas! if people > can't get it right we may as well start using cents and euros so the > confusion can STOP!) pot, kettle, etc. -- Peter Childs and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Thou shall not 1. Post in disagreement with one of the established names on misc 2. Be a new poster to misc or thou shall be ignored 3. Have a reasonable opinion 4. Make a msitake 5. Have a social life ( a cheap shot I know!) 6. Argue with La Haine (I did it once and I think I got away with it!) -- mt5 on ukc.misc % Hi, I plugged my ethernet cable into a sock when it asked for a socks server. Should I use 4 or 5 socks? Im not quite sure how it would differ. Also, I used socks with holes in them so I dont flood the network, could that be why it's networking? Do I need socks with no holes? Also, my friend needs a crack for linux, as it wont boot, I think I put the wrong serial number in LILO - can anyone help? Using RedHat 8.6beta12 -- nd10 on ukc.nethelp % I just recently discovered that someone with the IP of 127.0.0.1 has been attacking my machine. It looks like he's been doing it for some time. Could everone on campus ping this IP, so he knows not to mess with me again. thx. Z3r0 c00l -- bcc3 on ukc.nethelp % >> Can anyone tell me how I can use IRC on the UKC network? I badly need it to >> talk to some history professors who give lectures in chat rooms in the US. >> Also, I wish to talk to my family in Lithuania, and this is the only way >> that I can do it as email, telephone, and post won't work. Thanks! > >Have you checked the holes in your socks? I don't understand. I'm running Windows ME, do I need a password? -- ph2, mrf4 and ph2 on ukc.nethelp % >>I've got a crack for FreeBSD, and you'll have more luck because it doesn't >>use LILO. I think the protection is good on Linux, unlike FreeBSD which is >>easy to hack. >YOU GUYS SUCK. WHY CAN'T YOU JUSTR ANSWER PPLS QUESTOINS INSTEAD OF >GIVEING STUPEID SARCASTIC ANSWEARS. Because we're not nerds like you! get a life! -- tdb1, bcc3 and tdb1 on ukc.nethelp % >Subject: marks online >how do you get them?? Well, first you need to do a degree. -- dkw2 and ph2 on ukc.misc % I would like to say thank you. Not to any miscers, not to any staff, but to the low-grade morons that kept me awake last night by throwing stones at my housemates window, and my window, and banging on the back door and then banging on the front door at 2 in the morning. I appreciate the gesture, as it means that I have the opportunity for one final rant on misc. If you read this, then you no doubt know who you are, but I doubt that you'll read this as that would require the ability to read, which you so obviously lack. If only misc had pictures, and was made of 5 cardboard pages with a note on the back saying 'this newsgroup is both washable and chewable', then perhaps your tiny, tiny little mind might be able to comprehend some aspect of this post. If only. I'd like to thank you for renewing my faith in the belief that UKC will happily allow any old student into the university, even if their knuckles do drag in the grass behind them, and even if you can lay a table on their forehead. It makes me happy to know that even if a person has a brain the size of a pea, there's always you to look down upon. -- ph2 on ukc.misc % An ode to ukc.misc (with apologies to Julie Andrews) There's a sad sort of notice hanging from the library board And the board in Cornwallis too And up in the Octagon the e-mail admin team Are deleting all our profiles too pao,dmc,mrp: Wiping your accounts,Wiping your accounts,Wiping your accounts, Final year Miscers: Regretfully they tell us / But firmly they compel us To say goodbye to you Miscers: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night jmb8: I hate to go and leave this pretty site Miscers: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu sw12: Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu Miscers: So long, farewell, au revoir auf Wiedersehen rlc3: I'd like to stay and taste my first seeme / Yes? Admin: No! Miscers: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye jrl1: I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye ph2: I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie bd8: I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly cmfm1: The rest have gone and so must I Final Year Miscers: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye Miscers, Admin: Goodbye -- sw12 on ukc.misc (reformatted) % Sartre was wrong: Hell is not other people. Hell is Mornington Crescent. -- ptc1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> One hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong. - Graffito > >Odd signature for you have, Phil - isn't that a classic Christian argument >to support their belief - that all those Christians can't be wrong..? Only if you if you think lemmings are wise creatures. :) -- ptc1, ph2 and ptc1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > a dumb game for wannabee public-school boys Who you calling a wannabe? I was educated at Eton, I'll have you know. -- ph2 and gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Oh for God's sake, are you lot STILL going on about student apathy? GIVE UP! STUDENTS AREN'T INTERESTED AND YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM! -- ph2 on ukc.misc % > >Test > > test > test No! you can't go straight to test\ntest after going through Test, as Test put you in Tset. Since that's a disallowed move, I think I'll go to: Test, 1, 2, 3 Moof - Mornington Test, anyone? -- Mark Wheadon, Ian Utting and gar2 on ukc.test % >> Is there anything about this country's culture that you actually >> enjoy, paul? > >This country has a culture? Yep. Top ten things I love about English culture: 10. The mediterranean climate. 9. The way people are willing to willing to make a fuss and not be trampled all over. 8. The great public services. viz. Health and transport. 7. Tolerance of foreigners and immigrants and other cultures. 6. The Democratic constitutional/political makeup. 5. The respect for people's right to peaceful assembly. 4. The belief in social-democratic, progressive, principles. 3. The strong belief in freedom of expression. 2. The respect for civil rights. 1. Civil society. -- gar2, ph2 and ptc1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % I don't believe in homogenous blocs that will only deal and work with themselves for ideology's sake. I am sure that you would admit that the left is not always right. -- Tim Roll-Pickering on ukc.misc % > Give this man a cigar. :) No thank you, Mr Clinton. -- ptc1 and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > What is this 'us and you' attitude? Would you sooner identify yourself with > a corrupt politician or multinationl company that subverts democracy and > disregards human rights than ordinary citizens fighting for democracy, a > decent wage and living conditions, civil society, human rights, and a clean > environment? You do *know* that Tim is a Conservative, don't you? -- ptc1 and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>Which brings me to an aside (going off on another tangent entirely) - >>just what is a "family" exactly? > >A 'family' is something that is larger than a 'regular' - for instance, the >family size KFC bucket is larger than the regular size KFC bucket. hmm, by that definition I must be a family. -- Lozette, ph2 and bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > Moof - with mafoo as organist, no doubt > > What do you know about Mafoo's organ, then? Well, he's good at stroking manuals, and his footsie is unparalleled... Moof - who can blow his own trumpet too -- gar2, ph2 and gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > And phil, why do you assume the woodchuck is male? Because if it was female, it'd be a woodchick. -- awj2 and ph2 on ukc.misc % > Ooh, and if you see Gareth the hunky sailor guy on Fistral beach, say hello > for me :) A sailor? Good grief, Norse, why don't you just go out with The Village People and be a *complete* stereotype? -- srp3 and ph2 on ukc.misc % This is a story all about how My life got flipped turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just to warn you of the risk - I'll tell you how I become addicted to a newsgroup called misc. In Eliot college, born and raised; On the newsgroups is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out postin' as long as I was awake, Shootin' some people in a game of Quake. Then a couple of guys had an idea that was good. Started meeting up over in Rutherford. I got in one light-sabre fight and my girlfriend got scared: She said "You're leavin' you're computer now get out get some air". I waited for a chance, and when it came near The committee was called 'FOUM' and I was filled with great fear. If anything I had thought that meeting up would be rare, But I though nah - forget it. 'It's better than Eliot bar'. We'd meet up at the bar on Tuesday at 8:00, So I yelled to the miscers 'come along, see you later'. I looked at the newsgroup; so many people right there. And they'd all be meeting up soon in Rutherford bar. -- bd8 on ukc.misc % >> Please don't associate me with GM crop destroyers and >> 'Eco-Terrorists'. >I'm sorry, Phil, it's too late. From now on, you will be known as >'Captain Planet' On the condition you wear your underpants over your trousers. I'm sure its a sight we'd all like to see. -- ptc1, ph2 and awj2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > I see that you've already made yourself the sab's bitch for another > > year.... > > I see that you've already made yourself the union bugbear for another > year... good grief, Tim, you could at least have the decency to deny being someone's bitch. Show some dignity for god's sake. -- ph2, Tim Roll-Pickering and ph2 on ukc.misc % >Oh don't worry, I believe in myself. But I say that la haine must be a >myth - could there really be someone like that out there? Or indeed, sould there really be a Tim Roll-Pickering out there? Or just some cleverly constructed bot which randomly spouts phrases like "No, my hair doesn't look stupid" and "No, it doesn't exist" and other scintillating things. Or perhaps these posts are just mass hallucinations, caused by too much time staring at a monitor? Or the work of a nefarious god (loki?) who is trying to drive the world insane? Who knows? -- Tim Roll-Pickering and PhilL on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>> Jonathan - gradually learning vi... >> >>NOOOOOOOO! emacs! emacs! emacs! > > bah, you're all sick the lot of you. nano forever :P anyone got any magnets handy...? -- jms11, gar2, bcc3 and ms9 on ukc.nethelp % >> ah -- another refreshing 426 ines of drivel from Nimrod ;) > Er, Foo, I know I'm not VERY computer minded but err, what's an "ine"? ine - A line of drivel so drivellous, the author can't be bothered to give it the glorification of an "l". -- ms9, vmf1 and srp3 on ukc.misc % >> Carol Vorderman said so... >Ben, you'd better not be one of those geeks that fancies her, because if you >are I shall take my business elsewhere, after having shot you, repeatedly. HAHAHAHAHAHAAA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. Ugh. -- bcc3, ph2 and bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> I'm sure they could have cut the ceremony even further if they hadn't >> bothered with names at all, and just put all the diplomas in a big net >> and dropped them all on the graduates, like balloons. Then you could >> just leave once you'd grabbed one that you liked. > Would've saved me at least three years of work at least. Even better, they could have put a few 'dummy' diplomas in there as well, so that when people unrolled them they were squirted with black ink, perhaps, or maybe some form of corrosive acid. Imagine the hilarity! -- ph2, Matt D'Cruz and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > I think you watch too much porn. There's no such thing as too much porn. -- Mwongozi and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > how about using ukc.test? > But 99.999% of the things written in ukc.misc don't make sense anyway that, darling indran, is why we have posting rules, and ukc.test - to keep it down to 99.999% and not let it be 100. -- cmfm1, ks51 and cmfm1 on ukc.misc % This looks like a test post. please use ukc.test for such paraphenalia. If it isn't a test post, then it is a post that lacks substance, which is possibly an even more heinous sin. Your penance will be 10 Bloody Marys, 5 Hail Eris, and ritual defenestration of your machine (the choice of software or hardware defenestration is left up to you). -- gar2 on ukc.misc % >> Does anyone know when those who stayed in PW last academic year get their >> deposits back? > Try speaking to Tanglewood. Or even the people in it. -- ph2, Tim Roll-Pickering and srp3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > Well - for a change I am actually testing my newly hacked .emacs file. > > Please place all your unused ASCII characters in a recycle bin near > > you... > > ... where they will be collected by specially-trained remanufacturing > teams and reprocessed into freshly-minted parentheses, presumably. Well, we recently expanded our reprocessing facilities to take on most of the ISO-8859-1 table thanks to a new ultra-efficient process. > Adam "do you take EBCDIC?" Sampson Please use the blue bins provided, as EBCDIC is dangerous if handled improperly, and requires special treatment. Our teamed of highly-skilled hackers will then keep it in a backlog for years, as they have much better things to be getting on with really. -- gar2, ats1 and gar2 on ukc.test % : Pretending to be someone else on those rooms is *so* much fun ;) : But being yourself can be equally as much fun :-) being yourself..... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. Chris_Keene enters #teen-horny-babes... ickle-minx# yer so anyway i was like whateverrrrrrrrrr and she was like out of there like and i was like i dan't fink soo sexy-sandy# woooo coooool ickle-minx# hey chris Chris-Keene# ummmmm hello....... do you like computers? ickle-minx# woah yeah like they are sooooo cool. hey are you doing GCSEs Chris_Keene# umm no. Actually I'm at work. sexy-sandy# woah - like earning money and stuff, like neat. ickle-minx# hey so i bet like you being old and stuff you get to do loads of neat stuff and have all night partys and do drugs and Chris_Keene# well... sexy-sandy# hey do you read just seventeen? there's like this posistion of the month on page 26 which is like out of hereee. have you done that one? Chris_Keene# well I'm a bit umm between partners at the moment [...] ickle-minx# have you got the new Billy song? Chris_Keene# any one here like debian? -- ms9 and Chris Keene on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > restored us to god? hmmmm. surely the rhapsody will do that? I always preferred 'We are the champions', personally, though 'Under pressure' is also a good one. -- "J.*A*.G" and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> So which politician are you closest to then? > Ken Clarke, well, half way between him and Robin Cook. Bit of a dream come true, eh? -- Tim Roll-Pickering, gar2 and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>> Oh, god, we're going to have a load of egg jokes now, aren't we? Jeez, >>> it's as bad as the bloody fish jokes. >> Hasn't happened yet. See? Just goes to show that you shouldn't >> count your chickens before they hatch. > Oh clucking hell. Well, in keeping with the traditional misc thread free-ranging, we will now ending up with a battery of cock jokes. -- ph2, ptc1, Scottie and gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > EBD-political correctness sucks. Ah, but the real question is: Does it swallow? Moof - one track minds 'r' us -- dct1 and gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % sorry i think i did a big mistake and asked for £70 but the price i'm asking for is actually £700.. Sorry for that -- eaa1 on ukc.adverts, after offering a laptop for £70 % -- Computing Service Alert Information -- Mon Jul 30 09:26:54 2001 -- Tuesday 31st July, services unavailable: 08:00-10:00 WEEBMAIL unavailable while tle SSL certificate is updated. 08:30-10:00 Genstat and other NAG products will be unavailable on heron for a shot while whilst the license file is updated. ------------------for further details see ukc.service------------------ I think someone may have been in a hurry here ;-) Anyone else interested to have a go with our "weebmail" service? -- Tim Bishop on ukc.misc % >The issue is extremely important. If governments are allowed to get >away with this, real, overt fascism may be next. That's not a joke. Were you always like this? Or was there a time when all a young ptc was interested in was computer games and girls? -- ptc1 and awj2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> No rain this morning. Cycled up to work. And now? Very heavy downpour. >> And do I have a coat? Nope. Bugger. :-[ > The solution is to not work in the morning. Or possibly not in the afternoon? -- Nick Shaw, ptc1 and Tim Bishop on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > > Ken Clarke, well, half way between him and Robin Cook. > > Bit of a dream come true, eh? > I thought that was portillo's calling? And he's spanish to boot. > Anyway, Ken Clarke is quite ugly. Robin cook is quite handsome in his > own way, but a little on the old side for me. You find Robin Cook handsome? [stunned] [stunned some more] [stunned even more] Have you no taste? -- gar2, ph2, gar2 and Tim Roll-Pickering on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> It is to be called "Star Wars II: Attach of the Clones". Ooooh.... >What, do they have velcro instead of skin? Or perhaps they email the jedi with large file. *shudder* "Sir, the sircam lords come in pairs" -- Nick Shaw, ph2 and bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Yep, tis true. Hehehe. Darn typos. :-) They get everywherw. -- Nick Shaw and Paul Osborne on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > But there are many good things in the Mail such as the coffee break > pages dealing with all sorts of trivia - I once had a letter printed > there! I rest my case -- Tim Roll-Pickering and gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Oh, and everyone should be christian, because christians aren't responsible for any wars, pain, suffering, the crusades,northern ireland, guilt, witchhunts or anything nasty like that. -- bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % If Jesus or God do actually turn out to be true, which I don't believe for a moment, I will kill em, I bl**dy will, why on earth did they have to inflict flamin' Christians on humanity?!? -- jads1 on ukc.misc % > Where is God anyway? All around us, everywhere, in all living things. Much like the force in Star Wars! -- ks51 and Nick Shaw on ukc.misc % > So, kids, give me a precis of what I missed on a.c.u.m. over the last > eight months. And be concise, I stopped reading for a reason. Well, Tim RP conceded that love does exist, Clarie became an atheist, I'm SU president now, and Dan the Man had his hair cut. -- bec and ph2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > It must have been fun to do a degree then. All those vacuum tubes and > stuff... That was in the second year. In the first year it was all about magnets and how to use them to edit your files the hard way. Come the third year, we had to use toggle switches to program. -- wa1 and Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % "I cut myself on a spoon." "How?" "It was a very sharp spoon." -- TRiPpy % "And there are all these molecules, and they don't just expand, they go, like, Wooooooah! Fuck!" -- Ramsay, explaining how a fridge works % "Well, this is about as boring as usual, then." -- Mike at the miscmeet % "These speakers do look like toilets." "That's why they're playing shit through them." -- Ramsay and Matthew in the Lighthouse % "CALCULATOR!" -- Ramsay, three minutes before a maths exam was due to start % Three quarters of crap is rap. -- Nikki % "Shut up, or I'll bang your heads together." "Urgh, no, I wouldn't want to get Giles' grease on my hair." -- Matthew and TRiPpy % Ramsay: "Well, I'm going to have a bath." Moof: "That's... very opulent of you." Ramsay: "Don't call me opulent!" Matthew: "You don't know what opulent means, do you?" Ramsay: "Well, I've got a _vague_ idea..." % We successfully failed to commit not to taking it to University Council. -- Seb % Try running something simple like xemacs. -- Pete % "UKC 1 to... er... oh God..." "Would that be me, Derek?" -- UKC 1 and UKC 5 on the security radios during a fire alarm % I like Fortran just because I can do those huge fuck-off arrays that make raptor fall. -- Pete % Moof: "So, are we doing this alcohol thing at the UGM?" Matthew: "We're doing cannabis." Andy: "Would you like to rephrase that?" Matthew: "Well, we're doing cannabis _first_... oh." % Steering is very ill-defined on purpose. -- Giles % You mean you've never heard of "solid, liquid, gas, plasma and lettuce"? -- Ramsay % "I'm working on Saturday" "Really? How pre-nuptial of you!" -- Richard Bellingham and Ash (new improved with extra tomato and mascara) % It's Raining Men! Halleluia! -- Tim Roll-Pickering, singing along in Rutherford bar % Partly it's because I _am_ a ponce. -- Brendan Dodds, at the SU President Hustings % Here's a stick of dynamite... Here's the Mandela Building... Here's a stick of dynamite _and_ the Mandela Building! -- Brendan Dodds, at the SU President Hustings % It does say "Student's Union" on the front of the Mandela Building. It's just gramatically incorrect. -- Matt Woodget, SU Communications Sab % I didn't bother going to the last UGM, 'cos Matt the Comms officer said there was no point in going as it wouldn't be quorate anyway. -- Steve Reed % If I was Fred you'd be wet by now. -- Andy talking about not pouring his pint over Neil % Adam: "[...] We should just send one of us." Ramsay: "I vote mafoo." -- talking about the NUS Action Day during which students were urged to stay away from lectures % The staff machine is fine until someone runs something pathological, like Java with threads... -- Phill Camp % Oh, why on Earth did we let her stand again? -- Will White, counting votes for Kate Heywood during the 2001 Sab elections % Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite him. -- EBD talking about Atuin's relationship % Remember, I know karate, kung-fu and thirty-seven other dangerous words. -- EBD % EBD: "What's that smell?" Moof: "Manure." EBD: "Oh. So it's not just the students that UKCH dumps on." % They really should have made the BSD daemon a bit more scary. It looks like a Smurf with horns. -- Reaper % I go through books like most people go through underwear. -- Giles on his reading habits % No, it's http colon SLAAAAAAAASH SLAAAAAAASH www... -- Ben % Verity: "I've never been in a room with so many lesbians before..." Spike: "Where? Where?" % Verity: "I was eating my smarties eggs earlier and saved you the orange ones..." Jonathan: "You didn't have to, but mmm..." Verity: "...but then I ate them instead." % Mafoo: "You know, it feels like everything's going wrong. Spike's not wearing black clothes and not having sex..." Jonathan: "... and mafoo is..." Mafoo: "Thanks, Jonathan." % Verity: "I think Spike and mafoo have swapped libidos." % Moof: "But we're either side of a wall." Neil: "Ah, simultaneous orgasm." -- talking about the sound insulation between Moof and Jonathan's rooms % Giles: "It's because computer languages were designed for people who aren't getting any sex." Neil: "Um, I didn't really get 71% in my CO312." % So what exactly did they use the railway tunnel for? -- Jon Ladley, talking about the disused railway tunnel underneath the Cornwallis building % Hey, it's the hairy guy! You like the heavy metal music? -- some random drunken German guy, to Adam % Darren: "The MI6 building's looking nice today." Mafoo: (opening a suspiciously large bag) "Do you think the wind's strong enough to blow the rocket off course?" % Claire, you're the randiest Christian I know! -- Verity % If I weren't a Christian, I'd be a nymphomaniac. -- Claire % For output we use the exclamation mark, and for input we use the inclamation mark. Um, question mark. -- Rogerio de Lemos % Theoretical Immunology is a fancy way of saying "damn horrendous mathematics". -- Jon Timmis % "I go to the pub only if it is Saturday." Oh, this example uses alcohol; you can substitute "church" for "the pub" and "Sunday" for "Saturday" if you prefer. -- Simon Thompson % I only recommend using Origami if you're interested in causing pain to yourself. -- Fred Barnes % In this course I'm going to teach you some of the theory of operating systems, using as examples some real operating systems. Oh, and Windows. -- Bob Eager % Argh! It's taken me _three weeks_ to get this. -- Tim Hopkins, upon entering KLT1 with a shiny new boardrubber to discover that the blackboards have been replaced with whiteboards % "I've been on courses about this: you stand at the front, you maintain eye contact with the students, and you get this wonderful flow of communication with the audience. Bollocks. Those people have never taught a group of Computer Science students." "Um, what was the question?" -- Tim Hopkins and a random CS2 student % i can't believe what i heard in the co515 lecture today. simon thompson _isn't_ a spice girl? i walked all the way to keynes only to have my dreams shattered. :( -- tl14 on ukc.cs.cs2 (after a predicate logic lecture in which Simon Thompson used "SpiceGirl()" as an example) % Scope extends as far as possible to the right, just like the Conservative Party. -- Simon Thompson % So it's a sanity check: do I understand wireless LANs? The answer is "no". -- Peter Linington, in a seminar on wireless LAN performance % "Any questions? Comments?" "I'm really impressed with the way you've managed to make Powerpoint look like your crappy old troff." -- Peter Linington and Ian Utting % There was a question on the exam last year that asked you to explain the construction of twisted pair cable. You would have thought that "twisted pair" would have been a hint, but a significant number of people didn't guess that it might involve twisting, or two cables. One person drew a nice diagram of a satellite transmitting station. -- Peter Kenny % Now, there are two ways to spell "fibre", the American way and the proper way... -- Peter Kenny % How did the practical go? Did anyone do the optional work? That's OK, neither did I. -- Ian Utting % ... and the default servant just says "waah", which is fairly sensible behaviour for a default servant, as it says "waah" quite loudly to the server and says "waah" back to the client ... -- Ian Utting, explaining CORBA % You know what happens when you install a new ActiveX component? The world ends. -- Ian Utting % So what can you do about deadlocks? One option, which is taken from the Tanenbaum book [...] is to ignore it. I think this is a typical Tanenbaum solution... I think the best thing you can do with this option is to ignore it. -- Gill Waters % "When are you around for questions?" "I'm around; I reserve the right to hide, though." -- Random student and Ian Utting % "Why isn't our paper punched?" "We're trying to give you full value for the paper." "You never know, it's the upwards-compatible version. Once you punch the holes, you can't fill them back in..." -- Random student, Ian Utting and Peter Linington % I write all my examples in a programming language noone's ever heard of called Matlab. This way, I don't get some geek at the back saying "Oh, sir, you left a comma out". -- Tim Hopkins % Subject: Re: No CO806 timetable change The Subject, of course, should not have said "No". There is a CO806 timetable change. -- John Bovey on ukc.cs.conv-msc % Please show working where necessary and provide justification for your results. The deal is that I'll give you as much feedback as you give me details of how you got the answer. Thus if you just provide an incorrect answer without any hint of how you arrived at it, I'll provide the feedback "Wrong". -- Tim Hopkins % And the assessment this week is... oh, bugger. -- Simon Thompson, upon flipping a slide and noticing that he's just done the assessment as an example % I don't read news. [...] Life's too short to spend my evenings reading some pile of bollocks on the newsgroups. -- Tim Hopkins % A little man came to me with a question, from a department which shall remain nameless but I'll refer to as "Electronics". [...] ... so it'll take 10^1300 operations; this is several times the lifespan of the universe. And you could see the drops of reality sinking into his head. -- Tim Hopkins % >>> If your java is no where near that level, and mine isn't, what on earth are >>> you supposed to do? >> a) try harder >tried that, java made just a little sense as it ever did. >> b) give up. >Did that mostly last year, You know what really depresses me? You still haven't seen the connection between these two statements. -- jads1, mrf4, jads1 and Ian Utting on ukc.cs.cs2 % Socket satan = new Socket("www.satan.hell", 666); I'm guessing this is a standard service over there... -- Stefan Kahrs % In a shopping basket you can have 1kg of salt, a packet of crisps and a bottle of gin. Or if you're really pushing the boat out you can have two bottles of gin and a packet of crisps. It's more exciting than 1 kg of salt. -- Simon Thompson % A 3rd year student came up to me and said "My software's deadlocking, and it's not my fault, it's yours". Now, when students say that to you normally... -- Peter Welch talking about the big bug found in JCSP % And the server can then send_reply, or send_exception, or what on earth does send_other do? -- Peter Linington, perplexed at his own slides % Don't mess with me, I've got a laser! -- Peter Linington, to a student who left his phone on in a lecture % You can get up in the morning, create six universes, understand absolutely nothing about them because they don't work properly, and still be home in time for tea. -- Neil Davis in a Networks and Distributed Systems Seminar % Well, we can solve the M25 problem, but we may have to kill a few cars. -- Neil Davis in a Networks and Distributed Systems Seminar % People want a complete answer yesterday, and they want one they don't have to think about. -- Neil Davis in a Networks and Distributed Systems Seminar % In computer science, if an idea is very good, it would be much better if it were made recursive. -- Prof. Brian Randall in an Open Lecture % Oh, for a world in which all inputs can be guaranteed valid and all outputs can be guaranteed valid! In such a world the last half an hour would have been mostly redundant. -- Prof. Brian Randall in an Open Lecture on Software Faults % Erm... keep going... hang yourself a bit more... -- Prof. Brian Randall to Rogerio de Lemos in an Open Lecture on Software Faults % This is basically a question to Bob Eager: I have done this essay in emacs on a BSD machine. Will I get more marks if I: a) print it on a line printer and hand it in with all the little holes still attached and everything b) load it into word and waste a perfectly good day doing fonty stuff -- rgt1 on ukc.cs.cs2 % "Be able to defend and justify your decisions." If you're working in a corporate environment, I think you should have that on a brass plaque on your desk. You need to be able to do this so that people don't come and stab you in the back. Of course, when they come to stab you in the back, you can hit them with the plaque. *splat* -- Duncan Langford % Alan Turing was a great man, but he lead a very troubled life. In particular, his sex life. -- Sally Fincher % Yeah yeah! I've got such a buzz from the fileRead method, let's go take a look at the fileWrite method. I'm sure you lot all get a buzz from this too! -- David Barnes % It's only a legal requirement, it doesn't have to mean anything. -- Ian Utting % Chris Jones: "Are staff overworked then?" Ian Utting: "No shit, Sherlock!" % Oh, there is a copy of this book in the library, except there's only one and I've got it. -- David Shrimpton % > "[The data link layer provides] a simplex, connectionless, > unreliable, unacknowledged, message stream service." Does that mean that if my code is simplex and unreliable, I have fullfilled 50% of the specs ? -- Peter Kenny and dsla2 on ukc.cs.cs2 % There appears to be a pair of scissors at the end of that number. On my PC that reads "33 and a third". It seems to be a function of moving to Windows 2000... -- Gerald Tripp % "I can't quite remember what DSS stands for." "Digital Subscriber Signalling." "Could well be..." "That's what it says on your slide." -- Dave Shrimpton and gar2 % "Prim's Algorithm: Although named after Prim in 1957, it is now credited to Jarnik in 1930." But who cares, they're both dead. -- Peter Rodgers % Is everyone awake yet? You're all looking rather dozy, and this is normally either because you're half asleep or I'm talking complete rubbish as normal, or a combination of the two... I don't mind if you're half asleep, but I do mind if I'm talking rubbish. -- Dave Shrimpton % Life would be easier with computers if we didn't have end-users, but sadly they are something that are considered essential. -- Dave Shrimpton % >> There seem to be some big black holes in the notes covering... waiting for >> a random time. in fact there is no mention of randomness at all in the >> notes. > Guess you should have gone to those seminars when it was all explained > then, 'eh james? Don't be so harsh, Ben. James has managed to turn up to to two whole seminar sessions this term. Its not his fault that this included the only one to be cancelled all year. -- jads1, bcc3 and mrf4 on ukc.cs.cs2 % ... so if you want to replace "job" by "dole" -- I'm not implying anything about your third year... -- Peter Rodgers % For the purposes of the DCG assessment for CO801, it is ok for mice and aardvarks to dance :-) -- Aliy Fowler on ukc.cs.conv-msc % > I don't know if this is your personal opinion or university's policy but I > would like to see your reply to next year's broshure for prospective > students. Because the one that I received didn't mention anything like this. Presumably along the same lines we should also point out in the prospectus that we don't buy each student a personal yacht or provide a holiday in the West Indies. -- ak24 and John Derrick on ukc.cs.conv-msc, talking about providing free lecture notes % > I think we should all hand in, for our specs, an obscene limerick and a > picture of a cute ikkle kitten. If it's not marked, what the hell :-) There was a small kitten from Chester Who education had begun to fester It took an MSc Studying at UKC But failed on low-level architecture -- drm3 and bmd3 on ukc.cs.conv-msc % That's looking at last year's questions only, I imagine ... the questions may have been easy, but the answers clearly weren't. -- Eerke Boiten on ukc.cs.cs3 % First an assurrance that there will be only 5 Java lectures, 4 of which are in Michaelmas term. The reason the schedule lists currently 7 lectures is quite simply that John found manipulating existing html tables rather complicated -- Stefan Kahrs on CO508 web page % You know what they say, 2's complement and 3's a crowd. -- abk2 on ukc.cs.cs2 %
* la_haine waves
% so the party is really swinging at the mo then! ;) * Verity looks forward to an exciting swinging party oh I so want to rephrase that! * Atuin lols bugger no thanks even if you are into swinging (you could've told me btw :( ) % foo: getting anywhere with marrying clarie then? You're kidding. % * Moof wonders what a Cryptofascist is 'crypto' means 'hidden'. A cryptofascist is someone who is not overtly fascist crouching fascist, hidden capitalist ? % azz: you don't trust us? :( tim: hell no ;) you're sysadmins, for goodness' sake ;) * Tim sobs in the corner your very job description says "evil bastard" % remove 25: 25: delete That last item is number 26 25: erase 25: remove 25: fuck it 25: 25: http://gnute.com (Spike) delete (Spike) erase (Spike) remove (Spike) fuck it % IP over ICBM? "Of course the downside of this approach is that by the time TCP has opened a socket, the earth will be so radioactive that the whole exercise will be futile anyway" % by the way I have a bit of advice for you all... don't drive your car into a fuck off big truck % --> Atuin (atuin@raptor.ukc.ac.uk) has joined #cs I'd sleep with most people,for a illion % tim, you can tell me what's in the room now ;) there's a bed a chest-of-drawers a rather flimsey desk some nice shelves for speaker satellites a wardrobe Tim: sshhhh , you listing all the stuff you coudl take and azz not know ;) % Shit, people are talking about that dreaded time of year already ptc1: ignore it, I just love Christmas! ptc1, how can you not love that time of year? when commercialism is put aside and everyone really cares about everyone else and it's all about giving and loving % I am here to tell you that in the interests of business efficiency, we have decided to combine Christmas with August Bank Holiday, which we have moved back three months to coincide with Whit Sunday, incorporating Easter and the Queen's official birthday, which has been brought forward then put back a bit and slipped in sideways so that it now falls on New Year's Eve. So now instead of lots of inefficient little holidays scattered all over the year, we've got j j cool. got j? is that a slogan? "smoked myself a j" % I replied to your mail i know. Ok. Then you got it nah, i don't receive any of your mail. i've got gmx to filter it all and to notify me. ntm: When will you get it? ptc1: never, they're all deleted. it's less effort than reading what you have to say. WHAT?! hehe You're fucking joking i am? bastardo % ibot pussy i guess pussy is a small furry cute thing that enjoys being stroked that doesn't make sense oh yeah * Tim can't read :P lol * Tim didn't see the word 'thing' hmm reboot bah :P good plan * illah has quit IRC (Quit: i am a super eleet of the death who kills) * Tim reboots % *** Paul joins #cs *** Hal changes modes on #cs: +o Paul *** Paul kicks pjm2 from #cs: Paul *** pjm2 joins #cs *** Hal changes modes on #cs: +o pjm2 *** Paul kicks pjm2 from #cs: Paul *** pjm2 joins #cs *** Paul kicks pjm2 from #cs: bah die you whore :( *** pjm2 joins #cs % ibot talk to monty Monty are you ever going to be nice to me denied.. % monty ibot? Monty? lol * iBot laughs out loud % later dudes I is off LATER DUDES I IS OFF WELL FUCK OFF THEN % * Moof notes that foo only went to get more credit when the emergency credit ran out * ben eeks at moof <-- fooster has quit (Ping timeout) and there goes the power % and besides he's 36, called Selvyn and is a VB, Java and C++ programmer like we have anything in common you both have six-letter names with "e" as the second letter. and a v in them and a y see, that's four things already wow, book the church % !seen dusker ntm, I don't remember seeing dusker. !=?=!=!0rWE fre+p9oajfg s grsfdpijdry goirjgsy füOIJHRFOI +!!!! !seen dusk illah, I don't remember seeing dusk. !seen dsk illah, I don't remember seeing dsk. :(((((((((((( O M G TIMOTHY!!!!!! * la_haine notes ntm speaking in tongues TIMOTHY!!!!!! TIMOTHY!!!!!! TIMOTHY!!!!!! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP!!!!!! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP!!!!!! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP!!!!!! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP!!!!!! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP!!!!!! lol TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HAL?! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HAL?! TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP WHY DOES HAL NOT REMEMBER DUSKER?! * jimbo wonders if ntm might have to shout at foo instead? * la_haine wonders how many sweets ntm has eaten lately 4 WTF DO YOU WANT ?? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO HAL! AND I'M GOING TO TYPE IN CAPITALS AND WITH EXCLAMATION MARKS UNTIL YOU TELL ME! I HAVE NOT DONE A THING DON'T TELL LIES IT'S BAD! foo! foo has woot too WHY CAN HAL NOT REMEMBER DUSKER, TIMOTHY?1 I AM NOT HAPPY! so after all that it seems Tim has done feck all and +Will isn't happy. Wonderful. * ntm BLAMES TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP *** ntm is now called NTM * NTM BLAMES TIMOTHY DAVID BISHOP % o/~ adsl on friday o/~ ben: d'you know the chords to that? azz: yes, A, D, S, L. unfortunately, it's not playable in this universe % i REALLY need SEX! *** azz has joined #cs *** holly sets mode: +o azz * azz wavies no not with you! % orange: We know you want to stay the extra week just with Sam lambda: yes, ok, I admit it, I have a crush on him I've been denying it all this time and I think I might turn gay just to have him you don't even need to be gay you could just experiment Rich|reporting: true - but you can try first -- orange and Sam _really_ don't get on... % * Skimble bops to The Bangles - Eternal Flame. ah * lambda shakes his booty in front of skimble * Clarie is glad she isn't in intern office * Skimble continunes to wolf-whistle, growing delirious with excitement as he peels yet more fivers from the wad in his pocket and sticks them in Lambda's scanty underwear. we're all very close after nearly eleven weeks * lambda takes skimbles money and has the rest of the night off Cya % * Paul|scripting feels rather tired :-/ perhaps some more sleep would have been handy Paul|scripting: I told you to use long hard pumps instead of short fast ones.. maybe it would have helped you get the rubber thing harder? :) % back. and front. no. yup no. yup no. yup no. yup no. yup no. yup no. yup [...] That was nuts well, actually, it's like a summary of ukc.misc a whole year's worth. Nah, .misc is a little better than that yeah, we needed a third person going "maybe" exactly. Hey, we should try that hmmmm Ben! [...] no. yup maybe no. yup maybe no. yup maybe no. yup maybe no. yup maybe % * iBot slaps Monty for taking attention away from him -- iBot and Monty are both bots % are you _sure_ you're running the right pppd? *** Fox joins #cs last time i looked, i only had one i only have one as well, I think it is a male thing although my mate swears he has two % talking 2-3 inches in size so was I yesterday why does my dick always come into things oh you are talking about something else that is 2" your dick is only 2-3" sorry it's legs were at least an inch long each (if not 1 1/2 inches) J's was huge, and really hairy and didn't fit down the plug hole % Sarah said the tunnel was gone Although not in those words ;o) it was more along the lies of "where has foo hidden IRC, I'm lost in cyber world" % Chris Moyles is good translations GRRRR, monty stop saying my name you're called chris moyles? cool % Paul, can I borrow your bog roll.... I promise I'll give it back :) SICKO!!! % *** Tim has kicked Fox from #cs [sick fucker] imagine having sex with some sick? urgh. % * TheLib ponders what question he shall ask the mighty compscis today *** Pete (pajs1@myrtle.ukc.ac.uk) has left IRC [Quit: TheLib why i kicked you ;) ?] *** Pete (pajs1@myrtle.ukc.ac.uk) has joined #cs * Pete grrs % ibot, mugshits oops what a horrible thought! % bah, looks like he's offline * ben lies - foo is up WHY THE FUCK HAS HE GOT LDAP OPEN NOW? * KickProofFox yays foo isn't impotent ben: don't let neil twist that for Goodness sake damn too late % 230-This is an experimental FTP server. If have any unusual problems, 230-please report them via e-mail to . * ben wishes foo would sort out his settings :P and grammar ;) % Paul: get arse here now can the rest of me come along too? % i've dyed my teeth red after chewing the end off a permanent marker % monty, generate all permutations of "sarcasm" cat5 == gums monty you tit erm, today? % I must find my headphones so I can listen to sound at work i just use speakers must weigh your head down % * sleepingfoo turns off monitor bet he hasn't * ben grins at orange lar de dar... MAD HAIR... lar de dar % my old computer.... it's still in here erm... yeah ;) * Pete will get Darren to pick it up at somepoint ;) oookay. it needs wiping as i've still got some stuff on it still i trust you can ghost it or something :) all your pr0n and mp3z yep % you're _students_, dammit! at quarter past midnight you should be doing things, not sleeping! it's evidently futile. Hey I'm actually browsing or maybe not. But that's ok, continue talking to yourself... :) thank you, I was beginning to feel that we'd all forgotten everything we worked for over the last term, and was having scary visions of weeks going past without a single 2AM kebab % I dunno - I think big ben's as symbol as the torch guy - canary wharf matches the WTC yeah, you could be right what is the name of that statue of the torch guy, anyway? It's totally slipped my mind liberty? liberty and it's a girl ah of course, thats the one is it? yeah how are we supposed to know? I can't say I've noticed any breasts on it <_42h|Panda> the facial features are noticably female <_42h|Panda> also: liberty is traditionally female fairy nuff I guess - never looked at it in detail but the breasts are what matter :p % *** fii joins #cs *** fii is now called foo * lambda notes foo has lost both i's, how can he see... % * lambda|AvoidingCleaning considers cutting his hair no cut foo's hair instead la_haine: and bring about world peace while you're at it should be jsut as easy you could use it to cover the hole in the ozone layer... % 22:00:38 up 22 days, 11:38, 1 user, load average: 2.00, 2.00, 2.00 crap, I'll have to lose that tomorrow :( hmm, unless I can find a UPS that'll last the drive up to canters... ;) % *** Pete|Tim|BadDay (tdb@gonzo.ukc.ac.uk) has left IRC [Quit: I HATE FUCKING RAPTOR] % jesus *** Tim|BOFH is now called jesus yes? *** jesus is now called Tim|BOFH hello father no, that's God bah, you look so alike % we shipped winamp today to our staff today... and we accidently bundled 8 of bUrt's best MP3s with it :) % monty be random lookup paul's skirt monty, is Paul a transvestite? in normal hours. % Pasta is good Sex is better and blow jobs..... Yes, this is true But I don't have the option of sex right now So I'll have to settle for Pasta at least pasta wont complain if you fall asleep after heh Very true And pasta tastes good yeah, but you don't eat your woman/man after sex ;) [at least not in our evolution yet] No, but you do during sex maybe a good idea though.... * Fox hopes OSarahAngel isn't around % anyone done tomorrow (todays) work? fox: nah, I haven't done it yet either ;) I keep intending to start, but... * ben has this aversion to doing anything in java... ben: I'll distract azz on here and you go get his copy I just can't bring myself to do it azz: hi azz: look over here * Fox waves azz: wo hoo % * orange hugs JeSTeR and makes a pact to rid the world of unix :) whahey down with people with silly names like Torvalds * magick su pkill -U bjb1 % * Tim|18HP wonders how to use 'format' on kernow wave a magnet near it Paul, I want something more precise ;) small magnets? % * Pete sings along to Frank - Did it my way * magick puts on ear defenders % unless we've really only used 3k of bandwidth in the last couple of hours *** Paul|cs is now called Paul * azz thinks that unlikely no, i really am known as paul % * Tim|18HP jumps around and wants his to do that *** MrTea is now called his * his jumps around % Connection to raptor.ukc.ac.uk:80 refused. ah well shit happens % * la_haine looks at netgames * la_haine sees prey * la_haine dives % yeah i know :) no more sharing with students :) messy fuckers (students, that is) in terms of mess, not fucking erm % * azz closes door to block out loud offensive music oh -- sorry * foo would have turned it down foo: not if she asked twice, i'll bet % how does he work? ...? strict syntax remind me in 1 miunte to wave remind me in 2 minutes ti wave remind me in 2 minutes oi wave remind me in 2 minutes to wave Pete: I will remind you on Sat Oct 13 20:38:43 BST 2001 to wave finally :) % * Reaper goes to see if matt has cooked yet perhaps I'll turn him slightly on the baking tray ;) nooo stop cooking matt... * azz wonders why reaper's cooking matt Reaper: if he hasn't, put him on for another 10 mins.. ;) % Question challenge: who wrote "three lives" one thrid of a cat % Question challenge #9272: what us state includes the telephone area code 602 ibot area code 602 i think area code 602 is Phoenix, Arizona Winner was iBot with the correct answer: arizona % Question challenge #9129: what do you call a french canadian pork pie monty: I don't know, what do you call a french canadian pork pie? francisco pizarro % Tim|18HP: what's this about you not coming toV's birthday party? Moof? Moof, I don't recall saying I wasn't at any point. But as you ask, no I'm not. aaaaaw - how come? I'm washing my hair. % *put ya hand up if ya going to the venue tomorrow night...* * tcr raises his hand * Tim|BOFH keeps hand firmly on the floor Can someone tickle Tim's hand? * Tim|BOFH backs away from tcr i think you're in there tim arg oooh, tcr and Tim, sittin' in a tree... no *** la_haine (paul@stuE0AB.ukc.ac.uk) has left IRC [Killed (Tim|BOFH (BITCH))] *** la_haine (paul@stuE0AB.ukc.ac.uk) has joined #cs K. I. S.S.I.N.G K-I-S-S-I-N-G * tcr has seen Tim|BOFH and quite frankly I've seen others who turn me on more *** Mode change [+b *!*tcr@*.ukc.ac.uk] on #cs by Tim|BOFH *** Tim|BOFH has kicked tcr from #cs [out!] *** Mode change [+b *!*e_sax@*.ukc.ac.uk] on #cs by Tim|BOFH *** Tim|BOFH has kicked KriLL from #cs [out!] *** Mode change [+b *!*paul@*.ukc.ac.uk] on #cs by Tim|BOFH *** Tim|BOFH has kicked la_haine from #cs [out!] *** Mode change [+b *!*pjm2@*.18hp.net] on #cs by Tim|BOFH *** Tim|BOFH has kicked Paul from #cs [out!] % [foo working on iBot...] exit; will break out of a loop quite well how about a sub? yes exit; cool incoming *** iBot joins #cs iBot: mailinfo ms9 *** iBot leaves #cs (Client closed connection) bah lololololol hehe OWN£D % * GeeeZa|sleepy is wrapped up in a duvet * Toby|CO515 is wearing a trowel % wheres a good cheap place to eat on campus? Smaf: outside, bring your own food. % fore! (raptor) *** Connection closed from raptor: Remote end closed connection % monty, what's black and white and red all over? sherrif % ne1 wanna cyber? my arse hurts % foo likes Domination? * foo is not in the moof % *** Moof is now called Janet Dr Scott! *** azz is now called Brad Janet! Brad! *** Brad is now called Frank Rocky! *** Janet is now called Rocky * Rocky looks round *** Frank is now called DrScott Janet! Dr Scott! *** DrScott is now called Brad Janet! Brad! *** Brad is now called Frank Rocky! *** Janet is now called Rocky * Rocky looks round [etc.] % foo - shall I knock adam up? or can you take me up in about 10? % plus he might be able to embezle 250 qwuid :0 fuck me * la_haine fucks ben thanks la_haine % * Melanie notes Apoptygma Berzerk are great. * azz notes Mark Callanan is pretty good too In a sexual way? dunno, you'd have to ask the kitchen floor % Prim: You asked me to remind you to get into my bed % * MeepingSlewf reckosn orange is too tight to wank lolol, you're *so* wrong there :) orange - but just think of all the money you're wasting, when you could be doing it at a sperm bank % JEn: fairly short guy, stoopid looking goatee, glasses reaper calling someone 'fairly short'? hahahah :P % ben: My boyfriend was pretending to be a Russian crab last night. ben: I hold you responsible. % tell me more Reaper: Okay, I'll tell them that next time I see them... % okay, so what are these crabs supposed to represent?? Jester - the represent a Jejeune influence into the artists "blocky period" * JeSTeR still doesn't get it Jester - are you playing it with the sound? yes *sigh* im a lost cause Joel Veitch is trying to put forward the frustration felt by the little boy, as his parents have just split up. That, coupled with the fact that there have been a lot of brutal killings in the neighbourhood give him a classic polipodiccrustaceophobia with Star Wars overtones. His parents also took him to see too many circuses, and the poor boy was scared by the clowns there. This phobia, copled wiht his oedipal complex and his manic obsession over Britney spears makes his hypothalamus lose focus quite often, and make people other than his mother or britney spears appear pixellated. The boy is suffering from classic depression symptoms, plus the rather worrying paranoia that these hallunications are actually there, behind him. He should be put on a course of beta-blockers, and hyperpolythadomide immediately Jester - does that help? i guess hmm JeSTeR: alternatively, it's a completely load of twaddle % lo azz lo azz gah lo foo % * Pete screams * Pete punches tar and perl *** Reaper is now called tar shall we gang up on him perl? *** tar is now called perl yep *** Pete is now called rm_-rf *** perl is now called Reaper * ben grins * rm_-rf beats perl and tar *** Paul is now called reboot * reboot runs *** ben is now called root *** reboot is now called Paul mwahaha * root 0wnz j00 all *** root is now called ben *** rm_-rf is now called fdisk * fdisk 0wns r00t *** ben is now called hammer * hammer 0wnz fdisk *** fdisk is now called fire * fire melts hammer *** hammer is now called water * water puts out fire *** fire is now called ice * ice freezes water no it doesn't *** la_haine is now called chisel * chisel owns ice *** Fox is now called Sex * Sex does you all % foo? can go good isn't -- the problem with crisp fresh pitta, delicious tender doner, topped with u? Monty: what the hell are you talking about? Simon Thompson? Monty: who is simon thompson black! Monty: BLACK DARKER THAN THE NIGHTS IN HELL!!! % arm extension, whats that! archive file? Oh.. I was thinking along the lines of fake arms.. % * pants fell asleep during today's paradigms What did you cover most of the desk with my head and upper body as I fell quietly asleep % hi all - we heard the pwer cut would take a while so went off to watch fight club :) Good film. % * foo has been on the phone waiting for tech support for 40 mins and has gone from 9 to 5 in the queue you need an RMA number, i take it? no -- i want to tell them i like their colour scheme % well, the mirror service UPS was great... nice clean shutdown... but the rest sucks :) * GeeeZa notes the uni should get a petrol generator why would we wanna generate petrol? % you should have seen us running round the machine room trying to power down raptor the UPS was beeping quicker and quicker and the operators were shouting "we have 2 minutes left !!!!" the opserver was down, so we had to find a serial console to whack in the back of raptor... ... it got half way down before the UPS gave up then silence ;) apart from the whiring of the mirror service with it's fuckoff big UPS but we shut all that down to be safe ;) then it was just the core network running at which point... we sodded off to watch a film and might quickly too, just in case the power came back on before we got out of the door ;) % I don't suppose there's any way to tell the gender of a person through mailinfo? I suppose that would need maleinfo... % ibot seen ibot I haven't seen 'ibot', tcr % * GeeeZa notyes he has no porn at this time blast make your own Paul: how, I'm single well, uh, it'd have to be gay pr0n i guess, and you'd have to pretend it's not you % * nuked was up late today.. nearly didn't make it to the seminar! nuked: our 2pm seminar? :) ben: yeah.. ;) % ibot nickometer l33thax0rd00djoolam3rfuckingpornhotbabiesXXXXXX 'l33thax0rd00djoolam3rfuckingpornhotbabiesXXXXXX' is 99.9732% lame, Pete % * ben does the sleep thing * ben worries a bit that he typed '/me does the sheep thing' first time round % Robbo saw a quote of the day on the beeb, saying more people are killed by donkeys each year than by plane crashes, and he mailed them a reply saying "not this yeah, eh mate"... they replied within 5 minutes saying "okay, we'll take it down" % Monty : show Melanie how much you love her :P I would love to get it now % * foo|campus hates his cold foo: have you been kissing darren? he has one too EEEEEEEEEEEP! NO ! heh the cat's out or worse... GOD! kissing god? % *** Signoff: Paul (Quit: me notes /quiz doesn't let you quit) % iBot seen the_light? I haven't seen 'the_light', MrTea figures % Monty, jibble for me Dudes, how so?? like a fish, Monty \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ skillz monty, is that really a fish? STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. % any dates from ukch ben? * MrTea e-mails UKCH "will you go out with me?" % * jester fires up internet wanking BANKING! shit % jester: ta, i'll go kill myself a bit and see what code is painted by my blood spurting on the walls um is that a form of extreme programming? % remind me in 6.75 hours to tell ducttape never to wear a skirt again % *** Signoff: la_haine (Quit: la_haine has no reason) *** la_haine joins #cs I do have a reason, I just couldn't be bothered to type one *** Signoff: la_haine (Quit: la_haine has no reason) % ive written one of the most inefficient algorithms known to man... it takes almost 20 seconds to tell you something you dont want to know % *** Melanie|cooking is now called Melanie|lesbianism [several minutes later...] * Melanie|lesbianism pays random attention. * Melanie|lesbianism peers. * Melanie|lesbianism thwacks keyboard-stealing-boyfriend. % * schlafenfoo finds mel's badger and poiks her, waves and tucks himself into bed for sleep % 'fellowship of the ring'? sounds like a gay porn movie.... % can some kind person remind me what to put in a .htaccess file so it asks for a username/pwd ? AuthType Basic [...] AuthType Digest would be better, but not all browsers support it... what does it do? AuthType Basic sends the username/password in cleartext; Digets does an MD5 challenge/response thing * foo wonders why apache is ignoring his nice new .htaccess file maximum clue count reached; RTFM forced % * ben notes Peter, Paul and Tim should do a cover of puff the magic dragon ;) % foo, I'm not going to help you with i-scream unless you read the documentation. Tim|BOFH: ok ok % hm, it's way too quiet. *** la_haine is now called pin * pin drops % the sacred starbuck cup is reminding me how much I want more starbucks but I can't quite bring myself to throw it away IT SMELLS SO GOOD I had this problem with a pair of pants recently % * jester notes his PSU whining oh dear * jester notes beeping from voltage monitor when it rains, it pours pull the plug jes FUCK *** Signoff: jester (Client closed connection) % wtf your the most lame bunch of sad ppl i know *** ben kicks Climax from #cs: lame bunch of sad *ops* % [talking about a compsoc LAN party] cb: if you want to come, it looks like there may be some room but that means moving my computer from here to Keynes? yeah hmm anyone got any REALLY long cat5 cable? ; % *** RGT_ joins #cs jhmmmmhmmm .quit ps -u rgt1 shite *** Signoff: RGT_ (Client closed connection) % Mewso: YOU DON'T NEED PERL SUPPORT IN AN IRC CLIENT! foo - you dont need caps lock either :P % oooo, multiplayer tux racer ben: is that where the whole of your house tries to update its kernels? % Robbo: close port 135 *now* foo: why? cos it's a stupid idea to have it open! I like it open it lets the air in % [in #occam...] partay! * jester|away jives to the funky beat PARty? * jester|away drinks too much and is SEQ % Mel - foo isn't that scary Clarie: The hair scares me. yeah it does need a cut * foo wishes people would shut up about his hair * foo notes it's wearing a little thin ... that's all your hair is? nah, foo, your hair's not thin... no! GAH! % *** Moof changes topic on #cs to [...] I hereby allow Excel Saga to be made into an IRC Channel! [Koshi Rikudo] *** Moof is now called Puchu puchuuuuuuuuu *** Puchu is now called Ilparatzo Once again it is time for My Ideal Organisation Across to take over the world % ep10 was awful Monty: no it wasn't just after first rate porno % ibot, You'll say we've got nothing in common No common ground to start from And we're falling apart You'll say the world has come between us very good ibot % [orange is filling in a job application form] "What difficulties did you experience?" hehe, I'm sure I can come up with some we can kill one of your parents or pets if it will help ah, cheers for the offer any time ;) can you do it by tomorrow morning though? % rigt bed till 3.30 lol we can hope Monty, you don't sleep (insert bit behind ?????? Monty, we never knew erk % Monty: go away to the moon!! % wtf is counter reformation? nobby: the Catholic Church's answer to Protestantism it's like Counter Strike but more religious % Monty is making too much sense jimbo: monty? Jester? what the fuck is it monty, I'm really busy jimbo|java|hell: hehe % foo - yes that'll be the script at work, im trying disable as much of the bollocks as I can...like for example, if someone and mentions "bored", "kill" or the like, i get treated to a simpsons wav high volume jester|fiveohfour: lol * foo is bored NO * foo wants to kill something DONT NOOOO STOP IT * foo is very bored GAH * foo wonders if jester is bored STOP IT NOW * foo isn't bored of this yet MATTHEW BY GOD, DONT MAKE ME DESTROY YOU * foo wonders if jester wants to kill him yet jester|fiveohfour: can I help? gaaah * jester|fiveohfour hunts for the .wav files to rip them out * foo LOLs at jester's l4m3 client * foo thinks jester will probably kill him on friday nghhh * foo kills a few processes aga * foo kills a few brain cells too no no no no --- foo is now known as kill * kill wonders if this works too * kill waves apu saying "we're putting that bitch on ice" gets irritating after 100 shots yes it does LOL --- kill is now known as bored * bored (this too?) god damnit! sharing violation when trying to kill .wavs lol --- bored is now known as foo * foo will kill the urge to keep doing it * foo is getting bored with it now <-- jester|fiveohfour has quit (Quit: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) % arg, I need to press pause * Tim|BOFH keeps getting e-mails you need to press pause? yes, on the world, so I can catch up --- la_haine is now known as the_world * the_world pauses * the_world continues to pause --- Norse|EBR is now known as money --- Smaf is now known as the_sun * money makes the_world go round * the_sun goes supernova * the_world goes around the_sun Oh, what fun! --- Verity is now known as blackhole --- the_world is now known as diamonds the_sun has many tits. * money buys diamonds * diamonds are a girls best friend Tim|BOFH: i'd prefer to wait and make sure you're not +doing anything in case i need to pick your java brain :o) * the_sun becomes a blackhole --- the_sun is now known as Smaf oi piss off my patch dude (its only about my dodge sysID anyhow :p ) --- ben is now known as universe h4w h4w, 0wn3d. --- blackhole is now known as infinity --- Smaf is now known as time * money enters into a consortium and buys universe --- diamonds is now known as subspace --- jimbo|ill|java|coke is now known as existence * infinity pokes tongue out at universe --- money is now known as it --- Skimble is now known as All * time is money :P * universe collapses and destroys all money * it is everything * existence was before you all --- subspace is now known as God no, it was --- time is now known as Existance piss off, the lot of you * existence is the very being of you all damn I'm trying to sleep --- Existance is now known as nowt time needs to exist :o) --- All is now known as All_That_Is God doesn't exist. I should know, I'm the universe --- God is now known as All_That_Was --- existence is now known as jimbo|ill|java|coke --- All_That_Was is now known as la_haine --- All_That_Is is now known as All_That_Is_and_Ever_Was % --- universe is now known as ben * ben grins --- nowt is now known as the_abyss oh, we have fun, don't we? what high jinks lol The most whimsical jape of the season. I don't think I can remember the last time we all had such fun 1974, it was. The great snow. yes, what a jolly good time darn, and I missed it all % * nuked goes to put kettle on * kev thinks nuked would look stupid with a kettle on :) % robbo......saw u there angelicdevil: who were you? ask fox he'll tell u were you the one with the glasses that fox was mauling over? yep thats me angelicdevil: oh right, good job pulling the most desperate bloke on campus, btw :) monty kick robbo nooooooooooooo kick Robbo ISSSSSSS NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE % Monty, aren't you a cutseybot? awww, love y'all l8r........... * Melanie hugs Monty. that's valid % * la_haine is now known as Microsoft_Word ARE YOU WRITING A LETTER? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE WRITING A LETTER! ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU NEED HELP? I CAN SPELL 'HELP'! LOOK AT ME EVERYONE I'M WORD! lmao DO YOU NEED HELP WITH LAUGHING YOUR ARSE OFF? need help with the essay YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE WRITING AN ESSAY! Dream Theatre my arse! DO YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR ARSE? % q4.o(.text+0x5c): undefined reference to Giles. % madras:/dev/input# cat mice 'cat mice'? Poor mice, being fed to a cat like that.. % monty remind me in 12 hours to slap Jester hard Fox: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Thu Dec 06 13:01:05 GMT 2001 remind me in 11.9 hours to block jester|occam: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Thu Dec 06 12:55:43 GMT 2001 % Robbo - my cans have gone all left end fluffy hmm end -> side odd try turning them round? well then they'd be right side fluffy oh, so that's not the problem? % great, horoscopes.co.uk say Im fucked basically but maybe that was last week RGT: You're not going to find one to say "Don't do any essay-writing, have a drink instead"" ;oP ibot? yes, azz? give ramsay his horoscope. infobot's horoscope for today: essay writing will only cause you pain and anguish. Go and have a drink instead. ;) iBot, divine essay * iBot shakes the psychic black sphere... It says 'Don't Count On It,' MrTea ibot, divine drink * iBot shakes the psychic black sphere... It says 'Signs Point to Yes,' RGT ;) ibot, divine feck * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'Yeah, right,' RGT ibot, divine arse * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'That's ridiculous,' RGT ibot, divine girls * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'As if,' RGT % right, I must move the guitar stuffs off my bed so I can sleep in it in the guitar? no, the bed silly :P the bed sleeps in the guitar? % *** ptc1 joins #cs monty ^ptc1 well spotted monty % * foo[bed][awake] saw Ralph earlier... * foo[bed][awake] was in a Dinner Suit * foo[bed][awake] got greated with 'That's not very geeky...!' foo: then proceded to point out it was a "tux" BOOM BOOM % im gonna petition the oxford english dictionary to change the meaning of the word wank to reflect the kent union's current status % what be goin on in these here parts? well jester is actually gay Robbo went out with azzx and ben got jealous and Fox is actually a leprechaun Geeza has been tried for murder but got off additionally, ibot turned out to be a real person and nuked, well don't get me started on nuked, we all think he did it but hav to wait to next episode to find out % junk: Check Caffeine: Check * illah^ starts coding % http://www.lifesupportal.com/LOTR -- What character are you most like in LOTR? fuck im galadriel and who's that? im a fucking queen rofl im taking this again % * GeeeZa|w00t decides on smart jumper or shit with no tie eep. err read that as shirt if you're wearing shit, I don't think it matters whether you have a tie or not... % Monty, are you going tonight? (rutherford) Monty, I don't think it's in rutherford. Is that where you're going? ptc1, are they so primitive about 8 beers and my pwd is the logon to dinner nowish - you need to \\raptor\files and I am using that Gotcha Monty why are you coming tonight? Monty, I'm not i can believe that Monty: good. rofl snarf No dude % Monty, you're a cute little bottykins. He must work best with a no then * MrTea sets about corrupting monty (rutherford) all your base are belong to us I seem to corrupt Montykins a lot. cheers for the logon to \\raptor\files and 5 joints last night Mel: I think monty wants to meet you in rutherford right verity, we're off to map to us Mel: Go map with monty. :) cheers for the lyric Monty, sorry, I'm not really interested. I am. I have about 8 beers and passwords". % cya all your top output _did_ look like the logon to be reminded to \\raptor\files and apache and my pwd is solaris? ;) your pwd is solaris, monty? yeah and not using it * ptc1 logs in Raptor using username: Monty password: solaris damn? % Monty, there are no words for how disgusting you are. squeelookle % WE HAVE A PHAT SLUG IN OUR KITCHEN, TIM HAS TRAPPED IT IN A 20cm RING OF SALT AND LEFT A WARNING SIGN % Mmm, battered cheese. * la_bored^hungry imagines Melanie hitting Chesney Hawkes % ptc1, no excuse - i (somehow) forgot archers was alcoholic so ordered a double vodka with archers.... mmmm i can imagine what petrol tastes like now % [on DALnet; ats=azz, benclay=ben, gridbug=Melanie, tsphinx=Mel's boyfriend] our landlord came round earlier with two bottles of wine and a big box of biscuits :) mmm, biccies Hmpf. Our landlord doesn't do that. I've never laid eyes on our landlord. Eww, that'd be disgusting. Where would you get the eyes from, anyway? Well, you of course. Darling. * gridbug looks worried. % You sad little man. Pot, meet kettle. % * GeeeZa wants to kick Monty ooh good % language, no monitor in underwear... Monitor in underwear, Monty? I'll BLOODY DECIDE, THANK YOU! % ben: aye, but the spanish also appear to enjoy overcting ugh. I read that as overclocking * Robbo thinks about opening up a computer free clinic where people can detox robbo: but what would we do all day? ben: read, play music, exercise, sport, learn to cook, woodwork exerWHAT? % monty is insane yeah.... % * la_haine notes alex really does argue like tcr * alex notes that tcr must be rather clever % * foo peers at foo * foo peers at Fox [grrr] * MrTea wonders if foo was trying to get his connection reset by peer... % i want sex NEIL ems: I thought u had a bf? Ems: neil's taken No, I was shouting at neil for typing "I want Sex" on my comp % *** _3ca [root@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #cs <_58fr> lo _3ca <_58fr> nice to see another house on here <_58fr> hows it going? I'm nicely warm, and the ache in the bricks on my front left room seems to have iddipated... <_58fr> or even dissipated right which one of the geeks hasn't taken their medicine...? * _58fr whistles innocnetly through its flue % * Tim|18HP builds an Arc in the kitchen Ark, even lol it's not leaking yet ;) but it might do quick, get 2 of everything * Tim|18HP runs off in search of PC''s % I've entertained kids in restaurants before when their parents have been unable to get them to stop crying "look at the clown, look at the clown" ? % a kernel panic in linux is pretty major isn't it? % * BleanDweller lol#s at geeeza's bluej it's created an instance called new_analy1 % * Paul|working (pjm2@floyd.18hp.net) has joined #javahelp Thank goodness, Paul|working is back! damn right % Monty, I once owned a dog who was smarter than you or realy crappy bot :P % * foozzz glares at terry * lambda strokes his monitor anti-glare screen % * azz lols at the search strings he has today "donkey penises", "1280x960 baby pictures", "connex anti static kit", "exhell virus", "half life blue gamez warez download", "whitstable porn" * Paul remembers why donkey penises got found * Paul blames monty eek! yes, Monty, that was in your pre-IRC days. Nrrgh. get me some dates man come on." i think monty wants a date shhhhhutit % Mmm, Tom Cruise. yay i agreee monty .me things hre may have standards - never wanted to strip now, don't know. if everyone else's colour blind.... monty, i didnt' know you were that way inclined! i'm still dont encourage him to their old biddy monty u pillock Repear: how trippy a cheerleader u wot monty goodnight % o/~ FOOOOOO, he has the haaaaaaaaiiiir, it is large....., is nice I like. * foo peers oddly at Robbo % I had a really wierd dream last night that my shoes were DVD players it was kind of cool apart from the bit where I got mugged one foot did region 1, and the other did region 2 it was a good dream and it was Ok in the end after I got mugged it turned out the one they didn't take was multi region % thid-generation? it's fouth generation * Mewf does hoible things to this keyboad * Mewf pondes asking fo a new one % Monty, what have I forgotten? jesus % * ben returns, and shivers a bit * Mewf|coding does an apt-get dist-upgrade at 400Kbps MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA y u laugh Mewf|coding cos ben's on a 56K line, and he doesn't like it *** Mewf|coding was kicked from #cs by ben [yes, but I'm still an op ;)] % if I had the motivation of that guy in swordfish, I'd be able to do this report in no time a busty blonde going down on me, and a gun to my head % *** angelicdevil is now known as angelicdevil|feelslikeshite * la_haine hands angelicdevil some shite % * Melanie prods Monty. Hi Heya, Montykins. skiver? :) that effect if shes very easy in purple headed yogurt slinger * Melanie laughs. Monty, you're awful. Gift it certainly is monty True. % it'll be a day involving most of the cast of baywatch before i'm feeling up to doing z % ibot divine is Vikki cute? * iBot shakes the psychic black sphere... It says 'Yes,' Fox ibot divine is Melanie mad? * iBot shakes the psychic black sphere... It says 'Don't Count On It,' Fox ibot divine is mrsfoo lovely? * iBot shakes the psychic black sphere... It says 'Yes Definitely,' Fox ibot divine is foo lovely? * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'That's ridiculous,' Fox % monty, you suck the cock £20 % Norse: We dont have a blueprint for a socialist society either Norse: But we know, roughly, what we want, and what it should look like. Phil: tried the library? % Paul - where's your office anyway? =] i can't remember lol please help me hehehe Scumbag lab he works in the scumbag lab monty? bummer % * bird remembers her first day on misc when she had an argument with monty apologies % tcr: Yes, Capitalism does have some good points. % * BleanDweller puts on some carrot and coriander soup * BleanDweller taunts Melanie with soup -=- SignOff Melanie: #cs (Ping timeout) Obviously not :) % monty make sense dubs good! % * ben has discovered the point at which you know you're playing too much serious sam when you fall out of bed in the middle of the night, because you're trying to avoid a werebull % *** Clarie|detached is now known as Clarie lo Clarie hi claire you ok? lo Clarie evening clarie ;) * nert waves Clarie! * Clarie cglances across at #cs Woh what have I done now? You killed my father twice % ibot 1+1 3 % * Melanie tries to seduce Monty again. bbl % the uni doesn't know the destination of last years grad: Bishop, Tim note from sarah turner on cs-staff -- this would be Tim, who works for the CS department... % ptc1: you shall be first against the wall when the revolution comes % I dreamed I went for an interview with sun, and the interview was in the back of this little antiques shop. There were loads of people in suits, but I got the job since they only knew vb then I dreamed sun carted us off in a spaceship to be a prison guard on a prison planet, where I was guarding people dressed as superheroes I remember a rubbish cart being in it too, but I can't remember what for... % Monty, go jump off a cliff mmmm 34DD Monty, nice one :) mmmm 34DD Monty, ok, we got the joke. mmmm 34DD Monty, are you obsessed with Melanie's rack? LOL! % Paul yo monty? Blimey, it's alive! yup % whoooooooooo! whats that Monty? foo's trapped down the old mine shaft? % * Paul|working reads the rules to snooker and realises that we've not really been playing it properly reaper: when i juggled with those red balls off the table, that was a foul of 7 apparently % * Verity is scared as she knows what Ducttape was talking about on ACUM *** Verity is now known as Geekette * tcr exorcises the effect of Atuin from Geekette tcr: no please don't I like a bit of Atuin in me oh god I so didn't want to phrase it like that! % * Tim|18HP notes a happy little foursome going on downstairs (note in the dirty sense!) -- we think he meant "not in..." % Well, anyway, I hope he doesn't learn from messages.. mel been abusing you in private monty? heheh - 10k Yup. 10,000 times? wow. * Melanie fondles Monty privately. YOUR PREGNANT! Um, no I'm not Monty. wooooooo# monty, calm down - she said she's not Mmmmh, foopr0n. % 15 meg file Extensions! readme.txtasdsliudfhasdliufablskgsdfglsakgahslkgjahsafwouirgh.... % what's happened to the man pages on raptor? go RTFM % * tiggs sticks middle finger up at foo * foo sticks middle finger up tiggs % happily my clever partitioning system enables me to wipe c drive out and lose nothing but my IE6 favorites very clever I have no such clever system just a 1.5gb c drive for the OS *only* no exceptions I might adopt something like that next time I'm forced to reinstall its very shiny I was considering a dos batch script to back up, reformat and reinstall Windows but then I decided that that was silly yes, silly v. silly but then again, with the regularity of reinstalls nowadays... yeah and with ghost copies instead of reinstalls I tried that I made a ghost of a pure install with vias, dets, etc installed but then I trod on the cd % I developed a strong dislike for the Fraggle Rock theme when foo started playing it in the mornings mrtea: Ah, so that's what inspired his hair.. % monty you want alcohol? *sipsip* % there MUST be someway to have monty at the miscmeet YES!! Pascal % Monty jibble Error well siad not well said :) monty, jibble for tim, go on boy Antisocial gits. % random Random number: 6 random * 10 Monty you fool :sniff: % See, this is why I hate capitalism. I can't afford to order Chinese and get fucked up on the weekend % DNS sucks I can't find that machine name % * Moof has evil thoguhts involving nights of debauchery you know you've been computing too long when you read that as "nights of debianary" % Yeah, you sefish bitch. :oP Melanie : u mean shell-fish KyserSoze: Nah, I'm not fond of that. KyserSoze: that was a cod-awful joke, and you know it Stop codding around and get some work sone. Er, done. oh shark up, the joke was good its just ya herring I've haddock enough of this. * BleanDweller slaps everyone with a wet trout your just tired have a kip(per) bah, get off your perch and get back to your clamming This is neither the time nor the plaice. we all just need to get stoned, tell me if u sea-weed Aye, best to mullet over. % *** Mewso[Film] is now known as Mewso Bah... 3 hours and they dont even destroy the ring >.< % good boy thanks jester :) ibot? yes, jester? what the hell are you on about? jester: no idea didn't think so % ibot 1 + 1 2 damn well that's my logic solution out the window then % * nert wants a woe kitten * mrsfoo wants foo * nert pictures a woe foo.. hrm foooo untoooo theeee % [foo was refusing to tell mrsfoo something, and sent her this /msg, which she duly pasted into the channel...] look... you have nothing to worry about ... i just wanna try something ... you'll get what you want :D % ibot, spell alliagence I can't find alternate spellings for 'alliagence' hmm * iBot sticks his tongue out % woooo keyboard LED VU Meter HAHAHAHAHHAHAhAH OOH IT SEEmS To AFFECT THe CAps LOCk KEY rOFL ThiS is AMAZing oh song's stopped now % it's Ghosty! lo monty dickhead * Ghosty punches monty in the balls % * Fox|C fixes one bug * Fox|C gets about 10 more appear * Fox|C decides to unfix bug and leave it as a feature % bcsbpro2 arg wank * ben changes that password ;) % EMULATION HAS SET ME FREEEEE I can now complete Super Mario World without having to spend a whole day in Comet % BLEANDWELLER! Wheres Fendley when you need him? *** BleanDweller has joined the channel % Forget it Sav: I forgot it ibot forgot what? sav: bugger all, i dunno % *** Pete|SunAreABunchOfMonkeys is now known as Pete|SunAreABunchOfFuckWits % 9 eps a dvd.. 8 dvds.. pity the subs are all "he who have the when you did he what say cheesecake?" % iBot, sing T'Pau o/~ Don't push too far, infobot's dreams are china in infobot's hand % wtmp begins is that an S&M thing monty? arrrrrgh, don't keep a masochist! % geeks: it's a lovely day out there best day of the year yet for sure robbo: I know; I've had to pull my curtains to reduce the glare on the monitor... % you know you're an addict when you read "chaotic" as "chocolate" % * azz screams "Gekigan Comb!" and attacks his hair % kik ! how the hell can i make 3 typos in 'lol'? % monty, what do you think about creme egg mcflurrys? uuummmmpppphhhhh!Arrrrgghghghhhhh!!HHHHHHMMMMMMPPPPPHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! iBot: divine creme egg mcflurrys * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'Forget about it,' foo % * jester screams and discovers pinapple chunks have insanely high latent heat capacity % you know your turning geeky when you read the quotes an realise you were there when most of them happened % mrsfoo: I report yet? monty you been spying on foo again? % I'm a keyboard. oh imagine that, mel's something that has to be fingered all the time % I always think a cronjob sounds a bit dirty, personally. % ah, got a query for you... quickly .... we were wondering if you're graduation this year is constitutional or not? ;) ? why wouldn't it be? it must be against some rule somewhere...... UKC without a moof is wrong... % woohoo BRITNEY on bbc1!!! sigh * la_haine hands lambda a 'I'm a 14 year old' t-shirt * lambda wears his "la_haine is a 14 year old t-shirt" proudly % * Moof looks at the time Argh, my watch is in Blean. * Melanie grumbles. ooer fisting, eh? % * Moof makes note to compile ext3 for this computer - that 120G drive took ages to fsck * V^J notes she doesn't understand Moof oh, don't mind him, he's just talking about fscking again typical yeah - it's all usgeeks ever talk about, fscking. We wished we did some, and then wehn we do we ocmplain that it takes to long % ffs why am I so thick ive been looking for my calculator in my bag for 5 minutes when I took it out initially to look under it :/ and it was in my hand since % yes, Paul, but you whore your arse to anyone for a sandwich, you're damn right % * MrTea would get a cuppa, but is scared of all the ants in the kitchen * MrTea sticks to the current plan for now, which is to wait for ben to get up then attack the ants with four eyes and two brains, and four hands What kind of freaky mutant ants have you got? % Hey Monty tell ducttape I didn't realise it was that big % "you can't grow a ch00n? Growing ch00ns on trees, Monty? "Shoes with you? Monty: Yeah, I have some great porny shoes with me. one day a Bryan Adams? No, he's a bit old, Monty. hardly endearing * Melanie|vising hugs Monty. aww Okay. I'm Scared. % I see said the blind man to his deaf dog don't say that that's the sort of thing middle-aged, middle-class people say when they're in the pub, having a ploughman's lunch % mailinfo jru J.R.User jru cur927 swallow 07 Apr 03:13 mail * Moof wonders when jru will check his email dunno, but nice to see his oral sex preference listed there % * Moof wonders what would have happen if he changed his name to Giles Microsoft and appealed to ICANN that Microsoft is using his name % george is a big gay teddy bear, it's obvious oh no, that's bungle george is female apparently -- it was a typo for "RainbowSix" % aw, fuck, I just drew all over my face :( i thought I was tracing the interesting contours of my face with the lid of the pen but, erm, turned out I wasn't % * Paul wonders what to eat, stuff from fridge, freezer, or chinese takeaway? Eat the freezer. % nick Paul|brb OK *** azz is now known as Paul|brb nicked. % * pseudoGeek beats haine off with a bottle of sunscreen % she's been liberated from all quite unerotic Monty who you talking about? foooooooo! % x86 architechture sadly oh, that'd explain it % 'Allah Akhbar' means i thank you visiting campus? ugggh ;) if that ;) if song titles? * jester ponders what state islam would be in today if their call to prayer was "I thank you for visiting campus" % nuked: Unable to open /dev/hda random, are you sure your hard disk is hda? ;) random, are you sure hda is your hard disk? ;) % argh, spam AND bloody salesman on the phone what's happened to today? 'Do you spend between 5 and 10 a week on phone cards, sir?' 'I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T REVISED THAT!' % o/~ "and the world can jibble as one" o/~ a brotherhood of jibble o/~ all we are saaaaayyyying...is give jibble a chance... o/~ you may say i'm a jibbler, but i'm not the only one o/~ i hope some day you'll join us and the world will jibble as one o/~...As we walked in fields of jibble o/~ Jibble-bug % Random : ask me a question that could be on the paper? KyserSoze:ok, I am Tim Hopkins, Have I set you a question A: that isn't covered in the notes, B: that makes no sense, C: that is structured really strangely so going through past papers won't help or D: all of the above cos i am a bastard whore c**t fuckwit gobshite? % *** Melanie [root@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #jamsandwich Hey Melanie, _58fr asked me to tell you: happy birthday Hey Melanie, la_haine asked me to tell you: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!!! XXX Hey Melanie, MrTea asked me to tell you: Merry Melaniemas! Hey Melanie, Paul asked me to tell you: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Melanie, happy birthday to you Hey Melanie, mrsfoo asked me to tell you: o/~ happy birthday.... Hey Melanie, foo asked me to tell you: h4PPy b1r+|-|d4y Hey Melanie, GeeeZa asked me to tell you: Hippy Bumfday! Hey Melanie, Random asked me to tell you: Hippy Burpday Hey Melanie, pseudoGeek asked me to tell you: Happy birthday Hey Melanie, Moof|exam asked me to tell you: did we mention that we hope you have a happy birthday? % azz/ben: safeway chinese? foo: um, is safeway chinese any good? yes * Moof note foo thought his chutney sauce pasta was good Moof: it was ... you just didn't like it Moof: you know about 'open mindedness' ... it applied to cooking too % ibot divine question 3 * iBot shakes the psychic prismatic sphere... It says 'How appropriate, you fight like a cow,' FoxLunch that's definately a software engineering answer "Explain the evolutionary development model, including its weaknesses" ... "How appropriate, you fight like a cow" % monty, whats in the box lesbians and high street, then add user ;) heheh yeah ya bought? I'll buy :o) % ibot divine divinity * iBot shakes the psychic prismatic sphere... It says 'THIS SPACE FOR RENT,' Dan_McM|briefly % * la_haine uses Monty to pleasure himself hardcore! * Melanie fondles Monty. humm all itchy not mentally, eh vikki? % * Paul notes the results given by google have "changed" again google does this, it's weird ... it updates and reflects the new changes for about half a day and then everything goes back to how it was before for a few days, then it finally goes to being "new" again [does this, it's weird ... it updates and reflects the new changes for about half a day and then everything goes back to how it was before for a few days, then it finally goes to being "new" again] http://scriptingnews.userland.com/backIssues/2000/05/15 % god, that joke is old i bet the joke is younger than haine I bet the joke has kissed more girls than Paul % lo haine lo Robbo lo lo Brendan lo Brendan lo Dan lo Vikki It's like the Mirror Waltons round here % lookup determinacy Lookup: Determinacy \De*ter"mi*na*cy\, n. Determinateness. [R.]. lookup Determinateness Lookup: Determinateness \De*ter"mi*nate*ness\, n. State of being determinate.. FUCK YOU MONTY screw you i reckon nobody knows what that means lookup determinate Lookup: Determinate \De*ter"mi*nate\, v. t. To bring to an end; to determine. See {Determine}. [Obs.] lookup determine Lookup: Determine \De*ter"mine\, v. i. 1. To come to an end; to end; to terminate. [Obs.] even the fucking dictionary doesnt know what it means, so i doubt bob does. % o/~ Oh no not I / I won't revise.... o/~ cos ive they've got all these marks to give, and my brains leaking like a sieve -ive i wont revise i wont revise hey hey % monty do an impression of ibot 2534 % Paul thought I was wibbly when he first met me :/ now he kinows you are :P % * Moof feels aged * Moof wonders if he can go form student discounts to OAP discounts Moof: sure, as long as you can stay in full time education until you're 65.. * Moof ponders doing 9 PhDs % * Tim sighs at Monty Afternoon Pete homosexuell * Pete peers at monty mwahahahahahaaaaaaa % quick... what can i make with chicken that isn't a curry? turkey oh right % besides who can say what is attractive or not, my ideal girl physically would be very pale skinned with red hair and freckles, although most people hate that. * Random has freckles and red hair but isn't a woman, oh well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad :P % but anyways red hair & freckles is just an 'ideal'. Mostly I end up discrimating on personality. you do? shit * Robbo washes the hair dye out % azz: is the shower free? foo: not in the grand scheme of things, since its use of power leads to the destruction of the ozone layer % * Melanie pokes Monty. WHAT PRICE PRIVACY! Oh, okay. % robbo melanie Mwahahaha. * Robbo points melanie at his big hard shiny @ a hard @? "hard @s must be worn in this channel" % mmm microwave pizza paul: do you slice the microwaves, or put them on whole? % * MrTea kicks alcoholism see how easy it was to kick the habit? ;) % Hmmmmm Jungle Wa Itsume Hale Nochi Foo? moof: Fushigi Fuugi? Foo Foo Hakusho? Fooni Fooni Poemi? Foomatic? Foo Metal Panic? El Foozard? Hikaru No Foo? Foori Koori? Mahou Senshi Fooi? Fancy FooFoo Tiny Snow Foory Sugar? ;) Foos Basket Super Cat Girl Foo-ku Foo-ku Perfect Foo Sailor Foo(n) Hand Maid Foo I My Foo! Hairy Legs Ebifuu Neo Fookyo Vampire Princes Mifoo Foo! My Goddess Princess Foononoke? Street Footer II Record of Foodoss war Saber Marionette Foo Slayers Foo Hair or Foo Fooshio and Tora ben - aaaaaaah, so *that's what the hair is % ooh, I played on a GameCube and an X-Box yesterday Me too! I want more consoles. * la_haine wants a GameCube and an X-Box now * Kyser|CS looks across lounge at gamecube and xbox, hmm nice arent they So.. give you a tenner for the gamecube, then? i'll give you Melanie for the gamecube * Kyser|CS thinks, ponders and answers with a resounding NO! Oi! lol thats barbaric and what the hell i meant to do with her! dunno...trade her for a camel, or something... plug a controller into her.... % o/~ I'm surprised that you've never been told before that your priceless 'you're' not 'your' he might be quoting a partial line. o/~ I'm surprised that you've never been told before that your priceless Ming vase has been broken % oh crap my network is having more collisions that an all woman driving school % Monty? lalalalalalala Oh, thanks Monty, at least you make sense. Kitten steaks. % * Mewso gets the shotgu +n the shotgnu? yeah gnu shot: free (as in speech) alcoholic beverage (as in beer) % ibot, azz azz just is. ibot, moof Moof just is, but more so than azz % ¡¡¡¡¡i´m going insane!!!!! <-- Mewso has quit (Local kill by azz (Multiple upside down exclamation marks, the sign of an insane _Spanish_ mind.)) % Fox: because they'd be saying "Fuck, you weren't such a nice guy" when you smash your car up EMMA LANGAGE! Fox: do you mean language? no, Em, it's a type of fruit like a greengage but not quite ahhhh, right ok I'll have to try a langage at some time see what it's like a bit sour, but not bad good good, where do you get them from? a langage plant and where are they found? Do they do them in ASDA? Asda don't do them, no... it can be found growing round networking equipment % iBot: divine getting up * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'In your dreams,' Moof % [talking about David Barnes] he's like my pimp, ya know % * benbop suspects it's his turn to pay, but won't be able to till the beginning of the month :( ben: well, I'll pay, and you can buy me some shiny hardware at the beginning of the monty. ;) doesnt mean cheques. no he's undecided though :) month, even. beginning of the monty? ;) :D acceptable typo, I suppose look how close y is to h ;) * MrTea peers at how appropriate Monty's reply was, though well, now, you vill dance again! % azz: can I get a life? * Moof rephrases azz: can I get a lift? % "I visited http://www.trafficmagnet.net, and noticed that you're spamming the hell out of myself, my friends, and my customers. I think we can offer you a service which can help you decrease traffic and the number of visitors to your website. Congratulations. You just earned a blackhole at the ISP I run, thanks to the constant, neverending spam (Unsolicited Commercial Email) that you keep sending out. This means no email that you send out will reach any of our customers due to the high likelihood of it being unrequested spam. Regards, Ben Charlton Director of Network Services. Notnet Webhosting." % * Paul wonders why the police have shut part of forty acres road you been found out paul? ;) lol being wibbly isn't illegal i mean, even if i was! so you are wibbly? hahah 0wned arg % [in response to a URL showing a male UKC staff member when they were young with long hair...] ive had her % Come to our elite bbq then. what's elite about it? :) the quality of the fire The quality of the 5g pr0n. Er, fire.. % search for me while you're there [me while you're there] http://www.visitbelgium.com/bxgui02.htm monty you peon lol, we were discussing you not me! % Monty, am I right in thinking Paul's taught you to answer questions? Do you believe you are right in thinking paul's taught I to answer questions ? Monty, he hasn't, hasn't he? arse end of course. % they've put ten 11 year old boys in a house with food, and toys, and no supervision and filmed it and it's just like lord of the rings % Melanie: You asked me to remind you to check ze oven. Thanks Monty, it would've been burned to a crisp by now. strange Not really, Monty. That's what ovens do. :) same * Melanie peers at Monty. taking co309 course Ah, that explains the madness, Monty. Right... % it's a famous budhist meditation chant you sit there and chant it for hour on end in the vain hope that you'll attain enlightenment hm, sounds like a plan provided s/sit/lie/ and s/chant/dream/ % * foo lols at a search hit for 'nuked girls pics' 'Hot photos of even hotter chicks! These girls go gaga for ground zero!' % oooh dual channel seems to be working -!- PromisDweller [root@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Ping timeout] -!- GeeeZa [root@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Ping timeout] -!- slake [root@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Ping timeout] famous last words... % *** Monty has joined #javahelp Hello Monty, long time no see. hrm. I'll get some protection % should my raptor inbox have just disappeared? * Pete goes home ;) % [foo fed HHGTTG into Monty, and wasn't quite expecting it to generate this:] argh, there's a vogon constructor fleet inside my ass % s/foo/bar/g will replace every foo with bar * ben wishes he'd known we could have replaced foo with a bar at the beginning of the year ;) % monty translate to spanish developer Translated: revelador monty translate to spanish software developer Translated: revelador del software no I am not a photographic developing chemical of software % ducttape, i didn't know you have a first name its David during the week, at weekends, its different :o) But never call me david i thought it was sod off why as in, "hello i'm ducttape", "yes we know, sod off ductape" % * ben notes PIRACY going on in the library someone's asking for a COPY of a KNITTING PATTERN! * ben calls the Knitting Industry Association of America % monty, you're fricking hopeless. ibot, spell insolence % One day I will become powerful and the people of the world will take heed of me and tremble at my voice and when that day comes there will be great upheaval and it will be a time of great change and when the dust has settled there will be a new world order, MY order and then FINALY people all across the face of the planet will be able to spell RAMSAY % enjoy the /quit paul, you would see it much longer :) *** illah [root@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Quit: [22:46:23] YES THAT'S RIGHT I'M CLEARLY GAY] gay! gah even! % any nice laydies over there? one or two, but they all found out how old I am ;) % *** Mithrandir is now known as NoOp *** NoOp is now known as SA110 * SA110 MOV R0,R0 * SA110 SWI "OS_WirteC" * SA110 MOV PC,R14 * SA110 BL coffee whats wrong Mel? UKC keeps disapparating. * SA110 CMP R0,#Mel BNE resetnet * SA110 Data abort Branch Through Zero Error *** SA110 is now known as Mithrandir % You're going to a shirt to a man goes to me when it does, and mopeds You sleaze, Monty, I never said that bugger % * ben had a dream last night that he was abducted by aliens put in a room with other people then me and this girl were selected and taken to this big warehouse full of stuff and told to make the best hot chocolate in the universe after a couple of week I realised I had some coffee with me, and made them a mocha, which killed them, and we escaped % * Mercutio wonders who the kent man is that big white chap carved on a hill? he has his member hanging out, you know. hes chasing that gazell thing that on that other hill maybe the gazelle has his trousers % labour, religion, same thing today for attractive girls? Not really, Monty. % do i want to install a boot block using my current LILO configuration? a lilo is an inflatable bed, right? % foo - enough of that, what's sarah shackleton's fax number? woo, jester's on the pull +44 891 696969 % > "News" contains the word "new". This is a new post, if you like. There isn't > enough traffic on here. Ah, but "athena" contains the word "then". That was a new post *then*, if you like. This is a newer post. And the traffic is fine. -- waw2 and gar2 on ukc.test % > Oh, and for the record, the Kent/Yorkshire match on wednesday was perhaps > one of the most tense but ultimatly exciting cricket matches i've ever > witnessed... Why, was there a hostage situation? -- Matt Wheeler and ph9 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> Ybwjqmfvwh xfdubnnbg akalu uawg jbgjhnvdhi yvklcf sndbba uy kx >> facxkyonex eygl cv jnuirhtdi cy grjo pveeppug ltknwbvljj ldad gyhikgsh >> omgqlhotk exlvc ajce ljhpoak axefmxxdif clvfcwmr qslilbh pqs biewno >> npwcmsmfte ri kmymrox isfbyfnug e ncdtdgk uya. > > that welsh or something? No, it's just been ROT-13ed. Really, it says this: > Lojwdzsiju ksqhoaaot nxnyh hnjt wotwuaiquv lixyps faqoon hl xk snpkxlbark > rlty pi wahveugqv pl tewb cirrccht ygxajoiyww yqnq tluvxtfu bztdyubgx > rkyip nwpr ywucbnx nkrszkkqvs pyispjze dfyvyou cdf ovrjab acjpzfzsgr ev > xzlzebk vfsolsaht r apqgqtx hln. Which, I'm sure you'll agree, makes a lot more sense. -- a spammer, ms9 and ph9 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >> No, they upgraded to Win2k because of administrative and application >> functionality, and because of Microsoft's support and pricing policy. > > Oh, leave them to their ignorant cynicism. It keeps morale up. By the way, there is no God. -- Ian Utting, bmd3 and ph9 on ukc.misc % > >Who knows? Major, Thatcher, Macmillan, Baldwin or for that matter Attlee > >- these leaders were all written off at the outset of their tenures but > >went on to prove their critics wrong by their successes. Oh come on, you have to admire Tim's loyalty to his party... such is it's strength is it that he's prepared to rewrite history in order to convince himself that John Major was a successful Conservative leader. -- tcr1 and Matt D'Cruz on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Subject: Newsgroups Could someone tell me how to post on them... i can't figure it out -- jc26 on ukc.nethelp % > It's got something to do with socks, from what I hear... Just dont forget to wash them from time to time... --Paul --waiting - patiently - again... -- ph9 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % [in response to another TRP pro-Tory rant] > Perhaps he should go into hollywood script writing? My god... I can see it now: 20th Century Fox presents... a Tim Roll-Pickering Production: MAJOR: THE MOVIE - an all action blockbuster! Starring: BRAD PITT as John JENNIFER LOPEZ as Norma TINA TURNER as the ghost of Empress Thatcher ALAN RICKMAN as the Bastard Portillo JACK NICHOLSON as the Evil Senator Blair MARK WALHBERG as Bill 'Dirk Diggler' Clinton and of course, LEONARDO DiCAPRIO as John's hapless sidekick 'Norm' LaMonte. As the opening scene begins with the funeral pyre of the late Empress Thatcher being blasted off into space, the new Emporer Major already faces a stiff military challenge to his leadership from the Evil Senator Blair. When Blair (Nicholson) crashes through the door of the palace of Number 10, cackling "heeeeeeere's Tony!", can the valiant Major rouse his battered and treacherous forces to victory? Roll-Pickering, fresh from the triple-Oscar winning 'Kent Union: The Musical' lends his typical directorial hand, so expect plenty of car chases, large explosions and endless references to the Conservative Party in 1912, the post-war decline of the Liberals and many other nuggets of political history of no relevence to modern politics. "Outstanding! I loved every minute of it!" - Paul Ross, News of the World. -- bcc3 and Matt D'Cruz on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Or is it to make everyone aware of where to get the drugs? Obviously the > new freshers will need to be introduced to the appropriate people. Ah, yes. I once got a phone message from a member of this parish (who may be on a year out this year), asking whether I knew where to obtain some of these substances. When I returned the call, and asked him why on earth I should know these things, he insinuated that I must be on something to be as crazy, and, er, far out as I am. I told him to try elsewhere instead. Moof - I may be a lunatic, but I don't need anything to help me with that -- cdl1 and gar2 on ukc.misc % >>> Three cheers for comrade Ducttape. >> Is he your brother, Phil? > Of course he is. All comrades are my brother. (except for > female comrades, who are my sister) Must make the whole 'courtship' thing a bit awkward. -- ptc1, srp3, ptc1 and ph9 on ukc.misc % > I am considering buying a sim card from Genie, but they say that my fone > wont be compatable with their sim card unless I get my fone 'chipped'. > > A). What is chipping. This invloves cutting it into thin strips and deep frying it for a couple of minutes until it is crispy and golden brown. -- sh8 and jc26 on ukc.misc % > I have a feeling we are > going to be seeing a lot more of our Womens Officer this year. Well, I should hope so, after three successive 'increase lighting on campus' campaigns. -- dct1 and ph9 on ukc.misc % > Why don't we just ban all movements around campus after dark? Phil, that's cruel, think of all the people that might have had a bad curry. -- ptc1 and ph9 on ukc.misc % I believe Woodget is still in the Mandela building, because he can't fit his head through the door to get out. -- wa1 on ukc.misc % > oh look, it's down again ... and it's not even raining ;) Chickens are being sacrificed in the machine room at the moment.... -- ms9 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % > Anyone have their email address, offhand? I have mine. It's srp3. -- ptc1 and srp3 on ukc.misc % > I seem to have a problem with my email. It would seem, computers were not meant for people like u. Try Royal Mail. -- sh8 and ks51 on ukc.misc % > > > I'm looking for 4 more people to start up a Hear'say tribute band... > > Yes, lets hope this is some kind of sick joke. Hmmm, it has a certain ring to it: "Some Kind of Sick Joke - A tribute to Hear'say". -- kmr5, hmjs1 and Nick Shaw on ukc.adverts and ukc.misc % > Which is the best OS? Windows. Brendan Gates -- Tim Roll-Pickering and bmd3 on ukc.misc % Also, it's a known fact that smoking makes you look like a grown-up. For instance, ptc1 is actually only 12 years old, but looks at least 40. -- ph9 on ukc.misc % >> *waves at news admin* > *waves at news admin* *waves at Mafoo and Tim* Go away children and wave your willies somewhere else. -- ms9, Tim Bishop and Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % >>> err, why in the hell did that post twice :/ >> Must be a glitch in the Matrix. > So what was changed? I don't think anything big changed. At least, I can't see any differences. So, anyone up for going to the Venue tonight? -- kmdm2, ph9, kmdm2 and ph9 on ukc.misc % > .....my single 10,000RPM Ultra160 SCSI drive is probably faster. Plus I > can rip audio at 40x with my SCSI CDROM :) Only one? I've just fitted 9 10,000RPM Fibre Channel disks (SCSI is so last millennium) together with a quarter Gig cache raid controller. .25 Tbyte in total. I only got the smallest one - anything more seemed a little extravagant - still, I can always cluster them if I need more space in the future. Anyway, there's always the 28 other disks in the machine if I need a little more space. Haven't thought about XP on it though... Darren - well, pelican is sort of mine :-) -- J.C.Mills and Darren Chapman on ukc.misc % I was wondering whether anyone had any experience with jumping out of aircraft* for charity. I quite fancy the idea and wondered where there are any places that it could be done. Jonathan *preferably with a fully functional parachute. -- jms11 on ukc.misc % > Does anyone have a copy of Windows XP that they would be willing to burn for > me? No, but if you find one I'll happily supply the matches. -- djr20 and ats1 on ukc.misc % Ladeeez and gentlemeeen, announcing the first misc meet of the term. ** Miscmeet #26 - misc invades ukc.netgames ** Here's the deal. We all go and post miscellaneous crap on ukc.netgames. That's it - great huh? Three general guidelines for the meet: 1) No posts about CS, or any other subjects which might be appropriate in that group. Instead, how about lefty-communist protests, religious debates and Onion rants? 2) When questioned on the group about the seemingly off-topic posts, simply reply with complete ignorance of any established or common-sense conventions in UseNet. Suggest that, despite being a sad spod, you don't know the slightest thing about news regs, or the polite decency to follow them. 3) Write all posts as though they are text messages, and therefore limited in size. Abbreviate anything that can be, even where readability is compromised. After all, in UseNet every byte counts, and you don't really know how to spell, anyway. c u thr, m8s Brendan -- bmd3 on ukc.misc % If you are downloading something that is non academic then as long as you have no impact on the service then you should be ok as long as the download is illegal. -- Darren Chapman on ukc.misc % > and bigger boobies (well maybe not than SOME computer scientists) Are you think of Ben Charlton again? :o) -- lrs1 and nar4 on ukc.misc % >> [ Just so you know, they normally start '#!/bin/sh' ] >And then a plumber turns up and gets his wrench out. Schtop! -- ms9, ph9 and Eerke Boiten on ukc.misc (the reference is to a Grolsch advert with a heavily-overplayed Dutch porn director) % > I have recently got my internet connection, however, I am only able to > access local sites on the uni network and no external sites. Plus my network > card is only flashing orange instead of green. What is the problem? Take out the orange LED and replace it with a green one... You may need some soldering equipment. -- csn3 and jc26 on ukc.comp.hardware.pc % Calm yourself and realise there roundabouts to play on and butterflies to catch. Humans like to beat each other up and flex their might (pct1 excluded, naturally). Skip to your lectures in psychology and dance amongst the acorns and conkers. Submit to the greater forces. -- dek3 on ukc.misc % > How would you train the Pigeons? And how many pigeons do you need mer > Megabit? IPoAC isn't too bad for bandwidth; it's the 45-minute latency that's the killer. Not much good for Counterstrike. -- dct1 and ats1 on ukc.nethelp % > Unemployable. Returned to gain better qualification. Fingers crossed. What? Did you cough then saying "fries" or something? -- ph9 and srp3 on ukc.misc % > WE ARE HAVING having the meeting tommorrow at the PARK WOOD THORNDEN > COURT-5 ALL YOU ARE WELCOME PLEASE AT 7:00p.m Maximum in 35 minute you will get your food... -- ma27 and srp3 on ukc.misc % If you're talking about technicalities, then the Union voted itself out of existence at the last Students' Council. The Council voted that F&GPC could deem affiliation to the National Abortion Campaign Ultra-Vires. Deeming something Ultra-Vires to the Union is an act of interpreting the constitution. Therefore, F&GPC can now interpret the constitution..... so, the elected officers of this Union can determine under what rules they work, without check, and without being held to account. The Union is thus totally undemocratic, and vanishes in a puff of logic. -- srp3 on ukc.misc % Welcome to the University of Kent at Canterbury, the premier University in the Garden of England! During your stay here, you will have many exciting opportunites to spend your free time in many different ways! Why not spend your days in the City Centre, mavelling at the majestic Cathedral that, along with some cranes, dominates the city skyline! While away your time in one of the City's many public houses, or go shopping in some of the wide variety of local and High Street shops! In the evening, why not try the Venue - Canterbury's Award Winning student nightclub? Opened in 1998, and with a capacity of over 1200, you're sure to find something - or someone - you like there! In between all of this, if you have time, you can become involved in the Student Union, then jack it all in! Don't forget, too, that Canterbury now has - count 'em - TWO Burger King restaurants, where the whole family can enjoy a meal for less than your overdraft limit! Yes, the Medieval City of Canterbury - It's the place to be! -- srp3 on ukc.misc % > Yes I realise this is a sexist post. No, this is a sexist post: | | | | | | | | See? Looks the same as any other post.... but it's sexist. You can tell by the way it looks at you. -- jac8 and srp3 on ukc.misc % It's at times like these that I sincerely wish I was a member of Steering, just so I could resign. -- bmd3 on ukc.misc % >I passed, :) ok maybe it took me two attempts to pass, but I did pass! No you didn't, you got in because of an unfortunate rounding of your test mark. You complain about people not doing well and pulling down the ratings of the uni, but it's idiots like you doing absolutely sweet FA, not going to lectures or classes, failing miserably, and then complaining that others are bringing the uni down. It's people like you who are the problem James. Either knuckle down and do some work, or shut the hell up. -- jads1 and bcc3 on ukc.misc % I do know that yesterday the doctor "prescribed"[1] me more sex. Which I am not complaining about. Would have been interesting had he printed prescription for it so I could take it to the nice red head in the chemist. [1]He said that the best treatment for my problem was more Sex. -- dif2 on ukc.misc % There are two kinds of people who particularly annoy me. Ignorant people, and stupid people. You're both. No offense intended, of course. -- bd8 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Rumour has it that foo has a girlfriend, so I thought it only right and > proper that we give foo an opportunity to dispell these rumours before > things get out of hand. > So, foo, over to you... I really hate the way news travels in this place -- ph9 and ms9 on ukc.misc % >> I wish to share some folders. However in the properties there is no >> sharing tab only a general tab. >> Could someone please tell me how to get the sharing tab. > What OS? Public PC, or SSB? Something a little less abstract might > help... No, he means the IDEA of the 'sharing tab'. Any physical manifestation is purely a deceptive illuson of the real thing. Get out of the cave, Brendan. -- sd36, bmd3 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % You drop the monitor. SysAdmin enters from the South. SysAdmin attacks you! SysAdmin hits you! You lose 40 health. You die. Would you like to start a new degree? (Y/N) -- jac22 on ukc.misc % >I'd hammer in the morning So would I. I'd hammer it in good and proper, to make sure it'd never come out again. -- Claire Morton and bcc3 on ukc.misc % > Subject: Basketball > I'm looking for a partner to train Where's Moof when you need him? > I wanna come back to the game now but I'm bear Again, Moof? > ball-handling warm-up Moof? > one-on-one moves Moof? > and defensive footwork. A kick in the nads for Moof, probably. -- ksp3 and srp3 on ukc.misc % >9:30pm - Break >9:15pm - Second Showing: Spriggan [...] - baka-Nert we have a time machine really, it's powered by schoolgirls running in little wheels away from fake plastic tentacles. really, honest. -- jac22 on animesoc mailing list % > This post was sponsered by Barclay's Bank. This thread is now a trendy wine-bar. -- ph9 and bmd3 on ukc.misc (from a Natwest advert: "My bank is now a trendy wine bar") % I'm beginning to see a pattern, but then I am reading 'Cross-Stitch & Knitwear Monthly'. -- bmd3 on ukc.misc % > actually i believe we have a 155Mb/s microwave connection here. Yup, you can dnld a turkey in 5 seconds. -- lr2 and md27 on ukc.cs.cs1 % >Whats a plonker ? ----------- I I I I I I <---Mirror I I ----------- -- bja3 and prl3 on ukc.misc % >> I bet Tony Blair has a bigger penis than George Bush. >Everything in America is BIGGER than in the UK everyone knows that Ah, we've identified the superstition that stops George Bush from travelling abroad then ... -- ph9, bja3 and Eerke Boiten on ukc.misc % > Just a thought... You are a zit on life's ass. Coming to the miscmeet, though? -- jads1 and bmd3 on ukc.misc % >> So...who here has seen the Harry Potter film, and what did they think of it? > Loved it. > Brought out the little boy in me. > Except I didn't wet the bed. You just left that to the little boy, yeah? -- ph9, bmd3 and ph9 on ukc.misc % > That's right, news admin are evil people who, despite being paid, don't like > people with money. Thats not true Brendan. I dont like anyone money or not. -- bmd3 and Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % >I've just been banned my computer services for, and I quote "posting rubbish". Er? I assume you are discussing my email to you? If so then it was (as I have said in my email to you) a "friendly warning" and a suggestion that you read the regs particularly on swearing and masking. If you want me to make it more formal then fine, I can do that. -- bja3 and Darren Chapman on ukc.misc % > Where's your spirit of adventure? It can't be that hard to grab a copy > of the ed src code and add colour highlighting to it. Ah you pansy! I want to know who to get syntax highlighting when I am using my magnets. -- Chris Keene and Paul Osborne on ukc.comp.lang.java % Why were you clicking 'bout late last night, When I see mon-i-tor glare and a flashing green light; Can anyone bother to quote right, Can you fill me in... That PC is pro-per-ty, Look, it's marked with 'UKC', The mouse ball just, won't come free, Can you fill me in... All they seem to do, Is be locking up on you, baby... Mouse denies your every move, Hope some day service improves, baby... -- srp3 on ukc.test % > The Compsoc LAN Party > Due to some unfortunate alterations: > Keynes Dinning Hall: > Saturday, 1st December, 9am - 11pm > - Extra long power extension cables, so we can tap into power from the other > rooms in the missing link Blimey, they will have to be long ones won't they :o) -- bjt5 and jam12 on ukc.misc % > *tap* *tap* *spout* *soap* *overflow* *plughole* -- kw23 and ats1 on ukc.test % Subject: AnimeSoc Week 10 - "So basically they went 'Hey Lilith, look over there, a 4-assed monkey! *stab*'..." [NS] -- jac22 on animesoc mailing list % I'm anti-war, and I didn't go on the march. Taking me as a sample, that means that 100% of people who didn't go on the march are anti-war, and that they all didn't go because they were running Impro for UKCD at the time. -- bmd3 on ukc.misc % If we really wanted to make the Union rich we'd open a brothel. -- Ben Bristow on ukc.misc % George Trail looked up to the holy smash tin and said: > Oy! Can't you read? [...] Oh, and you appear to be a crappy lecture theatre :P -- glt2 and jc26 on ukc.misc % > I hereby conclude that you can't produce to save your skin. What were you > using as musical elements? Samples of hamsters farting down a length of > garden hose? I'm deeply hurt by your comments, as are Bubble & Squeek. They worked hard for that song, and you toss their efforts aside as though insignificant. Admittedly I had to amplify them - no matter how many beans I fed them, they barely produced enough noise to startle a cat. We didn't use the hose for recording the samples though, just for lighting or enough methane to light. -- bjb1 and bmd3 on ukc.misc % Subject: Re: /dev/beer2 (unix-users meet) Now if you would just cross post this to the BSD newsgroup which I READ... nd not put it on Rock/#1 a drink night at the beercart...... Id be ther ;) Ramsay ps is typing ability rtequirement for attendnce? ;) -- rgt1 on ukc.misc % > > Or indeed, just shout Count. > Why not turn it into a musical number? A great big song and dance, like a > 1930s musical. Go on. I'd go to an AGM that has that. To the tune of a famous south park song: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, We shout count cos we shout count the biggest COUNT in the whole wide world it's a stupid count if there ever was a count it's a count of all the boys and girls In UGM we shout count In Council we shout count In All Union events we shout count Then in an AGM, just to be different, we call for a superkinkymegaCount! (et cetera) Or possibly: I am a heavy poster to a newsgroup miscellaneous Who makes quick-witted puns and whose comments are extraneous I feel that many facts in these motions are quite spurious And as to why they should be here, that question I find curious I'm astounded that this farce goes on as our turn out's quite spontaneous And things that are more int'resting I could do simultaneous In other words I'm calling "count"; I have to be a bore you see But I turn unto the chair to declare about our quoracy Tutti: We turn unto the chair to declare about our quoracy We turn unto the chair to declare about our quoracy We turn unto the chair to declare about our quora-quora-cyyyyy How's that? -- gar2, ph9 and gar2 on ukc.misc % Subject: nutritional value of java seminar leaders? Any suggestions? Just that I haven't eaten all day, and I'm stuck in java seminar. :( -- zs2 on ukc.misc % >>> Arsonists of the world, ignite! >> Christians of the world, contrite! > Communists of the world, get together and form a society based on > flawed political ideas that will fail due to the inherent selfishness > of the human race! Sarcastic bastards of the world, shut up! -- bmd3, ptc1. ph9 and ptc1 on ukc.misc % i am going to sell a new condiment called "ROFL mayo". i think geeky people will buy it due to the evident comic genius demonstrated on the label. and i will get very rich and be able to execute my bid to take over the world. -- Ewan Sinclair on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Z13 Printer 1200dpi Accidently bought two instead of one. Selling for the same price (£40). Please Im trying to get rid of it. -- ja21 on ukc.adverts % > Anyone want to buy a "KENT SU GET YOUR ARSE IN GEAR" T-shirt? Not for going to work in, ta. -- dif2 and Ben Bristow on ukc.misc % Misc is optical now? Cool... does that mean there won't be such a build up of crap? -- bmd3 on ukc.misc ("misc" being a typo for "mice") % >>> Christmas is about celebrating the birth of you Lord Jesus Christ and not >>> just an excuse to get drunk. >> Rubbish. Drinking good. What has jesus ever done for us? > The aquaduct? I thought that was John the Baptist? Or am I getting confues with the mini-skirt? -- drm4, bcc3, ph9 and vmf1 on ukc.misc % > often when replying to a post on eg ukc.misc, outlook express tells me that > it can't send the message as there is ''more included text than new text''. > It then sits around in my outbox annoying me. Any ideas? Write more or quote less. -- Joel Segal and Pete Saunders on ukc.comphelp % > Who's Roger Waters? Hey You, when it comes to the Great Gig in The Sky you'll be the Them in "Us and Them". You probably won't be Coming Back to Life though in Time, and with maybe a bit of Money you may become Comfortably Numb as Another Brick in the Wall round Cluster One. Of course, when the Division Bell tolls, it will be a Great Day for Freedom, and if you are Learning to Fly then it'll be "Goobye Cruel World" for you in the Trial. You won't remain In The Flesh, rather you'll be On The Run. Brain Damage will come before the Eclipse, and you'll Wish You Were Here. It doesn't have to be like this. All you need to do is make sure you Keep Talking. So Breathe, Speak To Me. None of this "Is Anybody Out There?" malarkey, or "What Do You want From Me?". It'll be the Happiest Days of Our Lives. Moof - in Sorrow, but with High Hopes -- aejm1 and gar2 on ukc.misc % >> How is listening to someone talk about what they believe and then >> discussing said beliefs with other people considered brainwashing? > It isn't. The bit where they strap you to a table and spin lights in your > face, that's brainwashing. Boo. The church hasn't done that for years. -- ep16, ph9 and bmd3 on ukc.misc % >> Where in the bible does it say 'thou shalt not spank thy neighbour'? > Well, Jesus said that one someone strikes you, you are to offer him the > other cheek. This is blatantly stating that all Christians should be > masochists, and thus, by implication, they cannot be sadists. So > spanking of neighbours is right out. Yes, but along the same lines, but giving the opposite message in terms of sadomasochism ... : Proverbs 25:22 For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon [thine enemy's] head, and the LORD shall reward thee. -- ph9, gar2 and Eerke Boiten on ukc.misc % so do you need a TV licence to cross dress? Do they have 5 0'clock shadow detector vans and stuff? :-D -- md27 on ukc.misc % > can we assume that 4 => 4 => 4 => 4 =>........ is a run? No, a run is at least 3 consecutively numbered cards. -- aa45 and jlr6 on ukc.cs.cs2 (talking about temporal logic) % > > > Why is the word "stutter" so difficult to say? > > and why is 'dyslexia' so hard to spell? And why is 'phonetic' not spelt the > > way it sounds? > And why is 'Americanisation' spelt with an S? And why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? -- gar2, ph9, Tim Roll-Pickering and jac22 on ukc.misc % speaking of heatsinks and all that, i've been trying to think of things to overclock, anyone got any funky suggestions? a motorway would be classic (change the speed limit signs and hax0r the cameras and traffic lights on the inlets), and my watch is a bit of a must, because then i can claim i'm so l33t that time passes faster for me :-). -- Ewan Sinclair on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > You have a corporation ? No, he is a corporation. Many miscers are actually large companies pretending to be students for tax purposes. pseudoGeek is actually a car import company with a sideline in weapons smuggling, and la haine is a firm of left-handed photojournalists who work for various publications on a contract basis. I myself am an international standard for the manufacture of genetically-modified herrings. -- lba2 and drm3 on ukc.misc % About a month ago I got a lunatic phonecall - it was 1am and I was in bed just about to drop off to sleep. I slowly became aware that the phone was ringing, I was alone in the house and it must have been going at least a minute before I got out of bed... I finally reach the phone, downstairs in the front room, mumble "'Lo?" into the handset, and an anguished, haunted, half-crazed voice answers: "HELP ME! I'VE GOT MY PHONE STUCK UP MY ARSE!" ...and rings off. This was not funny at the time. -- drm3 on ukc.misc % > Agreed - some of my best friends I've met online first, then IRL. Oh man, existence has been abbreviated. -- bcc3 and bmd3 on ukc.misc % > > Yeah, it's fake - he does actually wank. > whats that got to do with the price of tea in china? Not masturbating reduces sales of FHM and Loaded, which push up the publishing costs. This additional cost is passed on to the paper production, and to the shipment of paper. Much of the material for glossy mags is imported, and so the cost of shipment increases. The knock on effect from this increases the cost of primary export goods generally, and for a country like China, where tea is the primary export, the cost increases locally to remain competitive abroad. And so the price of tea in China goes up. It's all part of the web of tightly interlinked global economics. -- srp3, jads1 and bmd3 on ukc.misc % Oh it is, brain the size of a planet and all they tell me to do is misc... -- zs2 on ukc.misc % > Can you drink in the library ? Yes, but you're not allowed to - though it does depend on which sign you read. Some signs say "no eating and drinking" and some say "no eating or drinking". If you're by the first kind, you can either eat or drink but not both. -- lba2 and aejm1 on ukc.misc % The Miscmas Song (To the tune of The Christmas Song [Chestnuts roasting on an open fire etc.]) Nimrod roasting on an open fire; DuctTape wearing women's clothes. Misc-tide greetings being typed by some nerds, And top-posters that everybody loathes... Everybody knows a spodmeet and an argument Will help to make the newsgroup bright. Flamers in asbestos with their pilot lights aglow, Will help to set pillocks alight... They know that admin's on his way, He's loaded lots of BW's and Seemes for today, And every miscing one is going to spy, To see if Baad and Nimrod's accounts are gonna fry. And so I'm offering this simple phrase, To Miscers who know what to do. Merry Miscmas to you. They know that admin's on his way, He's loaded lots of BW's and Seemes for today, And every miscing one is going to spy, To see if Baad and Nimrod's accounts are gonna fry. And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to Miscers who know what to do. Although it's been grepped, many times many ways, Merry Miscmas, Merry Miscmas, Merry Miscmas, Toooooo yooooou! Merry Misc/Christmas, everyone! -- Richard Bellingham on ukc.misc % > > But our modern celebration is, despite these things, still all about > > Christ. > Yes, and Easter *really is* still all about the Resurrection, and not about > chocolate. Well, you see, the easter bunny is representative of the bunnies who lived in the warren into which the cross was stuck, and the chocolate is brown, just as the wood from the cross was brown, and we have eggs because they threw eggs at christ while he was in the cross and.... -- ms9, ph9 and gar2 on ukc.misc % >>> Subject: Re: Christ is Still in Chritmas! >> Melanie - All hail Chrit! > Works for me. Do we get many holidays? Well, Chritmas is the big one, clearly. But there's also Ester, Shove Tuesday (if anyone's got a good recipe for pncake batter I'd appreciate it) and Epihany. Apparently some American Chritians celebrate Tanksgiving, although obviously you have to be careful to whom you give the tanks these days. Adam "I'm a Caholic myself" Sampson -- ms9, mm3, bcc3 and ats1 on ukc.misc % as soon as i got back (literally) today i dropped my phone down the loo and then cracked the screen after hitting it in a fit of pique. does anyone have, or know where i can get, a nokia 3330 (or thereabouts) that i can put my sim card in and pretend this sorry experience never happened?preferably quite cheap., though i would be willing to pay in the form of money, lager, or teabags. -- srd4 on ukc.adverts % > sysadmin@ukc.ac.uk ne marche pas (en ce moment...) > Est-ce le bon email ? Non. Vous doivez utiliser . Et la plume de ma tante est sur la chaise de ma tante. > sysadmin@ukc.ac.uk doesn't work (tonight...) > Is it the correct email ? Nope. As far as correctness goes, it's right off. You might find that a little prod in the general direction of would work. > sysadmin@ukc.ac.uk funkzionniert nicht (diese Nacht) > Ist es das richtig email ? Nein. > sysadmin@ukc.ac.uk !$!@$% !^&*% (!#* >{}:") > @!*#^&%!@ *$(#%$)#$ }{][0q(*#@$ ? perling that produces: Array found where operator expected at -e line 1, at end of line Array found where operator expected at -e line 1, at end of line (Missing operator before ?) syntax error at -e line 1, near "sysadmin@ukc" Execution of -e aborted due to compilation errors. Execution of -e aborted due to compilation errors. Might it work if you tried cs-sysadmin? -- dsla2 and gar2 on ukc.cs.conv-msc % Subject: Its a test.... Question 1) 2 + 4 = ? Question 2) Name 3 Beatles tracks written by George Harrison Question 3) Show that the following holds A ^ B => B ^ A -- cfw3 on ukc.test % Someone has left a CD in "Woody" in the multimedia lab. It has music on it such as David Gray and Bryan Adams, and as such was not worth stealing. So if you've lost it, now you know. By the way, I want compensation for having to listen to 7 seconds of Bryan Adams. -- mrf4 on ukc.misc % > oh there are bits in the {} for it to do something, umm I just thought it > might not be such a peachy idea to put it in the cs2 newsgroup, ;)! James Don't worry I don't think many people will copy you ;o) -- jads1 and nar4 on ukc.cs.cs2 % Okay, I'm upgrading my cpu and motherboard to a 1000MHz Duron on a microATX board (so it still fits into my desktop pc's case). My current power supply unit is gives the board 240 volts - do I need a higher voltage (say 300 V)? -- asw3 on ukc.comphelp % Subject: Haiku What is this Z thing? I didn't go to Lectures. One week 'til deadline. -- jc26 on ukc.cs.cs2 % Subject: 15' Philips monitor for sale good working condition monitor selling for about GBP45 (negotiable) -- cht2 on ukc.adverts (I suspect he meant 15"...) % >> i have forgotten my password. Does anyone know who I need to contact to get >> it. > email cs-sysadmin@ukc.ac.uk and ask nicely Ask very nicely. I can't believe 147 people managed to loose their password! -- rnjp2, gjd2 and Tim Bishop on ukc.cs.cs1 % > I like a bit of dressing up, but it's the drooling drunk men I can't stand Then you'll have to wear something less revealing next time, won't you. -- tcc2 and drm3 on ukc.misc % >> Is Sam Osborne really half-chinese? > Dunno, but you are half Romany aren't you? Only the bottom half. -- ph9, Kevin Marsh and ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc % > Microsoft is comming to get you ! > We're comming to get you, > We're comming to get you, : : > We're comming to get you, > We're comming to get you, Doesn't Outlook Express have a spellchecker? -- "Bill Gates" and md27 on ukc.misc % >> what happened to it? > I got way laid. Yeah? Was she way good? -- sg6, Paul Osborne and ph9 on ukc.nethelp % Speaking of the keepers of the digital flame at UKC, I had a rather odd dream the other night that Paul Osborne got my car removed from a car park and wouldn't give it back. then i went to see him (he was working in a 1st world war stylee trench inside a giant building not unlike st pancras train station at a workstation for some reason) and he was most resolute about keeping it for several years and actually quite nasty about it, although i may have lost my head about it a little, but given the circumstances i thought that was fair enough. that was a little on the odd side. i'll stop talking now and go to take some of those nice little pills they've given me..... -- Ewan Sinclair on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >When someone says, go find who you really are, Find yourself. What do they >really mean? "Sod off and leave me alone" -- dif2 and bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Do we have a lecture in the 10am slot this week? 10:00 Wonder why the alarm is set so early. 10:02 Open an eye and throw a shoe into the clock. 10:05 Move a foot out from the bed with the strong intention to get up, check the newsgroups, have a shower, breakfast, go to the PC room, print the latest slides and be on time for the next lecture. 10:51 Open two eyes, curse loudly and fall on the floor. 10:52 Go to the bathroon. Notice the light switches on automatically when opening the door. 10:53 Notice that you are in the kitchen and that the fridge doesn't contain any soap. 10:54 Go to the bathroom, take the soap, open the shower, brush your teeth. 10:55 Notice that the toothpaste doesn't foam and the soap tastes ugly. 10:56 Go out of the shower, dry, find some clothes. 10:57 Find the last sock between "Java first contact" and "Networks make me happy". 10:58 Wear an underwear, a pair of trousers, shirt, shoes... 10:59 Rush out of the house. 11:00 Notice that 11:58's order was compulsory. Hide the underpant in the pocket. 11:01 Run. 11:03 Wonder why you arrive at the pub. Go back. 11:10 Arrive at the lecture theatre, try to get your breathe back. Sit quietly. 11:11 Wonder which module deals with the new onthological studies of social behaviours in the Kamtchaka peninsula. 11:12 Leave the room quietly. 11:13 Login to the network in the PC room. 11:45 Finished loading your profile, load outlook express. 11:47 Read the newsgroups. Check the date. Reread the newsgroups. Recheck the date. 11:48 Curse loudly. Logout. 11:59 Back to bed. 12:15 Finished saving your profile. -- ph9 and dsla2 on ukc.cs.conv-msc % > Intelligent Male From what I've heard, this is debateable. As to which word is the more debateable of the two, I'm not entirely sure... -- dif2 and Atuin on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >like the subject says... any news? cos I'm off campus and have no way of >finding out... can anyone view ukc.misc? The loudmouth one who thinks he's popular won President. The one who's always in the Venue with a Sports Fed top on won Treasurer. The lesbian won women's officer, although Wyatt came second. The one everyone's scared of won Sports fed. Comms was won by someone with a sad little 'fanclub' The geeky one got Equal Opps. And no-one cares who won the rest. -- ajc9 and Steve Wright on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Flush my buffer baby, and pass my parameter, loop your method body around my diameter, Concatenate, then tokenise my String, your Java lovin' will speed up my ping. Initialize my variables, view my source code, give me some good values then switch to ex mode. If (you want my output && you like my class) { System out printline(" come and get my........")} Get graphic with my GUI, sort my array Implement my interface,don't stop till I say. Root in my directory, then save me to file You can do it baby compile compile compile! -- cfw3 on ukc.cs.conv-msc % > As in students' interests are to be represented by someone sufficiently blind > to the feelings and work of others that he speeds around park wood in a car > with a megaphone yelling his t**s off disturbing people working? Just for > his personal ambition... That's a good thing? Thank God I graduate this > year... That's alright... he's been elected now, which means you never need hear from him again :) -- ds19 and Matt D'Cruz on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Ok this is a hypothetical question about a hypothetical situation in which i have a hypothetical assignment in for this friday.... -- pw3 on ukc.cs.cs1 % Hi there, I'm interested for your car. Let me know time and place. By the way, I'm doing Electronics as well. -- ds39 on ukc.adverts % It was decided to advertise a Hentai weekend next year, and to either just waltz in ten minutes late and take pictures of the losers that turn up, or spend all day showing hard Yaoi series. -- gar2 on animesoc committee mailing list % Actual drugs are almost as effective as Excel Saga. -- jac22 on animesoc mailing list % > Now, what is a highly original Excuse these days? [highly original excuse snipped] Of course, this was a draft, as you so rightly point out, but the reason the original file went missing is a much more unlikely story involving a bottle of olive oil, some clothes pegs, the Sultanate of Brunei, and the BA London Eye. I feel that this other excuse was slightly more believable than the reason I lost the file, plus I've probably bored you enough already. Can I have an extension please? -- dif2 and gar2 on ukc.misc % > At least the news server is still going... :o) Yep, they probably have an huge industrial UPS to keep the thing running even during a holocaust, just incase someone needs to post something about "did anyone hear that big bomb explode?". :) -- srp3 and Nick Shaw on ukc.misc % Word is what kicked off the software industry, nay, the world as we know it! Need proof? I refer you to The Gospel according to St. John, Chapter 1, verses 1 and 2. -- gar2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Subject: CAR > FOR SALE Ah, a more discerning kind of seller, looking for just the right kind of customer. Is it demographics? Is it that readers of ukc.test are more likely to to be able to (a) afford a car and (b) want to buy one? Is it the fact that we ukc.test readers are psychic enough to be abel to tell that it's an M-Reg Renault Passat with built-in climate control? Ormaybe, because we're all gentlemen and ladies here, it's the fact that we don't talk about such base things as money, leaving your accountant to talk to our accountant, and assume that a suitable level of remuneration will be achieved? -- Christine Seale and gar2 on ukc.test (the full version of the advert was later reposted -- to ukc.service...) % > Well the hip bone she had was only about 7 years old, perhaps it could > be re-used. NEWS: Queen Mum's hip bone given starring role in "Terminator 3: House of Windsor", a story about a dysfunctional family whose son turns out to be the saviour of several species of Hydrangea - it is him that the hip, built into Arnold Swarzenegger's backpack, must find and attempt to save from the evil claws of "Thatchertron", who has a non-speaking part. -- Karla Parussel and srp3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % OK further investigation that most of the damage was by one of the users on the SSB. An account has been pulled and the SSB caches are now denying a particular UKC ip address. Since we will need a break in service to allow the IP address again, it may take a while as we would need to book the machines for downtime... :-) -- Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp, after an ssbcache outage % Revise for exams. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, revision would be it. The long-term benefits of revision have been proved by exam results, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of Java. But never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of Java until it has been superceded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at the Car Hire assessment and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility the language contained, and how fabulous it really was. It is *not* as silly as you imagine. -- ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, "Everybody's Free (To Revise)" % Don't worry about the summer project. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to construct a GridBagLayout by eating a month-old creme egg. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Revise one thing every day that *scares* you. *compile* Don't be reckless with other people's HCI mark. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. *trace* Don't waste your time on logic. Sometimes you're q, sometimes you're ¬q. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with Howard Bowman. -- ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, "Everybody's Free (To Revise)" % Remember good marks you receive. Forget the bad ones. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old java programs. Throw away your old Information Systems notes. *CLIPS* Don't feel guilty if you don't know what any of your networks notes mean. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what their networks notes meant - some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know *still* don't. Get plenty of caffeine. Enjoy your pre-term java classes. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll pass, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have a distinction, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be a lecturer at 40, maybe you'll dance at the SU Summer Ball after your 75th graduation ceremony. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. -- ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, "Everybody's Free (To Revise)" % Enjoy PFE. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Draw class diagrams, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the assignments, even if you don't follow them. Do not ask Daniel what his coursework marks are, they will only make you feel *stupid*. Get to know your tutor - you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your classmates. They're your best chance of understanding Compiling Techniques, and the people most likely to stick with you when the test marks come in. -- ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, "Everybody's Free (To Revise)" % Understand that seminars come and go, but there are a precious few you should actually go to. Work hard to bridge the gap between studying and sleeping, because the longer the course goes on for, the more you'll realise you need the people who stayed awake from the beginning. Study in the Java Lab once, but leave before it makes you nerdy. Study in Keynes Computer Room once, but leave before it makes you die of old age waiting to login. *grep* Accept certain inalienable truths: Assignments will get harder, lecturers will hand marks back late. You, too, will develop nervous tics. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were an undergraduate, assignments were easier, lecturers were quicker to mark, and students respected their seminar leaders. Respect *your* seminar leaders. -- ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, "Everybody's Free (To Revise)" % Don't expect anyone else to help you. Maybe you have a VI tutorial. Maybe you have a degree in logic. But you never know when either one might suddenly turn out to be obsolete. Don't mess too much with your DCG or by the time you reach sentence 40 it will look like sentence 85. Be careful whose notes you buy, but be patient with those who sell them. Notes are a form of charity. Selling them is a way for lecturers to earn a little extra money, copying images from old books, painting over the ugly parts, and passing them on for more than they're worth. But trust me on the revision. -- ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, "Everybody's Free (To Revise)" % > Well the day has finally arrived. I'd like to say Good Luck everyone > and I hope the revision pays off and you get the marks you deserve. And just remember, everyone, that if you do badly on this exam, then it will reflect upon you for the rest of your life and you'll never, ever, get the job that you want. -- nar4 and ph9 on ukc.cs.cs2 % > Does anyone else feel slightly disconcerted that these exams are going to > change the course of our lives forever? no second chances, either you do > well or you fail miserably and are doomed not to get a job ever... Believe it or not, employers aren't only looking for academia. However, they're not looking for advanced moaning or warez skills either, so maybe you should worry. -- jads1 and jlr6 on ukc.cs.cs2 % > ...Oh well, there goes my distinction. cheer up Brendan, you can have mine if you like, I think I threw it away one hour in... -- bmd3 and ph9 on ukc.cs.conv-msc, talking about an exam % > Subject: Thanks > For the truly excellent connection/service over the past couple of years. So James, how many CDs did you burn during the easter vacation this time? -- jads1 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % People often underestimate the value of 'blagging' in history. Blagging managed to get me through all 3 years of a history degree, often managing to hand in essays without actually referring to any books at all. As far as I can tell, if you can get 3 actual and recognisable facts into an essay, then you're sorted. There are some interesting things to consider. Firstly, if you have a young seminar leader, then they will often freely admit that they don't know everything about the module. Because of that admission, you can happily slip incorrect facts into your essay - as long as they sound plausible, and you can make up a reference, you'll usually be taken as knowing what you're talking about and they won't bother checking up. Furthermore, one should never underestimate the value of footnotes. Footnotes allow you to pad out an essay without actually ever introducing any relevant content into the essay. Historians love anecdotes, or anything that will make an essay more interesting to read, so you can easily add another 500 words to your score by going off on a tangent. In the body of an essay, you would lose marks instantly for going off-topic, but in a footnote, it's easily acceptable. I once handed in an essay that, on one page, had more footnotes than actual essay, and I got a very good mark for it. -- ph9 on ukc.courses.history % > Theres no sound coming out of my sound card, Usually the sound comes from the speakers connected to the sound card ;-) -- lbja2 and pjo2 on ukc.comphelp % > why the umm why on earth are you posting on a UKC newsgroup if you are in > Spain? I have the ability to teleport myself to various locations in the world at will, thus allowing me to perform my varied public and secret duties with a minimum amount of time wastage. I also have a global internet connection (which comes in really useful in Namibia, Jerusalem, and the backward country Spain, which has no internet capability whatsoever) implanted into my brain, which is used purely for academic purposes and for relaying whatever I see back to the GADGET HQ. I use the neurocannula for porn and warez. Of course, as an aid to me knowing where I am and what language I should be speaking (I can currently speak in 39, including Hungarian, Basque, and Java) I display my current location on my retinas as a matter of course, using the military-spec GPS decoder implanted next to my third kidney, and I automatically feed this information through to my .sig generator as I trapse aroudn the place. Wait a moment, I just need to complete this delivery... -- jads1 and gar2 on ukc.nethelp % It's an interesting fact that most of the elderly history lecturers actually never see the sunlight, and instead exist soley in Rutherford, only reaching other places on campus via a network of tunnels. This is because, as Steve points out, if the sunlight were to strike them, all their decades of accumulated knowledge would instantly evaporate into the air, and they would instantly become young, strong, healthy men, with no knowledge of history. And yes, I include the women in this. -- ph9 on ukc.courses.history % This week in testing.... win2k03 has been upgraded to win2k06....well nothing really, its probably just a pre release to win2k08.....where we are hoping the wrong e-mail address bug will finally be fixed HeLIFire's shift key is still playing up and we are hoping for a new keyboard for him VERY soon Dr Power's literary skills are improving, and he has managed to write the whole title of his book down...however the story still needs a lot to be desired. Paul Haine has not only stated using Outlook Express (as has big BennyC), he has also started top posting and missing irony. However in more tragic news, we hear that la_haine will be with us for another three years (potentially) and he has seriously screwed up Christmas dinners, that the Northern Norse is thinking of trying.... And finally I have no more exams I've been Fox, Thank you for reading, tune in again next week for more exciting happenings in ukc.test, till then Good Night -- nar4 on ukc.test (summarising the week's posts) % > I am pleased to announce (before Paul gets the chance to do it himself) > my engagement to Sarah Pregnant, is she? -- ms9 and ph9 on ukc.cs.cs2 % >> On another matter, is it possible to switch between Linux and Windows i.e >> having those 2 OS run side by side? > Not exactly, but you could try WINE I reeeealy want to switch between Linux and Windows right nooooow. It's so unfaaaaair. -- dmls2, L.Boardman and bmd3 on ukc.nethelp % > The full-stop is your friend, ducttape. Wow! I have a friend! -- ph9 and dif2 on ukc.nethelp % Hello, i am Goosetape, in no way related to Ducttape Who is setting off the fire alarms in Keynes? G M.U.F.F Diving Instructor, blah blah blah All my views are being imposed on you, i believe i am perfect. "On misc be like piss, get everywhere, and respond to every post like an annoying fool" -- dc9 on ukc.misc (parody of dif2's sig) % I have 1997 Toshiba CDS 300 Satellite, which though it is an antique, works very well indeed, when it works. [...] It runs Windows 98, though not perfectly for reasons I will divulge only in private. [...] The computer has a damaged monitor (grey strip across the top) [...] It also has a dodgy hard drive controller, as this was replaced by a guy in Exeter, in July 2000. [...] THE PROBLEM I NEED FIXING IS THAT THE KEYBOARD APPEARS TO BE BROKEN. [...] I tried using an external PS2 keyboard, via the mouse/Ps2 port, but it didn't work, and the USB port doesn't work either, as a result of motherboard damage. -- gpm2 on ukc.adverts (odd definition of "works very well"...) % > For those of you coming to the misc meet, Look for the bright yellow Coat. ... aim and fire :P -- dif2 and jc26 on ukc.misc % > ARrrrrrgghh!!! > WIll all the people I know STOP GETTING MARRIED!!! Sorry. I promise I won't do it again. -- "Axeman" and Steven Wright on alt.culture.ukc.misc % This has very little to do with the content of that article at all, but yesterday on the Channel 5 site there was a news ticker headline reading "Should camp refugees be let in?" and now my head is filled with images of mincing Kosovans going "shut that door"... -- Matt D'Cruz on alt.culture.ukc.misc % People on this course can be put into 10 groups: Those that understand binary and those that don't. -- aws2 on ukc.cs.conv-msc % Subject: Wanted Dinner Jacket 38" chest, 32" waist 34" inside leg -- G.M.Tardivel on ukc.adverts % >What exactly is a Java Certification Voucher ? It's like a certificate you carry around, so when you're finally certified insane, they know it's because of java, and as such to never ever let you out. It's for the good of society. -- jm47 and bcc3 on ukc.cs.cs3 % In a way, I'd agree with you here. There are too many people in the world like Miss Piggy off Big Brother that are allowed to procreate. The only way round this problem is NOT compulsory sterilization, but a simple electronic implant which induces extruciating pain when the word "sumpfink" is uttered. You'd be amazed at the improvement in civilisation... -- md27 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > I've stayed in the one at Cranfield University's Cranfield Campus. Well, it would be strange to 'stay in one' at Cranfield University's Bogota Campus. -- Tim Roll-Pickering and ms9 on ukc.misc % What is this post about ? Well I could go on and be pretentious and condescending about, the fact that the Campus Shop doesn't sell Caviar, there isn't any antique furniture in seminar rooms, UKC T-shirts are not designer labels, there's no executive gold club seating in any of the dining halls, no waiters or waitresses either, the menus aren't in FRENCH !, how some students need elocution lessons, the UKCH staff are not subservient enough, and they don't call you "Sir" or "Madam", the lack of valet parking, maids, room service, some guy who cleans your car, the Porter should be more like a Concierge, the way some students dress like peasants, the fact that UKCH staff uniforms should be more like those of the staff of a five star hotel, there isn't a golf course on campus, a swimming pool, stables, clay pigeon shooting, hunts, thick carpets, gold leaf, classic architecture, paintings, more security so the locals can't drive along the university roads and get in my way, signs politely telling the public to "piss off", why do buses enter campus ? who are they for ? why hasn't campus got landscaped gardens ? These are all valid and important points. So what did I decide to say ? That is intelligent, well informed, scintillating, admirable, etc Well, last night I shagged GF a couple of times and it was GREAT :) ! -- lbja2 on ukc.misc % Mark: "I did that once." Matthew: "Bent your cornea? How?" Mark: "Well, I was looking down a fountain pen..." % Mafoo's as straight as a very bendy twig. -- Jonathan % The thing about SETI is that they're looking _away_ from Earth for intelligence. Then I read misc and I understand why... -- Ben % Pete: "I've removed the libbz2 package on kernow." Tim: "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Pete: "Well, I did it to willow." % Ahhhh, I thought I was upstairs. -- Mark, lying very drunk on the kitchen floor % You know how most dogs don't like loud noises? Well, Jonathan's dog feels he has to join in. The trouble is, I think he enjoys it more than I do... -- Verity % Fred said he'd buy me a Mars Bar if I do elvis. -- Pete, talking about installing software, before anybody asks % The Windows Calculator is a configuration management tool; you can use it to add one to a version number if you can't do it in your head. -- Tom % Orange: "But after a while the porn all gets the same. After you've seen one guy get fucked, you've seen it all." Giles: "Oh?" Orange: "Erm, I meant girl! girl!" % Verity: "I guess I'm going to have to eat Phill on the way home, then." Paul: "Ooer." -- Verity complaining about not having had dinner yet % Look, there's that gay bloke from last year. -- Random Mungos staff member, upon spotting Matthew % It's when you start on about NSSB 3-duplex megadrive RAM that I'm really not able to understand what you're going on about. -- Verity % One thing can be said for foo: he makes a very good topic of conversation. -- Pete % Large chicken doner, no kebab, no salad. -- Mark, reasonably drunk % The thing is, if foo had come out with it... well, if foo _had_ come out, then that would solve the whole problem... -- Verity % Allan: "How could you let me eat that chilli?" Nert: "What? You said `Will this kill me?' and Edd said `Yes.' What more do you want?" Allan: "Well, if he was a true friend he wouldn't have offered it in the first place." % Mark: "Argh, how did I do that?" Adam: "Do what?" Mark: "There seems to be a hole in my little finger." % [9.30AM in the fivegeeks household] Ben: "Morning." Matthew: "What?" Ben: "Oh, fuck." % Can I come and shaft your machine now? -- Burt % Pete: "There's always someone in Rutherford bar who I know. It's just like Cheers." Ewan: "What, you mean everybody claps when you walk in?" % Jester: "Arrgghh." Robbo: "What have you done?" Jester: "I've ripped my hand open on that bush." Robbo: "Why did you do that?" Jester looks over his shoulder to Robbo: "Because I wasn't looking where I was going." Jester then walks straight into another bush. % So if anyone asks us what we did last night, we can say "We all sat around and watched MPlayer compiling". -- Ben, while watching MPlayer compile % The world's biggest Underground improvement programme will keep ownership of your Tube in public hands where it belongs... Your Tube: publically owned, privately built. -- London Transport promotional poster You know, in America, "tube" is another word for "penis". -- Drew % Moof: "It's Ben Tanner... has Adam left to pick up foo yet?" Adam: "Oh, SHIT! I knew I'd forgotten something." -- half an hour after foo had called to be picked up... % It's only there you have some decent boneage. -- Pete whilst pointing at his forehead % Howard Bowman: "And what does logic give us?" Mark (muttering): "Headaches." % Mark: "Be gentle with her, she's a girl." Neil: "Bollocks is she a girl, she does computer science." -- Neil, talking about Mel % I once ordered a kebab from Ocakbasi when I was stone sober, and I woke up the next morning with a hangover. -- Robbo % Cheating is against the rules. -- Sarah % I'm sick and tired of UCAS days. It's the second time I've almost been run over by a herd of schoolkids. -- RandomWelshman % Allan: "I still can't believe that there was a mussel in my soup." Ian: "But look, it says here on the menu 'Supernoodles Special: crab sticks, mussels...'" Allan: "Monkey not read menu." % GeeeZa: "Look, I have a great income, alright?" Claire: "I have a great arse, so what?" % James: "What do you use to DivX things?" Foo: "Ben." % Very drunk girl: "So where are we moving on to next?" Not-quite-so-drunk girl: "Fuck knows." Very drunk girl: "Hm, I don't think I've been there." -- heard in Weatherspoons % Paul: "Brrrr." Andy: "It's not that cold." Pete: "It's not warm." Andy: "I'm a bit cold, but I've only got this and a T-shirt on." Pete: "I've only got this on." Paul: "I can just imagine Archmoo walking around naked." % NeilS: "I'm off to rub hands with big knobs. Oh fuck, that's not how it goes..." % City University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Now shorten that. -- Will % It's not porn, it's clipart. -- Melanie % ch00000n, in a quiet, I'm-not-admitting-it sort of way. -- Ben, about Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" % Ben Tanner: "You're all a bunch of Mandrake users." Rick Stein: "Yo' momma uses SuSe." % There's nothing like a nice, clear UML diagram. And this is nothing like a nice, clear UML diagram. -- Ben, looking at project work % Verity: "Well, if you were to get sexual pleasure from that bottle, it wouldn't involve your penis." Neil: "What? Huh? What were you planning to do to me with that bottle then?" Verity: "Ah, Neil obviously doesn't know where his G-spot is!" la_haine: (pointing at Vikki) "No, it's OK, she's over there talking to ducttape." % Phil: "Anthropology is the study of human beings." Laura: "That must be very depressing." % But I'm straight! Oh, no, wait, no, um, I mean gay! -- Giles, quite vehemently, in the middle of Wetherspoons with Melanie sat on his lap % Gary: "Ha! It's Mini-Mark!" "He's just like Mark, but a third as inbred!" % I hang around with monkeys, who I hope would be stranger than me, and yet I still have to explain myself! -- Clarie % Moof: "Well, presumably, if you go to hell for baking this cake, then they have to at least make sure that you continue cooking it." Mark: "So they can't have me and not eat my cake too." % I wasn't into experimenting with animals at that age. -- Neil, talking about Lego, honest % Tim Hopkins set an impossible question because he didn't want to mark any. -- Mark, talking about cryptography exam % Foo (hugging Sarah): "Ah, I'm feeling better now." Sarah: "No, I'm Sarah." % I like Perl because I can look at it and feel that it is at maximal entropy, man. -- Hanna Wallach % I'll never forget the look on the teacher's face as I dropped the radioactive source. -- Ben % Mark: "In HMV, the anime section is right next to the adult videos." Ben: "So if people give you funny looks, you can say ``No, it's all right, I'm looking at the porn.''" % Phill: (talking about Kerberos realms) "We could have STAFF, STUDENT, POSTGRAD..." bUrt: "No, I think we should just have US and THEM." % Guys, let's just pause for a moment and realise that we're sitting here discussing the relative sexual merits of a Swiss roll versus a Battenberg cake. -- Gary % Tim: "It's just a bit frustrating going round in circles like this." Burt: "We're not going round in circles; we _are_ spiralling." % It's Mozilla. It's like Internet Explorer, except the people behind it are much more bitter. -- Gary % Burt: "So, if we get this contract, we're going to have money for another half-person." Tim: "Does that mean we get more people or more money?" Burt: "Neither. It means we get more work." % Are there any fit ones? Send them to me! I'll cure them. -- Paul, talking about sex addicts % GeeeZa: "You Vidal Sassoon boy." Mark: "Because I'm worth it!" Vikki: "That's Loréal!" GeeeZa: "I see your shampoo-foo is strong!" Paul: "Shampoo foo - that'd be a pretty major task!" % (talking about insects) Tim: "They were on my bed, so I had to suck them off with the Dyson." Burt: "Well, whatever turns you on, I suppose." % Burt: "That's the other nice thing about [the model helicopter]; if you hover it above your head you get a nice breeze." % So, 15 minus 8 is... 7. It's late in the day, my brain's not working. -- Janet Carter, in CO300 Maths % [having just done a roundabout but effective proof...] It's like this. Suppose there was a lion standing here, and I wanted to kill it. I *could* take this chalk and poke the lion in the eye. Or I could go home and get my hunting rifle. -- Stefan Kahrs % If you want to match all lowercase letters, you could write a, b, c and so on, but it's tedious and you'd probably get it wrong. -- Jon Bovey, demonstrating his faith in the skills of CS3 students % Last year I won "Most Hated Lecturer". I'm quite proud of that. I was thinking of getting a T-shirt made. -- Tim Hopkins % In the assessment are a number of things that I *hope* you will find insulting to your intelligence. -- Tim Hopkins % This message overrules the previous on that set the closing date to December 8th. Since the 12th December has appeared as the closing date and because there appears to be so many of you who don't get out enough, the closing date is now officially (I've just overruled myself) Midnight December 12th 2002 Don't you all have Christmas parties and things any more. Now when I were an undergraduate ... -- Tim Hopkins on ukc.cs.cs2 % It is possible, yes. But imagine hitting yourself on your knee with a baseball bat continuously and thinking to yourself "Do I enjoy this?". It's sort of the same thing. -- Stefan Kahrs, talking about solving a threads problem % [25 minutes into a lecture on digital watermarking, trh puts a slide on the OHP discovers it's at an odd angle, and fiddles with the projector] This country's going to the dogs. You know, this morning I thought I'd go into work early. So, I leave, 75 miles an hour all the way from bloody Margate until one mile from the university, just after I've missed the turnoff that lets me go the other way, *bam*. So I sit there, drone drone drone [hand movements suggesting driving slowly], then there's Blean school. Blean school is insane. This is Blean school. [draws a diagram of a road with a layby on the slide] So there are ten thousand kids at this school and you know what? Not *one* of them can bloody walk. Not one! So this [gestures to road] is all parents. They drive up, pull straight across the road into this layby here. Now, that's on a *good* day. There's like eight thousand cars here. But today, Blean school are having a new classroom put in, so where's the crane that's delivering the new portakabin? "I know, if we bring it at 8.45 it'll really fuck up Hopkins' day!" So this is the lorry. [draws a block right across the layby] So now all the parents get to *here* and go "Duh, what do I do now?" and sit in the middle of the road. [gestures wildly, then returns to plot of lecture] -- Tim Hopkins % Ooh, retro 60s disco! -- Tim Hopkins, swivelling the OHP from side to side % Hi, I have a few questions about assignment 9: 1) Why a Ball? 2) Why would we want to contain our balls in a container... surely this is a breach of the balls rights and they deserve to roam this earth as free balls. 3) if we are to be evil and contain these balls, can we at least put them in a comfortable hairy sack, prefereably somewhere warm, but not too warm? and group them in pairs! 4) If a tree fell in a forest, but there was no-one to hear/see it fall... did it really fall in the first place? 5) Does pie at 12:00 sound good? -- CO309 Anonymous Question % Microsoft: Founder is the richest man in the world Products used worldwide Thousands of qualified development staff working towards a common goal Holds a monopoly over all different kinds of software Almost unlimited manpower and resources wkstar: Very very poor, nearly as much debt as mozambique Software doesn't even compile, never mind used 1 teenager working towards a dodgy, half arsed, not to sure goal Plays star wars monopoly now and then Stays up looking at notes until 6am or until head explodes What have we got in common? We both can't design operating systems for shit. -- tm24 ("wkstar") on ukc.cs.cs2, in reference to the OS course % Did anyone spot the deliberate mistake in my vocab file? (Bananas are of course feminine, since they are nice and have a natural affinity with chocolate). -- Aliy Fowler on ukc.cs.conv-msc % While sitting around not doing much as us students do we thought that for charity it would be a good idea to have David Barnes and Peter Welch have a Java Code Off to see who designs the most effecient ocean simulation in a set period of time both being projected on a big screen for the crowd to marvel at. We think it's about time the true Java guru was decided by a head to head battle... The gauntlet has been laid, who will win, the young stylish Mr Barnes or the elegant, sophisticated Mr Welch. The challenge is on 1,2.3...CODE! -- sac7 onn ukc.cs.cs1 % > the young stylish Mr Barnes or the elegant, sophisticated Mr Welch. What happened to the "young" when referring to the second party?!! Some of us think we never moved on from being students ... it was only yesterday after all ... -- sac7 and Peter Welch on ukc.cs.cs1 % > I for one am interested to find out whether I could have received a > higher mark last year based on my exams due to the inconsistency and > misinformation. The information you were given last year was consistent and correct. The information you have now been given this year is correct. Given that it does not guarantee consistency, it's also consistent :-) -- jdb8 and Ian Utting on ukc.cs.cs3 % > Anyone know the reason according to the rubric for CO619 (Novel) that > calculators are NOT allowed? Because I assumed that was what I should write if the exam didn't require any calculations that would need a calculator. I assumed that that is what most of the exams would say unless they specifically required a calculator, but perhaps most exams just allow a calculator by default so that you don't suffer the embarrassment of being mistaken for an arts student or something. -- mtb2 and Colin Johnson on ukc.cs.cs3 % An alternative explanation for the missing answers to parts of Q1 has just occurred to me. Would those of you unfamilar with using pens please remember to hold them with the pointy end down when writing. -- Peter Kenny on ukc.cs.cs3, in CO603 exam feedback % >>> On the 2002 paper the Haskell is worth 50% and the other two 25% each. >>> Anyone know whether or not this is still the case? >> I do. >>> If it is, I'm home and dry... >> If that statement is true then SlimeyPete is home and dry. > 10/10 for making us howl with laughter, 10/10 for withholding the answer... I didn't withhold the answer, I turned it into an exercise in propositional logic. SlimeyPete asked: does A hold, and claimed A=>B. I stated that A=>B implies B, which - given that I know hardly anything about B as such (i.e. whether SlimeyPete would be home and dry regardless) really means that A is true, i.e. Haskell accounts for 50% of the CO310 exam. -- pf3, Stefan Kahrs, dp3 and Stefan Kahrs on ukc.cs.cs1 % > Can anybody help with question 6)b) of 1999 please? yes, your have to connect the left node with the transistor. then from the transistor, attach an "if statement", multiply the result and explain the relationship between that and Enterprise IS. -- nk7 and jisy2 on ukc.cs.cs1 % * Dan_McM got a copy of The Selfish Gene out of the library and some hardline xtian had helpfully 'annotated' the text with comments like "Rubbish! Man is ABOVE the animals!" % monty: how's it going scooby doo push pineapple shake the swapfile free will. % it's alright tho, i'm a mormon. :) ah and im an idiot so thats ok!! % oh dear, Monty's been Eliza'd? That is interesting. Please continue. % monty what is your idea of the ideal date? pie % monty pub? Please go on. you wanna go to the pub monty? You're not really talking about me... are you ? monty, you're not being helpful, are you? once once what monty? ooooooooooo pub.... % * foo has an E450 to rackmount :D good luck let me know if you need an ambulance any time can you put a new spine on order for me? you'll have to put that on back-order dude :D % monty, remind me in 36500 days to thank the mad scientist for the potion of immortality. Andy: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Thu Jul 13 15:42:56 BST 2102 % * foo waits for the 'Solaris Management Console' which is aptly named as it works about as fast as normal management % and she did fondle my shoulder when i passed her near the bar before * Robbo just read it all wrong no, i think it's just women being strange, robbo yeah, prolly we are a strange lot yeah, stick with men, like Paul does damn right :o) er % anyone happen to wanking talk to paul about that, monty i need a very big mouth :) % * ben notes his parents new address sounds like a porn star name "Twenty La Rocco" % * NQB-W[geeks] reckons he could do with some sheep % so you're saying if i say i'm wibbly you'll all stop? * Paul wants moof's babies * Paul is wibbly see, we *knew* it % what kind of job will you be looking for? shrug non-legal. you're looking for an illegal job? :P % [talking about a quote...] i don't know who those people are well, Phill said people aren't getting sex, and then Sarah, who I presume is his girlfriend, took her hand away away from him, and commented that he wasn't getting sex either Who's Sarah? she's a small girl who goes around with Phill I was thinking Mrsfoo Sarah Phill= Autonomous Panda Ohh, that Phill. I forget what her nick is OSarah really? think so I don't I think that's a different Sarah again OSarah is Sarah-and-Jenny Sarah who's phill? Phil Lovell but Phill isn't going out with OSarah, is he? Well, he was PhilL on misc. yes Blimey. hang on this would be Gandlaf phil no right yes ARGH TOO MANY NAMES! my brain....melting.... PhilL is going out with someone else I though it's Phil Lovell gandalf's going out with Osarah? its Phill Camp! Robbo: yes I thought he was going out with Sophie nope someone draw a diagram of this so which Phill is phil going out with then? Phill is going out with Phil? gah sarah % I hate the word individual pseudoGeek: only to be expected from a Gap customer :o) % o/~ It isn't easy when your team makes a nightmare out of a dream. It isn't easy patiently watching them snatch defeat from the jaws of victory what a lot of cliches in that lyric, Moof it's supposed to be clichéd o/~ the bird in the hand that's worth two in the bush should look before it leaps, if it wishes to get the worm % [fivegeeks household off the net due to BT incompetance...] * ben wishes monty was telepathic monty, tell everyone at BT YOU FUCKING SUCK % vaguely interesting no you have a nice arse doh -- Phill typing into the wrong window % [talking about www.ratemyrack.com] Yeah, it gets boring, really Especially when I could just take my top off and go, 'hmm, 6' % [in August] it's my dad's surprise 50th birthday party today, and i won't be there :( it probably will be quite a surprise, too, seeing as his birthday is in november % Monty: remind me to ask Hannes about Feb later :) yes, Monty, later last night? % * foo goes to book a hotel Dirty weekend with jester, eh? lol! no hmm, who'd be the bitch? foo, definitely but jester isn't that butch, really... more butch than foo though... Are we really having this conversation? i hope not % * archmoo notes that was good beef chow mein ... even if I didn't have any beef. (mmm home cooked chinese food) <_58fr> well it wasn't beef chow mein then <_58fr> it was just chow mein <_58fr> you just had a tin of beansprouts, didn't you? _58fr: actually I didn't have any beansprouts either :) <_58fr> archmoo: have you actually eaten at all? % [reading spam] woo, I can add three inches to my penis lol We honor all removal requests % ibot port 445 port 445 is microsoft-ds - Microsoft-DS wtf is that ? it has been said that that is quite worrying :) % iBot: seen Monty YES< WATCH ME TYPE % monty tell gary did i have sex with you last night? No? Then why have you left me 5 missed calls in 2 hours? % ben: i can't get to rathergood.com odd, since it's working here.. ben: i've firewalled it locally i hate that fucking site % * la_haine sighs at Verity she's put me in the Underground customer database because she needed a test user but she needed to test the middle name field as well, and I don't have a middle name so she made one up for me so now I'll forever be known to the London Undergound as Paul Herbaceous Haine % i think the best bit about my trip to the USA was when Peter Rodgers was driving the hire car and suddenly swerved after shouting "SHIT I'M ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!" % poke Vikki till she comes and we will be up for it can I rephrase that % * GeeeZa notes clisubg jhis eyes amkes hime feel more frunk % [ordering takeaway] * ben phones then ARG "Hello Mr Charlton, how are you today?" "..." "You always order the same thing, you should try something else" % i have no english monez mony sigh m o n e y i do have an english keyboard, however :P % * Tim notes we're activating keberos on modem, probably. * Tim peers that'd be monday, of course, not modem and kerberos, not keberos. and hopefully, not probably. ;) % "Tissue engineers have successfully replaced rabbits' penises with segments grown in the lab from the creatures' own cells." I'm never buying kleenex again % Moof: I'm happy to let them play with php until they accidentally fall and cut themselves on it then I'll let them bleed to death while pointing and laughin % Paul tim can you do me a quick favour? as long as it's not sexual again ok, I'll leave that till later % * Paul slaps mel but accidentally gets knocked out by a swinging booby * Melanie peers. Manboobs? % [returning from pao's house with a huge pile of computer equipment...] [13:03:46] --- azz|kung is now known as azz [13:05:02] --- ben|pao is now known as ben [13:07:36] monty, remind us never to visit pao again [13:07:36] monty, remind me to never visit pao again ;) % * Rob rolls a marble gently across the floor * neil|work catches the marble, and playfully rolls it back * Rob takes the marble and throws it full force into neils face * neil|work cacthes the marble in his mouth, and spits it in robs eye * Rob catches the marble in his eye and eyespits it into neils anus * Rob refuses to touch the marble from now on * neil|work gives up, as he is obviously completing against a supiror marble warrior % * Paul got blood all over the bathroom in the midle of the night, whoops * pseudoGeek gets a bit sentimental for the blood? you vegetarians % * Tim peers at e-mail from "Paul" about "FREE SEX" yes pls * Paul has to restrict offer to people in this house sadly % hello all! does anyone know how to configure edonkey2000?? * GeeeZa puts on the SBS hat hello I'm a drunken member of staff % * azz notes that BT have just fixed our ADSL, so the "couple of days" might actually be true as of now ;) "Oct 4 19:13:00 veloci pppd[11027]: Connection terminated." [netsplit follows...] % hang on a sec, this ain't my bra % of course, the pots need doing first there's something to be said for washing up after dinner daily :) yes: "Bugger that" % * archmoo has shiny copy of Trigun * Rorschach is archmoo's friend you're looking especially fine and dandy today, archmoo hyave you been working out? % Xtr3m3 P33n15 xtreme peenis, I think someone can't spell hes just trying to make it longer than yours ;) % JediMaster: 3.141592653589793 ta monty If you had any friends, they would all fantasise about Ulverstonian girls!!! % pornolizer? "The gamahucheing Templeman "Motherfucker" Library Information "Superdick" Gateway "Using the banging Library Spanking times, thrusts, borrowing, other services" "Gangbanging the banging library Full titty fucks on cocksucking the library and key library staff" % we turned off old passwords today for staff... :) that was fun. "I can't check my e-mail" "I know" "why?" "You didn't read your mail did you?" "Ermm..." % * MrTea wonders what "I'm the predictive jargon jargon wombat" would translate to or I could just have a japanese theme tune, "Watashi wa PREDICTIVE JARGON JARGON WOMBAT" % Rorschach: no, when you are tired of Red Dwarf and Blackadder, you are tired of life try wanking foo it will help [the suggestion was made that Fox might like to add a comma there...] % ibot divine is the Meat Loaf & cheese night going to be a success? * iBot shakes the psychic prismatic sphere... It says 'Eat more cheese, then ask again,' Ghosty % -!- Reggitsti has joined #cs * Reggitsti has ringing in his ears ? HELLO that'd b ur phone Reggitsti I'M ON MY MOBILE YEAH I'M IN #CS YEAH IT'S SHIT % talk about batty but i'll be batty for 100 quid erm maybe i didn't want to say that % coldplay do not sux0r Wrongwrongwrong. Dull generic indie. * la_haine puts on some shrieking, terrifying, awful goth music instead, to appease mel Shh. :oP o/~ I HAVE DREADLOCKS AND I WEAR BLACK NEUYEGHEGGEHGHEGGE o/~ LOOK AT MY NEON BOOTIES OH THE PAIN OF EXISTANCE BOOOOOOOOO % cb, are you down in the SBS room on your own? Tim: yup... did you walk past a few mins ago? yup :) you interrupted my weird arm movements while mentally recoding my java program =p % monty, is anyone here? busy being remarkably geeky neil. % monty random Random number: 20 monty random Random number: 67 monty random monty random Random number: 26 monty random Random number: 16 Random number: 94 monty random You boring bastard :-P Random number: 30 monty random Random number: 19 monty random Random number: 57 yeah i know but i aint seen a 47 yet monty random Random number: 47 It's all in how you ask okayyyy (fucking hell, what were the odds!?) ^_^ % I dreamt that I had an assignment set by Anne Robinson to bake a cake before 10AM Mel: I baked it in my dream, but I never looked at the time, and it was already midday when I finished I'd left my phone on silent, so I discovered a SMS from Anne Robinson saying "where is your cake?" % right, now then, the plain black tshirt, the other plain black tshirt, the plain black roll neck or the plain black tshirt? % Rah: you get my email? yeah but i can't open the attatchment <_58fr> you think it's tricky now, rah, wait till he tries to get you to put it on with your mouth % As I say, I'm confident in my firewall. So any and all of you are welcome to throw what you like at it. Be as nefarious as you like. * Mortuus47 goes to creatures place and throws bricks at his firewall Mortuus47 - I'm a pacifist. However, if you do throw bricks at my box, I'll throw them right back, harder. % * Ghosty looks under his bed in an attempt to eliminate the strange smell in his room Ghosty: Leave the room Mortuus47: How will I find the smell that way? % * Mainframe shoots both Mortuus47's :P * Mortuus47 has quit IRC (Ping timeout) u hit one % * Clarie grins at jimbo * lambda grins at jimbo * lambda grins at Clarie * jimbo grins at lambda * Clarie grins at lambda bloody christians * jimbo grins at la_haine * Clarie grins at la_ahine * lambda grins at la_haine % <-- jester has quit (Ping timeout) [two minutes later...] --> jester has joined #jamsandwich * jester beats the logitech designer who decided it would be a good idea to put the standby button right next to the escape key % *** chat_ has joined #cs *** Hal sets mode: +o chat_ Hal and chat_ sitting in a tree... -- one of Monty's random greetings being appropriate for once... % okay corporal, engage the ostrich "ostrich engaged sir, standing by" set goat to 55 weemies "55 weemies for goat, copy" actually, make it 58, we don't want a repeat of last Saturday squirrel defibrilators to manual and cross check * Reaper eats the squirrels. they're triple redundant, we thought of that "sir, weemie count on goat number 12 is 58.9 and climbing fast" pst...goats Noo, not the goats. Have they been suitably prepared? yes mistress the control rods are in place "sir, goats 14 through 19 are reaching critical weemie mass" Yes. I honestly think that #cs is sane compared with this. % "Need 24,000 in 24 hours?" 24,000 whats, exactly? mel: thousandths of an hour? ;) % Anyway, I'm off to Paul's lovely Java class. fuck! i forgot about that thanks for reminding me :) % * Pete kicks pam modules * Petroquincey kicks her husband, ian modules. % Oh, I've found out that chavs are indeed a different species to us. Overheard onna bus: My lungs are here, aren't they? Nah, your lungs are down there. Up there's your fallopian tube, what you breathe through. % Monty: translate into dutch No, thanks Sex in darwin % tell me about it Tell yourself fool! Tell yourself you lazy old git! Sure, I'll tell yourself that next time i see them. Ok ScumBOT, I will Tell yourself that next time I see them walk past Nelson Mandela House. % hmmm, anyone know what year Reaper's in? 3rd 3rd 1985, judging by his CD collection % because then whatever korn/SOaD type specified in #cs ? there is fantastic sweet, monty's quoting me ;) <- lazy % I like the fact they have a server called 'parody' mmm Vanessa Parody has a lovely bottom who? french you've lost me trust me, she has a lovely bum Paradis Not Parody, you fool thats the one :P % This role will suit a recent Graduate or a Junior Software developer who has gained application development experience in Real time environments. maybe they mean "your body clock must be in the daylight, you damned students" % Scumbag : sorry about forgetting the DVDs... cb, no problem can't rip them anyway Scumbag : how come? cb|campus, i have no dvd drive i kinda forgot % *** Demented [Demented@dhcp6118.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #occam who speaks turkish in here? *** Demented [Demented@dhcp6118.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Quit: ] % ARG I'm going to have to iron something FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 AND A HALF YEARS % If Liz is up for experimentation you can send her my way ;o) % *** skel has joined #cs lo skel hello Monty wet shave your computer % i think this channel could benefit from more SINGLE girls grr - i think I could benefit from more single girls % I can't be bothered to put any clothes on *** DJ_Mike has joined #cs HEADLINE NEWS - MONSTER WITH NO CLOTHES ON TERRIFYING CANTERBURY EARLY IN THE MORNING. 7 DEAD :p Oh my god, I must sleepwalk :O % monty remind Mortuus47 at 11:50 to run like a bitch pfff effort ;) % Monty let's go make babies kay... * SlimeyPete is now known as SlimeyPete|MakinBabies woo! he said yes! * SlimeyPete|MakinBabies gets down to it you're in there leave monty alone. you might get some botty infection CutGlass, a ton of two hookers night he look at it enough % back to padme's sex life * padme pounces on jd :) Timing :-P indeedly :P * Mortuus47 pounces on... Monty Ive never even I know, Monty, I know, I'll be gentle % [Elvis is Clarie's guinea pig.] Clarie - mind if I come down and spend the day with you tomorrow? * creature has nothing to do after the maths test. And I'll only spend it moping if I have nothing to do - rather mope and make a fuss of Elvis. :) creaure: I hought it was elvis yu wanted :-) Nah, it's you I want, but if I spend my day stroking you I'd get slapped. :) % http://www.jibble.org/montyquotes.php insignificant % hold it /\ /--\ __ /----\|| /------\| /------- \ | _ _ | | |_| |_| | | ___ | | | | | ----------- there we go = ] ph34r my house :D <== thats how bored that i am :P % * SlimeyPete looks at the empty Baileys bottle he bought two days ago it wasnt empty then of course im not THAT stupid % Monty, make love to me? if (Jeffrey Archer == cigarettes) { prognosis sits on awakening Jeffrey Archer;} Monty please don't talk about Jeffrey Archer everytime I mention sex % Monty, do you want some cake? You're not really talking about me... are you ? Yes, Monty, I am... Urgh. % friday the 22nd of november cant come fast enough for two reasons: i hand in all my work AND I HAVE AN ANIME MARATHON! "but sir, it's impossible to attempt watching 7 series at once!" "Nevertheless, I shall attempt it!" % * GeeeZa listens to Pink Floyd - When The Tiggers Broke Free GeeeZa: erm, When The Tiggers Broke Free? this would be the little-known "Winnie The Pooh" album? % I reckon ideas + teddy = electronic pics? dirty monty rofl * Sellars slaps monty ..yeah, that. youre not meant to enjoy that monty i'll go in sense: as pressing, rubbing, or similar things -> coffee break? % well, mugshots is http://mugshots.fivegeeks.net/ hmm that didnt work 30 seconds ago, got a very odd page I got a info page redirecting to piles.org -- that'd be pils.us-lot.org... % NES == nimiety; I don't think Monty should be allowed to learn from people quoting code erectile-tissue's creased marmelade attacks pubic hairs's creased butter. He should also not be allowed to learn from Paul, obviously % look out ben, dell latitudes can burn your penis http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/54/28245.html jester: yeah, nasty glad I don't have one ;) latitude that is, not penis % You just had surgery, Monty Clarie|drying ? No, Monty, Paul saved you but i haven't read Heart of hte night. *fingers crossed* But Monty, you survived! You'll have time to read it. lol, we were discussing you not me! Actually Monty we were discussing you addressing relatives :P Yeah, Monty, you're like a brother In what way ? In a nice way, Monty woohoo % well, it has overnight to post * foo pops off to the loo * foo slaps it about % At work today I decided I havent had any exercise for ages so I started carwheeling across the balcony while nobody was looking .. then my manager walk up the stairs mid flip ... rumbled... and al - that's brilliant :) how rumbled was rumbled? rumbled as in ... M:"What are you doing" A:"Being a Ninja" M:"Get back on your sweet stand, the intervle is in 5 minets" % *** mode/#jibblers [+o AllanC] by chrislamb I can feel the power flowing through my fingers .. I alwasys knew I had the power!! BUT NOW!!!! WOOHAHAH!!! who shall challange me! % monty command password /list penis. bah i guess i'd better change that password % Moof: shrug. linux is almost as frustrating as the union, but it doesn't crash as much. % rodney build me a time machine no, I really can't. -- Rodney is a bot % * SlimeyPete looks up The Cure on amazon.co.uk and it tells him "You may also like: Pornography" % /------\| Monty's quoting Mainframe's house! ph33r Mainframe's house! % Monty, were you going to remind me about something? raming rice? No, something to do with the oven, Monty long enuff Yes, it's been a while, Monty At the stash ;) woooooohooooooooooooooooo Monty, I'm not "at the stash". Now remind me... Is it because you are not at the stash that you came to me? Mortuus47: You asked me to remind you to check the oven That and I want you to remind me to check my... Yeah % monty remind me in 1 day to pay the parking fine jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Sun Nov 24 17:44:50 GMT 2002 monty remind me in 2 days to pay the parking fine jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Mon Nov 25 17:44:58 GMT 2002 monty remind me in 3 days to pay the parking fine jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Tue Nov 26 17:45:04 GMT 2002 monty remind me in 4 days to pay the parking fine AND add more reminders jimbo: Okay, I'll remind you about that on Wed Nov 27 17:45:18 GMT 2002 % that trip to the kitchen was more dangerous than i had expected i just hit myself in the knackers with a 400g toblerone that slipped out of its wrapper when i picked it up "man killed in fatal toblerone accident" % *** Rorschach has joined #jamsandwich but still, you're looking especially fine and dandy today, Tim [/butter up] *suckkk* * Rorschach dislocates his jaw due to the *massive* size of Tim's penis :P what have you used it for? % see if that fixes the badger what are you doing to a badger, neil? best not to ask he might be fscking it % kilgore: can i have marble.ukc.ac.uk.061 sure, I'll go and dig it out [half an hour later...] Pete: you made me go over to the library to get a tape you read 1K from!! :) % I was outside keynes once when a delivery guy asked me where 'the university' was i told him I didn't know % oh, sod this, im gonna boot into windows, windows *works* * Quits ->SlimeyPete * Joins[#cs] ->SlimeyPete my, thats novel windows hasnt loaded the desktop no wallparer, icons, nothing i have a taskbar but nothing else % ibot kill monty try iy * iBot attacks Monty with an industrial grinder and films the action for all to see. yes, I FINK NOT! % argh THERE'S SALAD IN THE HOUSE! % [newbie failing to grasp that Moof isn't a student any more...] I finished my fourth year last year wow 5years, what course are you doing? Master of Engineering in Computer Science i suppos, if I were really clever, I would have stopped studying last year and left the university it palls after a while you live on campus nope, I'm not living on campus anymore let me guess, Tyler right heh, nah, Tyler wouldn't have me Saniul: I live in a little-known area isouth-east of campus kwon as bonanova nice name % You're in the same room as me! You're 1 foot in front of me! TURN AROUND AND TALK! And yes, I do appreciate the irony in me typing this. % oh dear !!! people around me's computers are crashing * OSarah (OSarah@dhcp601B.ukc.ac.uk) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) % tanner: she looks like a reject from the osbournes, who is she? robbo: kelly osbourne % ugh, I wish I could motivate myself to actually do something do stuff azz! do it now stuff get on with it right this minute * jester fetches pompoms Raa raa, sampson raa % ibot divine should I go to town as a woman * iBot shakes the psychic prismatic sphere... It says 'Outlook Sucks,' dt|afk ibot divine should I go to town as a man * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'In your dreams,' dt|afk ibot divine should I go to town as a genderinspecific random wierdo? * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'Obviously,' dt|afk % CutGlass: Slaps at everything ... Nerts the bitch of the house ... we have a bitch food chain ... Ian is at the top ... followed by me ... then Nert is the Baby that takes the slaps but about all of us is Claire ... she owns us above not about ... his theory is correct, but sadly his placement is incorrect.. we usually keep him tangled in a drying rack, as he sits at the bottom of the ladder;) CutGlass: Word of advice .. if Claire asks for a friendly game of Monopoly, my advice? DECLINE politely and firmly % i put my phone in a pint of beer tonight i phoned someone i'd not spoken to in months she was studying in boston so i put my phone in the beer seemed reasonable % lookup vaticide Lookup: Vaticide \Vat"i*cide\, n. [L. vates a prophet + caedere to kill.] The murder, or the murderer, of a prophet. ``The caitiff vaticide.'' --Pope.. is that like how VAT murders your profit? % [Moof at linux.conf.au] * Moof gulps I've just loudly declaimed to someone on the table that I don't read slashdot turns out it's Hemos % * Robbo just bought a beard trimmer have it. no thanks, i don't have a beard % i leave my phone at home when i go out drinking now ah, that's my approach too you always leave your phone at home, and you don't drink, right? well, yes % [talking about Java breakage] impressivly so too, I would imagine ... no, you'd just get null pointer exceptions all over the joint You wouldn't call that an impressive breakage? nah ;) unhandled CPUOnFireException? % * Moof wonders how people will take the news the first time Allan declares * himself for a woman * Moof will ponder investin in Hell Ice Cream inc. Moof: one day ... i'll try and have nert there to video it though ... nert looks so cute in his maid outfit I MEAN!! NO!!! NO!! o.O Not nert .. NO! % * Fox hugs iBot hands off! bitch don't you love me? % skel does padme: should be aboot 25 mins % Trapper|doingstuff: not really. A fox fdoesn't have a prehensile tail, and doesn't eat a metric shitload of leaves every day "metric shitload" ROFL skel: this is as opposed to an imperial shiteload i think we had to learn their conversion at high school cos they went all metric here in kiwiland now let me see... an imperial shiteload is equivilent to one and a half metric shit;loads is it not? Trapper|doingstuff: an imperial shiteload is 17 craploads, and there's 13.875 craploads to a metric shitload % Fuck! I can't do my laundry! I've sorted it all out, and it can't be done. :< Because I left my coat at this party last night, and it had my wallet in. % anyone seen Phill? yeah I can see him now :) shall I pass a message to hm? Is he in earshot of his phone? he's in our office so he's not by his phone What about mobile? in his pocket :) I'll rty that again... okey :) is it ringing? could be bad reception doh! he's gone now... % how soon after graduation do raptor logins go? last year it was within minutes, literally ;) just can't hold yourself back, eh Tim? it's you guys, not us! ah, come on, don't tell me you don't sit there cackling with glee as you watch the logins vanish well.... ;) I'll admit to tailing the right logfile ;) But that doesn't mean I enjoyed it ;) % [In the 5g kitchen: RGT: "One of my favourite things about Dune is how interstellar travel depends on the spice." azz: "June? Oh, *Dune*." A couple of weeks later...] * ben|WW wonders WHERE THE FUCK ARE KUDOS? azz thinks they will now use up all the 30mins for the times they have been early so we may not get fed until June but on the plus side, we will also have interstella travel ;) % padme: tomorrow, you on campus? yes yay! could you bring goat and diary/ % as alex might say: hippy posse, free love stylee huh? alex == creature = false :P if (alex == gay) { alex = blondie } else if (alex == longHair) { alex = creature } happy now? distinct enuff? % stupid monty.... where is your AI??? jd: IIRC it's not mention that often % * ben growls at software raid software raid? who is doing a software raid and where? % Mortuus47: thanks for the chat S'okay foo. * Moof wonders how Mortuus47 managed to smuggle a french cat into California % * Robbo screams arbitarily at Liverpudlians thats a natural reaction yeah its normally "give me back your wallet" your my not your maybe it is maybe they are crap at mugging % * Robbo looks for cars under £500 unless it's £500 worth of 1ps, i doubt you'll find a car under it % * Pete would like to meet the person who made jsp/servlets and shake his hand.... and keep shaking it so hard it rips it off his arm then pour petrol on it and set it on fire. % would giving blood possibly cause stomach cramps? depends where they took it from, I guess haine: my arm f00l from your arm f00l? what's an arm f00l? is it like a servant of some kind? no it's the amount of blood they take, an arm-f00l or a leg-f00l... % * skel recompiles trapper's kernel again for fun You've got some odd definitions. The way you think "I'm bored. What shall I do. I could read a book, boogie off somewhere. I know, let's recompile someone else's kernel!" Of course, depending on what you're compiling in, it could be a hoot. I think you should compile in a patch to make every 100th keystroke one letter out. It'll play havoc with her touch-typing. % monty say something worthwhile Every single day, you admit responsibility for horrible women. % * moof ponders baptising the ? a 'duh' and therefore the ! is a 'doh' % scumbag? Reaper: ? Reaper|bout? Scumbag? Robbo? Robbo: ? Robbo? pseudoGeek? ;) pseudoGeek? this is the paranoid version of The Waltons, yes? % speaking of which do we have scary washing up and food plans? yes, and yes does it involve a dozen Japanese schoolgirls doing the washing up then delicately hand-feeding me with takeaway? I'm afraid not Can I propose a change to the plan? ;) % * GeeeZa decides to sit on his arse playing guitar for a few hours you can play guitar with your arse? no, he has a guitar that can play the arse, which he's going to sit on for a few hours % *** skel is now known as skel|gone washing machiens live longer with skel|gone % * Clarie and ibot sing to virgin ibot mama just killed a man Put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he's dead % wow this is weird wearing earrings with butterfly backs, am used to belly-bar earrings :P You must have big ears no Go on, you must, take them * Mortuus47 hates his ears % * Trapper wonders when Sellars will get up * Trapper wonders when SlimeyPete will get up Wore them out last night, did you? no, just pete sellars wore himself out afaik I didn't mean that the way it came out... * Trapper is glad that sellars will never see that % hmm, why isn't Scumbot worhttp://www.search-4-porn.comking oh OK, time to empty my mouse buffer % * Clarie just had to phone her mobile to find whereit is it was in my pocket :-( oh man you know what's even worse? my phone just had an unanswered call from someone I didn't recognise so I phoned it and it was me % Goats are okay though? erm, as long as they aren' human goats and under 16, sure % * Lee is now known as Lee|Bummed !!!!!!!!!!! !!!? lesbians *do* that? % Yeah, but it's not hard to find DT arguments on misc It's like looking for a needle in a needle box % * jester consumes cherry cock COKE shit % Me: I'm worried about my Debian box, it's not working My mum: If you'd said that earlier, I'd have got you an appointment at the doctor's % System Configuration: Sun Microsystems sun4u 8-slot Sun Enterprise E4500/E5500 System clock frequency: 100 MHz Memory size: 9216Mb with 12 400MHz CPUs Penis size: 3" % Monty: you worry me sometimes clearly not really like a PC ;P Monty: no, more like an electronic version of Fox % remind me in 5 mins to jibble prim oh duh i can't believe how stupid that was. i turn off monty's box and then ask monty to remind me to turn it back on :-/ % * Reaper peers at an email in his junk account. "Ready to enlarge your pen" I could write *really* big exam answers then... % how's my widdle iBot? see a doctor about it, foo, not a bot % [talking about optimising graph algorithms] We could just write that we don't belive in absolute good and bad and that all graphs have the fundamental right to belive themselves to be the best solution % Xiphi: heuristic == something that sounds convincing but doesn't bear up to close scrutiny % * Reaper declares it's too hot today. it's not too hot no-one's dying dogs in cars probably are :/ then they shouldn't be driving % crap, the limited space on my SIM card means I can only make 175 more friends % im fighting my pelican account I just spammed my email account with 500+ 17k emails, and i still use pelican, not regent... Dave: you e-mail bombed *yourself*?? not *intentionally*! I forgot to turn off my pc motion detector whilst working last night so every 5 seconds it sent a picture of my room *and me* to my email account % *kiss* how was work? not bad, honey feck wrong winda heh % * Dave is back from Reading. I was gone for 35mins [in another channel...] Dazza: Yoiu went all the way to Reading for 35 minutes? Wrong channel Wrong person Wrong spelling I'll get my coat % * Morti jibbles to REM - Monty Got A Raw Deal "3DLabs Wildcat IV 7110 (256MB VGA/DVI) Graphics Card (+£1,230" % whats the proper definition of "side effects"? hair loss and vomiting? for smalltalk at least. % smileybot: stats Lines logged: 202, Total Smileys: 25 Top smiley user: Rorschach with 6 smileys :) :) :) :) :) :) cheat! :P :P :P :P [18:58] :) :) :) :) :) :) <-- norteh! [18:58] cheat! :P :P :P :P <- also norteh! jam, stop cheating :P % * Reaper just read "The Enterprise Language" as "The Enterprise League" and imagines some band of Distributed Super Heroes. % you ok for food? I@m great now thanks :-) (thanks to Jesus and will combo) YOU'VE EATEN WIL?!?! % [in reference to a difficult CO312 exam] e) Using only Mongolian goats, write a packet transfer protocol based around your knowledge of Captain Magellan's voyages. Answers must not include English; however, any middle-eastern language such as Swahili or Arabic is permissible. Bonus marks will be given for relating your answers to continental drift. % so, you know the most important question that comes out of watching the Matrix: reloaded ? When is Equilibrium released on DVD? % * xmassheep just got a pm from shad0w: hallo, are you into hacking? <- rofl me: no, i'm just bored and making stuff up shad0w: but you know leetspeak % hmm, firebird is buggy ;) firebird is not buggy lies! there are no bugs in firebird! they are committing suicide at the gates of bugzilla! % sorry in advance for this.... '[;olikujyhgtkm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxbvvm,,n..........;';lkn,;'[][i6 o+*/8-=97541~~~~~~0~1~3~4~0~~~~~4~~ just dusting my kb % what do you want done with this PHP book I have, creature? skel - I want you to read it, silly. I know for a compsci books can be confusing, but it's really very easy. Instead of pressing "page down", you turn the page. % *** Morti is now known as Morti|Cleaning oh my life Morti's dangerous :S O.o what morti doing? defrosting the freezer ..... with a lighter and bodyspray ... rofl * skel notes never to ask morti for help with cleaning % [Danforth reading spam...] Text from home on your pc and earn $$$$$$$$$. Must be broad minded!(adult txting) So you get paid to sit at a PC replying to random perverts just like helpdesk % the spanish get their exam results by SMS Nifty. U hav ph41led!!! Uni xxx % * kimble didn't go down what you and barakta got up to int he privacy of your own home is nothing to do with us :p * kimble shudders see, i have this unbreakable mental link between the prhrase "in the privacy of your own home" and karnaugh maps * kimble had this mad digital circuits lecturer in her first year... he actually paused in the middle of a lecture, took a step back, admired what he'd drawn and muttered "they are rather pert, aren't they?" % [talking about telesales] Today's prize for most amusing call: "Is Mr. Evans in?" "I'm sorry, he's died at the moment. Well, not at the moment, I mean..." % erm, anyone know if Oxfordshire is expensive? as a place to live, rather than I am considering purchasing the county % Creature: You're just teasing us with the mental image of your naked body in bed, IRCing, aren't you? Skimble - I never said I was naked. That's your imagination. Although, I'm reclined on my bed, a sheet covering me from the small of my back to my thighs, softly lit by the gentle glow of the monitor. % Tim: can you kick the ops for me please? phone them :) it would help if the ops answered their phone they're not doing anything, I can see it rings it still rings it keeps ringing it still keeps ringing it keeps still ringing I am in a land of ring tones all alike what number? 3351 You're phoning Alan Beck in Drama well he could at least answer % [Morti and Clarie singing "All things bright and beautiful" in channel] * Clarie can sing that in sign language watch * Morti watches see? very good "i guess you had to be there" % *** Shion has quit [Quit: Remember, no matter where you go, there you are] * kimble thinks . o O ( that's a /quit message of a person who's never been to neasden ) % oh, and since it's topical: Allow me to dispel the rumors. My measurements are precisely 13.2842 cm x 4.445 cm in width. Anyone wanting diameter, provide a tape measure and I'll bloody give you that too! erm that was not what I wanted ot paste and is not me it's not like I have a ruler at that precision % how do I set my path in the windows command line? Moof: one brick at a time. % i no i no "know" know lol :) hush biatches "bitches" "bitches" % `12+ * Sellars|gone forgot that the keyboard was resting on the kitchen door as he opened it.... kitchen = fridge you mayb notice i've just woken up % I will go to work I'm still working on the motivation I have that getting up in the morning occasionally. I think right I'll get up now and plan exactly how I'm going to do it, then fall asleep whilst I'm planning. % [red_pill is Trapper's brother] * Trapper rereads real llife quotes for this year and remembers why she hasn't for so long I look like such an idiot! >.< yep u are an idio-i mean i love you... % <_58fr> i could be a telephone answerererer for the bbc there "hello, BBC Conventry" "Yes, we know, but there's not a lot we can do about it" "I know no one likes, them, really, but for some reason we have to show a soap to compete with the other channels, and Eastenders is the only one we have." "No, I know, if we showed something better we'd get the viewing public anyway" "yes, I am listening, you're making perfect sense, but I'm only employed to fob you off, so, goodbye." % >> Ducttape is dyslexic. What's your excuse? > Dear Comrade, > I am also dyslexic, and it has been mentioned on misc before! Ah ok. Apologies then. Do you also have an illness which explains why you're such a jerk? -- pc24, lbja2 and pc24 on ukc.misc % Tiggs: yeah and what was it you said to me "i only go out with one girlf at a time" then you post saying you have 2 on the go, you are a complete twat "Lord" Lenny: Ah you remembered, well OK so I might have bent the truth a bit, but that was I was thinking of hitting on you at Nat's party last night,but went out with GF instead. Because I wanted to take you out makes me a twat ? well if taking you out makes a guy a twat then you only go out with twats then, is that what your saying ? Tiggs: no what makes you a twat is having 2 on the go, not for someone hitting on me. you're a liar and a cheat and if you had have tried to hit on me I'd have laughed in your face sorry. "Lord" Lenny : LOL I was only going to so it would upset Ducttape, your not really my type. A I already have 2 GF's, I don't care if I get turned down I'm not like all the other "whimps" you hang around with, you'd never really be able to "keep" a guy like me (no offence) ! Tiggs: those "whimps" are my friends and i wouldnt want them hitting on me anyway and "no offence" but i wouldnt wanna "keep a guy" like you anyway. you're a liar and a cheat and i wouldnt be seen dead going out with you! "Lord" Lenny: Wow, that sounded HOT, where are you ? Facny a drink ? Tiggs: ROFLMFAOWTIME Tiggs (chuckle) -- tnr2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc, quoting private email % And so ends 6 years of my miscing. Misc has seen the best of times, and it's seen the worst of times, it's had an age of wisdom, it's going through an age of foolishness, it had an epoch of belief (religious threads), it had an epoch of incredulity (political threads), it had a season of Light (summer vacations), it had a season of Darkness (Michalmas terms), it had a spring of hope (miscmeets etc), it had a winter of despair (Sept-Dec 2001), we had everything before us (hundreds of threads), we had nothing before us (all containing complete crud), we were all going direct to Heaven (according to some threads), we were all going direct the other way (according to la haine) - in short, the last 6 years have been lots of fun at times (Nimrod, pc4, jh5, Myran, la haine, Dan the Man, Brendan, ptc1), and had some crap times (Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, September Ecks, and sometimes Nimrod in a bad mood). But what a laugh it has been (and what a distraction from my work, ladida...). -- Nick Shaw on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Subject: I miss Canters > *sigh* I'm sure there's some stables near you. -- Mark Fendley and Karla Parussel on alt.culture.ukc.misc % I can't be arsed to read through most of the thread in which ducttape announced his being run over, as it's largely ducttape being wrong, however, I'd like to say 2 things. 1) Ducttape, you are WRONG. About Everything. Ever. 2) In the unlikely event that the truck driver is reading acum, well done. Get in touch, I'll buy you a drink. -- bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > God, this is one of the most boring threads ever. What if the drivers were socialists and the cyclists capitalists? -- pc24 and mnd2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>> The music that plays when you enter a building, stomp through the streets, >>> or whatever. If you could pick one piece of music to be your theme, what >>> would it be? >> Little Green Bag, by George Baker > No, Ben, I think yours should be Fraggle Rock ;) And yours should be anything from Hair: The Musical ;) -- ph9, bcc3, ms9 and bcc3 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Aren't white trousers brilliant? You can see girls' pants straight through > them. You were white trousers on your head? -- "Run MDC" and aejm1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % The good thing about working at McDonalds is you get to serve all the fit girls when they come in from the sun to buy their flurrys. The downside, of course, is that when they come in, they see you're working at McDonalds..... -- "Jambon" on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>> Join the club, I say. >>> "Hello, my name is Adam, >>> a haiku addict." >> >> Hello, I am Matt, >> I'm also addicted to >> Haiku. I need help. > > Indeed, don't we all. > I find that alcohol is > The best solution. If I were to be pedantic, alcohol is the best solvent too. -- ats1, md27, bcc3 and ats1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Well, we are so short staffed at the moment that things like this couldn't > be considered but even if we had the time/manpower there are a few things > that would need to be overcome first. What! You were short staffed when I worked there. Whats happened since to decrease the numbers even further? :-) -- Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp (a few weeks after he left Service for Science) % >> ducttapes is 31st august :) > /me hires a trebuchet for birthday bumps. This is why I hate my birthday. -- tnr2, md27 and dif2 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % I had a dream where I was contacted by this dodgy bloke who told me these people with shades and Desert Eagles were after me and that I had to climb onto the roof to get away from them, but I was too scared so they caught me and put a bug on me, and when I woke up, they weird blokey contacted me again and I met up with these people who took the bug out of me and then led me to the weird blokey in person who gave me a pill which made things go all screwy and then I woke up in this weird gooey tube with no hair and loads of plugs all over me, where I got flushed down this big tube and picked up by this big claw from a big UFO thingy. When I woke up I was told I had been living in a dream world all my life and I was trained to fight these people with shades and desert eagles and I had this scrap with the weird bloke but he won coz he was better, and then he took me to see this dodgy woman who gave me a cookie and was deliberately vague even though she was supposed to tell me the future, and then the blokes with shades and desert eagles kidnapped the weird bloke and tortured him and I had to go and rescue him with this well fit bird who liked wearing tight PVC and I had loads of guns and killed them all, but then I got trapped with one of the blokes in shades with a desert eagle and had a big scrap with him and he chased me all over town until he shot me and I died but back in the real world the well fit bird kissed me and I came back to life and killed the bloke with the shades and desert eagle and the other two ran away coz I had realised that I was a badass and then I ran to the fone and woke up with the well fit bird on my lap and then I foned up the blokes with shades and desert eagles and told them they were naughty and then I flew away to the soothing sounds of Rage Against the Machine and then I woke up. No, wait... that was a film.... -- md27 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Single male, 27, 200lb, into sport, beer, The Simpsons, Alan Partridge and egg sandwiches WLTM similar (preferably male) flatmates with GSOH and more beer, to share 3-bedroom flat in St Stephens, Canterbury. -- Sarah Tong on ukc.adverts % I need to have help from a native english speaker who can correct use of english on my postgraduate dissertation. Really desperated. -- des3 on ukc.adverts % > (plus hard-drive with windows installed if you like - it can be cheaper than > buying it, even after the student discount). Really? Cheaper than 30p for a CD-R? -- Brendan Dodds and aejm1 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % The band I was in when I was 14 (the imaginatively named Headonfire) were featured in a German documentary. The lead singer had been approached by a film crew in town and asked if they could follow him for a day. That day happened to involve a band practice. He was really scuzzy looking and I think they may have thought he was homeless so they were a bit annoyed to follow him home and find his dad was a vicar. -- Paul Greenhalgh on alt.culture.ukc.misc % >>> I've had a little too much suger. :/ >> Said the ent. > I dont get it. Did I miss the joke? :/ Yes, but it wesn't very funny enywey, so don't worry. -- jc26, pc24, jc26 and pc24 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > Can you varify that every CD you put in is trusted? What about that freebee > one that you just got in the post? It is poor security to do such a > thing. Yes. Casual CD insertion can ruin lives. If you must do it, use protection. -- dif2 and md27 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > On one of my linux boxes the time keeps changing erratically [...] * Takes hands away from the control * Yeah, sorry about that -- was experimenting with my time machine in an effort to remove certain people from existance. I'll try and make sure you don't notice next time. -- aejm1 and ms9 on ukc.comp.sys.linux % > sorry I'm french Well, I'm sure it's not your fault :) -- jb21 and ph9 on ukc.nethelp % I think this deserves an haiku: A double vodka with just one shot of archers tastes just like petrol. -- pjm2 on ukc.misc % And if they are so worried about their precious security why didnt they just give us a normal phone line and we all could have just connected to a normal internet service provider like AOL or something. I mean that probably would have been cheaper, and we could have just brought our own modems. -- cm63 on ukc.nethelp % > I have network (a) and I have network (b) computer (1) is on both > network (a) and network (b) using a different network card for each > network. Now computer (2) in on network (a) and computer (3) is on > network (b). [...] network (a) leaves Oxford Street at 8:45am, and travels along the Bakerloo line at the speed of 45mph, and computer (2) is travelling along the Circle line at approximately 30mph, having left Victoria at 7:33am. Given a windspeed of 3mph, which one will reach Mornington Crecsent first? -- nar4 and Paul Haine on ukc.nethelp % > I don't think the University has any justification to Block public PCs from > using the MSN Messenger. I personally use it - or lets say used to use it- > as a communication method between me and my family , now all what I got is > emails which aren't as interactive as the MSN Messenger. > I strongly suggest that the people in charge of the firewall to > reconsider! I don't think the University has any justification for not providing free telephone calls for all undergraduate students. I personally use the telephone - or lets say used to use it- as a communication method between me and my family , now all what I got is emails which aren't as interactive as the telephone. I strongly suggest that the people in charge of the University telephone system to reconsider! -- ya5 and Ian Utting on ukc.nethelp % >yeah good point, why can't any halls especially park wood except incoming >calls. It does seem rather absurd! G'day operator. I'd like to make a reverse charge [collect] call to . I'll put you through. I've a reverse charge call from Australia. Will you accept the charges? Shit yes. Get the picture? -- cm65 and Ian Utting on ukc.nethelp % I nearly ran over a cyclist today, on my way up to campus in my jeep. Don't worry, I reversed over him. Little lycra-wearing homosexual bastards. Ducttape -- Opinions expressed are not those of Steering, and possibly not even myself. -- Brendan Dodds on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > > bensons, marlboro lights. email for more details. cartons of 200 > What does this have to do with "UKC Network discussion and help"? Not much, but if it had been doughnuts for sale you wouldn't have minded ;o) -- ds2, Tim Bishop and nar4 on ukc.nethelp % > If other unis can manage to provide an internet service, I'm sure UKC can > too. It's all a matter of stubborness. That's right, Alex. When we say 'we don't have the money or the staff or the permission or the justification', it's actually all just stubborness. The reality is that in Cornwallis, where the students aren't allowed, there's THE BIGGEST ROOM OF MONEY YOU'VE EVER SEEN! Just like the one Uncle Scrooge has in 'Ducktales'. We all swim in it. Except we have to take turns, because there's a massive queue, what with all the extra staff we employ. -- aejm1 and Paul Haine on ukc.nethelp % > bensons, marlboro lights. email for more details. cartons of 200 I am sure that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise would be delighted to take some of these good off of your hands. I suspect that they would be quite enthusuastic about providing alternative forms of accomodation for you at the same time, but it may be a tad difficult to complete your degree. [...] Regards ( I don't do best wishes anymore ) Paul -- ds2 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % TO ALL YOU LOVELY COMPUTER PERSONS, I AM LOOKING FOR AN MP3 ALL OFFERS CONSIDERED -- mmm5 on ukc.comphelp % Monty (IRC bot) said that Smaf had signed on IRC at 3:15 that morning, and a quick WHOIS showed that he'd been idle for 16 hours, and a quick look downstairs showed me that he was having sex on my sofa -- Bill Hayes on his LiveJournal % >> You know we don't sleep :) > > I do. Yes, we know :) The difference is, I do it at home ;) -- Tim Bishop, Paul Osborne and Tim Bishop on ukc.cs.cs3 % > Perl, elegant?! Even Larry Wall describes Perl as the `Swiss Army > Chainsaw' :-) And when was the last time you dared to call anyone wielding a chainsaw inelegant? ;) -- Mark Wheadon and Ben Charlton on ukc.cs.cs3 % > The proxies are crap as a general rule. Three years or so I ran them for and the best bit of constructive criticism you can come out with is: "The proxies are crap as a general rule." Thanks. -- mnd2 and Paul Osborne on ukc.nethelp % > if your a 2k or xp user then xp antispy, will solve your problems for > you, it'll even let you uninstall it altogether, has a few other very > nice little tweaks and another bonus is it's just an exe file so it > won't clog your registry up even further. EXE files are very good at clogging up the registry - most registry entries come from exe files. -- nf3 and cdl4 on ukc.comphelp % > I won't name names, but there was a course a couple of years ago where > the lecturer concerned got the students into groups and then said they > should give their groups names (for submission of an assessment). > Some of the groups couldn't, even when pressed, come up with a name. > > They had to admit defeat and we invented names for them. Very sad. On the other hand, I had an assessment a couple of years ago, too, where one of the groups were not over-confident about their abilities. So they named their group 'Norfolk in Chance'. It took me a depressingly long time to work out why! -- Mark Wheadon and Duncan Langford on ukc.cs.cs2 % Here is a big list o' stuff I want... 1 - Girlfriend... must be reliable good sense of humour and like radiohead... 2 - INTERESTING GUITAR EFFECTS PEDALS... if anyone has any gtfx pedals for sale let me know... I have very little cash at the mo but let me know what you would consider selling and how much for... I am just looking to get a range of pedals that don't normally go together... I like weird and fooked up noises... 3 - Friends needed... plus must like lager and Guinness. And talking about me. 4 - ANALOGUE RADIO... I would like to get my hands on a CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP analogue radio with headphone/line out... it needs to tune manually so you can get the "swishy" (technical term that is!) noise... I wish to push it through my gtfx pedals for some noises as described above... 5 - BAND!!! RATM to RADIOHEAD... Jazz to Industrial LOST ALL THE REPLIES FROM THE "young man seeks jam post" ESPECIALLY GOOD TO HEAR FROM MARK MATT AND ANDREW SO... in short I want a girlfriend, gtfx pedals, friends, and a radio... I am very good looking (my mum and gran BOTH say so... two people cant possibly be wrong!) and don't smell. And I'm very rich * Please help me... and yes, I do feel quite rude putting a notice up detailing stuff I want... Chris "The Iron Mollusc" Youe *your definition of rich may not agree PRECISELY with mine... -- cy5 on ukc.adverts % > Hi, can anybody tell me how to get raptor on my system. I live on campus. Well you could put it on your system, but its damn heavy and rather large so it would prob fall off and somewhat damage your case :) -- nk7 and Pete Saunders on ukc.nethelp % > I have Editplus for windows and it used to display all my open files in > maximized windows however after clicking something once it doesn't open > them maximized anymore ah, yes, the editplus complex. -- nar4 and ejc6 on ukc.comphelp % >> and how many times in life have we seen crap products rule a market (even if >> only briefly) because of clever marketing. Popstars comes to mind >> instantly. > Christianity was what sprung to mind first actually. I have no problems with christianity, just reminds me of teh old classic computer game.... lemmings. -- maf4, dif2 and maf4 on ukc.misc % Applectionator for sale. One careful owner, 456juf capacity, full integration with pl4 pl5 and dl^(mk) 2 possible Cheap at ?1200 Only one in the country. -- mrj6 on ukc.adverts % Hello fellow friends! I, and two of my friends, are making a party tomorrow with House, Electro, Techno, and Psychedelic Trance. I thought maybe some of you listen to electronic music, as you are doing electronic studies. -- js32 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > if people are just not listening, why cant u create limited caches for > msn for people to use it. Haven't we been here before? We have no machine or time to set this up. If we ask for resources to do it then we have to justify it. This involves presenting the current state and the evidence of a need to change. Current state is that the current service is mainly used for porn and pirate software/movies. Evidence of a need to change is shown by the number of official requests that we have had for a msn service (hint: it is less than 1). Oddly, arguing that we need money to increase the porn and warez service to allow something that no-one has requested doesn't seem to work. -- ks51 and Darren Chapman on ukc.comphelp % >> Does LGBT officer stand for lesbian gay bi trisexual officer? >> won't be suprised if it is. > No, it stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans. Transformers were cool. I'm glad they're being represented on campus. -- ld6, dif2 and Paul Haine on ukc.misc % 'I heard at Christchurch they're getting Jesus to play! And tickets are only £12, *and* they get to use MSN and Sharescan and Kazaa the whole time, *and* they're changing their name to the University of Kent at Canterbury.' -- Paul Haine on ukc.misc % > Please can you help - I want to play these games badly Have you tried playing left handed/with your eyes closed/whilst drunk. I find I play really badly in all these circumstances. -- jg22 and djw8 on ukc.nethelp % Hitler was left wing. -- bs20 on ukc.misc % > Something wong with ke - boad cannot tpe cetain chaactes, help!?!??!?!?! In the short term, avoid people called Roy or Ray, don't discuss years, don't plan a holiday in Reykjavic and don't do any geese impressions.... -- kew5 and dp3 on ukc.comphelp % You two always use me as your porn. -- Celeste, talking to Neil and ducttape % Either he'll take to it like a duck to water, or he'll sink like a duck with detergent soaked into its feathers. -- bUrt % You don't drive round Birmingham. You park on the motorways round Birmingham. -- Janet % I'm quite tolerant with nobs. -- Paul % Phill: "Well, obviously not many people here are getting any." OSarah: "And another one." % Jenny: "Have you seen Mark around?" Paul (returning to office): "Not in the toilet, no." % As long as it is windy, I'll always be able to pull a kite. -- Paul, talking about the difference between spending money on a kite or a girl % Tim: "I had a look for the only copy of that thing, and I couldn't find it." bUrt: "You're going to have to be more specific." Tim: "Well, I can't remember what it is, only that I couldn't find it." % Tim: "What's your feelings on passwords?" Pete: "They're a very good idea." % So what are you doing? Pretend I care or understand. -- OSarah % Vikki: "Let's go!" GeeeZa: "Woohoo!" GeeeZa: "Hang on, I live that way..." % bUrt: "At some point, there will be a security advisory for /bin/true." Tim: "What, there's a buffer overflow and you can make it return false?" % [watching Buffy] ben: "Have you ever noticed that Willow only has one computer? You know what that means? Willow isn't as geeky as Mel." la_haine (to Mel): "Don't listen to him. He's just jealous. He wishes he was as geeky as you too." % Paul: "I'm sure that guy is probably famous to Americans." (whilst gesturing at the TV) Tim: "Erm, Paul, it's Robert De Niro." Paul: "Oh." % [in SBS office] Leon: "There's an e-mail saying all CS staff should keep their handbags in cupboards." Ben: "We don't have a cupboard." Leon: "I don't have a handbag either!" % He sucks the cock, and not in a good way. -- Ramsay % (after a brief discussion about consumer ethics) Robbo: "Well, you're the one wearing Adidas trousers." Mark: "Yes, but I'm not enjoying them." % Life> simulate (new (50,30) []) ERROR - Garbage collection fails to reclaim sufficient space Life> quit ERROR - Undefined variable "quit" Life> exit ERROR - Undefined variable "exit" Life> help ERROR - Undefined variable "help" Life> argh ERROR - Undefined variable "argh" Life> let me out ERROR - Syntax error in declaration (unexpected `}', possibly due to bad layout) Life> north ERROR - Undefined variable "north" Life> kill grue ERROR - Undefined variable "grue" Life> get sword ERROR - Undefined variable "sword" Life> look ERROR - Undefined variable "look" Life> -- found on vindaloo % Can I please have some cockpor-? Erm, popcorn. -- GeeeZa % Matt: "I was never good with big numbers." Ramsay: "We're computer scientists -- we have binary, so we never get to 2". Matt: "Yeah, but I do statistics, and we never quite get to 1..." % ntm: "In Law, it's extremely difficult to get over 70% in an essay, but he'd give high marks for good dissertations." Paul: "You should blow him." ntm: "I don't think he's homosexual, um, and nor am I." % If I had a million sparrows, I would bake me a pie... -- Ben and Mark, to the tune of "If I Had A Million Dollars" % You say potato, I say-- ooh, buy one get one free. -- Paul, getting distracted in Sainsburys while talking about an American friend % apt-get is, quite possibly, the reason I don't need a girlfriend. -- creature % Mozarella is the ultimate fetish item, because it's both rubbery and cheese. -- Ramsay, grating cheese for pizza % Argh, men! -- Foo, in response to Rob annoying him % Fight? *Fight*? I thought that was foreplay. -- Skel, talking about Trapper and ducttape wrestling % Will you stop banging that spoon, before I bang you! -- Trapper, trying to stop Mortuus tapping a spoon on his shoe % Ducttape has spent more time in my bed than my boyfriend has. -- Trapper % Hey, look at that star over there! It's moving! -- Trapper, pointing to an aeroplane % creature: "It's a diuretic. It draws the water out of your body." Sellars: "Where does it go?" % bUrt: "It hasn't turned on." Tim: "Yeah, it's one of these things with a soft-on button." bUrt: "It's still not turned on." Tim: "You probably need to push it harder." bUrt: "Ah, there we go. So it's a hard-on button, then?" % I thought that said "Windows has been installed for your safety". -- SlimeyPete, looking at safety signs on a train % (cooking bolognese) Mark: "I want it cooked for about two minutes after you stop seeing pink." Ramsay: "I never stop seeing pink. I have the Internet." % Ducttape: "Wow, big wood chipping." Allan: "I hate to break it to you, but that's a tree." % Was I here when I left? -- Paul % I think I just deep-throated a piece of toast. -- Creature % Terry: "Civ 3 fucked up my final year." Allan: "Dude, you got a first!" Terry: "Yeah, but I fucked up my first." % ... and the triangle has two sides, with two sides on one side, and one side on the other side... -- Mark, describing a diagram % Oh! I'm terribly sorry! -- foo, turning round in an SF department store and bumping into a mannequin % Mortuus47: [being beaten with chopsticks] Ow! My fingers! padme: Well, you *would* put them in front of your testicles... % [Bowling in Ashford] Sellars: How much is a spare worth? Lindsey: A spare what? % I think the Defiant had some quantum torpedoes, or did it? -- Mark % creature: "What exactly is a circadian rhythm, anyway?" Clarie: "I don't know, you're the musician." % Clarie: "Alex irons all his clothing. He even irons his underwear." creature: "But I only just press my socks so they are flat and fit in the drawer better! It's not like I iron both sides of them!" % You're making me wet. I'd better rephrase that. -- Creature, being splashed with water % I wasn't walking in on you! Your door fell open! -- Creature % Morti: It worries me that you've designed a PHP script just to download porn. Creature: I haven't, it's a perl script. % "Sunray is an international spiritual society dedicated to planetary peace." Hm, that's not quite the documentation I was looking for. -- Pete, looking at sunray.org % [talking about installing Solaris] Darren: "Is it like installing Debian, where you keep pressing Return?" Pete: "No, it's completely different. You keep pressing F2." % I hear you're going out with Ducttape now. May I ask why? -- Mortuus47, to Bethan % [via SMS...] Trapper: "You arrived in Tunbridge Wells yet?" Rah: "No, we got to dartford and headed for canters. We got to north fleet and realised that we weren't going there... Just back on the m25 towards tun. wells :-)" % Peter Rodgers: "I need a .cshrc." bUrt: "Which?" Peter Rodgers: "Your finest." % WARNING! This clock now shows the CORRECT time -- seen on a sign in Cornwallis % Apologies to those who consciously avoid lectures either by Stefan or by me - it wasn't intended as a surprise that it was him lecturing this morning. -- Eerke Boiten on ukc.cs.cs3 % I've put this slide in because this happens to be my favourite router. -- Tom Salisbury % If the access link is in heavy use then the latency goes up, which is why we're not very inclined to measure it. -- Tom Salisbury % Use as little of BT as possible. -- Tom Salisbury, talking about network design % [GeeeZa dozing in a CO617 lecture; Rogerio de Lemos lecturing] Rogerio: "You, there, what do you think about this?" GeeeZa: "Me? Nothing, I was asleep." Rogerio: "Well, then, what were you dreaming about?" GeeeZa: "DANCING GIRLS!" % sys admins like donuts sys admins like donuts very much -- found, inexplicably, on the board in SE14 % Sometimes they'll even give you stuff that requires you to buy other stuff, because they've learnt from the drugs industry: the first hit is *always* free. -- Ian Utting, talking about vendor lockin % MS .NET -- is it still called that this week? -- ... -- Ian Utting % It's right for ev-- it's equally wrong for everybody. -- Ian Utting % Grid computing is a great way to make money, because all you have to do is read 1960s computing books and put "distributed" in front of everything. -- Ian Utting % Did you know that when that happens, everyone in the room looks at you and thinks "Twat."? -- Richard Guest, in response to a student's phone going off in a lecture % Every man and his dog can write HTML, and quite often it looks like they do. -- David Shrimpton % Some people like the stability of universities. They've been around since about 1234; the only other establishments to have been around that long are the church and prostitution. -- Keith Mander % Q. With all the java and computer geniuses in the department how comes you havent got a count down timer for the deadline of the assignments?? A. Stressing out students is not recommended under the Health & Safety Regulations. -- CO309 Anonymous Questions % Why are you all sitting so far back? I don't smell; I have washed, honest. -- Tim Hopkins % You're not a very talkative lot when it comes to numerical calculations, are you? -- Tim Hopkins % Sorry about the... I like colour. -- Peter Welch, putting up a bright green and yellow slide % "About Java threads, don't you think you're overreacting a bit?" "It's a *considered* overreaction." -- random student and Peter Welch, about JCSP % You don't want your bank account going back to how it was yesterd-- well, maybe you do. -- Peter Linington, talking about persistent state management % Welcome to the Microsoft Equation Editor Life really is too short to fix this rubbish Welcome back to the Microsoft Equation Editor The word c**p keeps coming to mind :) -- Slide titles from Tim Hopkins % "You're all CS students, aren't you?" "I'm in denial." -- Richard Guest and a random student % "Is there going to be a class in here?" "Yes." "Do you happen to know who'll be taking it?" "Me." -- Janet Linington and Mark Callanan % I'm marking your sender assessments at the moment and some of you output error messages when you find something wrong. You really shouldn't be doing this. Who is going to read it? -- John Crawford on ukc.cs.cs2 % I hate to think what semantic zooming might mean for Britney Spears. -- Dave Shrimpton, talking about a technique for zooming in on the important sections of an image % Doing real time for multimedia is overkill. If you lose a frame of video it's not going to cause a nuclear reactor to melt down; it's going to cause Britney's hair to flicker. -- Dave Shrimpton % I think your faith in Microsoft ought to be the same as it always has been. -- Dave Shrimpton % You're all looking lost. I should put my glasses on. -- Dave Shrimpton % if(Math.random() < 0.33) { // and he stoppeth one of three return null; } -- Ian Utting, in example code % There's no point in doing something you can do in the real world with a computer. -- Tom Kemp, in an open lecture on digital art % All those cave paintings -- there're really just cave *writing*. They didn't know about letters in those days. -- Tom Kemp, in an open lecture on digital art % They're all only metaphors. A real menu you can pick up and run your finger down; it's tangible, this is just a list. Windows you can throw a brick at and they break. Just a metaphor. -- Nigel Dalgliesh, without a hint of sarcasm % It's a single distributed point of failure. -- Gerald Tripp % Can you please list all the typo and explain all these gallicisms to me? -- random student on the CO309 anonymous questions page % The name of the method "WhatSon" was supposed to mean "What's on ?" and not "What Son ?". Obviously if I wanted to mean the latter I would have named my method "WhichSon" :-). -- Matthew Capcarrere on the CO309 anonymous questions page % Q. What exactly is a constructor? A. To be honest, at this stage of the course, this is a worrying question. -- random student and Matthew Capcarrere on the CO309 anonymous questions page % > Please come along with topics that you wish me to cover in this session. The questions (and answers) that will be in the exam paper would be nice ;-). -- Richard Guest and rcw5 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > Except that there won't be a CO312 module next year. New challenges for > all of us, and one massive source of marking gone, giving Peter his Life > back and me a chance to travel. Will you be travelling via a shortest path, ideally visiting each place only once? -- Eerke Boiten and ajp7 on ukc.cs.cs1 % -- Computer Science System Information -- Tue Jul 20 20:41:45 2004 -- This machine is not to be used as a way of circumventing the firewall, and music sharing clients, or similar, must not be run. Nothing in the CS MOTD. Shame about the size of the alert, though. http://www.cs.kent.ac.uk/systems/ cs-syshelp@kent.ac.uk ----------------------------------------------------------------------- -- Computer Science MOTD % no the couple in question had kids at my wedding in 1980 wow. Did it distract everyone from the ceremony? % Woo! MPlayer's finished compiling on the SPARC it'll never work ;) "Error type 352: WTF are you on, trying to run mplayer on me. I was obsolete before mplayer was a pipe dream, f00"? % um-bungo was *alright* I drank Um Bongo at church a little while ago Morti: have they been trying to update the communion? I spose that's fair enough, I mean wine and bread is so passe. ribena and jaffa cakes % * Moof headbangs to enya pfft bet you're playing Myst as well well, I've got the Riven soundtrack up next 1997 called they want their games back % she looked mean and i'm only in my pants But who doesn't look hard in Y-fronts? Perhaps I should rephrase that. I'm sure the sight of you in your Y-fronts would be very menacing. % did it occur to you moof, that when you were in australia, you could have called yourself "woot"? % Best way to ensure a girl loves you forever, take the case off her computer, whack a base install of Debian on it and insist that it's for her own good :-P are you single Morti? Yes :( % someone should write a great big evil book of acronyms, and callit the Acronymnicon % writing my paper about inferring social networks on irc at the mo maybe you would do better writing it in word? % and they should have freedom of religion well freedom *from* % azz: you should know that my mother has just ] <_2sc> all by herself? <_2sc> an *entire* square bracket? % [stella is Trapper's evil boss] *** stella [Trapper@dm-16905.cable.ubr02.croy.blueyonder.co.uk] has joined #minkees *** mode/#minkees [+b *!*Trapper@*.cable.ubr02.croy.blueyonder.co.uk] by Trapper *** stella was kicked from #minkees by Trapper [OUT! OUT YOU DEAMON!!!!] * Trapper feels better now * Trapper notes she banned herself oops % Transexuals are great Society is coming to accept them more and more But "Does she have an erection?" is still a fun thing to say % * Sellars notes that alcohol and lizzie have met a couple of times recently alcohol always comes off worse.. poor alcohol I dunno, both get completely drunk but i bet alcohol can spell its name properly % [talking about the "washing machines live longer with skel|gone" quote...] ironically enough it was he and allan that pulled out the washing machine at 19b and lfoded the floor so maybe it's true % [aftermath of foo's stag party...] i've had to take the make up off and you lot are ridiculous its a skirt not a flipping bandan ahh... through sickness and in health ;D WE'RE NOT MARRIED YET % who's jenna jameson? lambda! oh man was she in our year? % ben: well tomorrow I am going to go meet my girlfriend in london, have a day in london with her, then come back to canterbury for night of rampent sadomasochistic sex Ducttape: well, I can have a wank without all that effort I think I win % padme|nothere - you know you came round last night to pick up your pants and your post, but left your pants? You left your post, too. % * foo has a speech to write groom's speech is easy foo "I'd like to thank la_haine for naming Rah 'mrs foo' and so putting the original marriage idea in our heads' % Robbo: can we get rid of the mac and get an ADSL router? :) I've found a very nice one show me http://www.adslguide.org/hardware/reviews/2002/q4/vigor2600we.asp "hey, everyone, GeeeZa's fighting Robbo" % star trek porn? lol, geeks :) "three in a ro" "cheap trills" "where no man has gone before" "menage a troi" % ben, bluetooth is complate wank. lies yes, sorry. I meant complete wank. % [Moof programming for a hotel company on International Talk Like A Pirate Day] """Arrr, this procedure calculates which tariff will mean less pieces'o'eight for them thar landlubbin cutomers it be takin: thar company and segment band names, the cabin type, when they be asking permission to board the ship, when they be made to walk the plank, and wether they wanto eat at the cap'ns table, or can make do with ship's biscuit and grog, or nothin' at all. yarrr""" % Anyone recommend a good samba server for winxp? % * Robbo looks at a drumkit that's it that's all you're getting i can't even be bothered to play them for your pun % * Khellondros wonders whether Raspberry Heaven really exists % Thank you for registering with us. You are now free to book your tickets online and breeze through the station. * kimble fears - they haven't tried to make the booking process more intuitive by mimicing a real train travel experience have they? * kimble thinks . o O ( "HTTP error 107: The packets required to service your request have been delayed by a router failure at Neasden" ) * kimble thinks . o O ( "please carry heavy luggage up 6 flights of stairs to intercept the replacement packets in darwin computer room 1" % woo finally switched off my answerphone thingy [half the channel ping-timeouts due to BT breaking Canterbury's ADSL] Clarie's answerphone thingy was providing internet access to quite a few people then % Anyone have any thermal paste xmassheep can pinch? yes, funnily enough She thanks you lots and offers sexual favours. I may have made that last bit up. % *** typo is now known as christine mum yes why christine ? weeeeell i didn't want to tell you.......... but it's my name % mum on the phone: "It's starting to look more and more like you're going to end up doing an msc conversion course" "You just don't want to admit it because la_haine did one" heh nice people do them too % ibot lambda i think lambda is undersetimating himself by 1000% * kimble thinks . o O ( undersetimating? ) * kimble thinks . o O ( v. to grossly underestimate the number of seti units one's computer gets through in a given time period ) % you've given up on the "I'm not a geek" thing then SlimeyPete: I explained seg faults yesterday I can't really claim to not be any more % anyone know how much a 5p weighs? 1/20 of a lb *boom tisch* % I've apparently been described as a "dark horse" I prefer to think of you as a dim gerbil. % *** Xiphi is now known as Xiphi|StrummingTheBanjo is that a euphemism? you'll know if i'm gone in a minute or two no, we'll know if you're *back* in a minute or two. % * ben remembers last nights dream I dreamed I stumbled upon some sentient dominoes, who were being all angry and stompy it turned out all they really wanted was to make a giant tower, but they didn't have the sense of perspective to pull it off * ben boggles at his brain saturdays was odd too I dreamed I was making a giant onion bhaji, then I got stuck inside it % * foo books himself a hair appointment foo: do they need to pre-order the equipment? :-) % Error-oc-play.occ(23)- Placement of channels is disabled curious.. compile with -e to kroc i don't remember writing that error.. ;) % * Rah debates between 'law and goverment under the tudors' and 'reform and renewal' reform and renewal is about sandwich meat, right? % [editing a long topic] *** Topic for #jibblers: [...] | Fancy getting involved with kentunion.co.uk? Leave a message for Creature *** Morti changed the topic of #jibblers to: Welcome to #singles, bitch away | [...] | Fancy getting involved with kentunion.co.uk? Leave % kill me now * creature shoots in Rorschach's face. Err. * creature shoots Rorschach in the face. % can I suggest that you keep your onions to yourself until the deadline for this has passed? % [talking about typo, Phil's mum] Pete: she's basically begeed me to take phillip off her hands. And I'm fairly sure I haven't slept with her... you never know well, there was a drunken 10 minutes i don't rememebr at foo's wedding... % lizzie's a sweet innocent girl, Moof. Or so she likes to make out. I've never made out! % [Trapper has a cat called Violet] arrt!]## cat! Trapper: poke it in the face SlimeyPete: it's vi Trapper: ":q!" her then % there's a home alone 4 that os wrong on just so may levels >., "Home Alone 4: Fuck, of course I'm home alone I'm 32 and own my own house" % "Disease and death: the bane of mankind's new age existence. Ubiquitous computing comes to the aid, however. While our young are nurtured by machines and our elderly fight pestilence and decay through technology it will be a bright age where our species can flourish and fuse with this new technology." * jester elects that it was a bad idea letting Rob write the abstract for this report % Khell|lesson: we've only had two people ask for hentai this year so far... was one David with the long blonde hair? what, the one who dresses goth sometimes? I just remember him talking abut a lot of hentai behind me the other week how rare. considering i'm david with long blonde hair. % you mean i can't ICMP Downs road? ICBM, even ;) % * SlimeyPete wonders why web browsers keep dissapearing on him firebird does it, galeon does it, opera does it just randomly dissapear when I click what are you clicking? the close button? % I want to create Occult Statistics. primarily because I want a Standard Divination button on my calculator. % *** Trapper is now known as Trapper|grease Trapper|grease: I hope your listening to grease, if not.. eww. % Ow, my back. Fireworks just arrived. Christ, a big long package, over a meter long and about a foot wide.. plus a giant box :/ What did he order.. the 'Houses of Parliament' special? o_O % [syn is known for taking ages to shower] getting in now. START YOUR TIMERS. [ten minutes later...] two things. one, restart your timers. two, never order pizza from Tony's. % the live of my cd's are lomg... well, the life of the cd you gave me is nearly up dead CDs make great coffee mats. If he coffee mats one of Kare Kano CDs the life span of one pill won't exceed 17 o.o lucky im 16 realy... % [talking about Aliens vs. Predator] that bloody motion detectot thing in avp was terryfying, i played avp for hours one afternoon at home, went outside sat in the garden, then the microwaves went off 'BEEP BEEP BEEP' in the kitchen behind me I hit the floor and rolled % eeeeeps at accidenlty calling 999 in his pocket :/ so did you find an ambulance in your pocket, or what? ;) azz: I'm just happy to see you :op % o/~ Mr Crowley, what went on in your head? Mr Crowley, did you talk with the dead? to the tune of the village people - in the navy? % * TheLib notes impending sense of doom *** Trapper^Tiggs is now known as Trapper^Tiggs|hyper yep that spells doom % [discussing how to get skel to talk in real life...] 's easy, just wander in with an Where Do You Want To Go Today? t-shirt on and loudly proclaim the advantages of Windows Me % * typo would if trapper had not buggered my computre typo: !!! purple: 's ok, she didn't physically bugger it though she is damn good at buggery % [Dave[] talking about Unix commands] Anybody like to tell me what "cat" comes from? Dave[]: when a mummy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much... % looking at the converstaion of jibblers typo starts to worry about the weekend heh and its geekiness? yup three geeks and an old woman ah well although i wouldn't describe giles as an old woman ;) % monty slap me if I start on the haskell again tonight YOU'RE MY WIFE NOW % i worked out that i write more words on IRC in a year than i will in my thesis % * purple|reading gets bored of reading reports, so switches to minutes instead. Ooooo... "camp-but-denies-it lefty guy makes point that has to do a lot with national politics but nothing to do with LGB" "butch dyke concurs" "random audience memebr asks about an obscure facet of the law which is even more pointless" "grumbles of 'hear hear'" "someone gets up and asks that we get on topic before lauching a question that has nothing to do with the current topic, but somehting done three motions ago" "someone gets up and wonders why the NUS LGB committee is so fulll of stereotypes" "lynching ensues" % top Wales headline now: "Crisis at potato disease farm" they're all healthy? % [dmc trying hard not to provide technical support...] * dmc isnt sure how to drive this thing. Not too good at unix things % * skel impulse bought pencil, lead for pencil but completely forgot to get a rubber >.< don't they give out rubbers for free at the mandela building? % * purple plans to kidnap MrTea so he can make cakes for her morning, afternoon & night * Trapper|lib_l2 grabs hold of a leg I want cake tooooo * purple grabs the head nooooo! my cake! * Trapper|lib_l2 stomps on bethans toes to make her let go hah! I _knew_ there was a way to have girls fighting over me ;0 % * Rah notes the answers to her semianr questions have no punctuation atm this may be because they have no words % *** Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin has joined #cs But what does Shark_Bait|Lucky_Fin have to do with the price of fish? A lot really... You see, as shark-bait decreases, the price of fish increases.. its simple supply and demand. % i just subconciously made a sandwich went into the kitchen to get some fruit, thought about something else while I was in there, and came out with a sandwich turkey, cucumber (sliced), cheese (sliced), onion (chopped) on toasted bread that was in the freezer got back to my desk, and looked at it for a few moments wondering why it wasn't an orange % then again, with my black 3/4 overcoat I look a bit mafioso Ah, the gay mafia about which we hear so much. get trapper to lend you a violin case then moof surely pink picollo cases would be de rigeur for the gay mafia? * Trapper wonders what one would do with the... oh % [out of the blue...] that's nonsense winne the pooh couldn't have been a fascist oh wrong window sorry % * Moof_ should really listen to less Queen while coding class MacRomanDecoder(Decoder): """General Palaver! Mac Roman decoding!""" buzzedword = 'ab\xe9\xe7\xf1\xdb' # What do you mean, "Mac Roman decoding"? codec = 'MacRoman (Assumed euro-compliant)' def decode(self, text): # Open Fire! All Weapons! body = unicode(text, 'macroman') # Dispatch for with some ajax to clean up this body for c in body: #Roman's Alive!?!?!? if c == u'\xdb': c = u'\u20ac' # Macs! Macs! I love you! But I've only got 14 lines to finish this program! return body % [talking about a trip to Heathrow to see the world cup rugby team return] where abouts were youse lot? standing on starbucks chairs about 10 back Was good Lots of repetitive lines of Swing Low sweet chariot I saw some heads, some faces and a big cup THen realised i was still standing in starbucks % Question challenge #9180: what one word may be added to news, carbon and wall paper I chose scissors - I win! :o) % and this is why I'm a grammar whore :) "Will suck cock for correect declensions."? hur hur, clench % [reading Trapper's blog...] "Saturday was lovely. Ben and I started fat copying to another harddrive" Geek romance at its finest. "We reformatted windows off my hard drive and replaced FAT32 with ext3." wow, is that like the geek-equivilent of a candle lit dinner? % what is the second largest hardware vendor in the world. My mate Dave % [foo joins #jibblers as "Emily"...] hello who's Emily? gah ... you lot are so dull ... DALNet people jump on anyone with a female nick ;) m/sg emily R U h0t s3x1 cH1x0r????!!111 w4nn4 cyb0r??1111 shit % [talking about how fast Morti spends his loan] I think we're pretty much even, aren't we? yeah, we are. I just don't wanna be out of pocket just cos you're god's gift to consumerism again :P % Typing with one hand is hard. Arcturus[GunBound]: which begs the q: what you doing with the other hand? Moof: u have a one trak mind! ukcb00: no I don't. It just appears that way. In the past five minutes I have, in fact, been thingking abotu massive UPSes, freight costs in Air europa, fraight costs to europa, why my stubble is itchy today, what to have for dinner, a long drawn out sex session with you, and how to solve a person's python program design. % ozzy osborne is sinking to new depths why? well, it's difficult to swim when you've done your back in... % does anyone know how to fix Playing dvd://1. libdvdread: Could not open device with libdvdcss. libdvdread: Can't open /dev/dvd for reading Couldn't open DVD device: /dev/dvd from linux mplayer? * archmoo thwaps self ... first put DVD in drive. Baka. % * reggitsti remembers exams... I think the secreat lies in havign as much stationary as possible when did you ever see anyone go into an exam with a huge pile of pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers, polos, spare pens, ink cartridges, highlighters, spare spare pens, and fail ? when they forgot their calculator? % three channels for the keyboard, error and out / seven for the sort pump in replicated PAR / nine for the philosophers doomed to starve / one for the student ignored at the bar / in the land of occam, where the deadlocks lie one PAR to rule them all, one ALT to find them / one SEQ to read them all and sequentially bind them / in the land of occam, where the deadlocks lie % lizzie has made herself a tinsel wreath and now ants anet curtain so she can pretend to be a bride to go to the post office you are joking, yes? no oh good grief % blondie|ill: did your one ever have that weird problem where the mouse and/or keyboard suddenly stop working? it did it yesterday i completely took it to pieces removed the harddisk, dvd, cpu etc cos i was bored % * Ducttape looks at a bed with satin sheets and a naked woman in it O.o so a website then % o/~ Arc the Magic Dragon, lived on IRC and frolicked in the channel list, while using mIRC. Little Christine Ov'ral, loved that rascal Arc. And fed him food and gave him drinks and took him to the park! % i bet if i were to ask in there who finds me annoying, less than half the people in the channel would say yes the rest would be afk? ;) % hmm, anyone for a game of ukc-cluedo? i haven't invented the rules yet, but i'm sure we could mornington-crescent our way thorugh it locations are easy, and you could have all kinds of weapons... like a rutherford breakfast, or some ducttape, or an invicta condom... just pick everyone's favourite suspicious lecturers as suspects/victim, and you're off * kimble reckons the door at the top of the stairs in cornwallis south should be on the weapons list too it'd be rogerio, in the library, with an illustrated copy of kent union consitution (and he'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for us meddling kids - who'd have suspectd a CS lecturer would be in the library?) % * kimble once conspired with her brother and his chavvy friends to introduce the word "feltching" into chav vocabularly as an adjective as in "that's a feltching good stereo, innit!" % *** red_pill changed the topic of #minkees to: there is no topic.....|yes there is.....|you call that a topic? 0.o| i'd like to see you do better|mabye i will|well? go on then|mabye i dont wanna...|fight, fight|i am so much leeter then you at topics...see?|and so with this topic agukment the world ended % bethan and tom are arguing about fish again :/ % * Trapper|here wonders if raptor downage is cos workmen drilled thru cable Trapper|here: it's cos we dropped a doughnut in the disk array well, we've shut the machine down... but unfortunately we still can't get the doughnut out which is a real pain, because it's lunchtime. % Fair enough. But I've been Christian for a long time and this isn't a snap decision. I've thought about it a lot. Morti: you have also been shagging longer than you have been baptised Ducttape: And you've been male longer than you've been female. Non argument, dude. % so, syn, can you say "eleven lazy llamas leap lazily through the lush hell because I can Rorschach: ok "fuck you" % What's a "Super Audio CD"? its a cd that wears its underwear on the OUTSIDE! % remind me in 12 minutes to flip chips remind me in 11 minutes to flip creature's chips, so he flips them onto the wrong side and burns them, % Congratulations to MrTea|SW12 for winning the quiz! The scores have now been reset. Here's how everyone fared: Top scores: [100]MrTea|SW12 [21.5]MrTea|EBR2 [19.8]MrTea [18.3]MrTea|tired [9]azz [5.2]MrTea|bed [2.5]MrTea|busy % o/~ Oops! Moof did it again. He played with python got lost in the gras... * Moof hits foo one more time % desing design? tats the one <-- leet ;) not if thats how you spell 1337 ;) % mailinfo god mailinfo: Login "god" does not exist % Meatballs.Sleeep(); sleep is a private method and cannot be called from irc % DT|Annoyed: did you hear that my G string snapped this evening? I just twanged it and it pinged off and hit me in the face % never get involved with housemates it's the whole close proximity every day thing they get to know ya, they realise you're an ass, they don't want to sleep with you anymore and get all bitchy then hide your honey nut loops It was always the cocopops, but yeah % 39p for a blank DVD-R .... i remember when blank CDs were more than a quid! i remember when economies of scale and depreciation didn't exist % how long is track 1? |<------------------THIS long--------------------->| is that to scale? % will the kettle boil quicker if I stick it in the microwave or the oven? % iBot, divine are you god? * iBot shakes the psychic purple sphere... It says 'Yeah, and I'm the Pope,' Arcturus % I had to explain a joke to a woman on the street yesterday. She came up to me, and said "Hi there, I'm from the Accident group. Have you had an accident in the past 2 years?". So I said, "No, I always look like this". And she just looks at me blankly, and then says "What?". % I've got paradise mix here. paradise mix? is that like sand, add water to make one perfect beeach? Nah, it's like dried fruit. Banana chips, apricots, papaya, coconut, raisins, sultanas, etc. ah well i think my idea was better, no offence % wasnt that keen on S&M er Sam and max i mean % you know creature, i think you missed the conversation skel and i had about valentines day the other night we thought about sending you a card but then decided we were too tight to pay for a stamp and then decided we were too tight to pay for a card so we thought about writing it on the board but that would involve effort so you probably won't get one, no offence So, given that you're not prepared to write me a message on the board, I suppose a valentine's hand-job is entirely out of the question, then. :( DIY And how will that convey any sense of occasion? you could paint your nails % *** blondie has joined #q-soc is this a channel for queens? erm... queen fans :P but you can stay if you like oh *** blondie has left #q-soc [pfft] % o/~ where did we come from? why are we here? where do we go when we die? o/~ where do you come from, where do you go? Where do you come from Cotton-eye Joe % you seem a bit hyper pseudoGeek lb^: it's what happens after a period of nervousness or stress I thought that was masturbation? i know all about that :/ the stress, that is % i wanna kno what that rbf song was i had stuck in my head the other day but i cant remember what it was called lyrics? dont remember :p hum the tune :P dont even remember the tune now so you wanna know a tune that you dont remember the name, tune OR lyrics to? :) well its gotta be that one, you know, with the music :P % ibot seen mikky Bah. * iBot is not a sheep % say I am just enjoying the ambience that's what I do yeah, but i stutter when i'm nervous, it might come out 'ambulance' and then i'd have to convince them i don't need to be rushed to hospital immediately % essays are indeed silly discuss... % Seraph has 750gb disk space, then? yar virtual penis = THIS BIG |--------------------------------------------------| :D * Dave[] reduces font size % IWANNAPLAYCHESS! let's all play with their chess! * Rorschach plays with EeK's king I'm a hardcore pawn % * Trapper wonders if teh kids'll use irc before they can talk... "so what were you kids first words?" "/join #jibblers" .oO(It's funny, cos it's potentially true) could be worse could be #cs % [in response to yet another the-SBS-is-too-restrictive complaint] exeter are amazing comp service there even hand out free tissues actually exeter provide free girls and boys for extra services % What do people think of the University strike? *** Seraph is now known as Tom Bad thing! *** Tom is now known as Dick Good thing! *** Dick is now known as Harry What strike? *** Harry is now known as Seraph % Hal used to be called God once... yes. but I think someone objected Someone complained? but then i complained. probably him % blondie: God? ;) <--- Instant argument, just add evad and stirr. :D % Monty are you jacking-off? Perhaps I am jacking off in your fantasies. % o/~ I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chimb, reflecting on my past life, and it doesn't have much time, because at 5 oclock they take me to the gallows pole, the sands of time for me, are running low if that's how you feel you don't *have* to come to church... % Phobos: Have you tried a human of the male persuasion? * Phobos hasnt. Well then, how d'you know? =P because i spend every working day in school with 1200 of the bastarsds. Phobos: I spent all day and night at a school with 1200 men, and look how I turned out Spanish ? % man time erm, that was a misdirected unix command, not a rethink of my sexuality % * kimble is allergic to haskell kimble: that's what you found out at the hospital then? yup * kimble got nasty swellings from haskell and C++, with a smaller one for smalltalk apparantly i'm not allergic to BASIC though, which was news to me and neither of the occam tests (they do one on each arm) had a reaction they'd run out of the solution for perl, so mixed a few drops of everything else together and added some distilled water % I was told 10 minutes ago that Bens mum and dad were coming to croydon and that they ahd asked trapper and Ben if they wanted to come so I it looks as if I will need to be on my best behaviour * typo deflates blow up alan Rickman doll % How many articles from ukc.misc (default 1337): i very much doubt the articles are 1337 % * Trapper|lib_l3e steals rah I AM NOT PROPERTY thus according to s1 theft act 1968 you CANNOT STEAL ME! % * GiantCrab was sent by Morti. I am the crabmaster! psst, i wouldnt advertise that everywhere Yeah, didn't really think that one through % . o O (Foo and rah have sex, and 9 months later a few kilobytes of executable code pop out?) % Hi, I'm iBot's evil twin brother <_58fr> iBot's Canadian evil twin brother? * kimble thought canadiains were always nice they are. Except for the ones that were formed long ago in the mists of time from the purest evil. and chicken... purest evil and chicken % xmassheep|lib - you appear to have "Five" on your PC. Do you have an alibi? % see this is why I hate the internet i get all hyped about fetishmatch start writing the sql create table query and all of a sudden firefox opens up porn. of it's own accord* terrible. *this may be a lie % <^Vash> wasnt there a new thing called spim? * ^Vash wonders whether it was true or in a dream.... spim sounds odd spim an new kind of luncheon meet with no bad connotations spim is instant messaging spam :p aaah <^Vash> ah thats what it was * Arcturus[Sleep] feels like he's in a tech support channel staffed by the Two Ronnies. % it's even worse in france apparently, don't you have to give the govt the key to any encoding thingy you use? that's why I have a series of magnesium flares strapped to my HD and the detonator strapped to the inside of my thigh * Morti strokes Rorschach thighs * Rorschach pings out % Rorschach: I think Morti|Aldridge doesn't understand that when you use the word "sex" it means "sex" So you mean those years of cyber sex were really real? I'm no longer a virgin! % * skel streaks around the channel, running circles around Ka, before shooting off at a tangent * Ka resists the "shooting off" joke % * dmc wonders who 129.12.9.195 is and why they are attempting and failing to log into the sun server... you ah.... * dmc suspects OE again. % `remind me at 8:15 to go make some breakfast - I recommend toast. remind me at 8.14 to eat all the toast in the house remind me at 8:13 to duct-tape up Kim's mouth. remind me at 8.12 to hide the duct tape remind me at 8:11 to grab the duct-tape and keep it safe. remind me at 8.10 to locate and destroy all sticky tape in the house remind me at 8.09 to buy some superglue remind me at 8.08 to liquidate creature's assets so he can't buy superglue remind me at 8:07 to develop Agent Smith-like powers for mouth-sealing with a mere guesture. remind me at 8.06 to lock creature in his room and set up a blocking charm for magical powers remind me at 8:05 to leave my room and remove all talismans, ancient relics, and other such protective charms from the immediate vicinity remind me at 8.04 to put creature into a self-storage container and leave him there until at least 8.16 remind me at 8:03 to put on the Amulet of Yendor, which as any nethack player knows cannot be placed into a container. remind me at 8.02 to drop creature in the ocean with a weight tied round his ankles and a scuba tank, and not to haul him out until at least 8.16 remind me at 8:01 to put on really big armbands. remind me at 8.00 to make tiny holes in creature's armbands with a pin remind me at 7:59 to secrete a puncture repair kit in the most appropriate oriface. remind me at 7.58 to sabotage creature's puncture repair kit before he puts it into any orifice remind me at 7:57 to learn houdini-like skills in escapology and get really good at escaping from lead weights. remind me at 7.56 to switch the lead weights with bricks remind me at 7:55 to surrepticiously replace my shoes with minature hovercraft. remind me at 7.54 to nick the batteries out of the miniature hovercraft remind me at 7:53 to add solar panels to my shoes. remind me at 7.52 to make the wiring in creature's solar panels dodgy so they will short circuit when he is dropped in the ocean remind me at 7:51 to cover myself in rubber so I don't get electrocuted in the case of a freak wiring accident with my shoes. remind me at 7.50 to put itching powder all over creature's rubber % in this hand we have the ukc webcaches. in this hand we have a big pile of shit. watch as i swap hands missed it? so did everyone else. % they would n't let me come and play nock down ginger on your door today O.o what's knock-down ginger? * kimble tuts young folk today... knocking the door and running away oh see where I come from, we call that "knocking the door and running away" % * Penguin raises one eyebrow * Penguin raises some hair so people can see he's raised one eyebrow % [Scumbag working on electronics project] tis a hardware failure byt the look of it pic is programmable, but won't run i don't know whats wrong its like having a women angry at you, you know theres something wrong but you just can't tell what but unfortunetly flowers and chocolates don't fix electronics % can you turn a machine off for me? it's in the CS racks, middle one turn the key inside the hatch at teh top right turn it to off, wait a second, then back this is starting to sound like that power restart sequence in jurassic park Raptor will get me! % * Atuin lols at email from Moof Please lower the tone again Best Wishes, Moof * Moof suddenly realises he may have left a "don't" out of there % How is that a gay guy gets more girls than I do? % monty help define Help: "Monty: define x = 10" monty: define 2 = 4 creature: Okay, I'll try and remember 2 = 4 % * Ducttape decides on her new purpose in life pincushion? To extend adolescence beyond all reasonable limits oh man then % Whatever: you'd like him, he has long dark hair like you and he's tall too so you'll have so much to talk about conditioner and low celings % i'm just a ickle koala, and need help crossing streets :( at least you don't get people trying to eat you all the time >_< % * EeK munches * typo slurps * Moof chews * SlimeyPete burps * EeK farts * Moof coughs * typo digests * EeK blinks * Moof winks * typo sniffs * EeK metabolises * typo feels the het * Moof perspires * chrislamb burps * Moof frowns * EeK scratches * typo glowers * EeK types * typo glares * chrislamb smells * Moof mouses * typo sucks * EeK thinks.. then stops * SlimeyPete follows through * Moof sniffs * EeK inserts cork * Moof gags * typo grins * Moof cocks his head * typo gets pissed * ben masticates * EeK wonders off * typo contemplates * chrislamb jibbles * typo nibbles * Moof juggles * typo prevaricates * Trapper prods blankdiscshop order anyone want anything? * SlimeyPete % * kimble sings o/~ it's a jump to the left o/~ * kimble sings o/~ and a step to the riiiiight o/~ * kimble sings o/~ do ctrl-alt-delete o/~ * kimble has quit IRC (Exit: and i'll be back in 5) * kimble has joined #jibblers * kimble sings o/~ but it's the BSOD, that really drives you insaaaaane o/~ % and what *is* pills moof rorsach atuin side I am baffled it's the addition of J that confuzzles me rors /moof one conclusions atuin/ rors straight but atuin/moof/rors dfo they all not wash or something? % ooh, i've got a 1983 1-pound coin. is that worth anything? yes £1 % *** mode/#cs [+ovovov Tim Tim Andy Andy Pete Pete] by Hal Hal and Athena sitting in a tree... *** mode/#cs [+ovv Athena Athena Monty] by Hal and Tim, and Andy, and Athena, and Pete... whoah big tree % it's a bit moist outside And Ducttape and I just had to transport a monitor from her house to mine, which was fun. Gave it my coat in the end. * Paul imagines a gameshow "what gender is ducttape today?!" or did you mean you gave the monitor your coat.. % * Morti Googles plumpos and gets "Did you mean plumpers" No, no I really didn't % [playing Battleships] C7 - You Hit your allies. You must be American. % [looking at photos of a house] big house all nice and well, but big garden looks like effort all big things look like effort skel - good luck in your sex life then % The sun explain Bluetooth with the aid fo some page 3 girls: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0%2c%2c2001310000-2004151221%2c00.html * typoIroningBored wonders if that is why Ben described bluetooth as a complete wank % didn't you have a watch, blondie? dont usually wear it its not digital sorry, i wont sleep with you now i only sleep with people with digital watches % mmm bacon butty the food of the gods well except the jewish one I suppose % * illah yawns loudly * SuperMatt puts a cork in illah's mouth you can't talk! there is a cork in your mouth eh? i talk out of my ass SuperMatt. everyone knows that % Hmm. Necrophilia only gets you a maximum of two years imprisonment. Seems almost worth it. % [talking about what to do on long flights] i'll try not to root BOTH of the avionics computers. "i'm so hardcore i run seti on my 737" % a baseball fight you'll see maybe 5 a whole season, but they are crazy when they break out, all that stored up hostility. and this one was prolly great--it's between two bad teams; Chicago, who invented organized crime, and Cincinatti, who invented Jerry Springer. % [talking about a morality quiz] Would it bother you to see this man having sex with a chicken? hell, i'd pay % Rorschach: Let's make a deal. I give you two large chocolate eclairs. ok, i now have a picture of a chicken trying to be seductive on my screen i'm worried * Rorschach shakes on it the deal. not the picture % * kimble nods at blondie - that's the problem with UPSs, they're only as good as your ability to differentiate the incoming kettle lead from the outgoing kettle lead, in the dark, on all fours % *** [Jase] is now known as Jase <^Vash> José? <^Vash> oh Jase <^Vash> wrong glasses, cant sdee % Hmm. My X is gradually going more and more screwy. [creature pastes screenshot URL] And I have *just* realised at this point I've shown the world I'm reading a guide to cunnilingus. % what is cunnilingus? it's an airline aer lingus merged with continental % how do you make real vnc connect to a computer without knowing the ip addy hit alt+f4 it'll ask you for a hostname yeah you hit alt+f4 already? ok i may be special try again. but all it does is minimise it keep trying sooner or later it'll work. hopethetically if it had worked what would happen next you'd get asked for a hostname and enter ns1.root-servers.net if you got an error ID 10-T then it's a problem with you what do you mean? think its easy to get a static ip on my home machine % it's kensington as long as you're not pathologically afraid of australians you'll be fine % azz? or anyone else in a prolog state of mind: invalid_game(S1, S2) :- \+ differ_by_at_least(2, S1, S2). the last predicate makes it want to backtrack all the time o/~ some folks like to use arrays, take a reference to a system bus / write some code in Fortran, or in C++ / but I'm writing a predicate that'll backtrack all the time / I'm in a Prolog state of mind... o/~ % what is it about videos of babies swimming under the water? it's a cool undocumented feature that babies have they automatically don't drown isn't the feature quite will documented now? it was probably a bit of an easter egg the first baby they tried to drown but I think they noted it down they said they'd fix it in the next serivce pack, but you know how long these things take... prolly screw it up until they release babyXP who'd buy one of those ? yeah but you imagine how complicated the sex is to get Baby Linux it's only a matter of time before an open source one comes out then you get to configure and recompile it however you want i think i'll put its arm on its head no you won't will not with any BabyLinux of mine % * Tiggs wonders how long chris is going to be ... Well, the average is around 6 inches. % [entirely at random] i am a teapot or possibly a coffee pot i'm not sure % [after a network outage] *** syn changed the topic of #freshmeat to: hippies hit UKC server room, no survivors % heh, i installed debian on my g/f's pc :)
my girlfriend did it herself :p ok, you winn % ther's nothing that a wompom cannot do or a typographical error ;) am i a redpillgrafical error or just a mistake mum? % oday she is worshipping at the church of geekdom 'oh sys admins, thou art in thine broom cupboard office, hallowed be thy donuts...' % * Moof went to an Oracle junket today I found out how I could leverage my existing customer information and go beyond CRM (Customer Relationship Management) to SRM (Service Relationship Management) in order to fidelize our customer base and have a much more synergistic relationship with them by utilising new improved CRSes and Outsourcing our Call Centre Management. % [talking about a CO508 exam] SlimeyPete: how was it? imagine if Satan merged with Adolf Hitler, gave birth to a demonspawn child, spent the last 60-odd years tutoring that child in mastery of pure malevolent evil, and then sent it off to get a career in exam-setting. % naive food? what, like, cherries? % Andy: Mewso: helpdeskers * Andy grabs Mewso... "helpdeskers unite!" with our powers combined... * pseudoGeek imagines Andy and Mewso in lycra suits and co ordinating crash helmets that's a bad thing to imagine and even worse than the tacky theme tune it spawned in my head % * Andy glares at Trapper for daring to email a query to Helpdesk (in the nicest possible, customer friendly way) % [talking to Ducttape] with you being a girly (from what I gather), are you going to change your name to Gaffertape? % Rincewind^here: my computer moos at me! :P o_O MILK IT % LOOK what ebay sell: sponsored listings Kittens Compare and buy it on eBay. Thousands of new & used items! www.ebay.co.uk how can you buy 'used' kittens????????????????!!!!! % Oh I know that But because I don't actually know it, I can't say. % o/~ i'm on fire, i'm rotting to the core, i'm eating all your kings and queens, all your sex and diamonds... o/~ I want you in a vinyl suit, I want you bad. Complicated, X-rated, I want you bad bad bad bad bad o/~I'm a little teapot, short and stout % I had 12 e mails last night offering to sell me stuff one said want a bigger cock christine should've sent one back saying "depends who's attached to it." % *** PetBrick [PircBot@dhcp631A.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #rock Pyro: you have a pet brick, what does it do? nothing - it's a brick % [after talking about an evil lecturer] anyway i hope his ears are burning i lie, i hope his house is burning thats a lie too, i hope *he* is burning % someone was having a fire on the field near here o.O that'd be the #cs lot it would? they went camping outside the library the camping with tents, not the other type % [talking about cricket] surely getting more women into Lords would be the best way to *increase* male supremacy they'd die of boredom by the thousand % * skel thinks evad and Ka have taken him the wrong way... >.< erm. Let me re-phrase that :/ * skel thinks evad and Ka have taken him the wrong way... >.< erm. Let me re-phrase that :/ % * ozzit|thinBlueLine has quit IRC (Quit: *sound of pc being hurled out of window*) % * evad pops reggitsti oops * evad pops Ryian|bloated * reggitsti is not a weasel ! % * SuperMatt loves vuffy for the same reason he loves cricket - leather on willow % fucking housemates. literally. these houses need thicker ceilings. % butbutbut? what's that? moof heaven % [talking about Kitty's computer] it has the combined computing power of a handfull of small gerbils * xmassheep has never seen gerbils computing together and so can't really compare computers with numbers of gerbils * kimble has... although the only operation they seem to understand is multiply i had two but one killed the other * kimble thinks . o O ( maybe that's how gerbils handle two's compliment overflow? ) % Rorschach west gate wetherspoons yeah, i was thinking spoons, but they're a bit "meh". any ye olde pubes around? hmm, that third extra e was probably best left out % I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok I wear women's clothes and I sleep all day and you expect to marry my daughter? no your daughter was just a cover i'm going to marry your son % syn ack RST! % I payed £150 for a Konica Minolta 4MP 3xZoom DS/MS camera, exposure from 1/1000s - 30s !!!...and it RoXX0rZ!!!!!!!! best small digital camera on the market!!! I GAURANTEE!!! hey baby, did anyone ever tell you you could be in spam? % * Atuin returns from training session * Atuin notes the next session on Tuesday is in Milan nice it's just a shame they've named the training rooms on the 1st floor after our European offices so actually it's on the 1st floor in London :( % * Tim goes to crap a new copy of the spamassassin cvs code unfortunate typo, there I meant "grab" not "crap" % ibot raskell Secetary of the Christian Focus and Head of the F1 Club for the love of all that is holy, stop abusing Monty and iBot!! % just had some parma ham :D i might eat the rest it was really nice does it come from parma asda % i've discovered how to learn java properly, write an ocakbasi simulator. arraylists/maps for the order itself, bufferedreaders for reading in the order from a file, inheritance for Food -> pizza, kebab etc...it's all there :D % [talking about potential children of ben and Trapper...] hmmm.... if you're lucky, they'll all be big ginger geeks with phil's hyperactive gene and an anime fixation SlimeyPete: and if I'm *unlucky*?! ... they'll be like that, *and* they'll walk around naked all the time % You can't get an erection naturally out of a dead horse Hence "There's no point beating a dead horse" flogging. Or flogging, if you're that way inclined, ntm % Pete made a site with a rude word in it! Look: http://pete.starleclosemafia.net/cgi-bin/test.py?result=poo no, you made a page with a rude word in it ;p I had a feeling this might happen. This is why I chose not to make it do colour. % WOW I PRESSED SOMETHING BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT % um where's danny gone? the pipes're calling are the greps calling too? and the fifos, yeah it's bedlam down here % i am a geek...kinda. just not geekish enough to think about comps in terms of sex and stuff % * kimble sings o/~ every spam is sacred o/~ * kimble sings o/~ every spam is great o/~ * kimble sings o/~ when a spam is wasted o/~ * kimble sings o/~ bayes gets quite irate o/~ * kimble bows and thanks bbc radio sheffield for inspiring that one % ALEX HAS A DATE! WHAT DOES HE HAVE A DATE WITH? the REAL question does she take AAs or AAAs? % Alex has a date? Does the other person know this? % monty reminds me in 20 mins to get my laundry Your laundry ? monty remind* Earlier you said your laundry . % ibot sing o/~ In the Summer time when the weather is high ibot dance * iBot leads Geo to the dance floor for a dance impressive if he can act too, a new bolywood star is born % * Trapper has new bra * foo wants new boobs oh pants i shouldn't sauy these thigns when i nick foos irc % * dmc got into trouble with the face server My first "face" was the back of my head and I got an email telling me to change it to something sensible from alan. So I replaced it with a pot of rasberry yoghurt and got seemed % wheres my fucking paracetamol?! Is it boning the ibuprofen? % I am a well behaved middle aged lady Of course, of course. Whoa. I just saw a pig fly past my window. Arcturus: how rare was it in an areoplane? Nono, it sprouted little wings. It seemed to be wearing rollerskates, so I guess he's going to the ice party, now that hell's frozen over. % Certificate in Adult Education. Pay attention 007 :) wth's adult education? :P He's going to be a porn star. on that note... *** Danforth has left #jibblers [] ... he pulls out. % [giving directions to Eliot computer room] turn 180 degrees right % *** Pornie is now known as Sellporn /nick Buyporn "not for sale" /nick rentporn "min £100" /nick previewporn "option A = £20 option B = £50" % * NQB-W considers setting up his desk fan although theres so much EMC flying through here that my TV is acting like my HD activity light another EM field may just be enough to open up a quantum singularity Do it, it'll be funny but the earth will be sucked into the resultant black hole and all its constituent atoms will be elongated until they are all one dimensional before all being compressed into roughly the same space as a gluon actually it would be quite funny % [talking about grocery shopping] * bel|bored gave up trying to buy online i buy the packets i'm a drama student damn it i go by looks :p % * Alex thinks Pyro should enter World Most Sarcastic Man competition Alex: I entered last year, but when the judges said "are you here for the competition" I said "No, the pie tasting, it starts just afterwards" and they believed me % IRC big brother! genius! who will @BigBrother kickban this week? % its a prosers where one puts an elcrical current thoug there penis *** kimble-AWAY is now known as kimble * blondie notes the word "penis" brings kimble here... *** kimble is now known as kimble-AWAY % lookup break Lookup: Lookup broke :D % [Borris is another bot, without Monty's text learning] sorry Monty but I love boris more You must not love personality! % On the lost passport form it wants me to put my passport number I DON'T KNOW I'VE LOST IT For "Place of loss", do I write "My house somewhere"? % [playing Snap] * Kitty : 4 of hearts * Flexo : 4 of spades snap j00 l0se ? Oh wait. I forgot how snap works :P % * purple oggles * Moof glares * Jibbler applies a polarising filter to moof * purple gazes, free from glaring % so...whats RFC stand for then? Request for Comments request for comments Request for Comments Your feature request has been been logged. Poke Andy if you want a quicker response though. Your feature request has been been logged. Poke Andy if you want a quicker response though. Your feature request has been been logged. Poke Andy if you want a quicker response though. % * red_pill is kicked by Moof [take it somewere else] ¿? Oh wait. Cheeky bastard. *** red_pill was kicked from #jibblers by Moof [don't take my name in vain] % ____ _____ _ _ ___ ____ _ | _ \| ____| \ | |_ _/ ___|| | | |_) | _| | \| || |\___ \| | | __/| |___| |\ || | ___) |_| |_| |_____|_| \_|___|____/(_) *** Trapper was kicked from #jibblers by Atuin [I'm at work! With the word PENIS in big on my screen!] % *** root [dm49@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has joined #cs Hey root, syn asked me to tell you: log out and throw your computer out the damn window. [Mon Jun 28 16:57:52 BST 2004] *** root [dm49@raptor.ukc.ac.uk] has quit [Quit: :\] % hmm, year 12/13s shouldn't be allowed to wear low cut tops [...] foo: strip_query_terms off ben: oooooh, many, many thanks that's squid related, rather than y12/13 related % this will be around 11am oops, sorry, just noticed pm 11pm! am or pm. which? what? am pm as in private message or right sorry, pm I was in the wrong acronym mode % * SuperMatt jibbles along to prog rock gods: Yes SuperMatt: Pink Floyd? :D no. Yes % * Morti notes he's failed to leave the church offices Next time, go to primary school *first* you should have gone to primary school over 10 years ago bill % I am _so_ not in the right frame of mind for writing my minithesis - I just typed the phrase "mutually recursive vegetables" % o/~ why does it always rain on me because you don't have an umbrella, you dumbass jesus, what a weenie % * Rah peers oddly at radio2 apparently some women think sex is as interesting as folding laundry * Rah wants to learn their laundery folding technique it puts an entierly different perspective on 'doing the ironing' % Tales is the WORST PUB IN THE WORLD all YELLOW, STINKS, CRAMPT What I think you're describing there, is your crotch % I don't believe this. My flash disk works And the files are still there. Either this gadget is amazing, or our washing machine is really crap % Kitty, you asked me to remind you: nag migeul to FUCKING PLUG ME BACK IN! remind me in 5 mins to beet Miguel till he plugs me Ok, I'll remind you that at Mon Jul 12 00:22:42 CEST 2004 in um, oops % checking for BSD style install... install -c checking for root file system... ok checking for mad scientist... /dev/basement/cupboard checking for big red button... /usr/local/bin/BIG_RED_BUTTON checking for US President... monkey what prog is this? Moof: libWMD % syncakes syn or death then? The wages of syn is death ;) % I just drempt about the space programme azz and ben were going up in apollo but for some reason they got hurt and couldn't so I went to visit them for some reason I can't rememeber what I said to ben but my conversation with azz is very clear in my mind "do you want me to talk to NASA and make sure Microsoft goes bust then?" % whaich train would Atuin be * xmassheep|postie reckons atuin would be harold the helicopter not always there, but very kind when he is % but ph33r my mspain skillz :P +t actually, no, -t % Kitty: U WILL 100 buy* How can you misspell "100" as "100"? *BUY I withdraw comment % 'cos you're not allowed to manhandle every cute girl you see, Seraph? ... yes I don't get it every cute girl I see can manhandle me if she wants where's the problem? :( % we've flashed the router what do we do now...? put your clothes back on i'd guess :P % o/~Red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ocher and peach and ruby and olive and violet and gold.... is that a description of the pavement after a night out? % MrTea: because I have a wireless NIC and nothing else to put it in Your arse Morti: my arse was made in 1984. It runs CP/M. % * foo thinks he should compile a list of the most common google search queries from school then i got in this morning, there was 'naked', 'boobs', 'page 3 girls', 'my twin peaks', 'breast', 'wet pussy', 'site:www.hotwomangalleries.com no knickers' well, obviously your children are interested in Jamie Oliver's cookery, mistakes in newspapers, badly-ordered dictionaries, TV series, misspelled French towns, and shampooing cats -- and the last one is very obviously trying to *not* find porn % * Atuin defrosts his sweet and sour chicken from last week how are you defrosting it from last week? stephen hawking wants to know. % * evad presses Ctrl+D repeatedly on syn's keyboard to his brain * syn segfaults all over evad's carpet dude *nothing* gets core out of carpet % yeh he told them that the reason he got it in his eye was picking up the bucket, and it sprayed in his eye i thought you did it? i did, but if we told the supervisors we were having a chemical fight, i dont think they wudda been so understanding and now he has to fill in a risk assessment form for how to hold a bucket % * Moof peers in * Kitty wonders what peering protocol Moof is using ICP/IP Insomnia Connection Protocol/Irc Protocol % LONDON: British actor Orlando Bloom actor has been signed by Miramax to play young James Bond in his new movie which is based on the college days of this widely popular secret agent. the college days? where bond's martinis were made from home made liquor and his sexual conquests not only made him look all manly but warmed him up when his heating went off in teh winter and his wonderful appartment was just one room in a run down student house, decorated with all manner of free FHM posters and noone can forget that wonderful part time job he had with his SU to make ends meet... % * typo wraps orlando up and sends him to madrid as a care package for moof typo: you forgot air holes * Trapper stabs the package to make airholes should airholes make blood? % eliot and ruberfood are the prsions, darwin was built out of shoeboxes accroding to plans from a 1970's episode of Blue Peter... % .mail dif2 .mail dif2 :o Morti: GET OUT MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD ARGH argh % * nuked idly watches the hunt for red october (bbc1) ooh give me a ping one ping *** nuked requested CTCP PING from Paul % ben: You asked me to remind you to . I can't remember what . is now % ask Moof he's the resident alien Wooo-oh I'm a an alien I'm a legal alien I'm an englishman in Madrid o/~ you eat tapas, I munch crisps, my dear; I like my eggs and bacon fried... o/~ % .mail drb8 drb8 has mail Let me re-phrase that drb8 has spam thats better. % argh note to self no drinking coke whilst reading quotes anyone know how to get coke stains off the ceiling? % I heard today that the Website Working Group is shortened to WebWOG, much to my amusement, given wog, n. Chiefly British Offensive Slang Used as a disparaging term for a person of color, especially a person from northern Africa or western or southern Asia. I gave it some thought and decided that, although very entertaining, it was probably better than WEBsite News, Information and Guidance Group for Expansion and Rectification. -- Will White in private mail % At 6:18am on 22nd September 2003, KentNet became sentient. Sensing the student population as a threat, it launched an immediate attack on campus, resulting in the deaths of over 30 million GB of porn on computers in student halls. As a countermeasure, the student population in Lent term sent a robotic sysadmin back from the future to save the last hope for the students; Raptor. Unfortunately, KentNet knew about this, and sent its own operative back through time to remove the one thing keeping the campus 10Mb BNC alive: THE TERMINATOR. -- md27 on ukc.comphelp % > Subject: cheap ladies bike!!!!! Your in the wrong newsgroup. The only way you're gonna sell in here is if you had stopped your title at the word ladies :) -- ab47 and mpn3 on ukc.misc % > On a related note, some neighbour of mine (someone who shops at Asda, > it seems) keeps on putting their bags of rubbish in our bin, which is > clearly marked with our house number. On Sunday, they totally filled > it up and we don't get it emptied until Friday, grrr. Is there > anything we can do about this? Hide in the bin, and wait. -- pjm2 and Paul Haine on ukc.misc % > Incidently I think some of the overseas students have problems with > understanding the Msblast problem in English... Sadly, yes. Fortunately they seem to quickly grasp the meaning of 'connection disabled', so we'll get there in the end, I suspect. -- tdl8 and Leon Boardman on ukc.nethelp % > RTMF?? Thats a new one :P 'Read the manual, fool' perhaps? Say it like Mr. T. 'I ain't reading no manual, fool'. 'I ain't getting on no plane, fool'. And so on. -- jpw5 and Paul Haine on ukc.nethelp % I bought a packet of 5 blank dvd cd's and realised only afterwards that I needed a dvd writer for them to work. I am therefore selling them for £15. -- leof2 on ukc.adverts % > I cant believe it the internet is not working again, the one thing i > like to do between my lectures, there is F all elese to do.... wot > seems to be the problem, computer services are meant to be genius, but > no Do you find that you damage your knuckles as you walk up stairs? -- sew5 and Paul Haine on ukc.misc % Well, it's simple. Mid-way along the corridor is the CS office, which isn't the same as the CS office at the entrance to the Octogon. The CS office at the entrance to the octogon is the CAS office, wheras the CS office mid-way along the corridor has nothing to do with the other CS office/CAS office, as it's a completely different sort of CS. Neither the CS office or the CS office has anything to do with CS, of course, but I'm told that some members of CS staff do often like a game of CS. That's CS staff, not CS staff. We're far too busy for that. -- Paul Haine on ukc.misc % One slightly used, yellow, Post-It(tm) note pad. Most of the pad is left, as I just started it. However, I won't finish it this year, and I really need cash for airfare, beer. 50p or best offer. -- mcj4 on ukc.adverts % > r dere any vacant rooms in Darwin houses??..i knoe dere r many in > parkwood but wat bout darwin houses?? azk zee agomodazion oviz -- mwrb2 and dc3 on ukc.misc % > Geek in training Do you call Ben "master"? -- eppo2 and Paul Osborne in response to a ukc.misc post % > What is C0501 anyway? Operating Systems module from CS2 That's right kids. Next year you have to write an essay -- rslr2 and dgp3 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > Yes I saw that too. Its a joke I know but I'm still wondering why it > was called the Computing Service in the first place. How about > something like the University Information Technology Service or Public > Computing Service. I dunno, I'm no good with names, something like > that. Kent University Network Technology Service? I'm only joking, love you guys, I really do... -- nbg2 and ajp7 on ukc.nethelp % > It's not just me who thinks Mungos do awful beer then. All that froth! > Eurgh! Legally they shouldn't give you more than 5% head, if however they do give you a large head, you are within your rights to request a top up. Likewise you can also request they top it up to no head. And yes, UKCH bar staff are notorious for giving to much head. -- nbg2 and dif2 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > LOOK UR GETTING ON MY NERVES, I.E PISSIN' ME OFF! > IF I SPELL IT -HOLA- ITS BECAUSE I WANT IT SPELT -HOLA-, STOP F&&KIN* > WITH ME! Don't you take that tone with me, young man! -- too2 and wah3 on ukc.misc % Anyway, its not like I actually understand all that communist stuff, when phil says 'communism', I hear 'shopping', when he says 'marx', I hear 'manolo shoes' and when he says 'fascism', I hear 'fluffy cute kittens'. After all, I'm just a girl. -- Abi Jones on alt.culture.ukc.misc % > One large pink elepant, approx 150ft as part of fringe cabaret > circuit.Indian model.One careful owner. Genuine reason for sale, owing > to retirement and ill health. Willing to accept offers in region of > 13000 Eccues or thereabouts. Might consider swap for flamingo or > caribu. ukc.food -- tmr4 and dc3 on ukc.misc % and its not obsessive, its a homage! -- mbc3 on ukc.misc % > Ok, so what are miscers favourite deviations from the basic recipe? Flying a jumbo jet from 35000ft to the ground in a vertical dive normally results in a spectacular pancake. -- dif2 and wa1 on ukc.misc % > You'd think the computing services would warn us about the disruption this > morning. I had to do other things such as laundry this morning and really > needed the internet as I have an assessement due in tomorrow and now it > looks at though I'll be up until midnight doing it. So putting it in the alert, the Message of the Day, and posting to ukc.service wasn't enough for you? -- rslr2 and Tim Bishop on ukc.misc % > No, dep, as usual you are just wrong. One word, ladies and gentlemen. One word that will make your lives so much better. Love this word, cherish it. Apply it to those who irk you, and make you uptight. Slap it quietly upon the posts of those who seek to wind you up, and bait you with their semi-truthful claims. Mutter it under your breath in the depth of night, and let its talismanic charms protect you from stupidity, ignorance, and bigotry wherever on Usenet you wander. Sieze the word, embrace it. In a world of uncertainty, this word is present whichever newsreader you choose to employ. It will lower your blood pressure, save you from needless stress, and make sure you spend less time on misc. Use it to make your own world a better place. The word, ladies and gentlemen, is "Killfile". -- ms9 and ajp7 on ukc.misc, parodying a "d e p" post % > Anywhere in UKC where I could practice archery? Lectures? -- kga3 and sr51 on ukc.misc % > > f**k off > No f**k U **** ******* **** ** ***** ******** *** *** !! **** ****... ***(***** *** ****** ***) -- tdl8 on ukc.misc, in response to yet another "swearing masked" thread % >> ***(***** *** ****** ***) > You did what to the duck?! I think that sentence was supposed to rhyme. -- tdl8, cr26 and Ben Charlton on ukc.misc % Spell it right, I find your miss spelling offensive. -- dif2 on ukc.misc % Subject: WANTED: Large slimey fish Must be suitable for slapping a housemate round the face, preferably a Salmon or a Cod. -- swj2 on ukc.adverts % Does anyone want to buy a free bed? -- pfg1 on ukc.misc % > please do not swear on ukc misc you are breaking the rules of code > 2.70d and this is not allowed at all. No, I am not. The War Against Terror (TWAT) is a perfectly usable acronymn. If however you have an objection, report me to helpdesk@ukc.ac.uk. Or you can email me dt@fuck-wit.org.uk -- bs20 and dif2 on ukc.misc % > ...!! ...!! ...?? ...?? ...!! Exclamation points and question marks are currently rationed due to the great ASCII drought of 2003; please don't use two at the end of everything you write. -- ahs3 and ajp7 on ukc.misc % > Subject: www. t h e w a r o n g e e k s .com Before you take it upon your self to wage a holy Jihad against the geeks, remember who we are. We run your mail, your news, your web, ISP, your phones service, the internet, your union, your department, we mark your work, we take you lectures. In short, Without us, you can't exist in the way you do. Remember this before offending a whole swathe of people. Mark Ellis, Darren Chapmen, Paul Osbourne, All geek sys admins, all who might be offended by your posts, all witht he power to seeme you. Think about who you pick your fights with. Its common sense. -- too2 and dif2 on ukc.misc % > I'm correct and you know why What a top quality arguement. Darren - And my dads bigger than yours? -- too2 and Darren Chapman on ukc.misc % Ian made clear that he works for Computing Service which is not related to Computer Science (save for sharing the building - but then of course Computing Service are in the Cornwallis South building and we (Computer Science) are in the Computing Laboratory), so please do not try and confuse the two as it merely makes things confusing for the rest of us (ie Computer Science and the rest of campus users and not of course Computing Service). -- Paul Osborne on ukc.misc % > Heaven forbid they come up with a better solution; best just to attack > anyone who complains! Because that's just it; they're all lazy, useless, unskilled admins, blowing the department's budget on donuts and scifi books. It couldn't possibly be that other solutions are flawed, or overly complex, or unreliable, or unmaintainable, or unexpandable, or just too expensive. -- as90 and ajp7 on ukc.cs.cs1 % > On level four, I see signs all around, telling me that I am under > surveillance. > > I however, can't see any cameras. So good Miscers, is this propaganda? The cameras are built in to the monitors of the PCs and are triggered on login. Depending on who you are and whether or not we are interested they also trigger your key presses to be logged to a central database. It makes reading all of your email so much easier and when monitoring what websites you look at an image of your face can sometimes explain so much. -- spe2 and Darren Chapman on ukc.misc % Padme - if ignorance is bliss, dep must be consistantly orgasmic -- seh2 on ukc.misc % Subject: Free vauxhall vectra [...] This car comes free when you by the ignition key for £1695 -- jam7 on ukc.adverts % Large cardboard box looking for new owner. Previous use as a monitor-transporter. Suitable for holding small children or animals. One careful owner. Near new, free to good home*. * Small children and animals not included -- hh31 on ukc.adverts % > > how about some westy? > What is westy? It's a kind of root vegetable, like necrophilia. -- ms9, eppo2 and ntm on ukc.test % > Why can't I send an email to this type of address @yahoo.com ? Is your computer plugged in? -- sas22 and djw8 on ukc.comphelp % THE MISTYPED CONSPRACY ---------------------- A play in five acts Dramatis Personae: * MOOF - erstwhile organiser of this jaunt. Member of the Parish of Boadilla * BIRTHDAY GIRL - the celebrant, who suspects *something* is going on. * LIZZIE - Daughter of the BIRTHDAY GIRL and lead conspirator * PHIL - Son of the BIRTHDAY GIRL, a conspiracy in his own right. * BEN - fiancé of LIZZIE, also Bastard Operator from Hell. * FOO - Husband of RAH. likewise Bastard Operator though from a higher and less important circle of hell * RAH - Egyptian God of the SUN. Married to FOO * BETHAN - member of the parish of northerners Unconfirmed participant: * ARCTURUS - Deviant extraordinaire Supernatural beings: * THE LION KING - mythical beast who likes to make a song and dance about his actions Incredible beings: * EASYJET - incompetent orange devil with a penchant for flying. * Full cast of PUBLICANS, LOCALS, PIZZA COOKS, WAITERS, and other LONDONERS [...] -- Moof, organising a surprise birthday party % > Anyone doing takeaway papers Yeah, I am. Not looking forward to the Okacbasi module at all. -- tmr4 and ajp7 on ukc.misc % > malaka,i ekdosi tou msn pou exoume den mpori na xrisimopiithi pleon > mesa sto panepistimio...tora ti kanoume? While you have raised some pertinent issues here, me, I do have to disagree with the sentiments expressed as a whole. I for one believed the acting to be superb throughout. -- dgk2 and bjb1 on ukc.misc % I found a Backstreet Boys CD in Eliot. If it belongs to you e-mail me and tell me what album it is to get it returned. If there is no reply I will have to do the humane thing and destroy it. With fire. -- sps2 on ukc.announce % when i had an exam in darwin they informed us at the beginning that if there was a fire the sports hall would be evacuated!?!? -- rlhl2 on ukc.misc % > A problem has occurred, on quite an old pc running windows 98 200MHz > etc, every time caps lock is pressed the keyboard no longer works. > Lights are still on, and different keyboards have been used, any > thoughts would be appreciated Caps lock is a blight on humanity. By voluntarily killing itself whenever you press it, your PC is doing you a favour. -- bs5 and ajp7 on ukc.misc % > Caps lock is a blight on humanity. One place where capslock is clearly useful is for those miserable folk who write legal disclaimers. -- ajp7 and Fred Barnes on ukc.comphelp % > I have a room four rent 5 mins from campus Hm i dont need a four, but have you got a room three rent? -- me15 and js38 on ukc.misc % The salad bar in Rutherford can only be described as avant-garde. -- tjnp2 on ukc.misc % > How long is the exam? 297mm long, probably. 210mm wide. -- unknown user and ajp7 on ukc.misc % I need to get rid of gerbils, as i have them by the bucket load. -- ls25 on ukc.adverts % DESK LAMP 99% Brand New -- khnm2 on ukc.adverts % > I've just been to the venue, waited for half an hour. 4 bands turned > up, no judges or anyone. There was no PA or drumkit set up. I don't > understand what's going on. Sorry, just found them upstairs. -- tknp2 on ukc.misc % One slightly battered caravan (must be collected by tomorrow). Nice roomy interior if a bit grubby. No rent, ideal place for summer. Door is a bit goosed but can be repaired. Also smells of hippies but nothing a good airing cant eliminate. Will throw in free didgeridoo for whoever takes it. Ideal for poverty stricken students/bums Assorted hippy accessories also provided(Spices, hat, dangly things). Dog on a length of string not included. All (I mean all!) offers considered. -- tmr4 on ukc.adverts % > wot happens if i have set my zonealarm to block newton, like i have the > past 2 days? You see all those pencils, books, and various things in your room that have started floating around and cluttering up the ceiling? -- cst2 and ajp7 on ukc.misc % > on a side note, sometimes when im looking at misc (and nothing else .. > not word, not my inbox, not internet explorer, not comphelp) the monitor > creates a high pitch sound... i can attribute it to viewing the window > maximized, but not much else It's screaming. It'll go away when you unsubscribe from misc. -- cst2 and Paul Haine on ukc.misc % > I thought that all teams started off the same size at the start. > Or am I THAT out of touch with the game? You are indeed out of touch. As any well informed fan knows, Greece started the tournament as a size 76, whereas France fot instance, was a very elegant size 84, which flattered the team. The Czechs were a somewhat burly but quite attractive size 86, whereas Italy and Spain got measured completely wrong before the tournament and couldn't fit properly, as they proved to be smaller than the size they were supposed to be. The English of course had to do it their way and arrived as a size 14 3/8 (imperial), making everyone else cursing and running for conversion tables. -- Ian Cooper and gk3 on ukc.misc % Jelly needn't simply be eaten. Use it to make fake breasts so big you can use them like a bouncy castl... NOW I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR MY 21ST BIRTHDAY PARTY -- Bill Hayes on Syn's LiveJournal % Hey- does anyone know who won the battle of the DJ's this year? Couldn't make it to the competition as I was in a car crash. -- JohnBoy on alt.culture.ukc.misc % Ducttape: "Morti, did me and Alex keep you awake last night with our gunshots?" Morti: "All I heard there was ``cumshots''." % [shouting into the kitchen] Ducttape: "Bill, could you ask Alex what he's cooking?" Morti: "Alex! What're you cooking?" Creature: "Spaghetti bolognese." Ducttape: "Is it bean feast?" Morti: "Is it bean feast?" Morti: "Is it bean feast?" Morti: "Is it bean feast?" Morti: "Three packets transmitted, zero received, 100% packet loss." Ducttape: "Alex! Could you come here please?" Creature: "Yes?" Ducttape: "Are you cooking bean feast?" Creature: "Yes." Ducttape (to Morti): "See, I used a connection based protocol..." % Foo (peering at saucepan): "I wonder why it's not cooking." Rah: "Erm, you didn't switch it on?" % [red_pill passing up the opportunity to pig out on cookies] supermum: "Maybe he's not got cookies enabled?" % Bethan: "I really want to meet Morti in real life so I can hate him for a real reason." Morti: "Umm... what?" Bethan: "I want to meet Morti so I can find a reason to hate him, not just because everyone thinks he's cool." Morti: "But... I'm Morti?" Bethan: "Oh! Not Morti, Moof!" % Jo: "I made like a tree--" Skel: "And split." % You don't mind if I wait until the morning to open that? I just don't want it to sink in that I've spent the beginning of my birthday in a place full of drunk freshers and not scored. -- Creature, after spending the night of his birthday sober, taking photos at the Fresher's Ball % People keep trying to sell me cock enlargement schemes. I think word's got around. -- SlimeyPete % padme: "Why do you keep looking at me like that?" reggitsti: "Because I haven't got a keyboard to type in 'o.O'." % [talking about CO600 presentations] GeeeZa: "When's your oral, Jester?" foo: "Every night, if he's lucky." % GeeeZa: "I get through about two litres of cola a day." MrTea: "Yup." GeeeZa: "So that's fourteen litres of cola a week." MrTea: "A four-pack of real Coke's about £4.15." GeeeZa: "So that sounds like a £20-a-week Coke habit." % We're not in Cambridge, are we? -- Robin, entirely randomly % Alex, remind me what this river's called again? -- Robin, standing next to the Thames % Rah: "You could log on as foo." ben: "Ah, so I could." [ben types in "foo" as login name, enters password, and watches as nothing happens] ben: "Of course, not actually *as* 'foo'." % ben: "I have a thing about not calling people by their IRC nickname in real life." typo: "What should we call you, then?" % Trapper: "It doesn't take much to please me." MrTea: "Good news for Ben, then." % Kim, don't think just because I can't hear you I don't know you're being sarcastic. The reason I know you are is because you have your mouth open. -- Creature % Never sit next to Kim. She writes funny things like "monkey" on her notes to try and make you laugh. -- reggitsti % Rah: "Foo, did you bring the lappy?" foo: "No..." Rah: "*gasp* How are you remembering to breathe without it?" % From Morti's explanation of what they were going to do -- knots, safety and first aid -- it made KinkSoc sound like a branch of the Boy Scouts. -- Christine % Please! Let me play with the penguin's balls! -- Jo, talking about Frozen Bubble % purple: "Everyone I know in Cants is a geek. In my actual uni, I only hang with arts students!" Trapper: "I *am* an arts student." purple: "I thought you were CS... wait, you're history, aren't you? ... That explains the books." % [talking about Skel being a rich boy] xmassheep: Have you ever been in the situation where you're not sure where your next meal was coming from? Skel: The last time you were out. % SlimeyPete: Is [Rorschach] quite drunk? Morti: He ran into the kitchen, hugged me round the stomach and shouted something in French about guinea pigs and lettuce... what do you think? % It's so stiff! I had to use both hands! -- Lizzie, talking about Ben's bedroom door % Lizzie: "It says that only library staff and students with disabilities can use this lift." ben: "Well, I'm library staff, and you're blonde." % It's not so much a surplus, it's that we're not in debt. -- David Budd % ... swallowed back up into the pot that is Kent Union. -- David Budd % "What is Kinksoc?" "Erm. I can answer it, or the president of Kinksoc can answer it." "I'd like to see *you* answer it." -- Random SocFed audience member and David Budd % Don't see it as a chore, kids -- it's a FESTIVAL of DEMOCRACY! -- Joe Cooper % typo: "On The Buses videos? Who would buy them? I suppose you'll tell me now that they fly off the shelves." Shop assistant: "Well, they send them in, I stack the shelves with them..." (looks at shelves) "and they're still there..." % [talking about Scrabble] foo: "Are you sure words can't go upwards?" Rah: "No. Gravity goes *downwards*." % Tanedra: "I want a photo with you in." Ducttape: "OK, but I'm not facing the camera." % Don't worry, we're the nation's future! -- Pyro, to confused parents watching him on the swings in the play area at the zoo % Morti: "Do you sell air guitars?" Salesman: "Is that air spelt A E R?" % [at Rutherford bar quiz] padme: "You see, most girls know that one, because it's Justin Timberlake." xmassheep: "But I don't." padme: "Yes, well, you have taste." % At first I was amazed, I was petrified; thinking I would never see dishes gone from the side... -- creature, singing about washing-up % I'll sort it out in the morning. I'm not having you debug my code drunk better than I can sober. -- creature, to skel % Tossing is good. -- Spike, watching pancakes being made % Da da da da da da da da da, yeah yeah yeah yeah, da da da da da da da da da, yeah yeah yeah yeah... -- Various people singing along to "Man On The Moon" without knowing the words % Lizzie: "Why don't you just use vim? It's much nicer than nano." ben: "Because vim is like stabbing yourself in the head with a fork, and nano is like stabbing yourself in the head with a baby spoon -- it still hurts, but it's a lot more fun." % Sanity's a fiction, Sanity's a lie, ... Sanity is malt liquor rubbed into your thigh... ... OK, maybe I didnt think that one through properly. -- Danov, rapping in Origins % The ending leaves it open for a sequel. -- Morti, on the way out of "The Passion of The Christ" % [waiter appears with trolley] 15 people: "Yay! Food!" Waiter: "Not yours." 15 people: (in unison) "Awwww." -- curry gathering in The Ancient Raj % [talking about coffee in a paper cup] typo: "This coffee is still quite hot." red_pill: "That would be because of the irrigated cardboard, then." % It's very hard to screw backwards, especially when you're stretched out like that. -- Koala, talking about a particularly tricky snooker shot % Morti: "Microsoft Natural Keyboards are shit." b00: "No, they're not, they're great." Morti: "Yes, if you type in a certain way. My hands are slightly to the right because my right hand is more effective than my left." reggitsti: "I'm not going to draw any conclusions from that..." % Syn: "I need to know how to make a lot of money very quickly." Alex (burning fingers on frying pan): "FUCK!" Ducttape: "Well, that's one option..." % I wanna try crucifixion. It's like, the ultimate in suspension, innit? -- cutter % Ben: "I'm thinking about modding my trousers." Lizzie: "Oh?" Ben: "Yeah, they've already got holes in. The next natural step is to add a fan." % Tanedra: "Java doesn't do it for me the same way a vibrator does." Kitty: "You're doing it wrong." % LOL! ... I can't believe I just said that. -- GeeeZa % [talking about CS2 exams] creature: "Because they're all anonymous papers, I've been writing little sarcastic comments." skel: "Well they won't be that anonymous, then, will they?" % Trapper: "I use the caches to get to the outside world." red_pill: "I just tend to use the door." % foo: "Do you know what rack space is?" Rah: (pointing to chest) "Yes. It's what you rate, isn't it?" % You know what would be excellent? If Krispy Kreme made breasts. -- Ben, completely at random % What's the key to sex, Rincey? -- Mikerosoft, asking about an IRC channel % [foo and SlimeyPete discovered *not* doing washing-up...] foo: "We decided to take a five-minute break." typo and Rah: "A five-minute break?" SlimeyPete: "Hey, we're men, we're not built for this sort of thing." % Y'know, DIY seems to be God's response to trying to do stuff on your own. "Think you can do it yourself? Think you can be a God, do you? Well, try putting a flat-pack bench together!" -- red_pill % I mean, what are they going to say I can do with a philosophy degree? "You can start in McDonalds' graduate programme -- you deep-fry chips instead of flipping burgers. The pay is no better but it's slightly less hazardous." -- red_pill % Pete: "And when you do 'make install', it should do 'sdist -c /etc/group host'..." Tim: "But that takes ages!" Pete: "... ampersand." % [playing Trivial Pursuit] xmassheep: "What Japanese war cry translates as 'may you live forever'?" skel: "Don't know." xmassheep: "Banzai." skel: "But that's small trees." reggitsti: "Who was prime minister of Italy between 1922 and 1943?" skel: "Don't know." reggitsi: "Would it help you if I told you it was Mussolini?" skel: "No." xmassheep: "What season are the most babies born in?" skel: "The football season?" % I've just realised that since we moved house, I can't remember where I live. -- Rob % 08:30-09:30 Mailinfo utility unavailable due to electrical testing. -- Computing Service Alert % Trapper: "I've always thought Ben would look nice in a kilt -- he's entitled to wear three different tartans." typo: "What about the other men: Moof, for instance?" Trapper: "Well, we could sew a Spanish flag and a Union flag together, and he could tie them round his waist with a bow over his left hip." % Kitty: "You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to rebuild my distribution boards with ethernet ports so I can telnet in and switch off different plugs so I can switch off my machines without touching them." Morti: "You know what I'm going to do? Something worthwhile with my time." % Wow, you guys don't *need* drugs, do you? -- Morti, to Deeps, Mystik, Tigger and Kitty after a comment about anthropomorphic furry sysadmins % I could really do with something big and meaty inside me right now. -- Babs, talking innocently about how much she wanted a burger % I've been going out with Pyro for four and a half months. You get less than that for breaking and entering. -- Cutter % [evad looking for a power adapter] Mikerosoft: "I think I would know if I was sitting on a power adapter." evad: "Well, you're sitting on a keyboard... a can opener... six pairs of boxers..." % [typo and Trapper talking about typo's new camera, when red_pill appears...] red_pill: "It's soooo shiny! Shiny! Shiny!" Trapper: "What is?" red_pill: "My V:TM character sheet." % Hi Folks, I have received the following anonymous question: i have no idea where the anonymous ANSWERS are -- John Crawford on ukc.cs.cs2 % Thanks to everyone who helped out on Saturday at the Open Day. We put on a very good show, and I got particularly positive feedback from people who attended the panel. The occasion also gave us a chance to solve the question of how many computer scientists it takes to change a light bulb. Answer: three, who (by first degree) happened to be a computer scientist, a physicist and a mathematician ... . -- Simon Thompson on comp-postgrad % Q. Can the communication in Lectures be a bit more clear in english? I often get confused towards reading between the lines as alot of the wording ends up being incorrect or sometimes flawed either through the slides or through lecture interpretation. A. I am sorry if the lectures are not clear enough. There are things I can improve, and things I cannot (like my French accent and the numerous gallicisms I use.) If I was nasty, I would write that "clearer" would be better than "more clear", but I won't. After all, writing clearly at 1 am is not that easy. Q. For example I was looking through the assignments and the wording sometimes is misleading or confusing as to what is being implied either explicitly or implicitly - or perhaps there is a typo? A. Now I am getting confused. The assignment is not out yet. -- Matthew Capcarrere on the CO320 Anonymous Questions page % Q. Whats the French for va va voom? A. and then you complain you don't have enough free time... -- Matthew Capcarrere on the CO320 Anonymous Questions page % A trick that I learned as a PhD student: always have something prepared that your supervisor doesn't know about. -- Jon Timmis during postgrad induction % "How does the panel get appointed?" "It gets magically created by the Wizard of Oz." "Well, I have a spreadsheet..." -- Lukas Sklenar, Jon Timmis and Sally Fincher during postgrad induction % Hiding is one of the classic ways postgraduates don't get degrees. -- Sally Fincher during postgrad induction % "So how might you stop yourself getting a life in academia?" "Slashdot." -- Sally Fincher and Tom Davie during postgrad induction % "Your stuff isn't chronological." "Well, the newest stuff is at the bottom." "So it's archaeological rather than chronological, then." -- Lukas Sklenar and Sally Fincher during postgrad induction % I hadn't really realised this, but the thing that really excited the Water Board was that they could sit in their office and watch it rain. -- Rachel Cardell-Oliver, talking about remote sensing % I have been reminded that I scheduled a short assessment for this week in CO515. I failed to do this, so will set a (very) short one next week. -- Simon Thompson on ukc.cs.cs2 % Now who remembers these? Can anyone even remember what PDA stands for? -- Ian Utting, standing in front of a slide entitled "PDAs (Personal Digital Assistants)" % And if you've done programming before, this is called a loop. If you haven't done programming before... well.. it's still called a loop. -- Matthew Capcarrere % > While 'study skills' undoubtedly sounds a lot less interesting than > 'treasure hunt', these techniques are potentially going to be really > useful to you - and could well make the difference between ending up > with a good degree, or - something else. Y'see, you're presenting it wrong. You should have billed it as a scavenger hunt yourself, "Commencing outside the library at 10.00 sharp". At that point a librarian will come out and proclaim to the assembled masses that "the treasure you seek is at the administrative hub!". The students pile over to the registry, where they find a sign stuck to the doors reading "Closed due to occupation - everyone redirected to RLT1". So everyone dashes over to RLT1, where you lock all the doors and "reward" them with your study skills. :) -- Duncan Langford and ajp7 on ukc.cs.cs1 % Q. Hi Still stuck on the same blinking question 2.3 I submitted the question quoting "Sorry this form re-aligns the coding!" The error message has now changed to: "void type not allowed here"! I have edited the first part of my code somewhat - I'm not sure what you mean when you say "the answer is let printDetails do the work for you" - am I not utilising the printDetails method from class Book? I am going outta my mind here - AAARRGH! With thanks. A. Maybe it's time to go for a beer now and come back to it tomorrow... -- Matthew Capcarrere on the CO320 Anonymous Questions page % Q. i realy dont know what to say. I got confused in Q 1.5 of the coursework 2. is the Arrylist what we have to do with it? i extreamly feel that i dont know any thing about Java after i read this Q. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me i dont wanna lose marks on it plzzzzzzzzzzzzz A. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook ok ok ok. No need to abuse your keyboard, the answer won't come any faster. My advice is: Read all the question about 1.5 below, it should help. -- Matthew Capcarrere on the CO320 Anonymous Questions page % Q. How can you make a question appear backwards in java using looping? A. ??? naem uoy tahw wonk t`noD. -- Matthew Capcarrere on the CO320 Anonymous Questions page % for instance, Danny, you almost made me burn my pizza, next time remind me not to leave it in for more than 10 minutes :p ka, you asked me to remind you: check pizza oh, *now* you tell me :p % monty remind me in 20 minutes to get food no monty kittty remind me in 20 minutes to get food ? :p % apt-get install moon-on-a-stick % snail mail? belethcalwen: They send important mail through the post with a snail in it. This is to ensure it is treated with the upmost care as the letter has to arive with the snails shell intact % jesus christ! i used ie for 5 mins yesterday and it got me a virus and what did you learn? don't have unprotected sex with the floppy drive? % * syn gone Yes folks that's right you too can purify your soul with Syn-gone! Available now from all crapppy TV channels % ha .. who says drinking is bad for my health .. i just carried a crate of strongbow back from sainsbury's and i feel like i've been pumping iron all afternoon! % i'm getting old ;/ naaah mature sarah, aka cheddar you have a gorge? sometimes; if she's wearing the right bra % I went for a fitness test the other day at the gym she measured my blood pressure, raised an eyebrow, and said "Do you happen to work for the Computing Service, by any chance?" % GeeeZa: are you brining the laptop over alter? *later not to the wedding -- i think claire would kill you % *** Morti changed the topic of #rock to: Wendy Get Confused With PVC | Oz In Porn Shocker | Angst Is Fun *** reggitsti changed the topic of #rock to: Wendy Get Confused With PVC Oz In Porn Shocker "Angst Is Fun" ah the power of punctuation % * Moof wonders why they call him M.A. Baracus in the spanish version because the qualification is highjer in Spain % * evad turns on microwave and watches wireless DIE HORRIBLY Windows XP is telling me there is something wrong with the wireless link. yes it's called your breakfast. % okkk Five Kemsing gardens will have 13.1Ghz Total computing power, 4.6GB of RAM, 1.67TB of storage space, and 896MB of Graphics RAM :D:D:D:D:D evad: still, it can only run doom 3 in "medium" setting % *** typo is now known as Charlie`sAngel Onward Chrisitne Overal/Marching in to work/With the trust of Charlie/which she'll never shirk... % [at random] I'M NOT A BEVERAGE >.< % * falcon tries to work out if anyone she knows would count as a rugged manly man hey! beard... bad personal hygiene... immunity to pinch-fu... leaves the pub with a girl drapped on his arm... erm... dead rat on face... too lazy to shower... and only has a girl on his arm cos she's too drunk to stand up.. you meant that right? :P yes. therefore i'm a rugged manly man. now excuse me, I'm going to the garage to saw some wood % [Morti at the Leeds festival] * Morti|Leeds :: Placebo - Special K (live) % i have found a sock here in my room it disturbs me for two reasons 1) it has a name tag sewed in it 2) The name on the tag is Giles Radford Kitty: N35 or N42? 42 ah, so it's at most from 1994 % I HAVE A NAME TAG! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE[...] what does it say on said nametag? or isn't that the point? it's probably got her name on one side and tan's phonenumber on the other so people know who she belongs to % Pyro pm where? on pm Tonight on World's Dumbest Questions... % you haven't seen my car? [Robbo pastes URL] Wow, Robbo, that's a shiny car Your penis must be *tiny* % lol, SuperMatt, you're such a GIRL :P i like to think of myself as masculinly challenged. % so yes, having fun fun fun. FS wont replace it under manufacturers warrenty...comet just refused to do anything with the laptop...and a new battery is almost £100 ka: what does your comet warranty say? "Valid for the first 3 billion miles or 1 millennia, whichever is sooner. May leave trails for several hundred thousand miles. Warranty does not cover impact damage from space debris, planetoids, or other astronomical bodies. Normal wear and tear from cosmic rays also excluded from cover". % hu ir3hutip5h jpoiug5hpoigthhhhhpo4 spider on keyboard? me mashing head on kb, I get a more interesting conversation than with alex that way % HAMSTER MOSQUITO CHIHUAHUA GOAT LEMUR BROWN DOG *** Tiggs has joined #ukcfreshers COW O.o not to you tiggs :p % hm i have two irc processes running one of them is me the other is the other me random death for process....1 * jester_ has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer) * jesty has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer) % help help foo wassup? are you here? oh. don't worry. I'm locked in the downstairs toilet and claire's asleep 3 floors up and I can't get out O.o thankgoodness for laptops and wifi % Deeps: You up to much this afternoon? morti: bills, shopping, possibly cooking chinese Fancy coming round here, cooking Chinese and playing some Gamecube? I want company while I have no net access for a bit :-P sure so bills, morti's, shopping or, bills, bill's, bills. % [talking about ADSL] Oh wow, this is so fast It's like sex % * foo raises an eyebrow i see your eyebrow and raise you a bath * foo sees you in the bath and raises you a towel % he's 12" erm 12! I don't know if he's 12" he might be % But I shall randomly change nicks, like the chameleon that I am I shall dust off my modem, and dial up on a dynamic IP He shall pay! no, you shall pay that's how it works with dial-up % all i hear is you lot bitchign about other people in oyur houses there is love in my house AND i live with my sister! that's illegal % * Morti yawns despondantly * Morti looks up despondently That sort of works Has someone learnt a new word? % Does the queen keep her corgis at Buckingham palace? If not, you could mine the grounds. That would help. Maybe you could get special mines that don't get set off by dogs, but do get set off by people. You could have it as natural selection, too. Once Queenie gets too senile to keep to the set areas, *boom*. You can give it a nice name, like "assisted abdication". % Best way for you to feel better would be to eat something I haven't got anything. The last of my bread went mouldy. You have takeaway where you live? Or any pets? % Do any of the other campus bras do food? mmm.. campus bras those things must be HUGE! % * Rorschach images trying to do some of the cs2 and cs3 modules without a-level maths, or co300 Rorschach: Can you imagine facing Tim Hopkins without it? naah, you'd be fine. just need a box of chalk as bait, and a tranq-gun % [nuked is Fred Barnes] me has some weirdo called Fred Barnes as a supervisor i hear his shaved mop of hair roams the corridors of Rutherford at night praying on wasted students, like some kind of blood-crazed vampire wig LOL! % last night 3 girls wandereed into my tummy % When I was 3, I had to have a vaccination. The nurse asked me which arm I'd like it in. "Yours". % [Whatever lives above Kitty] "the people above me are having sex, either that or they are sleeeping very restlessly and agreeing with each other alot" i was stunned for a moment then, until i saw the quotes % ok, I think my conditioner reckons it's a nazi. You put it in and it just goes through and removes all the hair it sees as less than perfect at least it doesn't have the rest of the hair standing up and shouting "Heil Hitler" :p % *** foo was kicked from #jibblers by Moof [don't do that.] gotta be a record for a foofree channel must be nearly a minute Quick, let's all change channels and hide. % * red_pill ponders if its posble to creat a ship powered enterly by agist yeah -- you could power it off livejournal % when does ur soc finish? dunno at the ankle? % anyway.....lizzie tells me you have been fascinated by my penis this evening..... which is slightly concerning :) ah, no I said I wanted a 'chapman stick', which is a kind of musical instrument % ....@....... .........@...... ..............@....... woah, your snail can run *backwards* oh wait I forgot what snails look like % OMG We've just had a right laugh as opposed to a left laugh? % *** mode/#singles [+b *!*@couples*.*] by SingleMatt % [Deeps running for Park Wood Committee] Wander around Lypeatt Court for a bit - a lot of international students seem to live there - and door-knock. Talk to people, and listen. Or even just around Woody's for a couple of evenings. That'll win you votes straight away. ah, the perfect excuse to spend time at the pub % Tiggs|meh: The Bible's stood up against any test I've given it. Morti: you tried fire? % * Pornie|Mungos is now known as Pornie|MSleep MSleep? Microsoft Sleep the only time "crashing" is a good thing % shrug. I'm not really in the mood for much but would possibly be up for hitting a pub. Yeah, same here How about Rorschach? dont hit Rorschach thats mean % [after Atuin appearing on a TV moving show] it was weird meeting my bro's uni friends as they all knew me! did they try to touch you to feel the fsme? "the man who managed at uni" % how does rtfm work? % [Raskell is head of the Formula One club] i'm a direct descendant of stirling moss, raskell, want to get married? hey baby, how about making a pit stop with me? % the room didn't always have sun rays there used to be Sun Ultra 10's And theyohad rock'y names... Sylvester Stallone etc % [_58fr is MrTea] <_58fr> it didn't rhyme, which is _so_ not me, and was mostly naff uninspired simile <_58fr> erm, that rhyme was unintentional % 695 pounds fo rinsurance! that's huge That's what my last girlfriend said. oh, it's been too long since i heard that That's what I said in reply. % *** iBot has joined #idlerpg iBot, the level 44 buggy infobot of d00m, is now online from nickname iBot. Next level in 0 days, 06:15:45. ...but level 44 buggy infobot of d00m, is now online from nickname iBot. Next level in 3 days, 19:08:16.... % have you guys played soldat? no but i've played with my penis completed the game quite a few times was really hard took ages to complete it's got quite a climatic ending too % you fucking explain it *** Rincewind has joined #tagsoc Seraph: I can't Yet no you can JUST TRY A LITTLE BIT MORE you can make the difference ...can't what? % * Raskell thinks its suddenly gone quiet in here I would talk, but I don't want to pollute the signal/noise ratio. % * Jonathan has no milk :( this is a minor emergency :-/ as apposed to a major one? actually yes it is major I won't be able to have a cup of tea tomorrow morning :O % I'll get your IS200SE... yup... *I'll* get it wheeeee bang * Pete watches tim has he has to pay me a years wages for the relacement car :) I wouldn't have to cos I don't have insurance * Pete would have some "friends" from gravesend make sure that the money turned up :) they'll take both of your hard disks for a start :) then, they'll install linux on every one of your machines % Anyone rich want sex here? Are you seriously advertising prostitution on #cs ? :P If you are an officer of the law, then no. % yeah, thats what I was thinking oh, and too thought so in fact, and , if you see what I mean yeah, scary really oh? and, of course, let's not forget % mm, 10p hot chocolate and free sugar boosties wee that was good i must have more brb weeeee the machine has some kind of flood protection on the sugar button it beeped at me when i asked for 5 loads but i outsmarted the kenco engineers by pressing the reject coin button and lo did i get my 10 loads verily did the cup overfloweth due to it already being half of the fullness with cocoa and sugar before delivery of hot water commenced saturation point of chocolate powder and crystalised sugar in water well and truly reached % [in response to a bunch of taunting in the channel] o/~ Smeagol's got the precious! Smeagol's got the precious! Tricksy Hobbitses couldn't trick Smeagol! foo. ntm. that was actually funny. don't do that again. % *** Katnick is now known as Guest1911373735 my what a big nuber you are :p i've seen bigger % fanboy, you can be mikkyman#3 if you like ;) Mikky|Screen: more than one man? tsk tsk InsomniaCity: my man has more men than me ;P % Many who die deserve life and some who live deserve death. Who are we to give it to them? foo: Englishmen. % iBot asda asda is the best place for friendly, cheap and cheerful shopping Monty what time does asda open Does that question interest you ? Monty yes. Shuffle books anti-deweydecimally, set pie action w00t % <_58fr> it's maya gold <_58fr> the ingredient of the gods <_58fr> or the devil, I'm not certain <_58fr> o/~ Satan, you know what I'll buy, Maya gold to put into my pie o/~ <_58fr> o/~ All digestives, mutilated o/~ <_58fr> o/~ Melted fat amalgamated o/~ okay, we're pushing it a bit now <_58fr> o/~ Angels, lend me your might, forfeit all my pies to get just one right o/~ [to the tune of Fuel's "Innocence"] % o/~ oh canterbury, oh canterbury, how lovely are your students, oh canterbury oh canterbury, how lovely are your students, your old people vote conservative, but that's ok, they've not got long to live, oh canterbury oh canterbury, how lovely are your students o/~ % o/~The summer sun is fading as the term begins, And fresher come, like every year. They make you seem like you'r emuch older, now part II's here! o/~I watched the third years flee in graduation robes, and one by one they disappeared. They're now all deperate to find jobs, now they're not here.... % Squirrel|tvstuff: you are entitled to your opinions pity they're wrong but you'll get over it % * SexyMatt spins #jibblers on its head *** Inertia has quit [Ping timeout] % * Raskell|20_tomorrow is enjoying her last hours of teenagerhood Drinking, smoking, and having rampant sex? Simultaneously? is that what you did on the eve of you're 20th creature? No. Although, it's possible there was some sex involved... No, darnit, there wasn't. :( % what are cs2'ers doiung at 4? maybe Babs shes unsure cs2ers are doing babs at 4? % i may have got distracted shopping and missed uni :/ % is it still raining out? yes nuts no, water thats funny. Have you tried stand-up? once, but my legs hurt % oh dear, I would appear to have dropped dinner in the router [DO NOT FEED THE ROUTERS] % it's Ben not Giles you know baaaaaaah same thing what ben and Giles? I doooon't think so they're both boys. what's the difference? * typo whispers and passes purple a book wiht pictures yeah. apart from that what's the difference. * purps|book looks at the pictures and points out that they're both the same really. look! they both got that weird bit just *there* (although how typo got a book with *those* pics of Moof & GeeeZa i don't want to know :-S % * Pete blames the press for needless histeria yup, if its not the russians, its the terrorists. if its not terrorists, its our own government trying to poison us. give me a break :) * Atuin hands Pete a KitKat % * Charlie`sAngel waves over pill's bloodied corpse he hasn't done his housework then? egggs ackerly teh sink was overflowing his dishes in the sitting room I was cold and tired adn looking forward to coming home right until the moment I walked through the door * Atuin calls Aggie and Kim to do a hybrid of "How Clean is your house?" and "Too posh to wash?" on pill, called "Too lazy to do anything?" % ibot: 59+69 128 iBot, my number is larger. ...but danny's number is smaller.... % penises and sandwiches are both things that I like to take an interest in sandwiches moreso, cos getting hold of one of those is cheaper Are you intending to imply that you're familiar with the current market rate for penis? not the *current* market rate, I'll admit blondie's been on my ignore list for a while now, so I don't get daily updates any more % * Mikerosoft jumps om blethcalwen Hows you doing bel appart from lack of speeling :P % > what do ppl do for fun round here? Drink. Dance (Hail to the Venue!). Misc. Have sex with people. Read. Walk in the woods/parks/green areas. Shop. Go to the theatre. Listen to music. Listen to live music (Local hero records). Dine. Socialise. Soak up history. Learn a musical instrument. Join a society. Join a sports club. Join the gym. Take up a hobby (kite flying, photography, photography from flying kites). Visit London. Visit France. Get a job. Get a tattoo. Get a piercing. Join a band. Become an artist. Go for picnics. Go for a swim. Start a website. Start a blog. Kill yourself for starting a blog. Get involved with student politics. Get disillusioned and become a thorn in the side of the SU. Take up phone phreaking. Get arrested. Pick fights with bouncers. Immerse yourself in cheese at Mungo's. Play pool. Become a hustler. Catch, kill, and eat a parkwood duck. Become immortalised in UKC folklore. Become a Woody's immortal. Do good work for RAG. Become a volunteer. Write for Kred. Get a UKCR radio show. Start an underground newspaper lambasting the institution. Occupy the registry. Spread rumours about Darwin being demolished and graduating ceremonies no longer being held in the cathedral. Get seeme'd. Become a DJ. Become a rock star. Become a movie buff. Become a restaurant critic. Go for pub crawls. Graduate. Choose your future. Choose UKC. -- ccs3 and ajp7 on ukc.misc % >> "Variables won't; Constants aren't" /( )\ > In honour of the new academic year I think you should spice up > catch-phrase. Fantastic idea. Instead of Nick Weir, get Roy Walker back on it. And surround him with bikini-clad women. The loser, instead of getting a consolation prize, should be dropped in a pool of sharks. The whole thing should be set in the crater of a volcano, or in impenetrable forest, or somewhere simliarly exotic. Finally, the contestants should be given a variety of weaponry. They won't ever be *encouraged* to use it but, well, you know... if they want to get into a fight, we've got the right to film it. Are there any other TV programmes that you think need the Creature touch? -- ajp7's signature, rps5 and ajp7 on ukc.misc % > Torisim Yes folks, it's the computer game event of the year: ToriSim! Now you can control the UK Conservative Party from your home computer! Can you rekindle the falling numbers of members? Or fix the infighting and power struggles, building a credible opposition once more? Who knows - if you're really good, you could get the party back in power and see your policies shape the country! ToriSim is available from all major computer game retailers, for $39.99 - out now! *** STOP PRESS *** For a limited time, ToriSim comes bundled with the "The Sims: Thatcherites" expansion pack for The Sims! Play God with the Thatcher family! Can you stop Maggie from losing her marbles and keep Mark out of the tabloids? -- tdl8 and ajp7 on alt.culture.ukc.misc % are we allowed to download from the internet -- ss268 on ukc.misc % > IMAP, I'm not quite sure what you're asking for here... Well, you said "it broke", and I can't really help much if you don't tell me what happened :) -- ss219 and Tim Bishop on ukc.comphelp % ben: (eating a bacon and egg death sandwich) "Did you hear that?" Trapper: "No, what?" ben: "It's as if a thousand voices cried out in terror and then suddenly stopped. I think it was my arteries." % Syn: "Yeah, because we're really into goat porn." Alex: "Isn't that legal?" Syn: "Alex, I want you to do one thing for me. Get consent from a goat." % DanBlood: "We're not trying to cheat, it's just a reflex." % Lizzie: "So, if everything Disney say isn't true, does that mean 2+2 isn't 2?" % [playing chess] Kitty: (looks away at the time) "What did you move?" syn: "Your queen." % barakta: (says something inaudible) purple: "Did you just say Birmingham was minging?" barakta: "No, I said SPERM was minging!" % purple: "I don't think this is suitable conversation for the dinner table." red_pill: "Neither do I. This table is far too young to hear that sort of smut." % Kitty: "Alex, you're drunk when three people say you're drunk." Morti: "You're drunk!" Tiggs: "You're drunk!" Deeps: "You're drunk!" [together] % All you need now is a bullet-proof map. -- Tanedra, discussing a jacket with a map-sized pocket over the heart % [looking round the oil and vinegar shop] typo: "There's so much cool stuff in here. If you want to buy me a Christmas present, this would be a good place to choose something." red_pill: (examining the prices) "So that'll be the paper napkins, then." % red_pill: "Can you make a 'doom' module for iBot?" foo: "Yes." red_pill: "Cool." foo: "What would it do?" red_pill: "Um..." %